by Angela Arney
She stared blindly ahead, her surroundings forgotten in her desperate concentration on the future. Nicholas sat and watched her. Suddenly Raul’s words sounded in her ears. Supposing I asked you to do something terrible. Supposing I asked you to make a great sacrifice, something you didn’t want to do. And she remembered, too, her answer. I’d do it. Anything.
Well, now that time had come, the time for self-sacrifice. Raul was not there, he was unable to ask for himself, but his unborn child was inside her and in her overwrought imagination she felt the child urging her on. There has to be a way, she told herself, and I will find it. Obsessed still with her passionate love for Raul, and burning with the inner fire he had lit, she made a silent vow. Whatever life demands of me, wherever the path leads, I will take it, for Raul and his child. There was no alternative. Raul’s child demanded nothing less.
Her beautiful mouth looked stern as she made up her mind. Somehow she would achieve respectability, become a woman people would look up to, and she would be rich. Raul’s child would never know what the words ‘to want’ meant, because the best of everything that money could buy would always be there. But how to achieve such a miracle? That was the immediate problem.
‘Liana, my dear. Let me help in whatever way I can.’ Nicholas came round from behind his desk to sit beside her. He took her hand in his, and stroked it gently.
Liana looked down at her own slender, olive-skinned hand, held in his enormous fair-skinned one. The blond hairs on the back of his fingers gleamed in the light from the window. It is a strong hand, she thought, an embryonic idea beginning to form in her mind, a strong hand belonging to a strong and good man. Not only was he good and strong, he was also an aristocrat, an English aristocrat. Soon, when the war was over, he would be returning to his beautiful house in England. It was a peaceful place, untouched by war. She knew that because he had told her so. From what he had said it sounded the perfect place in which to bring up a child, her child, hers and Raul’s. Yes, a child could be very happy in such a place. The thought slowly calcified as she calculated the possibilities. Prostitution came in many forms, but with just one man, and that man acting as a substitute husband and father, it would not be like prostitution at all. It would be respectable. Here was the solution she had been seeking staring her in the face. A husband, security, and a ready-made father for Raul’s baby. Taking a deep breath Liana made up her mind and looked up at Nicholas.
‘Would you really?’ she whispered, blinking, suddenly aware of how advantageous were the tear drops hovering on the end of her long lashes. ‘Would you really help me?’
‘Of course. Anything I can do, just ask me, and I’ll do it.’
A smile lit his handsome face, his clear grey eyes glinting with enthusiasm, boyish and eager. Uncomplicated himself, he could never have imagined the complexity of thoughts that twisted and turned through Liana’s mind or the plans she was already formulating. Although he tried to keep his eager thoughts in check, he could only think of one thing. Part of him was ashamed that he should be thinking in such a way at a time like this, but he could not help it. The image of her long, slender body lying in his arms while he made love to her rose before him time and time again. Lust showed in his eyes, and Liana recognized it.
I’m halfway there already, she thought, and almost laughed out loud in triumph as she bent forward and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. ‘Thank you, Nicholas,’ she whispered. ‘It’s good to know that I have a friend I can count on. I have no-one else in all the world.
‘Count on me,’ he said, ‘for anything.’ Never for one moment did he dream where those words would lead him; or that the years ahead would hold passion, heartbreak and sorrow beyond his wildest imaginings.
Liana walked slowly to the door, acutely aware that time was of the essence. If Nicholas were to marry her and be convinced that it was his own idea, then she had to start executing her half-formed plans now. Each time I see Nicholas I must plant the seed of an idea in his mind – yes, that is how I will do it – until eventually, in a very short while, his desire to help me, propelled by his desire for my body, will inevitably lead to the belief that he wants to marry me. A secret smile touched her lips. She had no doubt whatsoever of her ability to accomplish everything she had in mind in the time she needed. It was almost as good as done.
Nicholas watched her graceful figure as she paused in the doorway. How lovely she was, young, lovely and alone. Then she turned back and smiled a shy, tremulous smile with just the merest hint of latent sexuality. How sweet she is, thought Nicholas firmly squashing the idea that he might be taking advantage of her. She was sweet, and yet at the same time so very desirable. The calculating smile of a siren had the desired effect. Nicholas smiled back and felt as if his guts had turned to water.
‘I will count on you,’ she said softly. ‘Perhaps we could have a coffee together tomorrow?’
‘Marchesa, I’ll organize my life around your needs,’ answered Nicholas grinning broadly and sweeping a low bow. ‘I’ll make sure you are never lonely.’
‘Thank you.’ Again that strange inexplicably secretive smile that tied his stomach in knots, and then she was gone.
‘Getting the beautiful marchesa into my bed is my highest priority,’ Nicholas later told a sceptical Charlie. He had genuinely meant it when he had said he would help her and that she could count on him. But uncomplicated male that he was, he had never thought beyond the fact that helping her would also get him what he wanted. What might happen to her when he was posted away from Italy had never crossed his mind, because, fascinated though he was by Liana, he was not in love with her.
‘Maybe, but is that her priority?’ Charlie snorted cynically. Somehow he could not see it being that easy. Surely Nicholas must realize that a young woman with the aura of calm dignity that Liana exuded wasn’t going to hop into bed with him just because he felt like it!
Nicholas chose to ignore Charlie’s comment, and spent the rest of the day in a rosy daydream.
While Nicholas dreamed of nothing else but making love, Liana spent her time mentally rehearsing and preparing herself for the drastic new direction in which she intended to channel her life, a new and very different life without Raul but with his child. There was no point in allowing herself the luxury of dwelling on mournful thoughts of Raul. Now was not the time for sentiment. Liana realized that no matter how real, or painful, her love for Raul was, it had to be put away, packed into a dark recess of her mind. Here and now was of vital importance, that and the future.
However, there was one major flaw in her plan, and that was the fact that Nicholas was unaware, as yet, of the fact that he would be marrying her. It was a problem, but not an insurmountable one. Confident of the power her attraction held for him, Liana thought he should not take too long to persuade. I can’t afford to take long, she thought. The time factor is very important. She counted up the months on her fingers and for a moment felt afraid. There was so little time. It was imperative that she should be married by the beginning of May. That way it was perfectly feasible that the baby could be thought to be premature, and no-one, especially Nicholas, would be any the wiser.
She undressed, and stood before the only mirror the castello possessed. It was cracked and disfigured by patches of damp so that Liana had to turn and twist to examine every aspect of her figure with an objective eye. At last she turned away, satisfied. Her figure was as slender as ever, and there was no hint of pregnancy. Nor must there be before I am married, she thought grimly, although I must take care to eat as much nourishment as possible. The secret would be to eat well, but very, very carefully.
The other problem was the matter of virginity. Nicholas must have a virgin bride if he was never to have the slightest shadow of doubt in his mind. He must be convinced that he was the first man ever to have penetrated her, and, therefore, that the child was his.
Suddenly she laughed and patted her stomach. ‘Just imagine, you are going to have an English earl for a father. What do
you think of that?’
Although she knew that it was still a microscopic dot, Liana imagined the baby laughing and kicking in glee. Together they would snap their fingers in the face of fate, she and her daughter. It would be a daughter, she was sure of that, a strong and determined survivor like herself, but there would be no shadows to dog her footsteps. She would make certain of that.
Casting her mind back to the matter of virginity, Liana decided to visit a Dr Turzo in Naples. She had heard from the other girls who worked the streets that he was good at his job – that of repairing hymens. Apparently 10,000 lire was the going rate. Although she begrudged the thought of spending so much of her hard-earned money, she cheered herself with the conclusion that in reality it was a bargain. Ten thousand lire would buy a secure future for the baby and herself.
Suddenly, and without warning, the momentary euphoria at plans for the future passed and Liana found herself flinching at new thoughts. Pretence, that would be the hardest part of all, the pretence. It was foolish to persuade herself that there would be no deadly echoes from the past; of course there would. Marriage to Nicholas meant sharing his bed. She would have to submit to his sexual needs, and more importantly she would have to convince him that she enjoyed it. He must think her response to him was real, when all the time she would know she was cheating. How could it not be cheating? She didn’t love Nicholas and never could. Love for Raul still filled every corner of her being. The fact that he was no longer alive didn’t alter her feelings.
When she thought of the irrevocability of the step she was proposing, the courage to go on almost failed her. Wrapping herself in a blanket Liana knelt by the stufa, and, leaning her cheek against the cold iron, allowed herself the luxury of remembering. Memories of the times she and Raul had made love beside the stove floated mistily through her mind. How different it had been then. The room had been warm and glowing, with no dark corners, and no lies nor pretence. In her innocence she had mistakenly thought the light which seemingly had filled her life with such purpose would go on and on for ever.
She began to weep softly. Bitter, scalding tears scoured down her cheeks. ‘Oh, Raul, Raul,’ she sobbed, hiccupping and half choking in her grief, the rigid self-control broken for the moment. ‘Why did you show me what love was like? Why did you show me, and then leave? It would have been better if I had never known.’
Even the thought of the child curled inside her womb failed to comfort her. Nothing could sweep away the sense of emptiness and desolation that surrounded her. But the streak of steel in Liana, which was her own special hallmark, told her that, in spite of the sense of desolation, sorrow and weeping achieved nothing. With an almighty effort she reimposed the rigid control which had stood her in good stead many times before. All I need is determination, she thought, and everything will be all right. Pulling the blanket closely around her and clasping her hunched-up knees to her chest, Liana viewed her future with the icy detachment of a general planning a devastating campaign.
*
One week later, however, she was worried. Her carefully planned campaign was not progressing nearly fast enough. Time was running out if she was to preserve her secret and ensure the future of Raul’s child. But still her relentless determination sustained her – determination plus desperation. She had no other plan, so this one had to succeed. Not once did she let Nicholas ever suspect that anything was worrying her. For him, she always presented the same mysteriously calm and alluring mask. They had progressed from being just friends and would have been lovers if Nicholas had had his way. But, desperate though she was, Liana knew she could not afford to let her guard down. Once he had made love to her, it would be all too easy to discard her and go on his way. He had to want to marry her. While Liana worried, Nicholas failed to recognize the steely will behind her dark almond eyes and continued to persuade himself that it was merely a matter of time before she succumbed to his charms.
Liana now decided that the time had come to let him go a little further, make his desire a little more desperate, more difficult to contain. She was playing with fire, she knew that, but it had to be done. It was a warm afternoon, and they were spending the time together walking along the remains of the promenade near the harbour in Naples. The castle ramparts rose above them, glowing and golden in the sun, the azure sea and sky melted into one another. On such perfect days war seemed very far away, and Nicholas felt lighthearted. It was almost like being on holiday. As soon as they reached a sheltered spot, well out of sight of others, he drew her passionately into his arms.
Bending his head, his mouth sought out hers. God, how desirable she was. The thought of her slender body beneath his hands suffused him with heat. Liana responded, raising her head willingly for his kiss. In fact, as she had found out to her surprise, kissing Nicholas was not as unpleasant as she had feared. At least he didn’t slobber all over her the way that some of her clients used to. Nevertheless, the ardour she simulated was an emotion she did not possess.
Today she purposely let his hands explore more. Nicholas felt his excitement rise; he was making progress. He felt the outline of her full breasts and even gently teased at her nipples, feeling them rise and harden under his touch. Then, dropping his hands to her hips he began the slow move downwards. It was then that she stopped him.
‘No,’ she whispered.
‘Why not? I want you. I won’t hurt you. I’d never do that.’ There was a silence, then Nicholas sighed heavily and answered himself. ‘No, don’t tell me. I know. Nice girls don’t.’ In the last week his passion had gradually built up, his desire blazing so much that he could hardly control himself when he was with her.
‘I’m sorry, darling,’ Liana said tenderly, slowly-unwrapping his arms from around her and putting a distance between them. She smiled a slow, tantalizingly serene smile which had the effect of filling Nicholas’s head with erotic images.
Still she allowed nothing in her manner to betray the rising tide of panic she was feeling. It was April the fourteenth – a whole week had passed since she had decided Nicholas was the husband of her choice, and still he was only thinking in terms of a casual affair. Would he never regard her as a future wife? But he must, and somehow she would make him. I’ll make a pact with the devil himself if it is necessary, she vowed. Nicholas must be chastely seduced until even he understood that marriage would be the only way he could ever be fulfilled.
*
‘Hell, Charlie. I must be the only bloody man in the whole of Naples to fall for a goddamned virgin!’
It was later that week, and Charlie and Nicholas were sitting together in a pavement café. He poured himself a tumblerful of the sweet, sticky Marsala, instead of the usual small glass, and slammed the bottle down bad-temperedly on the café table.
Charlie grinned. Unlike Nicholas he had not underestimated Liana at all. At the beginning he had not been certain what she had in mind, but he thought he had a pretty accurate idea now. The old saying was true, he reflected. Still waters did run deep. He had sensed from the beginning that there was a lot more to Liana than met the eye. ‘Drowning your sorrows?’ he said, eyeing the amount of Marsala.
‘Too bloody right. I only wish there were some decent English beer, then I could do the job properly!’
Nicholas was fuming, because for him it had been a particularly frustrating day. He had taken Liana across to Capri, expressly for the purpose of seducing her. On the boat that morning, as it chugged through the pearly mist rolling across the surface of the water, Liana had leaned against him in a way that had almost prevented him from breathing. She was soft and relaxed, her breasts outlined against the thin cotton of her blouse. When we get to Capri, he thought, banking on the island’s reputation for drugging its visitors with emotion, she will be mine.
He found a place where they could be alone together, far away from any other human life, high on the cliffs above an ultramarine sea of startling clarity. As they lay on the sweetly scented turf, disturbed only by the occasional bee blunderi
ng its way from one clover-head to another, Nicholas had mistakenly thought his moment had come. They were Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. He could feel her nipples rise and harden to his touch. He had to have her.
‘Oh, darling.’ With one swift movement he pushed aside her blouse and kissed the velvet flesh of her breast.
Liana sat up abruptly, pushing his hand away. ‘I cannot,’ she said. ‘It is wrong.’
‘But, darling, I love you. I want you.
Why doesn’t he say something else, thought Liana beginning to feel irritated. Lowering her eyes, she held the irritation in check, merely saying softly, ‘I love you too, Nicholas.’
Then she turned towards him, discreetly buttoning up her blouse, and smiled. Nicholas wondered how many women there were in the world who could say no with their lips and yes with their eyes. She reached over and shyly slid her hand inside his shirt.
‘Oh, God, Liana, don’t do that. Not if you want me to control myself.’ Nicholas groaned and pulled her pliant body towards him. ‘If you love me, why not? Why can’t we, for God’s sake?’
Liana hesitated, then decided the time had come to be a little less subtle. It was time to give his mind a push in the direction she wanted him to go.
‘Because one day, like all normal girls, I hope to marry; and I want to be a virgin for my husband.’ Nicholas opened his mouth to protest, but she put her fingers lightly on his lips. Her touch was a rebuttal, and yet at the same time a caress. ‘I must be practical, darling. I do love you, and I know you love me. But we come from different worlds, you and I. You will not be in Italy for ever. Soon you will be posted away, and I’ll have to stay here and make my own life. It won’t be easy for me; but you, you will return to your life in England and forget all about me.’
‘I’ll never forget you.’ Nicholas was adamant.
‘Remembering me won’t help me to find a good husband,’ said Liana firmly. ‘In Italy you have to be a virgin. It’s an old-fashioned country.’
