by Renee Dyer
The only thing between me and her being completely bare, naked in all her glory, are those sexy as fuck undies. I never thought I’d say that about a pair of Superman undies on a woman, but these ride low on her hips, cutting just over her pubic bone. They only cover what they need to. Her legs look longer and shapelier. And the ‘S’ calls for me to pay extra attention to the ‘V’ in the middle of her legs. If I wasn’t aching to get her naked so badly, I would stay here all night, staring at her in those panties, but I need to see her come, watch her fall apart.
“Panties, sweetness. They need to go.” I barely get the words out, my voice hoarse with arousal.
She mimics my movements from a few minutes before and stands up in the middle of her bed. I imagine I feel as she did. My eyes lock on her hands. I watch her fingers slip beneath the band of her panties and I want to scream for her to go faster. It’s a sweet torture waiting to see all of her skin exposed to me. Millimeter by millimeter, inch by inch, she works them down her hips, then down her legs, bending forward so my view of her body is blocked. I want to shout for her to stand back up and show herself to me. All her glory. When she stands straight, she’s smirking and I can tell she’s toying with me. My shy angel just turned devil for a minute. She has me by my balls and she’s enjoying it. Game on, sweetness.
I’ve never been one to totally dominate a woman before. I like the give and take that happens in the bedroom, but right now, I feel the need to absolutely own her, show her no other man will ever have a part of her. Even if we are joking about B.O.B and having a threesome. That’s the closest she’s ever coming to another man touching her skin besides me. Tonight, she’s going to know that I can pleasure her beyond comprehension and I don’t even have to be in the room. She’ll know no other man can fuck her like I can.
“Like what you see?” I see her shyness return as she covers her stomach with one arm, she wraps it around herself, and runs her hand up her other arm. I doubt she’s ever put herself on display like this before.
“Oh, Adriana, you have no idea how fucking gorgeous you are, do you?” Her body turns a light shade of pink, making my dick jump and want to hug her from the inside all the more. “You are perfection. Now lay down. I think it’s time for us to play. Is B.O.B. ready?” She licks her lips and I can’t stop my mind from wandering to her other lips. I wonder if they’re wet too. Holy fuck, I’m going to explode without touching myself. Her naked, flushed skin has me far too heated to think straight. Her tits rise and fall with her breathing and all I see are nipples that should be in my mouth. Frustration courses through me.
She should be here. I should be there. Too many miles separate us.
“Where would you like my hands? If I was there with you? Show me.” I half bark the words out, half question her, my emotions getting the best of me. She peeks at me through her lashes. Arousal and trepidation stare back at me. “If you were here, I’d want your hands right here,” I say wrapping my large hand around the base of my cock. She licks her lips again and brings her hands around her tits.
That’s it, sweetness. Show me what you like. I watch in blissful silence as she rubs underneath them, testing herself. Unease fills her eyes and I fear she’ll stop. “Adriana, look at me,” I command. Her head pops up and eyes bore into mine. Her hands drop down to her sides as she sits up, baring her breasts to me. “You are fucking hot and you’re driving me out of my mind. Look and see what you’re doing to me. See how hard I am?”
Her eyes flicker down to where I’m stroking myself and I hear her swallow. “Now, show me where you would want me to touch you. Make yourself feel good, like I would. I want to see it, sweetness.”
Her hands slide up her sides, her fingernails leading a path. She circles her breasts with her fingers and pinches her nipples. Her mouth parts and she exhales a sigh. Fuck! I can’t take my eyes off the screen, can’t make a sound, afraid to break the spell she’s under. Her hands continue to emit soft moans from her as she rolls her nipples through her fingers. Each time she closes her eyes, throws her head back, clenches her thighs, I think this is it; this is when I’m going to officially lose my fucking mind. Watching her in this state of arousal and not being able to touch her is a torture I’ve never experienced before. It’s a pain I didn’t think possible. My dick hurts with the need to release, but all I can do is sit here with my hand wrapped around it, unable to move. I’m frozen, lost in the vision of her.
I thought I was going to show her that I was the only one who will ever touch her, but she is totally mind-fucking me.
“Lay back, Adriana.” Eyes glossed over, she looks at me, nods, and lays back. “Open your legs to me.”
She does and my breath hitches. She’s glistening and I know if I were there, I would be buried in her heavenly wetness right now. I’d bury myself as deep as I could and find my peace in her depths. Son of a bitch.
“Grab B.O.B.”
Her small hands, hands that I have studied many times when they’ve been swallowed in my larger ones, grab onto her vibrator, pull out a cylindrical tube that I understand now as she squirts lube on him and I almost drop my load. Her tiny hands start working the clear liquid up and down B.O.B.’s shaft as she eyes me down. It doesn’t matter to me that he’s pink or that he’s bent. He’s a dick and she’s stroking him… for me to watch. I’ve never been so turned on… or so damn hard. A humming fills my ears as she turns B.O.B.’s base. Tingles race up my spine, down my arms and legs and want to explode through my balls. Christ, how the fuck am I supposed to watch her do this without going animalistic?
“What do you want now, Tucker?” She’s panting and it takes all my control to not roar my answer at her.
“Use him like he’s me. Have B.O.B. fuck you like I would.” A nod of her head is all I get, but her eyes burn with desire.
Unable to breathe, I watch her opening, waiting for that moment. My heart stops for a beat or two as she places B.O.B. at her entrance, a noise I’ve never heard and can’t explain falling from her lips. Then, she starts inching him in. Her thighs start to quiver. I see the muscles clenching. Her face is turned up to the ceiling, an expression of pure pleasure making her look wild. “Holy shit, sweetness.” I can’t stop the words from coming. “Your fingers. Touch yourself for me, Adriana.”
With one hand, she works B.O.B. while she works her clit with the other. Her moans and cries intensify. I can’t hold back anymore. I need to go over with her.
My hand starts a rhythm that will get me over the edge quickly. It’s punishing and rough, everything I need it to be. I’m pissed at myself because there’s something else inside of her, bringing her pleasure. I’m pissed because I’m so turned on while watching it bring her pleasure and I’m pissed that I’m so far away from her. Most of all, I’m pissed that I can’t change any of this. Grasping harder, stroking faster, I push myself harder, her screams echoing in my ears.
I keep my eyes on her. Her skin is flushed; a sheen of sweat has broken out all over her. God, she is glorious. I don’t deserve her, but I’ll be damned if I can ever walk away from her.
“Oh shit, Tucker! I’m coming!” She screams out, her cries bouncing off my bedrooms walls, pushing me over the edge. I shout out her name as my seed shoots over my hand and legs.
Her giggles shock me from my post orgasm fog. “What’s so funny, sweetness?” I ask, too blissed out to even open my eyes and see what she may be doing.
“Steel rods and iron balls, you can be my man of steel anytime.” Her soft chuckle goes straight to my heart.
I peek one eye at her and her full smile stops my heart. God, she’s beautiful. “Anytime you need rescuing, sweetness, you can call on me.” It’s corny, but I mean it with every ounce of my being.
“Don’t you get it, Tucker? You already rescue me every day. You save me from me, from the demons in my head, all the things that were holding me back from living. You showed me that it’s alright to be myself again. You’re my superhero.”
The child in me, the one w
ho always wanted to be needed, rejoices, but the man who doesn’t feel worthy of anything, who always feels rejected, struggles to believe her words. I’m a piece of shit. That’s why my dad left. My mom got sick because of me and never got better and it made my dad hate me. I know Grams said that’s not true, but I’ve never been able to find another reason why he would love me one day and hate me the next.
It has to be my fault.
She calls me her superhero, tells me I helped save her from the demons in her head, but the demons are in my head, shouting that I’ll never be enough for her. They tell me she’ll realize what poison I am and run from me too. I want to shut the voices out, but I worry that it’s true. What happens when she realizes that the man before her is just a shell?
She has no idea the thoughts that run through my head, the anger and jealousy I felt over a fucking vibrator bringing her to orgasm. It’s sick. I’m sick. This was my idea and I wanted to destroy that fucking thing because it was inside her. She was so damn hot, her body writhing in need. I wanted to look away, but I was drawn to her like I always am, moth to a fucking flame, until I feel the burn. It was killing me and still, I was turned on. So motherfucking turned on. Christ, I couldn’t help but go there with her. What the hell is wrong with me?
I need help.
“Want to go for round two?” she asks, breaking through my mental fuckdom. Round two. Ah, hell no, not right now. I don’t think I can handle it and there’s no chance in hell I’m telling her why.
“I just want to hold you… well, in a manner of speaking,” I say, doing my damnedest to keep my voice even.
The rest of the night, other than cleaning ourselves, we don’t leave our beds. We lay their naked, talking about our week and funny work stories. I fill her in on chats I’ve had with Grams and she tells me about a conversation she had with Grams too. I love that they talk each week, their weekly girl time. Mickayla’s wedding comes up and I let it slip that I have a surprise planned for her big day. No matter what she says, I don’t tell her. I don’t want it to get back to Mickayla.
I love watching her hands fly through the air even when she’s laying down, how it animates everything she says and how her snorts fill the space around me when she laughs. I don’t realize how much those sounds and her movements light up my life until I get to see her. My life is so crazy that sometimes I forget to slow down.
Thank God my life is so busy. If I had time to sit around and miss her all day, I’d go fucking crazy. Like Grams told me many times over the years, “When you see the smile, you’ll know. It will make your breath hitch and your heart beat funny. You may start to sweat and your world will tilt off axis. All you’ll know is nothing will ever be the same. It only takes one smile.”
Her smile worked its damn magic on me. I haven’t been the same since the second I saw it and I don’t want to go back to who I was before that moment. She makes me want to be a better man, be the man she deserves to have. I’m in awe of her strength every day. She may not see how strong she is, but I see it. You can’t lose all she has and still give the way she does, still want to help people without expecting anything in return, be that kind, without having amazing inner strength.
Someday, I’ll get her to see that.
I watch her laying there, eyes closed, breathing even. She’s been asleep for at least an hour. I should sleep too, but I can’t take my eyes off her. Her perfection calls to be taken in, from her cheekbones, to her lips, to her curves that tempt me every time I’m near her. What tempts me most is the heart that has offered so much goodness to me. The heart she has that keeps teaching me what kindness is, what friendship and happiness is. But most of all, she’s made me realize I can love.
She was so quick to agree to leave Skype on all night so I could feel like I was sleeping next to her tonight. I don’t know if another woman would agree to do that, but I know my angel did. She did it with a smile on her face and I could see that she needed it as much as I did.
She needed me.
The thought still overwhelms me. I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to someone needing me. In my other relationships, we did our own thing. The more I lay here thinking about it, the more I realize I’ve never had a real relationship. Women were with me for status. Not Adriana. She’s with me for me and I still can’t wrap my head around that.
My heart is filled with joy. She’s my bliss and where I always hope to find my way to.
“I love you, sweetness,” I whisper into the night. I know she can’t hear me, but I need to say it out loud, even if it’s only a silent whisper and she has no idea the words were uttered. I need to know I said them.
She and I aren’t ready for those words to pass between us in the waking moments of the day, but here in the safety of her sleeping, I had to—shit, I don’t know why I had to right now. Maybe in her subconscious, she’ll hear and know I love her.
With peace in my heart and a smile on my face, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep thinking of the day when I can say those three words to her… while she’s awake.
The sun shining through the windows, feels warm on my face. I want to burrow into my pillow and sleep more, but I’m anxious to see if Adriana is still in her bed asleep. It’s doubtful with the time difference, but I have to know.
Stretching my still sleepy body, I peek over at the screen and a smile curves my lips. My angel isn’t in her bed, but what is there makes me love her more. I remember her saying last night she had to be up for an early shoot this morning. She said they’ve been doing a lot of Saturday shoots to have time off for Mickayla’s bachelorette weekend and the wedding. I can’t believe she took time to do this.
Propped up in the middle of her bed is a light pink poster board that says,
Have a great lunch with Eddie. Tell him I hope to meet him someday. I’ll miss you today. Maybe we can meet back here later. ~Adriana.
She’s drawn hearts and smiley faces all around her words and I can’t help but wonder if they mean anything. Is she trying to send me a message of words she’s not ready to say yet? Had she heard my whispered words of affection to her? So many possibilities roll through my mind.
Leave yourself open to possibilities. Grams words filter through my already overwrought mind. How I want it to be true that she loves me too, but fear laces all of my hope. No one has loved me since Grams and hers is like the love a mother gives a child. I don’t know if I’m lovable, not to a woman looking for a man to share her life with. Adriana had that. She knows what it means. I have no fucking clue where to begin to give her that.
Eyes traveling over the poster she made again, I croak out, “I’ll miss you too, sweetness.” I don’t know if I mean that I’ll miss her today or if she’ll see that I can’t be what she needs and I’ll eventually be missing her every day.
I scrub my hand over my face and turn to my alarm clock. “Shit.” I jump from my bed and run for the shower. No time for the gym today. I can’t believe that it's already after eleven. I can’t think of a time I’ve slept that late. I’m supposed to meet Eddie at noon and he’s a prick about people being late. It’s another one of his idiosyncrasies. Not that having manners is a bad thing, but he gets irate to the point where he might break shit over it, even just a few minutes. That man needs his schedules.
Taking the fastest shower of my life, I skip shaving. I brush through my hair and don’t bother trying to style it. Last night’s jeans come off the floor and become my fashion for today and I grab the first t-shirt in the closet. I don’t even care what it is. I run for the walkway, grab my keys, and sprint to the elevator. With any luck, I’ll make it on time.
I pull into There’s Something About Joe and see Eddie’s car already here. Of course he’s here first. I made it on time, but I’m sure he gave himself at least fifteen extra minutes. I shake my head in amusement at my friend’s quirks. It’s kind of weird that Eddie chose here for lunch. Vic showed us this place. It’s a coffee shop that serves breakfast and sandwiches at lunch. Some of t
he best damn sandwiches I’ve ever had. It still seems odd coming here not being with her. She and Joe, the owner, are good friends.
He’s never been rude to me. Actually, he’s always been overly friendly. I often wonder if he’s who took her in when I kicked her out. I’ve seen her coming here at night a couple times after the place is closed. I shouldn’t still worry about her, but I can’t help it. You can’t have someone in your life for that long and not worry about what’s going to happen to them. Even if they did hurt you.
“Fuck you, asshole,” Eddie says, punching me in the arm.
“What the fuck is that for, dickwad?” I ask, completely confused. I haven’t even sat down or said anything yet and I’m not late.
“Nice shirt.” I look down and laugh. Guess I should have taken two more seconds to pick out a shirt. The one I’m wearing says I’m With Douche bag.
“You gave me this shirt,” I retort.
“Yeah, to fuck with your personal trainer, not with me.” I can see he’s joking, but I feel bad anyway.
“Sorry, man. I was running late. I didn’t want you getting your panties in a bunch if I wasn’t on time so I just grabbed a shirt without looking and sped over.” I hold up my hands in mock surrender.
“Seriously, asshat, I don’t get that bad when people are late. But, it’s a point, if you say you’re going to be somewhere, you should be there.”
“Jesus Christ, Eddie. I’m here, I’m here. Let’s order.” We both chuckle and I realize how glad I am that we decided to do this. I may see him at work all week, but that’s business time. This is us getting to be the friends that we are, busting each other’s balls and laughing. We need to do this more often.
Eddie starts talking shop, but I put the kibosh on that. I spend most of my life at the studio, I need a break from it sometimes. I know his life is his work. He still isn’t ready to tell me the whole story of why he walked away from his family and I respect that, but there’s more to life than work. I see that now that I have Adriana in my life.
