“No, don’t do that.” She looked up. He stood right in front of her. He tucked the spaghetti under his elbow and gently unfolded her arms. “There’s no reason to be ashamed or feel bashful, Sabrina. You’ve become a beautiful woman, and probably a lot of guys will appreciate that,” he added, smiling while he held her hands. He rubbed his thumbs soothingly along her palms.
Sabrina shifted uncomfortably. He was right. Guys stared at her when she went out. She hated it. For years she was the gangly nerd with thick glasses and carrot-red hair. The kids at school picked on her, and she responded by retreating into her own head, reading a lot and trying her best to ignore the awful teasing. She didn’t get contact lenses until a few months ago. Her hair didn’t turn into the darker red so like her mother’s until last year. And suddenly, the boys who had thrown spitballs at her were looking at her breasts and legs and leering instead of laughing. She didn’t know how to deal with that kind of attention, so she kept to herself, wishing they would just leave her alone.
“They already do stare,” she told Jimmy, feeling frustrated and shy. She curled her fingers over his.
“Is that bad?” he asked, smiling. “When you see a man you think is good-looking, what do you do?”
Usually she wanted to crawl under the table, like right now, she thought sardonically. She was suddenly aware of how close he was standing. “Um, well, I guess I look at him,” she stammered. Was he torturing her on purpose?
“Well, since you’re so pretty, men can’t help looking at you the same way you look at a good-looking man,” Jimmy replied. She flushed and stared at his bare chest, his two flat brown nipples directly at eye level, the silver of a nipple ring glinting in one. She was afraid to look into his face. Distracted by his compliments, she found her mind wandering. What would he do if I licked him, right now? she thought, moistening her lips. Her eyes flew up to meet his when he raised her hands and gently kissed the backs of her fingers. He was looking right at her, his whiskey-brown eyes smiling into hers, the corners crinkled with good humor. She felt a tingle all the way to her toes. She still didn’t quite believe he thought she was beautiful, but from the way he was looking at her, she was nearly convinced.
“Um, we’d better get back to dinner or we’ll starve tonight,” Jimmy said.
Sabrina took a deep breath as he turned and walked to the stove. She hoped the awkward situation was over. She could barely function as she went to the refrigerator to pull out the salad, she felt so clumsy. As she moved toward the sink to rinse the lettuce, her eyes dropped to his long legs and elegant feet. She couldn’t stop looking at him. She’d never noticed before what attractive legs he had. She grew warm all over again. This was ridiculous! How were they supposed to live in the same house for three months if she kept stammering and flushing every time she looked at him? Sadly, she’d never learned how to flirt or joke and now felt completely undone with the intensity of this attraction she felt for Jimmy.
By the time dinner was ready, she had managed to relax, and they had a pleasant meal. Then they watched a movie together and Sabrina went to bed, congratulating herself on her calm. Whew! If she could manage to be normal around Jimmy the rest of the summer, things would be okay—except, she didn’t know how she was going to do it. She’d always known he was handsome, even as a young girl, but now it felt as though every moment they spent together sizzled with sexual awareness. She didn’t know how to handle it. She’d never dated. She was the nerdy girl in class and hadn’t even kissed anyone yet. Even worse, she knew Jimmy was bi and totally open about his sexuality, and she felt completely intimidated by his confidence. And what would she do if he brought someone home with him this summer? What if he brought a guy home? How would she keep her cool if that happened?
* * * *
After a week passed, the awkwardness Sabrina felt with Jimmy because of the kitchen incident faded, due in no small part to his easygoing nature and her determined cheer. She convinced herself that she had to stop crushing on him and finally went out with Darrin, a guy she knew from school who had asked her out several times. She wasn’t really interested, but also didn’t want to go off to grad school in the fall with no idea how to function on a date. So what if I don’t find Darrin all that attractive? she told herself determinedly. She couldn’t mope around the house all summer. And it was ridiculous. She was old enough to drink and vote, but she’d never been kissed?
Darrin took her to a movie. When it was over, they drove up the mountain on the west side of town and parked to watch the sunset, standard date fare for her town. As they sat on the hood of his car, watching the light fade, he leaned over and kissed her cheek. She jumped, startled, and he pulled back, frowning. She looked at him, considering, then leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Unfortunately, Darrin took her quick peck as an invitation for more, ramming his tongue into her mouth while simultaneously trying to stick his hand down her blouse, popping a button despite her protests. Ugh! She shuddered and shoved him away. I bet Jimmy doesn’t kiss like that, she thought, flushing as she fended off Darrin’s meaty hands yet again. And really, what was she doing, thinking about Jimmy while on a date with someone else? She shook herself and hopped off the car. Darrin protested, but eventually gave in and left her alone as she continued to back away. Maybe I should skip the whole dating thing, she decided as he drove her home, glaring at her every time they stopped at a red light. She ignored him, wishing she’d never agreed to this.
When Darrin finally dropped her off, she snuck into the house hoping Jimmy wouldn’t hear. She couldn’t think of anything more humiliating than having Jimmy know how badly her one and only date had gone. She tiptoed through the door, trying to keep it from closing too loudly, knowing he’d be working in her dad’s den since he’d told her he had an article due tomorrow. Of course, no such luck. As soon as she latched the front door behind her, he looked up and immediately knew something was wrong.
“What happened?” he asked, shutting his laptop. She grimaced as he walked around the desk and into the foyer. She didn’t think she looked that shaken, but he must have sensed that her date didn’t go as well as she’d hoped. She shook her head, not answering. How could she tell Jimmy, this unbelievably gorgeous guy, how much she’d hated kissing Darrin?
“Look, if he did something to hurt you, just let me know and I’ll have a word with him.” Jimmy came closer, frowning.
She sighed. “No, no, he didn’t hurt me. Things just didn’t turn out like I expected,” she assured him, shifting her weight. Sabrina wanted to go upstairs and wash her face and forget about the entire night. Unfortunately, before she could move past him, Jimmy glanced down at her blouse and spied the missing button. She’d forgotten all about it in her hurry to get home and brush her teeth.
“What’s this?” Jimmy asked, voice low. He ran a finger down her blouse until he came to the thread where the button used to hang.
Sabrina’s heart pounded as his hand hovered inches from her breast. She swallowed. Darrin’s kiss was revolting, but the finger Jimmy ran down her blouse just made her want more, despite the anger she could see on Jimmy’s face. She could tell he was upset about the torn button, but she didn’t know what to say. She longed to confide in him, like she used to when she was younger, but what she really wanted, more than comfort, was for Jimmy to kiss her. Of course, she couldn’t tell him that. And did she really want him to know how horribly her experimental date had turned out? Maybe Darrin wasn’t the problem. Maybe she was the one who’d ruined it. After all, it was her first kiss, and she didn’t really know what to do. She looked at Jimmy and stammered, “I’m not sure I want to talk about it—”
Jimmy smiled gently. “If you don’t want to tell me about it, I understand, but I care about you and don’t want to see you get hurt. If this guy did anything to hurt you, I want to know.” Sabrina nodded, her face red. He touched her chin and gently tipped her face up. “You don’t have to tell me right away, and I trust you to take care of yourself, but I want you to
know that I’m here if you need me.” He poked at the loose string on her blouse in emphasis. Sabrina shivered and looked away. “Ever since I goofed up in the kitchen last week, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. And maybe I can even help you out a bit.” He rubbed his fingers on her blouse, smoothing the puckered spot with the missing button before looking into her face.
Sabrina felt certain Jimmy saw her blush as she remembered the kitchen, the way his hands felt on her skin that day. She watched his eyes dilate, and then he ran his hands over his face and head, making his hair stick out in every direction. She smiled, despite her unease. He looked adorable and insanely handsome at the same time. She wanted to touch his hair and smooth it back down. Her fingers twitched. She hooked her thumbs into her waistband. “What did you want to talk to me about?” she ventured finally as he hovered uncertainly in front of her.
He stepped back into the den. “Here, take off your shoes, come in, and I’ll tell you. We might as well be comfortable instead of standing in the doorway.” Jimmy dropped onto the end of the leather couch that sat against the wall. The shades were drawn and a stack of books lay haphazardly strewn along the top of the coffee table, but there was enough light for her to watch the muscles of his chest flex as he stretched one arm along the smooth leather. He picked up an old tennis ball with his other hand, rolling it back and forth across his palm as he waited for her to come closer. She stared at his biceps and chewed on the inside of her cheek as she tentatively stepped into the room. His eyes dropped to her lips and she shivered when he leaned back and propped his feet near the books, almost knocking a few over the side.
“Okay,” she replied, trying to drag her eyes away from all the pretty muscles. Get a grip, Sabrina! She dropped her purse and shoes near the desk. She’d always felt comfortable in this room, but now her breath caught just from looking at Jimmy. She wrenched her eyes away from him and contemplated the books that lined three walls of the den. Her dad worked long hours as a lawyer, but whenever she had trouble with her homework, he never hesitated to put aside his work to help. Now, however, she felt anything but relaxed. Her legs trembled as she walked to the couch, and she knew her face was pink. She had no idea what Jimmy wanted, and he was so handsome she couldn’t think straight. Her heart pounded, and she hoped he couldn’t tell how nervous she was. For a second, seeing his eyes drop to her lips again, she wondered if Jimmy wanted to kiss her; then his gaze shifted. She wished he would kiss her. She bet he’d be better at it than Darrin.
She willed her skin to cool, thinking about her dad and homework in a last-ditch effort to control her libido, but her plan backfired as soon as she noticed Jimmy’s bare toes. She flushed again. She even liked his feet! She jerked her eyes up to find him laughing at her as though he knew exactly what she was thinking. She tried to control her face, but she was sure he could see how uncomfortable it felt walking into the quiet room. While he waited for her, he tossed the tennis ball into the air, up and down, up and down, before finally setting it aside near his feet. It rolled to the floor, and she jumped as it bounced.
“Come on, I don’t bite,” Jimmy urged, patting the couch. “At least not all the time.” Sabrina smiled and stepped closer. Jimmy waited for her to sit down. She settled herself gingerly. She didn’t know what to do with her hands and finally just shoved them into her jeans’ pockets, cursing to herself as she sunk into the sofa’s soft cushions. Her elbows stuck out awkwardly. Jimmy waited until she’d yanked them out of her pockets, his smile gentling as she tried to settle. She forced herself to stop fidgeting and looked at him inquiringly, folding her hands together in her lap.
“I just wanted to say again that I’m sorry I slipped up in the kitchen.” Jimmy winced. “Well, actually not that sorry, but um—” he broke off and ran his fingers through his hair.
Sabrina watched, fascinated at this stuttering and unexpectedly vulnerable side of the self-assured man she knew. When it didn’t seem like he was going to speak again, she took a deep breath. “What are you trying to say?” she prompted. She remembered that night in the kitchen, the slight roughness of his palm against her breast, and her stomach flipped as heat flashed through her. Jimmy stared at her, silent. He opened his mouth, then seemed to think the better of it and closed it again, sighing. A crooked smile lifted the side of his mouth. Sabrina was confused. Why wasn’t he speaking? “Just spit it out, okay? We’re close enough friends to not have to stumble around talking, right?” She squirmed on the couch and dropped her eyes as she heard him chuckle.
“Okay,” Jimmy agreed, relaxing into the soft cushions.
Sabrina waited, trying to be patient. She heard the smile in his voice and stole a glance at him, looking up from where she’d twisted her hands together in her lap. He straightened up a bit, and then, unexpectedly, he shifted closer. What is he doing? she wondered, trying not to blush again when he gently tugged on her hands, taking them in his and massaging the palms with his thumbs absentmindedly. It felt good. She had to fight not to jerk away as the low flick of arousal she’d been feeling suddenly spiked. She hoped he couldn’t tell how hot she was, praying the low lighting would disguise her flush as he looked directly into her eyes.
“I want you to know that although I didn’t mean to slip my hands under your halter, I don’t regret it. You’re an adult now,” Jimmy said quietly. “And beautiful.” Sabrina shivered, his soft voice sending sparks through her body. Then she realized what he said and stared at him in surprise. He thought of her as an adult? Wow. She dropped her eyes, and Jimmy shifted in his seat again, moving closer until his knee fell against hers. Was it intentional? Heat built between her legs.
“Then, when I saw you come in tonight, looking shaky and flustered, your blouse missing a button, I got so angry. I didn’t know what happened and—”
“Nothing happened!” she interrupted, disgruntled as she remembered her date. “All I wanted was a kiss.” Jimmy cocked his head as she spoke and let go of her hands. Sabrina smoothed her palms down her thighs, then stopped as she caught him watching.
“Sounds like you’re more disappointed than upset,” he mused. She nodded, still thrown by his statement about being “an adult.” He reached for her again, and she let him pull her forward. Their knees bumped, and Sabrina felt the heat of his body through the denim. She blushed, sneaking a look at his face just as he moistened his lips. Did he know how attractive he was?
Jimmy continued. “Well, I’m sure you got the whole safe sex lecture in school and all that stuff, but I just wanted you to know that if you have any specific questions, you can come to me. I know the things they cover aren’t really good at explaining how it really feels.” Sabrina inhaled sharply, then coughed in disbelief. Her eyes darted everywhere before settling on his jeans, where the fabric pulled tautly over his groin. Did he really mean it? Could she ask him anything? She dragged her eyes back up across his chest, then decided to take a leap and ask, reasoning that embarrassment never killed anyone. He smiled at her encouragingly.
Sabrina took a deep breath. “Um, my date tried to kiss me tonight, and I really wanted to see what it was like to, you know, really kiss and all that, not just a peck on the cheek, and then before I knew it, he’d stuck his tongue down my throat, and it was all slobbery and disgusting. And I should know all this stuff by now, I mean, I’m probably the oldest girl who’s never been kissed!” she blurted, then covered her face with her hands, embarrassed beyond endurance. She was such a ninny!
“No, no, don’t hide, it’s okay,” Jimmy said gently, leaning over and pulling her hands away from her face.
“I’m so embarrassed,” she moaned. Ugh!
Jimmy smiled. “Don’t be! It’s a perfectly reasonable question, and to tell you the truth, most people don’t figure out what the hell they’re doing until they attempt the stab-and-swallow approach enough times to realize that slow is really the better way to do it,” he said. Stab and swallow? Sabrina couldn’t help but chuckle at his apt description. He laughed in response, and the
y both relaxed.
“So, how do they do it?” she asked. Could she hope that he would demonstrate? Sabrina looked at his face and couldn’t keep her eyes from wandering down to his full lips. He was no longer smiling, but when she dragged her gaze back up to his eyes, his whole face quirked into an irreverent grin just as he leaned toward her, stopping when his mouth was only a breath away from hers. Was he going to kiss her?
“Would you like a demonstration?” he murmured, low and deep. She shivered, feeling the warmth of his breath on her face. “Strictly for teaching purposes,” he continued. She could only nod her head dumbly since she didn’t trust herself to make any sort of coherent answer at this point.
“Okay, then,” Jimmy said, cupping his right hand on her cheek. His palm warmed her face as she felt the first delicate touch of his lips just before she closed her eyes. She shook so hard that he reached his other arm around her, gently gripping the loose hair at her nape, immobilizing her head. He held her steady as his closed lips slowly rubbed back and forth over hers. Heat rushed through her. He coaxed her mouth apart so gently that Sabrina jerked when she felt his tongue lick her top lip.
“Steady,” he whispered, as she hesitated. “This is how a real kiss ought to go.” This time, his tongue brushed against her lower lip, and she opened her mouth slightly. He slanted his face over hers, fitting his mouth against her lips, brushing lightly against her with his tongue. She felt him suck at her, then he licked into her, sending a hot rush through her body. She shook, then tucked her arms helplessly around his neck, rubbing her aching nipples against his chest as he continued to dip into her mouth, tasting her teeth, her lips, and finally her tongue. She couldn’t believe how soft he felt, how sweet and minty he tasted. He must have been eating a peppermint, Sabrina thought absently when he pulled back. She moaned in disappointment, dazed. She couldn’t believe Jimmy had actually kissed her, a real kiss. She never expected him to touch her like this.
Leaf, Erin M. - The First Time is the Sweetest (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 2
