by CA Quigg
In bare feet and still bare chested, Kit ran outside toward me. I locked the doors. His face was desolate and hurt, but I steeled myself. I wouldn't fall for his words because he'd shown me he was a world class liar and when someone showed you who they were, you believed them.
He slapped a palm against the passenger window. "Emma, allow me to explain. Please. I know you love me. Look at me."
Along with the pain in my chest, I did my best to ignore him. But I couldn't ignore what he'd done. Fat tears slid down my cheeks and dripped from my chin, and I didn't make a move to wipe them away.
"Emma. I can't let you go. Not like this."
Beverly crunched over the snow, clicked the door open, and stepped into the driver's seat.
"Don't talk to me," I said to her through gritted teeth. "Don't say a word,"
"Fine."
She started up the engine and Kit slapped his hand against the window again. "Give me a minute. Surely what we had is worth that."
I rolled the window down an inch. "You're not worth the two seconds it took me to say this."
I rolled up the window. I wouldn't give him anything more. I'd already given him enough. And to think I was stupidly ready to give him my body. Thank God, he hadn't taken what I'd offered. Look what he'd done with my heart when I gave him that. He'd broken it. If I'd given him my body, how much more damage would he have caused?
I would never see him again, and I would never be able to think of him as Prince Kristian. In my mind, he would always be Kit. And that hurt more than a million bee stings. But the thing that hurt more, the thing that would haunt me until I died, was that all along he knew what he'd been doing, and he knew who I was and what meeting the Prince meant.
Chapter Sixteen
Emma
For most of the journey to the transit station, I feigned sleep and berated myself the entire way. I should have left well enough alone. I should have torn up the wedding certificate the minute I'd found it. I should never have come searching for Prince Kristian.
What was I searching for anyway? Love? Acceptance? What could he have told me about my mom I didn't already know? It wasn't like he would have revealed some deep dark secret about her. Disgust crawled along my flesh. I felt dirty and used, and I wanted to scrub my skin raw until every bit of him was gone. I'd slept with the man who had married my mother. What kind of person did that make me?
The drive took just over two hours, and the strained silence between Beverly and I was only broken when she booked my bus tickets and flights home.
When we reached the transit station, I got out of the car without saying a word and slammed the door. The sooner I left Rhias, the better.
The journey back home passed by in a blur. And I remembered none of it. I'd slept on and off during the bus ride and both flights because when I was awake, I relived the nightmare that had been my time in Rhias. I relived every touch of Kit's lips. Every touch of his hands.
When the flight touched down in Vegas, I wanted to kiss the ground. I was home, and I was safe. Back to where I knew and what I knew. I would never step outside my comfort zone again. And I would never ever give my heart to another man for as long as I lived. I didn't need that kind of pain or heartache in my life. I would be perfectly fine on my own. Love was the biggest crock of shit.
Once inside the safety my apartment, I closed the door and sank to the floor. I hadn't shed a tear since I'd cried in the bathroom when I found out Kit was Prince Kristian, but now the waterworks flowed, and they wouldn't stop. I'd never felt so shocked or alone in my life. I lay down and cried noisy wailing sobs that went from anger to grief and back again.
What I would give to be the girl I'd been last week. I wished I'd never met him. I meant nothing to him. I was something to be used and tossed away. For so long I'd protected myself, and when I let my shields down, I got used and abused.
Never again. I was stronger than that. Worth more than that.
I pushed myself up from the floor and stumbled toward the sofa. I didn't call my friends and tell them what had happened. What could I say? That I'd flown to The Kingdom of Rhias in Europe and met a limousine driver who was actually the Prince. I did all manner of dirty things with him and begged him to take my virginity. Even to my ears, it sounded fantastical and pathetic, but that was me all over—pathetic.
He was planning to get married. No doubt to someone who was the total opposite of me. She wouldn't wear jeans or muddy sneakers. She would know how to chitchat about world affairs and know which forks to use and when. But whoever he married wouldn't have the same effect on him as I'd had. She wouldn't make his cock hard in an instant. She wouldn't allow him to tie her to the sofa. She wouldn't use his cum to pleasure herself.
The prince was soon to become King of Rhias, and the King of Rhias needed a worthy and beautiful bride. Someone he could show off to the world, not someone he would have to lock in a dusty room in a hidden corner of the castle.
I loved him, I hated the fact, but I wasn't afraid to admit it. I huffed out a laugh at that thought. Love.
Just like my mom, I was someone to have some fun with and then forget about. But…the way he'd looked at me. The way he'd held me. Surely, I must have meant more to him than…
Stop it. Stop it right now.
I meant nothing to him, and if I wanted to move on with my life, I needed to remember that.
I closed my eyes and wished when I woke up, I would find out it had all been a bad dream.
Chapter Seventeen
Four weeks later
Kristian
The unshaven man staring back at me from the mirror wasn't someone I knew or particularly liked. Had I actually believed I'd get away with it? Get away with lying?
My short time with Emma had shown me who I truly was. I was someone who misled and deceived to get what I wanted. And what did Emma want?
Not money.
Not power.
Not the family name.
The only thing she wanted was Kit. She'd fallen in love with the person I'd pretended to be. A person who didn't exist. And I had to remember that. I had to remember she didn't love me—Prince Kristian. She loved the man she believed drove limos for the royal family.
But no matter how much I tried to stop thinking about her. To stop wanting her. I couldn't. What stuck in my mind most was the way she looked when she found out the truth. It was as if I'd plunged a knife into the center of her heart.
I had to let her go. My duty was to my father and the people of Rhias. It was time to move on and put the kingdom first and not my cock, and it was also time to pick a wife. My mouth soured at the thought. Natasha was the only suitable choice. She would accept, I didn't doubt that, but our marriage would be one of separate beds and lonely nights
Over the next few months, I wouldn't have time to think about Emma or about what had happened or what could have been. I'd be too busy with Rhias and organizing a wedding. Heaviness pressed down on my shoulders.
Emma would never talk to me again, but there had to be something I could do for her. Something to show her I wasn't the calculating bastard she thought I was, but I could do nothing. There was nothing I could possibly give her…unless.
I picked up my cell and rang Beverly.
"Your highness."
"Did you receive the video from the wedding chapel?"
"It was emailed a few days ago. I've been assured all evidence of the wedding has been destroyed. It's as if it never happened. The marriage has been wiped from history. It took a lot of money and phone calls, but it's done. We don't have to worry about it anymore."
"On whose authority did you do this?"
"Mine."
I gritted my teeth. "If you don't want to be thrown in prison for treason, you'll get me a copy of that video within the next hour."
My father sat by the window in his private living room with a plaid blanket wrapped around his legs. He held a paper in his hands but he wasn't reading it, he was gazing down at his realm with a small smi
le curving his lips. A serrated knife stabbed my gut. Rhias was everything to him, and I didn't deserve the honor of being king.
"Father." I placed a kiss on his cheek and then sat down opposite him. "Are you warm enough? Can I get you anything?"
"I'm fine. Coffee?" He nodded toward the carafe on the table beside him. "Something stronger?"
"Coffee's fine." I poured myself a cup and studied my father's face as he gazed out over Rhias. The past few months had etched deep lines on his face and the color had faded from his blue eyes that were once the color of the sky.
He held up a trembling hand and swept it around. "Beautiful isn't it."
I nodded and smiled. "It would never be the country it is today without you. I'm not sure I'm up to the job. I'll never be half the king you are."
He gave me a worried glance. "Is everything okay, Son?"
"I've decided to pick a wife. The sooner the better." There was no point delaying the inevitable. Marrying wouldn't change my feelings for Emma, but if I waited to marry until I stopped missing her then I would never find a bride.
An image of Emma walking down the aisle towards me flashed through my mind. Even if she didn't hate me, that scenario would never happen. Emma didn't want the life I would offer her. She wanted the life Kit would.
"How did you do it? I asked. "Marry someone you didn't love?"
My father set the paper on top of the table, leaned back in his chair, and assessed me. "I did it because I had to and because I had no choice."
"But want if you didn't have to? If you'd had a choice? Would you still have married mother?"
He sighed. "Our marriage had been arranged since childhood. I knew all my life she was the one I'd marry. On her eighteenth birthday, she was presented to me, and I fell in lust. Deep lust. I like to believe if I'd had the choice I still would have chosen her. I might not have loved her when we married, but by the time you came along, I knew I couldn't live without her. We had just over twelve years together. In the scale of time, it feels like seconds." He grimaced and pressed his hand to his heart.
Alarmed, I stood. "Do you need me to get your nurse?"
He gave his head a dismissive shake. "Sit. I'm fine. Sometimes when I think about your mother, my heart gives a kick." He paused as if deep in thought. "What's troubling you, Kris? The truth."
"Well," I said slowly, holding my breath at the thought of confessing what I'd done, "I made a mistake. A big one." Telling my father I'd married a woman I didn't know would be difficult, but telling him I didn't feel worthy of the crown was one of the hardest things I would ever have to do. "I've fallen in love."
"Natasha?" Hope filled his voice. "She's a good match for you."
"If it were Natasha, this would be so much easier."
He nodded gravely. "Go on."
"Remember when Charlie and I took a vacation to Las Vegas?"
"Vaguely. From what I recall, I didn't want you to go. Said it was a bad idea."
Guilt and shamed mixed with humiliation and my stomach plummeted. "I should've listened. Because of a bet, I foolishly married a woman while I was there."
I could see the waves of shock and confusion ripple over his face. A tense silence stretched between us. My father was never quick to anger, but sometimes I wished he would get angry, because his silences were much worse than words could ever be.
Unable to bear the tension, I braved the silence and said, "The marriage was never consummated, and I never saw her again after that night. I thought we weren't legally married, but as it turns out, it was."
"Ah, I see," he said quietly "And now she wants money? She's crawled out of the woodwork. Is this the woman you've fallen in love with? A swindler?"
"Not quite. I've fallen in love with her daughter."
"Her daughter?" His eyes were horrified. "How young is this girl?"
"Twenty-one. Her mother had her when she was sixteen." My face burned with shame. I was a disgrace to the crown, to my family, and to myself.
"What are you trying to tell me?" My father sounded unsure. Scared, even, and that made me feel worse.
"I don't want the crown."
His intake of breath was so quick and raspy he sounded like he was suffocating. "Abdicating the throne and letting your country down for a commoner isn't acceptable. You can't just resign from being a member of the royal family. It's your bloodline. Do what I advised and take this woman as your mistress. I will not allow you to throw everything our family has worked generations for away."
I hung my head. "I have to, Father."
"This is preposterous. Unacceptable."
"I can't live my life with a woman I don't love. A woman whose only interest is the title she'll gain from being my wife. I love Emma, and if giving everything up means I can be with her, then so be it."
"You would leave your sisters and me?" There was a look of distaste on his face. "Leave your people for a woman you don't know?"
"But I do know her. I know her better than I know myself. I've wounded her deeply, and I have to make amends."
"This is unprecedented. No member of our family has ever said no to a marriage that would secure the crown. They were hesitant, but eventually, they went on to live happy lives. How many times do I have to tell you I didn't love your mother when I married her, but I grew to love her, and she became the love of my life."
"Then you know how I feel. You know once a Tandorf gives their heart, it's for life."
My father's eyes turned to steel. "I refuse to let you abdicate. This throne has been in our name since the 11th century, and I'm not about to allow you to undo hundreds of years of work for pussy."
"Father, please!"
He grumbled. "Well, that's essentially what it's for. Bring this Emma person to me. I insist on meeting the woman who's going to dilute our bloodline."
"She left me, and I'm not sure I can persuade her to come back to Rhias."
He threw his hands up. "You're giving up the throne for a woman who left you?"
"I intend to go after her. Beg for her forgiveness. Bring her back."
"Son, you need to start from the beginning and explain in detail what happened."
My father sat quietly while I explained how I'd shamefully pretended to be a driver for the royal family. Why I'd lied, and how much I loved Emma. While hid didn't understand of my feelings for Emma, he had no choice but to accept them.
Chapter Eighteen
Emma
A month that lasted eons had passed since I'd left Rhias. In the moments between sleep and wakefulness, my time there seemed like a fuzzy dream, but then I'd wake and the bitch that was reality would cackle and slap me across the face, and I would burst into tears. My tears weren't always sad tears. Some days they were tears of anger and rage. Some days they were tears of frustration and disappointment.
Kristian hadn't contacted me, not that I'd expected him to. I'd hoped he would. Dreamed he would. But he never would. I was a trinket. A plaything. A nobody. Sure I was good enough to deep throat him, but I wasn't good enough for him and his fancy life and posh parties. Why want me when he could have a real-life princess on his arm.
On top of losing my dignity, I'd also lost my job. Or at least if I'd started my job I would have lost it. The nonprofit I'd been offered a job by wasn't a nonprofit after all. It was a front for money laundering. A politician had been cycling money through a group of eight nonprofits for years and was now under investigation and would probably go to prison.
Without experience, the pickings for graduates with liberal arts degrees in Vegas were so slim they were nonexistent. I'd applied for an intern position at a shelter in Reno where the focus was on at-risk families. They needed someone to help with administration. It wasn't the job of my dreams, but it would get my foot in the door.
In the meantime, I'd taken a job as a waitress at Joe's Dive, a back street slot machine bar that served stomach-stripping liquor to burned-out gamblers. I could have gotten a job at one of the big casinos, but smiling and faking h
appiness while dealing with tourists wasn't top of my list right now. At Joe's, I could tell people to fuck off if they looked at me the wrong way and I would still come home with a pocket full of tips.
When I wasn't working at the bar, I filled my time at a local charity center sorting used clothes by size and color. Much more satisfying than being ravished by the sexiest man I'd ever met, dancing by colored fountains, or learning to ski on private slopes.
The repetitive routine and dull drudge of day-to-day life gave my overactive imagination way too much time to dream about what could have been. Like Kit making love to me and then realizing he couldn't live without me. Like him coming to Vegas and sweeping me off my feet. Like him asking me to spend the rest of my life with him.
Every inch of me ached but time was the only thing that would ease the pain.
The elevator to my floor was out of order because of course it was. My feet throbbed and I stank like the bottom of a beer barrel. Thanks to a Wolfpack vs. Aztecs game, football fans had packed the bar until closing time and the later it got, the sloppier they got. I wanted to jump into a scalding shower and wash away the stench of stale beer, but before I could do that, I had to walk up five fucking flights.
When I finally reached my apartment, an ivory envelope with my name written on the front was taped to the door. Odd. I pulled it from the door and tore it open. Inside was a USB key and a notecard. A wave of dizziness engulfed me, and I leaned against the doorjamb, convincing my legs not to give way.
Sweet Emma, here are the answers you've been looking for. Kit
For a moment, I couldn't move. Kit! Here? At my apartment? Hope clenched at my chest, and I spun around, knowing I wouldn't see him, but praying I would.
I needed to get inside to my laptop. My hand shook so much it took me three tries to persuade my key to slide into the lock.
I didn't kick my shoes off as I usually when I got home. I didn't go to the bathroom and run the shower. I went straight to the sofa where I'd left my laptop. While I waited for it to boot up, I reread the card… the answers you've been waiting for. He was going to tell me about my mom.
