by Jillian Hart
“You are a wonderful woman.” His hand curled around her nape, his fingers tender on her vulnerable spine as he cradled her against him. “You deserve a man with a whole heart to give you.”
“I’d take whatever you could spare.”
“No.” He brushed his lips against her temple, a tender and brief kiss that would be their last. “You don’t understand. You don’t know what I am.”
“You are my protector and my friend. You are the most noble man I’ve ever met.”
John felt as if an ax was cleaving his heart in two. He hated seeing the depth of her love for him, glittering in her like a rare and precious gem. Her heart was so open and so easy to read. How could he turn away? He wanted her love more than anything on this planet. He wanted her with his entire soul. “I’m not so noble.”
“Yes, you are. After all this time, you’re still in love with your wife.”
It would be easy to let her think that. Then he’d never risk losing her love. She’d never know the kind of man he was. Never look at him and see less than the protector she thought him to be.
He loved Alexandra. With his entire being. With all he was and all he had. If he could simply hold her in his arms, keep her nestled against his heart and feel her gentle love wrap around him, then he knew this agony in his soul would end. She could make his guilt disappear. She could be the balm to soothe the mortal wounds in his past.
He didn’t need to tell her the truth. All he had to do was to tell her that he loved her. He could still fix this. He wanted to be weak, not noble, to hold on to her forever so this soul-rending pain would end.
But it wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. Alexandra deserved a better man than he could be. Ever.
Forcing her away from him felt as if he were ripping his heart out of his chest without the benefit of anesthesia, but it had to be done. He took a deep breath and gathered what remained of his integrity.
“I’m not still in love with my wife,” he confessed. “I’m responsible for her death.”
“No.” Alexandra’s denial was fierce and instantaneous.
“I wasn’t strong enough to hold her. To keep her from falling.”
“John, that’s not true. You aren’t in control of life and death. Only God is.”
“You weren’t there.” She stubbornly wanted to believe the best in him, and he wasn’t going to let her. “I couldn’t find it in me to keep my wife from falling three thousand feet to her death. I should have been able to save her, and I couldn’t. My heart fell right along with her, all three thousand feet, and crashed to the ground. I can’t love you. I can’t.”
He marched off, leaving her in the shadows, as the sun rose, a peachy gold smudge over the mountains. Watching John walk away was the toughest thing she’d ever done. God gave her strength as she swiped at the wetness on her cheeks, willing no more tears to fall.
She was strong enough for this. God had led her here to show her that. She took a deep breath, and felt wounded and whole all at once. Loving John had given her a strength she didn’t know she had. Strength she would need in order to let him go.
It was over between them. There had never been a chance for them. Ever.
Raw emotion left her trembling as she eased to her knees in the tall grass. Hidden by the shadows, she covered her face with her hands and let the hot, burning tears come. The pain in her heart did not end, even after the tears had run dry.
She knew it never would.
Patrick Kline eased up on the accelerator, not bothering to signal as he cut across two lanes of traffic and zipped onto the off-ramp just in time. Might as well check this last exit. Being the ambitious attorney came in handy most of the time—he’d learned to be thorough and logical. He’d checked the gas stations, convenience stores and campgrounds off every exit since Seattle.
He’d find her. There wasn’t a woman who could outsmart him, and Alexandra didn’t come close to having his intelligence. One of God’s blessings that Patrick used with great pride.
A sign caught his eye. The Lazy J Campground. Vacancy. Looked like a dirt-cheap place. Alexandra was on a tight budget. He’d check there first.
Chapter Thirteen
It had been another sleepless night. John filled his travel coffee cup, almost brimming it over because he was so tired. The night on the mountain had taken its toll. He felt raw and wounded and bleeding. He feared not even prayer could make this pain fade.
Ten to eight. It looked as if he’d better get a move on. Alexandra would be here any minute. She always came a few minutes early. With any luck, he’d be in his truck, ready to leave when she drove into sight.
“Dad!” Hailey was already outside on her horse. “Can I go to Stephanie’s later?”
“Take that up with Alexandra.” Even saying her name was painful.
You’re falling apart, John. Don’t think about her and you’ll be all right. That was a lie. He was never going to be all right again. No woman had ever burrowed so deep inside his heart. This love he felt for Alexandra was greater than the distance from the earth to the moon. He feared it could reach all the way to heaven.
You can’t have her, John. He knew it—and the truth tore him apart. The image of Bobbie’s face that last moment he’d been able to hold on to her didn’t leave him as he stumbled out the door.
“Know what, Dad?” Hailey guided her horse to the driveway, where she sat bareback in a pair of jeans and a fringed shirt. “I had the best time and stuff, you know, with Alexandra. And if, like, you wanted to get married like Grammy says you should, then you can just marry Alexandra. She’s like a real mom!”
Could the blade stuck in his heart dig any deeper? Anguished, John yanked open the door, spilling coffee all over his boots and the gravel driveway. Great, and here came Alexandra. Pulling up in her little car, windows down to enjoy the temperate morning, her hair tousled around her face, making her look wholesome and beautiful and exactly like the kind of woman he could never deserve.
It took all his steely willpower to turn his back and climb into the truck. He lifted a hand in a casual wave to Alexandra, as if she were merely the housekeeper and not the love of his life and the missing piece to his soul.
He couldn’t look at her as he drove away.
Their friendship was ruined, too. Sorrow felt like lead as she watched John’s truck disappear around the bend. As if he couldn’t get away from her fast enough. She parked her car in the shade, waved to Hailey as the girl rode her horse over and tried not to let the sinking feeling in her chest take her mood any lower.
Is it going to be like this from now on?
John’s love and a future with him had been devastating to lose. But his friendship, too? How could she go without that? How could she go back to baby-sitting Hailey when she’d hoped Hailey would become her stepdaughter?
What was she going to do?
Just concentrate on your work for today, Alexandra. Trust in the Lord to show you the way. So, after taking a deep breath and gathering her courage, she climbed out of the car. Instead of feeling at peace, she felt on edge. That was a loss, too. She treasured the sanctuary she’d once found here.
“Can I go to Stephanie’s?” Atop her horse, Hailey remained at Alexandra’s side on the trek across the driveway. “You don’t have to drive me or nuthin’. I’m gonna ride over. We’re gonna ride the trail down to the river and stuff. Can I, can I, please?”
“Sure. Let me give Stephanie’s mom a call first.” Alexandra tugged affectionately on the toe of Hailey’s riding boot and was rewarded with a beaming smile.
Hailey dismounted, leading Bandit by the ends of the reins.
Something cold snaked down Alexandra’s spine. Then it was gone. The morning was pleasant, the ever-present breeze warm. Uneasy, she glanced around her. She’d never noticed how much the giant lilacs and hedges could provide cover for someone lurking about.
Not that there was anyone lurking. It was just a weird way to feel suddenly. Probably more than anything else, it had to do with
how raw her emotions were right now. Everything felt off-kilter. Although there was no chance at a marriage with John, he was still watching over her. Keeping her safe. The town sheriff had promised to do no less.
I’m pulled in too many directions, she thought while she waited for Hailey to tether her horse. It’s being here in a small town. It’s finding out I don’t belong after all, just like when I was a little girl. It’s this small town. She’d been a fool to stay. Small towns had never brought her anything but pain.
“I gotta get my stuff!” Hailey darted ahead, skipping through the house.
Alexandra’s neck tingled again. She didn’t feel right about that. She waited in the threshold, watching the world around her. Bandit stole bites of grass from the edge of the lawn, unconcerned. Nothing seemed out of place.
She shut the door and turned the dead bolt. They were probably safe as could be, but it never hurt to err on the side of safety. If Patrick hadn’t found her by now, then he’d probably given up, right?
“Corey!” Cameron boomed into the store over the sound of the front door banging open. “You in here?”
“More or less.” John straightened from the shelf he was restocking. “What can I do you for?”
“I’m not here as a customer.” Cam’s face was grim lines and a long, worried frown. “I spotted a car I didn’t recognize. In-state plates, but something troubled me so I ran ’em. Stolen plates that didn’t match the car. Figure you’d better put in a call to that nice Miss Sims out at your place. Just in case.”
“I’ll do it now.” John’s pulse kicked hard as he sprinted down the aisle and snagged the receiver from the wall unit. He punched in his home number, praying for Alexandra to be just fine, for this to have nothing to do with her.
The phone rang on and on. With no answer.
Maybe she was outside with Hailey. That didn’t explain the bad feeling in his guts. Something was wrong. “I couldn’t reach her.”
“Could be a fair explanation for that.” Cameron headed for the door. “She could be outside, or the line could be cut. You comin’?”
In a heartbeat. Without bothering to lock up, John walked out of the store. Please, let her be safe, Lord. Let this be a scare.
He couldn’t lose Alexandra, too.
He hopped into the passenger seat of the patrol cruiser as Cam put the idling car in gear and tore out onto the street. He hit the lights, not the sirens, sending folks out of their way in a hurry.
Good. They had to get there fast. He had a bad feeling. Something wasn’t right. Alexandra would have been in the house this time of morning….
I can’t lose another woman I love. John sucked in a ragged breath. The agony in his heart doubled at the thought of anyone hurting Alexandra. The woman so precious to his heart. The one woman he wanted above all else. Above anyone. Ever.
Faster, he prayed as Cam hit the open highway at full speed.
Alexandra was rescuing the flour canister from the pantry shelf when she heard the muffled squeak. Like a floorboard creaking beneath someone’s weight. The hair at the back of her neck stood on end. An icy chill whipped through her as she turned from the pantry door, the puppy already barking.
Patrick. Alexandra froze, horror rooting her feet to the floor. Her muscles had turned to stone. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t think. All she saw was the gun in Patrick’s raised hand. The cold gleam of black metal was aimed directly at her.
“No!” The single word was torn from her throat as fear turned to rage. She was across the kitchen floor in two seconds flat, protecting Hailey with her body. “Patrick, stay back. You’re not welcome here.”
“You don’t know what I can do.” There was darkness in Patrick’s words—fury, anger and the will to do harm. “Do you want to see?”
“No! Don’t hurt us.” She had to think, and think fast. First priority was to get Hailey away from Patrick. “Please, just lower the gun. You don’t need it. I’ll do anything you want. Let’s just leave, okay?”
“Glad you’ve finally decided to see things my way.” His dark hatred felt as deadly as the gun he shook at her. “Then you’re sorry?”
“Y-yes.” She fought panic. She wouldn’t be afraid of him. He’d taken enough from her, and she’d won it back. She refused to give it up again. “I’m ready. Let’s go now.”
There had once been kindness in Patrick, but now there was only lethal fury as his thumb dug into the tender flesh beneath her collarbone and his fingertips pierced in her neck. “Move.”
Alexandra gritted her teeth against the piercing pain and willed her feet forward. Patrick pushed, nearly lifting her off the ground. She didn’t cry out as the pain intensified, because she was too angry. Rage pumped through her as she stumbled toward the front door.
“Alexandra!” Hailey sounded terrified. But at least she’d be left behind. She’d be safe. That was all that mattered.
“Call your grammy,” Alexandra choked out before Patrick’s thumb squeezed the air out of her throat, cutting her off temporarily.
When he moved his thumb, they were outside and she gasped for breath. She twisted around, desperate to see inside the house. Hailey was so terrified. Was she all right?
Patrick flung her against his car door. “Forget the brat and get in.”
“Fine. I told you. I’ll be agreeable. Let’s just leave.” That would be best for Hailey. “Now, Patrick. Let’s hurry.”
“That’s what frustrates me. You don’t know your place. Believe me, you’re finally going to learn,” he said as he followed her into the car. He turned the ignition with his left hand, keeping a solid hold on the gun. Sunlight gleamed on its dark barrel. Patrick gunned the engine, and they flew along the driveway.
What was going to happen to her now? Patrick had slipped past the sheriff’s defenses, and John was in town. She was alone. She had no weapon. She had nothing to fight with.
Wait—that wasn’t true. She had faith. That’s all she needed. God had brought her here, and He’d see her through. Somehow. Some way.
Suddenly Patrick swore. She saw flashing red and blue lights and the white bullet of a police cruiser taking the narrow lane way too fast. There was no room to pass. There were ditches and fencing on either side.
“Patrick!” She squeezed her eyes shut, bracing for the impact.
The car spun to the right, tires spinning dust and gravel. They were on Bev’s driveway now, which intersected through the farm. The BMW flew low over the fields.
“Watch out!” Gerald’s tractor lurched out of a field and onto the road. It was too late for either of them to stop.
Alexandra held on while the car soared into the potato fields, crushing new green clumps of the vegetable planted in tidy, endless rows as it landed. The seat belt cut into her neck but held her in place. Recovering control, Patrick pointed the hood straight down the field, dodging the rain of irrigation stands as he went.
Alexandra searched for the police car in the side-view mirror. She only saw dust pluming up like a tornado behind them. There he was!
John. He’d come for her. She rejoiced. He’d kept his word. He was her hero, her shining white knight who’d never break his promise to her. A man she could always depend on.
Sunlight glinted on Patrick’s gun. The joy diminished. She changed her mind. She didn’t want John here. He could be hurt or killed. Protect him, Lord, she prayed, watching the police cruiser fall behind and then out of sight in the side-view mirror.
John heard the gunshot ricochet through the river canyon as he leaped from the still-moving patrol car. His feet hit the ground with an impact hard enough to rattle the marrow from his bones, but he was already running past the abandoned BMW. Already fearing the worst. I’m too late. I can’t save her. It’s too late.
He dimly heard Cam shout his name, but he was beyond anything but getting to where that gunshot came from. He raced past the abandoned car. Alexandra’s slip-on sneaker was on the ground. Blood marked the white canvas side. Alexandra’s bloo
d.
The sight of it ripped at his soul. If there was any hope, if she was wounded, then as God was his witness he was going to save her from the next bullet. He wasn’t going to fail her. He couldn’t fail her.
He tore along the narrow path, where drops of blood stained the wild grasses. His hopes exploded like a lit keg of dynamite when he saw her on the steep cliffside ahead of him, climbing for cover as the man following her steadied a handgun, aimed and squeezed the trigger.
“Alexandra!”
John’s warning reverberated along the river canyon below her. Alexandra’s foot slipped, rocks tumbled beneath the sole of her one shoe and she fell, hitting her knees on sharp rock. A bullet stirred the air a few inches from her left ear. More rocks slid out from under her. She dug her fingertips into the earth and rock to keep from sliding.
It was a long way down. All she could see was the sloping crest of the canyon wall falling several hundred feet down to the silver thread of the river below. Exposed and open, there was no place to hide. Patrick had a clear shot.
She’d enraged him when she’d knocked the gun aside when he’d stopped the car. The gun had tumbled to the floorboards and with one quick leap into the field, she was out of his reach, running even as a bullet had grazed her, slicing across her ankle. But it didn’t stop her from escaping.
He was angrier now. Determined. She ducked, dropped and rolled. Letting gravity take her. Rocks and dirt scraped her bare thigh.
Faster. Gravity was pulling at her now, and she groped for a small tree, but the sapling snapped out of her fingers. She kept going, her bare foot striking a rock. Pain glanced up her shin, but it wasn’t her main problem. The cliff side was becoming steeper.
She dug in, the earth tearing at her fingers. She couldn’t stop. Oh, Lord, please help me. She was falling too fast, the grade growing steeper until all she could see was the riverbed below her bare feet. She could taste panic on her tongue, feel it in her wild heartbeat.
