by Rye Hart
Tara left in a hurry the next morning, but I didn’t mind. We had a therapy session scheduled for later that day, so I knew I would see her again soon. I was still flying from our night together, the memory of her begging me to fuck her still fresh in my mind. It felt incredible to be inside her again, but even more incredible to spend the entire night by her side. I never wanted to let her go, and when she left that morning, I had to fight the urge to go with her.
Instead, I spent the morning thinking about her and watching movies. My leg was starting to feel like normal again, but I knew I shouldn’t push myself too hard. I used my crutches to get around the apartment, wanting to rest my leg for PT. Tara took a lot out of me the night before. Our sex was strenuous in the best way. I wouldn’t have changed a single thing, but it did leave my leg sore.
When it was finally time for my therapy session, my mom arrived at my door to drive me. I was going crazy not being able to drive myself, but I knew it was only a matter of time. My leg would be healed soon, and then my life would get back to normal. Only now Tara would be a part of it. That thought kept a smile on my face the entire way to the hospital.
“What’s got you so happy?” my mom asked, glancing at me with a frown.
“Nothing,” I said, shrugging. “Just in a good mood.”
“Uh huh.” She didn’t believe me, but she didn’t push it. My mother wasn’t stupid. She knew how strong the connection between Tara and me was. She saw it firsthand all those years ago, and unlike Darren, she didn’t try to fight against it.
We got closer to the hospital, and my mood stayed high. After last night, I didn’t think anything could bring me down.
“I know this isn’t any of my business,” my mom said suddenly. We were pulling into the PT building parking lot. She glanced over at me with a furrowed brow. “But are things between you and Tara? I mean, is something happening between you two again?”
“Mom,” I said. “Do you really want to talk about this?”
“I guess not,” she said with a sigh. “But I’m worried about you. And her. Things didn’t end well last time.”
“And whose fault was that?” I asked sharply.
“Darren was just doing what he thought was best,” Mom said defensively.
“It wasn’t his place then, and it isn’t your place now,” I said firmly. “Whatever is or isn’t happening between us, it doesn’t concern you, okay? Please, leave us be.”
Mom nodded but still looked worried. I leaned over to kiss her cheek before I climbed out of the car.
“Just be careful, okay?” she called out. “That’s all I’m asking.”
I nodded and hurried inside the building, eager to see Tara’s face. We’d been together just hours before, and already I missed her. I missed her pale blue eyes and her adorable button nose. I missed the way her cheeks flushed when I kissed her lips. I missed the sight of her hips swaying seductively as she walked toward me. I could already feel my desire growing as I walked over to her desk.
Tara was leaning down, scribbling furiously on a chart in front of her. She didn’t see me walk up, but there was no one around, so I slid my hands over her shoulders and leaned down.
She jumped and spun around. I kissed her cheek and moved over to her earlobe.
“Hey sexy,” I whispered.
“Hi,” she said, laughing nervously and pulled away from me.
I adjusted my crutches and moved back to let her stand up. When she did, her eyes darted around as if she were worried we would be seen. No one was in the room, though, so I leaned forward to kiss her. She let me but pulled away quickly.
“That’s all I get?” I asked. “Come on, after last night I think I deserve a little more.”
“What?” she asked, her eyes dazed. “Oh. Um, I’m sorry.”
She kissed me again, but I barely felt it. Her mind was somewhere else. She was distant again, but this time, it felt different. She wasn’t just pulling away from me. It was like she was pulling away from everything. Her eyes were glazed over, and when I asked her what was wrong, it took three times before she even heard me.
“What?” she asked.
“I said, what’s wrong?” I said again, louder this time.
“Oh.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I’m just distracted today.”
“I can tell,” I said with a laugh. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head again. “Just a little foggy today. My last few patients were pretty wearing.”
“Do you want to skip my session?” I asked. “We can always reschedule for tomorrow and go grab some food instead.”
“Nice try,” she said, smiling and leading me toward the bars.
I rested my crutches against the wall like last time and walked over to the bars. This time, Tara let me walk myself. She didn’t offer her hand as I stumbled my way between the bars. I was surprised, but when I looked at her face, I saw that she was barely paying attention to me. Her mind was a million miles away.
My session progressed normally. I walked across the bars a few times while Tara mumbled words of encouragement. She wasn’t into it, though, and I could tell. Her entire body was tense, and she kept glancing at the clock, just waiting for my session to end. I tried not to be offended, but I was getting tired of her pulling away from me.
We had sex again, and already, she was distancing herself. It pissed me off.
“Look,” I said when the session ended. “If you regret last night, just tell me.”
“What?” She blinked. “Caleb, what the hell are you talking about? I don’t regret anything about last night.”
“Then, what’s going on with you?” I demanded. “You’ve been somewhere else. It’s like you’re not even here.”
Tara sighed and closed her eyes. She rubbed her forehead, and when her eyes opened again, they were swimming with emotion. She opened her mouth to speak but never got a chance to explain. The door to the PT building swung open with a bang. I jumped and spun around to see Darren walking toward us.
The same suspicious expression was on his face. I’d grown to know it well, and after everything that happened with Tara that day, I didn’t have time for it.
“Can you give us a second?” I asked. “Tara and I were just in the middle of something.”
“No,” Darren said flatly. “Your mother got pulled in with a patient, so I need to take you home. I don’t have all night, so let’s go.”
“Okay, in a minute,” I said, turning back to Tara.
“Unless you want to walk, let’s go.”
I was livid as Tara handed me my crutches and Darren led the way toward the parking lot. He climbed behind the wheel while I struggled to put my crutches in the backseat, then fell into the passenger seat with a sharp pain in my leg.
“Thanks so much for the help.” I snapped once I slammed the door behind me.
“I’m giving you a ride, aren’t I?” Darren asked. His voice was sharp and juvenile. I hated how much he acted like a child sometimes.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I demanded.
“Don’t talk to me that,” Darren hissed.
“Darren, I’m not a child anymore, okay?” I said. “I’m twenty-seven years old, and if you have something to say to me, then just fucking say it already.”
“I want you to stay away from Tara,” Darren said bluntly. “I don’t like how close you two have gotten since she moved back to town. It’s not healthy, and it’s inappropriate.”
“Why?” I asked. “Because it makes you uncomfortable.”
“Don’t you remember what happened last time?” Darren demanded. “Don’t you remember how much you hurt her?”
“Whose fault was that?” I snapped. “You sent me away to military school because you couldn’t stand the thought of me being with your daughter. You were so terrified that what we had might have been real, that you couldn’t deal. You sent me out of the state just to keep us apart.”
“And it was obviously the right decisio
n,” Darren said. “Considering how long it took her to get over you.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, his words catching me by surprise.
“Nothing.” Darren sighed and shook his head.
“No,” I said sharply. “You started this conversation, now finish it.”
“You destroyed her,” Darren said. “You broke her heart, Caleb. She spent years trying to get over you, and now that she finally has, you’re back in her life. You’re just going to hurt her again.”
“You don’t know that,” I said.
“Don’t I?” he asked. “Your reputation isn’t exactly a secret. I have a few buddies down at the fire station. I know the kind of man you are.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” I said. “You never did.”
Darren continued to lecture me the entire way back to my apartment. I tuned him out; my mind focused entirely on Tara. I had no idea how much I’d hurt her when I left town. I thought I was doing the best thing for everyone by not putting up a fight. I was trying to protect her, and instead, I did the opposite.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN - TARA
I could barely keep myself from breaking. After Dr. Anderson gave me the news about my illness, everything passed by in a blur of terror and confusion. I was scared to death, worried that my fear would somehow exacerbate things and make me sicker. It wasn’t a logical fear, but it was there, lingering in the back of my mind and preventing me from engaging in my day.
I had cancer. A rare form of brain cancer that caused my headaches and vomiting. It wasn’t yet advanced, but it was so rare that the oncologists weren’t sure how to proceed. After Dr. Anderson gave me the news, he brought in two oncologists who talked to me about my diagnosis. I barely heard anything they said. My mind was spinning.
Nothing felt real. For days after my diagnosis, I walked around in a fog. I hadn’t yet told anyone about my cancer. The fear of what was happening to me was too real to face. I preferred to push it away, pretend like it didn’t exist and instead focus on other things. The only problem was, I couldn’t focus on anything. I was so foggy and distracted that I let things slip through the cracks.
My last PT session with Caleb was a mess. I barely remembered what we did. When he left that night, I knew he was angry with me, but I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything. He had a check-up with Dr. McGee the next day, and I missed it. Caleb told me about it a week ago, but somehow, it slipped my mind, and I didn’t show up. It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized I’d missed it.
I felt like shit about myself. Not only was I failing at my job but I was failing Caleb, who was the most important person in the world to me. I hated how confused he must have been. He didn’t know about my cancer, and I didn’t want him to. Still, I couldn’t just let things fall apart between us because I was sick. I refused to let that happen.
I took off work early and picked up some Chinese takeout. It was Caleb’s favorite, and I knew he’d love it. As I drove toward his apartment, I thought about what I would say. I couldn’t tell him the truth. Not yet. Instead, I had to explain my behavior without outright lying to him somehow. It wouldn’t be easy, but I was determined to try. My heart was racing as I walked up to his front door and knocked softly. I could hear his footsteps inside, and when the door swung open, I smiled.
It was my first genuine smile in days. Seeing Caleb was enough to ease my fears for just a moment. He frowned when he saw me, glancing down at the takeout containers in my hands.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Dinner,” I said, holding up the food. “You interested?”
“Sure.” He shrugged and moved aside.
I walked through the door and sat down on the couch, arranging the takeout containers on the coffee table. Caleb walked over to join me. He wasn’t using his crutches. Instead, he was moving slowly. I gasped when I saw him.
“Where are your crutches?”
“Dr. McGee says I’m doing well,” Caleb said. “My check-up yesterday was great.”
“I’m sorry I missed it,” I said softly. Caleb just shrugged, so I pushed ahead. “What exactly did he say?”
“He thinks I’ll be back to normal in another month,” Caleb said. “He wants me to pick up the PT a bit. He said he sent his recommendations down to your office.”
“Oh,” I said, nodding. I didn’t remember if I received anything from Dr. McGee, and that made me feel even more guilty. “Well, that’s really great.”
“It is,” he said. “It’s great.”
“I know I said I would be there,” I said. “I just got distracted with work and time got away from me.”
“It’s probably for the best,” Caleb said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
He sighed and sunk onto the couch beside me. He shook his head slowly from side to side. I frowned at the look on his face. I’d never seen him look so serious.
“I had a conversation with your father,” Caleb said. “Well, he had a conversation with me.”
“What the fuck did he say this time?” I asked, my anger already boiling to the surface. With everything I had going on, I didn’t have the patience to deal with my dad’s bullshit.
“He wants me to stay away from you,” Caleb said. “Same shit as before.”
“I don’t know why he keeps doing this,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m an adult. This is ridiculous.”
“He’s worried about you,” Caleb said softly.
I searched his face, surprised to see that there wasn’t a trace of anger there. Instead, he just looked sad. Normally, my father pissed him off more than anyone. Caleb could rant about my dad for hours without getting tired. It was often his favorite subject, and yet, he didn’t seem interested.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“I didn’t realize how bad things were for you when I left,” he said. “When I left for military school, I thought you would be fine.”
“I was,” I said defensively. It was a lie. I wasn’t fine. Not at all.
“Don’t lie to me,” Caleb said.
“I was hurt,” I admitted. “But it was ten years ago. It doesn’t matter now.”
“It does to your father,” Caleb said. “That’s the whole reason he wants to keep us apart.”
“No, it isn’t,” I said. “He wants to keep us apart for the same reasons he wanted to ten years ago. He doesn’t think it’s appropriate for us to be together.”
“He doesn’t think I’m good enough,” Caleb said. “And after what he told me, I’m not sure he’s wrong.”
“What does that mean?” I demanded.
“It means that I hurt you, Tara. I broke your heart. I left, and you were destroyed. That’s not okay.”
“You didn’t have a choice,” I said. “He sent you away.”
“I could have fought him,” Caleb said. “Maybe I should have.”
“We tried to,” I said. “We were going to run away together, remember?”
“But I changed my mind to protect you,” Caleb said. “Trust me, Tara, I remember.”
I fell silent. My eyes stayed locked on Caleb’s face, and I didn’t know what to say. My father didn’t have a right to bring up the past, especially not to Caleb. It was all so long ago. I never wanted to think about that time ever again.
It had broken my heart. I was destroyed, but that was over now. There were more important things to worry about, like my illness. As I looked at Caleb, I thought about telling him the truth. I knew he would be there for me. He would take me in his arms and ease my fears, but I was too scared. I didn’t even know how to face my cancer myself yet, how could I expect him to handle it?
I sighed. “Listen, I’m sorry about my dad,” I said. “He was wrong to bring up that shit.”
“I’m sorry for everything,” Caleb said. “The past and all.”
“Let’s not talk about the past,” I said firmly. “It’s over.”
Caleb nodded and finally smiled. It wa
s the first time I’d ever seen him truly vulnerable. Even when we were teenagers, he was always so hard and closed off. He opened up to me when he felt like it, but that wasn’t often. We loved each other so much, and now, ten years later, I still did. I loved Caleb more than I ever had, and I didn’t want to be away from him again.
Still, I felt conflicted. My illness changed things. Not only was this cancer serious, but it was also damn near incurable. The doctors didn’t even know how to start my treatments. The hope for my recovery was almost nonexistent. How could I let Caleb get close to me again when I might die? How could I risk letting him in, falling in love with him all over again, when my time might be limited?
Caleb and I ate dinner and talked lightly. We laughed, and things felt like normal between us, but I was preoccupied the whole time. My dad had been warning us to stay apart for years, but I’d never paid him any attention until now. With my diagnosis in mind, I wondered if my father was right. Were things with Caleb meant to continue? Or was this cancer a sign that I should pull away from him for good?
I didn’t have an answer, and I knew I wouldn’t for a long time. I loved him deeply, but I was sick. Dying. That wasn’t something I could ignore any longer.
Unable to hold myself together, I said good night and fled. I barely made it to my car before I was overcome with sobs. They wracked through my chest, tearing themselves free and overwhelming me. I tried to get home before another headache set in, but I didn’t make it.
I drove the final few minutes in a haze of fear and pain.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN - CALEB
I still didn’t know what was going on with Tara. She left my apartment quickly, barely saying goodbye before she fled to her car. I watched her leave, confused and frustrated. She said everything was fine. We talked about her father. We even discussed the past. It hurt me to think about that time, but I was glad we finally talked about it. When I left town, I didn’t think I had a choice. Darren was going to do everything he could to keep me away from Tara. No matter what we did or how hard we fought him, I knew we would never win.
We were kids, not even eighteen yet. Tara wanted to run away together. It seemed like the perfect plan. I was ready to start my life with her but then, I couldn’t do it. Tara was fucking brilliant. She graduated high school with a 4.0 and got accepted into one of the best colleges in the country. She was bound for amazing things and me? I would have held her back. There was no fucking way I would let that happen. So I gave up. I gave in to Darren’s demands and let him ship me off to finish high school at the military academy.
