by Lisa Cardiff
I yanked her into my lap, framed her face with my hands, and she leaned into me, her amber eyes locked on mine. No words could communicate what I felt right then, so I allowed my hands and lips to do it for me.
“I’m not going to abandon you,” I whispered, unbuttoning her chef’s jacket and sliding it off her shoulders. “No matter what happens with your family, you won’t be alone.”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” she said, her fingers diving into my hair, her mouth opened against mine. Desperation and desire bled together, lacing our kiss with unspoken promises that should never be made given our circumstances, but it didn’t stop either of us from making them.
***
“Let me ride in the cab with you.”
Carmela shook her head as she locked the back door to the restaurant. “No, it’s too risky. Gian will probably have someone check the interior of the cab when I get out. I’ll text you the minute I get home.”
I spun her around and kissed her for the hundredth time tonight, my hands sliding up and down her sides. I couldn’t get enough of her, and every moment spent without her out of my reach, my gut ached. I wanted to glue her to my side, protect her from everything and everyone, and never let her go. Jesus Christ, I was one dumb fucker. This whole relationship had disaster written all over it.
My dad thought my involvement with Carmela would give us access to the Trassato territories, and in the beginning, I thought he might be right. Now I was starting to think pushing Dominick Trassato would end badly for both Carmela and me. I should cut my losses and run away from this whole thing. Too bad I was a selfish bastard.
“You’re probably right,” I conceded, ending the kiss.
Threading my fingers with hers, I guided her to a street where she would have a better chance of flagging down a cab. A few cars zipped down the road and a neon sign of a diner flickered, but for the most part, the residential street in Park Slope was abandoned.
“You better get out of here.” She slipped her hand from mine. “My brother has spies everywhere.”
She stepped into the street to look for a cab. The minute her foot hit the cracked asphalt, a black sedan with tinted windows pulled away from the curb, its tires squealing, eating up the street like a beast of prey, filling the air with the smell of burnt rubber. Carmela swiveled in the direction of the sound, and she froze with her eyes wide.
My heart nearly jumped outside of my chest, panic boomeranging through me. I lurched forward, snagging her waist, and yanked her back like a rag doll. Her arms flailed in a windmill-like circle, her scream ringing in my ears. Her body collided with mine, and the oxygen exploded out of my lungs. I cradled her in my arms, her body shaking, the vein on the side of her neck pulsing, and her chest heaving like she had run a marathon.
The car picked up speed, rocketing around the corner and clipping the raised curb with a loud clonk. I caught the first few letters of the license plate, AR, before it blurred in the distance, disappearing into the night.
“Oh my God. Oh my God,” she mumbled into my neck. She sucked in a breath as if she were trying to compose herself. “I thought I was going die.”
My hand running up and down her back, I said, “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
“What the hell was that?”
“Not sure, but I’m driving you home. I don’t give a shit what your family or your brother says. Don’t even think of fighting me on this, solnyshka.”
She blew out a breath, her brows bunching together. “Why do you call me that?”
“Because you like it,” I answered rather than telling her the truth. The truth revealed too much.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Carmela
“I’m sorry I’m late. Traffic was terrible. I got out and walked the last block. Between all the tourists and the heat, summer in New York sucks.” Ava kissed both of my cheeks, her heavy floral scent curling up my nose, overpowering the freshly baked bread smell in the restaurant. “Look at me. My clothes are damp from the humidity.”
“You look beautiful, and don’t worry about being late. I only got here five minutes ago.”
“Oh, thank God.” She plopped into her chair, her elbows propped on the edge of the white tablecloth. “I felt like such a jerk making you sit here when you probably have a million and one things to do. I bet you’re chomping at the bit to put all those wedding plans you made with Rocco to use.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know.” She meticulously unfolded her napkin and placed it in her lap. “Now that you and Nico are getting married. I heard it wasn’t going to be a long engagement.”
“Who told you about that?”
“Oh, was it a secret?” While her voice dripped with sugar, her eyes were like diamonds, hard and unforgiving.
The fact that my arrangement with Nico wasn’t a secret didn’t stop me from holding out hope I could get out of it. I’d dropped by Nico’s house this morning to get his signature on a furniture order, and he acted like a complete and total jerkoff.
He snapped at me about the cost of the sofa and grilled me about whether I was up charging him. He shamed me for wearing a dress he considered too low cut. He told me he didn’t like my makeup. Then he had the nerve to corner me and try to shove his tongue down my throat before I left. I shuddered, remembering the way he exploded when I pushed him away.
“Not really. Things aren’t final, so I’d appreciate it if you kept it to yourself for the time being.”
Two weeks had passed since the first time I’d spent the night with Kon. I had promised Gian I’d give Kon up and stay away from him, only I couldn’t. Every day we found ways to be together. A hotel here, another stolen moment in my room, a planned meeting in the bathroom of a club or a restaurant, even a dressing room in the department store.
We were playing with fire. We both knew it, and yet it didn’t stop us. I couldn’t get enough of him. Every second spent out of his company felt like torture. I counted down the seconds until our next rendezvous, and the minute I left his side, I started planning our next encounter. It was sick. He was my addiction, and I was pretty sure I’d never stop wanting him.
Ava tilted her head to the side. “That’s not what I heard.”
“What’d you hear?”
“My mom was going on and on about your mom’s plans for the engagement party this morning when I called her. You know how sisters are.”
“Right.”
Evidently, my mom had ignored my request to limit the engagement party guest list to immediate family members and Dominick. I shouldn’t have expected anything else. I hated that my family couldn’t be like most families and stay the hell out of my love life. I wanted to make my own choices, and I resented not being able to.
I’d always thought I was lucky I loved Rocco, and he was the person my family wanted me to marry. Both of our families had pushed us together from the moment we could walk. Now I wondered if I loved Rocco partly due to the fact that my family approved of him and deep down I was a pleaser. As traitorous as it sounded, none of the time I spent with him felt half as significant as the fleeting moments with Kon. As quickly as the thought flooded my brain, I buried it into a box never to be opened. It felt like a betrayal of Rocco.
Ava flipped open her menu. “I don’t understand your attitude toward Nico. I mean, I know you loved Rocco, but it’s time to move on, don’t you think?”
“Mind your own business, Ava.”
Her eyebrows arched and she straightened shoulders, shooting me a cold stare down the length of her tapered nose. “Nico deserves someone loyal who isn’t caught up on another man.”
I tossed my napkin onto my plate, my hands shaking and my temples throbbing. “What Nico and I deserve is none of your concern.”
“Nico won’t tolerate you holding a torch for another man.”
“Have some class, and keep Rocco out of this. He’s dead. He’s been dead for three years.”
Popping onto my feet, I grabbed my purse from
the back of my chair and slung it over my shoulder. Gian hated Ava. I didn’t have much to do with her until a little over a year ago, and right now I regretted the decision to overlook all of the things I always hated about her. She was spiteful, she was jealous, she was a bitch, and she’d likely never change. While she was my cousin, I didn’t have to spend time with her outside of family events, and I no longer would as of today.
I was about three steps away from her when she said, “Who said I was talking about Rocco?”
I stopped in my tracks and whirled around. “What did you say?”
She folded her arms across her chest, and her plastic boobs shot up her bony chest. “You heard me.”
“Are you accusing me of something?” I curled my hands around the edge of the table and bent at the waist until we were eye to eye. “Because the last time I checked, you aren’t exactly the pristine angel your parents think you are. I’d be happy to enlighten them, if need be.”
Over the last year, I’d learned a lot of damning things about Ava. She laughingly told me about the affairs she had with men underneath her dad, including names and descriptions of what they did. If she screwed with me, I wouldn’t hesitate to fight back.
She twisted her bracelet around her wrist, glowering at the wall above my head. “No. I misspoke.”
“I thought so.” I walked out of the restaurant with my chin high and my five hundred dollar shoes clicking over the floor. Fighting back was empowering. I felt liberated.
When I put a half a block between the restaurant and me, I grabbed my phone from my purse, pausing in the shade of a tree. Everyone thought I was with Ava, which gave me the perfect opportunity to meet up with Kon. There was a hotel right around the corner, which may or may not have been the reason I picked this restaurant.
As I scrolled through my contacts, car tires screeched around the corner. My head shot up, and fear shot through my chest, remembering the near miss the other night. A black SUV reduced its speed, almost coming to a full stop. The dark tinted window rolled down. The silver barrel of a gun peeked out, glinting off the bright sunlight nearly blinding me.
Without thinking too hard, my body knew what I needed to do. I lurched into a frenzy of movement. My phone tumbled from my hand, cartwheeling across the pavement. One stride and my leg jerked, refusing to budge. The heel of my lace up sandals were caught in the metal grate surrounding the tree on the sidewalk.
Shit. Fuck. Shit.
Mid-motion to dislodge my shoe, I heard it.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
A hot, searing pain tore through my upper arm, right below my shoulder. I wrapped my hand around it, and warm liquid seeped through my fingers. Screams echoed through my ears, and I didn’t know if they were mine or someone else’s. The smell of gunpowder lingered, mixing with the metallic odor of my blood.
Black dots blurred my vision. I gasped for air, but my lungs were tight. I teetered forward. Right before I fell, I stretched out to steady myself on the tree trunk. The palm of my hand skidded down the rough bark, ripping at my skin, and I lost my balance. I freefell, the breeze whispering through the strands of my hair, and I wondered if this was how Rocco felt when Marco DiTonno shot him.
Images flickered through my mind like a movie reel.
Rocco. Gian. My dad’s lopsided grin. My mom’s golden eyes…and Kon. I wanted Kon with me right now more than anything. More than anyone. He’d help me. I needed him. God, did I need him…
Seconds that felt like hours later, my head collided with the metal grate and everything went black.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
Konstantin
I opened the door, and my entire body sagged with disappointment. I had hoped it was Carmela so I didn’t bother putting on a shirt. I hadn’t heard from her all day other than a quick text saying she was going to an early dinner with Ava, and she wanted to meet afterward. It was now eleven o’clock at night, and I was coming out of my skin. I didn’t want to think about what would happen to her if her family found out she hadn’t cut me out of her life.
“Laney, what the hell are you doing here?”
“You’ve been avoiding my calls. I didn’t have any choice.”
She twirled her nearly white blonde hair around her finger and jutted her lower lip out into something resembling a pout. I’d seen this practiced look too many times to count, and sadly I used to fall for her shit over and over. Not this time.
I didn’t feel anything except relief when I looked at Laney. Relief I didn’t still want her. Relief our dysfunctional relationship was truly over. Even before she started doing drugs, her moods were all over the place. One time she destroyed my apartment, slicing sofa cushions, breaking dishes and shattering my shower door because she thought I was flirting with the waitress at dinner.
“Yeah? You could have left me the hell alone.”
She pressed her palm to my chest. “Give me ten minutes of your time, Kon, and I’ll go if you don’t want me here anymore. That’s all I’m asking.”
I gripped the doorknob harder, eyeing her hand with disgust. “I don’t have anything to say to you, Laney. I shut the door on our past years ago, and I’m not interested in rehashing it today or any other day. I’ve moved on. You should too.”
“Please. I need to apologize. It’s important to me.”
“You have apologized. I don’t want or need another apology. The only thing I want is for you to stay out of my life.”
“You don’t have to be so inflexible all the time.” She curled her hand around my shoulder. “What happened to the boy I met when we were younger? You used to be sweet and caring. You loved me.”
I shrugged out of her hold. I couldn’t stand her touch. “You happened to me. We happened to each other, and none of it was good.”
“That’s not true. We had good times, Kon, really good times. I’ve forgiven you for your part in what happened to me. I wouldn’t have had access to those drugs if it weren’t for you and your family. Maybe you can find that same forgiveness for me.”
My spine snapped straight. If I had any doubts, that comment told me everything I needed to know. Laney hadn’t changed. She still wanted to pin her addiction on me. Apart from the fact that I took her to places where drugs were readily accessible, I never gave her drugs or used them with her. On the contrary, I bent over backward to help her time and time again until I didn’t have any choice other than to walk away.
“Laney, I can’t go there with you again.”
“Why not?” she shrieked, punctuating her words with a kick to the wall. “I’m trying hard to stay sober this time. I’m working my way through my twelve steps, and one of them involves fixing things with you.”
The forty-something-year-old woman living across the hall opened her door and peeked out. “Move the conversation inside or I’ll call the police. I’m trying to sleep.”
I glared at Laney, not bothering to acknowledge my neighbor. “You have five minutes,” I conceded in the interest of keeping the cops away from my place. I didn’t keep anything incriminating here, but my livelihood and freedom depended on maintaining a low profile and flying beneath law enforcement’s radar.
I opened the door wider, then retreated to the living room, leaning my hip into the side of the couch. “Go ahead. I’m waiting. You’ve got four minutes and thirty seconds left.”
Scowling, she took in my blank walls. “You took down all of my photos.”
Before Laney slipped into the world of drugs, she’d spent the majority of her days photographing abandoned buildings. She had a good following and was well on the way to making a name for herself. When she moved into my place, I framed all of her favorites and hung them on my walls to show her how proud I was of her. They became collateral damage the day I let her back into my home to help her get sober nearly two years ago and she robbed me blind.
I ripped all except one from my wall and tossed them in the dumpster, taking pleasure in the sound of the glass shattering and the wood frame
s snapping. The last one broke the first time Carmela came to my house, and it was kind of poetic, in my opinion.
“I did.”
She swallowed hard and smoothed her hair away from her face, highlighting the fine wrinkles around her eyes from years of substance abuse and hard living. “Oh, yeah, I get it. You probably didn’t want a reminder of us after things fell apart.”
“You mean after you started having sex with random people in exchange for drugs while we were still together.”
“It was only one person, and it only happened once. He’s not part of Lucas’ life in case you’re wondering, and that’s the way I want it.”
“I thought you said you didn’t know who the father was.” I shook my head, disgusted with her and myself. “Jesus, so many lies, Laney. How do you keep track?”
“I know. I know. I lied about that and a lot of other things. I guess that’s part of the reason I’m here today. I wanted to come clean and see if you’d give me another chance.”
I pushed away from the sofa, standing with my feet wide apart and my hands curled into fists. She needed to get the fuck out of my face. I couldn’t stand looking at her. What I felt for her had died a long-drawn-out death. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You can’t seriously believe I’d consider going anywhere near you again.”
Laney crossed the room and grabbed my hands. “I did a lot of shitty things when I was high, but that person, that girl, wasn’t me. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I got lost somewhere along the way. I need to make it up to you. I’ll do anything to prove I’m a better person, worthy of your love.” She cleared her throat. “Did you know I named my son after you? Lucas Konstantin. I wanted him to be yours so damn bad.”
I yanked my hands from hers. I definitely didn’t want to talk about her son.
“Laney, it’s too late for this. I can never go back. Any love I had for you is gone, and even if it weren’t, I’m with someone else now. She’s important to me.”
