‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Alison’s voice was suddenly sharp.
‘Well, without sounding insulting…’ Daisy hesitated, ‘surely he’s past it.’
Alison’s cheeks flushed red. ‘What are you talking about, Daisy? Are you suggesting that at the end of Henry’s forty-ninth year and on the stroke of midnight, he was suddenly struck impotent?’ Alison straightened up on the sofa, indignant now. ‘Is that what you think? That the moment a male embraces the Big Five-Oh all his teeth fall out, he loses his hair and bits of his body stop working?’
Daisy frowned. ‘Well…yeah. I mean Henry’s teeth are whiter than Simon Cowell’s, so I presumed they were false.’
‘Veneers,’ Alison snapped. ‘Cosmetic dentistry. They cost an absolute fortune.’
Daisy wasn’t convinced. ‘Well he lost his hair years ago. He’s as bald as a snooker ball with a scalp twice as shiny.’
‘He shaves his head to be trendy,’ Alison hissed.
‘I see,’ Daisy said. She clearly didn’t see at all. She rocked back on her heels and contemplated Alison. ‘So are you trying to tell me his willy still works?’
Alison looked affronted. ‘Yes, Daisy. It goes up and down. Mostly up. But not for me. Instead he’s ga-ga about…’
‘Who?’ Daisy and I chorused.
‘I don’t know,’ Alison wailed. ‘A colleague maybe? He’s always home so late.’
‘You did say he works hard,’ I soothed.
‘Not hard enough to achieve full half-year bonus,’ Alison’s eyes flashed and her mouth disappeared into a tight line. ‘Without wishing to go into how much money my husband makes, let’s just say that there’s always been plenty of the stuff. But suddenly I’m being told to limit my spending. Being asked to use the local hairdresser instead of popping up to Mayfair to see Nicky. Having Tiffany’s education compromised with Henry refusing to pay for flute lessons.’
‘Well she is already studying clarinet, violin and piano,’ I patted Alison’s hand.
‘Whose side are you on?’ she demanded.
‘Nobody’s!’ I assured hastily. ‘I’m just thinking of Tiffany trying to fit another instrument into her already busy schedule.’ I did sometimes wonder what planet Alison was on when it came to her daughter’s education.
‘And do you know what he said to me this morning?’ she gasped and clutched her chest dramatically.
‘What?’ Daisy and I chorused.
‘He told me to stop shopping at Waitrose and to go to,’ she gave a little shriek, ‘Asda.’
‘I go to Asda,’ said Daisy indignantly.
‘I’m sure it’s perfectly all right for people like you, Daisy,’ Alison said patronisingly, ‘but I really don’t want to shop in a store where people are still wearing their pyjamas.’
‘Have you been spying on me?’ Daisy narrowed her eyes.
Alison tutted. ‘I have better things to do with my time than check out your shopping attire, Daisy.’
I giggled and nudged Daisy. ‘You’ve never gone to Asda in your PJs, have you?’
‘Only twice,’ Daisy sighed. ‘The last time I did it the security guard wouldn’t let me in the store.’
‘And rightly so,’ Alison’s chin jutted. ‘Don’t you ever get fed up of lounging around in your nightwear?’
‘No,’ Daisy shook her head. ‘It’s comfortable. Why on earth would I want to wear cashmere in the morning when I’m frying eggs and stirring beans?’
‘Well if you slice up some fresh melon, strawberries and grapes on a side plate, and give Tom and the children homemade muesli with organic milk, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being swathed in cashmere. I don’t wish to be unkind, Daisy, but how on earth do you attract Tom’s attention when you always look like you’ve fallen into a wheelie bin?’
‘Ali, I don’t wish to be unkind either, but if you don’t shut up insulting me in my own house I might punch your lights out.’
Alison glared at Daisy for a moment, but then visibly crumpled. ‘Sorry. I’m a bit stressed.’
Daisy, never one to hold a grudge, leant forward and gave our neighbour a hug before sitting down next to her. ‘So tell me and Florrie the reasons why you think Henry is having an affair.’
‘Well,’ Alison shifted in her seat, suddenly uncomfortable. ‘We don’t…’ Daisy and I looked at her expectantly. ‘You know.’
Daisy looked mystified. ‘What?’
‘You know,’ Alison repeated, suddenly awkward. Clearly her prissy upbringing was well and truly coming to the fore right now. ‘We don’t have…sex.’ She mouthed the last word again. ‘Well, hardly ever anyway.’
‘Ahh,’ said Daisy, the dawn suddenly coming up. ‘Because you no longer fancy Henry.’
‘Sorry?’ Now it was Alison’s turn to look confounded.
‘Well, he is fifty, isn’t he?’ Daisy reasoned. ‘And you’re only thirty-seven. It’s quite an age gap. You’re probably still revving up in the loins department whereas Henry probably needs Viagra.’
‘I’ve already told you his dangly bit goes up and down. Why would he need Viagra?’
‘Oh. Is it you who needs Viagra?’
‘For heaven’s sake, Daisy. Neither of us need Viagra. And why do you keep going on about Henry’s age?’ Alison was getting agitated again. ‘He’s a very sexy man.’
‘Is he?’ Daisy looked across at me for confirmation.
To be honest, Henry didn’t make me swoon. Not remotely. But I couldn’t say that to Alison. I nodded at Daisy. ‘Mmm. Henry is very…sort of…Kojak,’ I nodded.
‘Kojak?’ Daisy’s eyebrows shot upwards. ‘You mean the bald guy with the big nose?’
‘The very one,’ I tried to give Daisy a discreet pleading look for tact. ‘Absolute pin-up in his heyday.’
‘Exactly,’ said Alison smugly. ‘Henry is extremely sexy to lots of women. But somebody out there isn’t just finding him sexy, they are getting the full works.’
‘The works?’ Daisy looked blank.
‘Yes!’ Alison said impatiently. ‘Some woman is availing her services to him.’
‘Services!’ Daisy scoffed. ‘Why can’t you just talk like me and Florrie and say that some two-faced tart is bonking him.’
‘Daisy,’ said Alison in a pained voice. ‘We’ve known each other for a few years now. When have you ever heard me use the word…’ she paused before mouthing, ‘bonk?’
‘Oh stop being so uptight, Ali,’ Daisy pooh-poohed our neighbour’s rigid desire to behave like a lady at all times. ‘It’s high time you loosened up and said things how they are – Henry’s todger still works and he’s waving it around at some female and rogering her senseless.’
Alison gave a little gasp at such frankness, but Daisy ploughed on regardless.
‘If you really think this is the case, then you must confront Henry. Preferably when armed with a rolling pin. But not when you have PMT,’ Daisy added hastily. ‘You don’t want to make a mess over the carpet.’
‘Daisy, you really aren’t helping,’ Alison cried in exasperation.
‘So to get back on topic,’ I prompted. ‘Do you have evidence of this suspected affair?’
Alison took a deep breath. ‘I think so. Yes.’ She closed her eyes for a moment, as if trying to blot out an awful memory. When she opened them again they were far away, clearly recalling something unpleasant. ‘I went through Henry’s last few credit card statements looking for clues.’ She paused, struggling for composure. ‘Last Christmas he spent thousands of pounds at a Hatton Garden jeweller. He bought two bracelets. I received one of them.’
‘Perhaps he’s saving the other bracelet for your birthday,’ I suggested.
Alison shook her head. ‘No. You see, I rang the jeweller in question. Both bracelets were identical.’
Daisy frowned. ‘Why would Henry buy two identical bracelets?’
‘I’m coming to that,’ Alison’s lip wobbled slightly. ‘My bracelet had an inscription on the inside. It said, “To dear Al
ison with love from Henry.” I asked the jeweller if the other bracelet had been inscribed with a message. The jeweller confirmed this to be the case. I asked him what the engraving was.’ Alison’s voice cracked slightly. ‘The jeweller went off to check the paperwork.’
Suddenly Daisy and I were holding our breath.
‘And?’ Daisy prompted. She looked both fascinated and horrified. There had never been a situation like this on the Jeremy Kyle show.
When Alison next spoke her voice was little more than a whimper. ‘The inscription on the second bracelet had said, “To the most beautiful woman in the world with all my love.”’
The breath whooshed out of Daisy and I in one big chuggy gasp.
‘Oh,’ we chorused.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ Alison wailed.
We contemplated for a moment. What to do indeed.
‘Do you still love Henry?’ Daisy asked.
‘Of course!’ she said looking shocked. ‘I have a beautiful house, my daughter is in the best school for miles, and I’m accepted into the homes of people like Harriet Montgomery.’
‘That’s not love,’ I said gently. ‘That’s a lifestyle.’
‘Same thing,’ Alison snapped. ‘I love my lifestyle. And I’m not about to have it jeopardised by some little hussy with a nose piercing and a skirt hem up round her ear lobes.’
‘Do you know who she is then?’ I asked.
‘I’ve a good idea,’ Alison’s eyes narrowed. ‘One of the secretaries was all over him at the Christmas ‘do’. A typical cliché of a woman. Peroxide blonde hair. Cheap red lipstick. I could almost see a flashing neon sign over her head saying “I want you to be my Sugar Daddy.”’
‘I see,’ Daisy puffed out her cheeks. ‘So do you actually want to stay married to Henry?’
‘Of course I want to stay married to Henry,’ Alison snapped.
‘Well in that case,’ Daisy said conspiratorially, ‘we’re going to have to catch Henry out.’ She looked from Alison to me, her eyes shining like they did when she first opened the door to us an hour ago. ‘We’re going to set a trap.’
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ALSO BY DEBBIE VIGGIANO
Stockings and Cellulite
As the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve, Cassandra Cherry's life takes a turn for the worse when she stumbles upon husband Stevie lying naked, except for his socks, on a coat-strewn bed with a 45-year-old divorcee called Cynthia. Suddenly single, Cass throws herself into the business of getting over Stevie with gusto. Her main problems now are making her nine-year-old twins happy, juggling a new social life with a return to work and avoiding being arrested by an infuriating policeman who always seems to turn up at the most inopportune moments. Then, just when Cass is least prepared, and much to Stevie's chagrin, she crashes head over heels in love with the last person she'd ever expected.
AVAILABLE NOW AS E-BOOK AND PAPERBACK
ALSO BY DEBBIE VIGGIANO
Flings and Arrows
Steph Garvey has been married to husband Si for twenty-four years. Steph thought they were soulmates. Until recently. Surely one’s soulmate shouldn’t put Chelsea FC before her? Or boycott caressing her to fondle the remote control? Fed up, Steph uses her Tesco staff discount to buy a laptop. Her friends all talk about Facebook. It’s time to get networking.
Si is worried about middle-age spread and money. Being a self-employed plumber isn’t easy in recession. He’s also aware things aren’t right with Steph. But Si has forgotten the art of romance. Although these days Steph prefers cuddling her laptop to him. Then Si’s luck changes work wise. A mate invites Si to partner up on a pub refurbishment contract.
Son Tom has finished Sixth Form. Tom knows where he’s going regarding a career. He’s not quite so sure where he’s going regarding women and lurches from one frantic love affair to the next.
Widowed neighbour June adores the Garveys as if her own kin. And although 70, she’s still up for romance. June thinks she’s struck gold when she meets salsa squeeze Harry. He has a big house and bigger pension – key factors when you’ve survived a winter using your dog as a hot water bottle. June is vaguely aware that she’s attracted the attention of fellow dog walker Arnold, but her eyes are firmly on Harry as “the catch”.
But then Cupid’s arrow misfires causing madness and mayhem. Steph rekindles a childhood crush with Barry Hastings; Si unwittingly finds himself being seduced by barmaid Dawn; June discovers Harry is more than hot to trot; and Tom’s latest strumpet impacts on all of them. Will Cupid’s arrow strike again and, more importantly, strike correctly? There’s only one way to find out....
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ALSO BY DEBBIE VIGGIANO
Lipstick and Lies
41-year old Cassandra Mackerel is loved up and happily re-married to new husband Jamie. Together they have a ready-made family and a six month old baby boy. Juggling her own children with step-children and an infant is both hectic and stressful, especially with a mother-in-law who seems to have taken up permanent residence.
Cass has a strong support system in good friend and new mum Morag – who is the fourth Mrs Harding with more step-children she can keep up with – and also old neighbour and great pal Nell who has a baby girl.
Rising to the challenge of a second marriage and the emotional baggage that comes with it is tough. The last thing Cass needs is the reappearance of husband Jamie’s ex-girlfriend Selina. Gorgeous and glamorous but utterly unstable, Selina once stalked Cass and contrived to split her and Jamie up. And now Selina is engaged to Jamie’s business partner, Ethan Fareham. Seemingly it is appalling coincidence.
Cass can’t shake the feeling that Selina is up to her old tricks. And she's right to be worried. For if Selina has her way, she’ll split Cass and Jamie up permanently. Because this time it’s murder...
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ALSO BY DEBBIE VIGGIANO
Mixed Emotions
Life is a funny old thing. There are times when we love it, relish every moment and can’t get enough of it. Equally there are other times when life is jail sentence. Something comes along that knocks us right off our feet. The sun ceases to shine and our smiles vanish.
As we walk through life we fall in love, out of love, and in love again - sometimes many times over. We forge long and rewarding friendships - but sometimes are betrayed. We deal with tricky ex partners, and picky neighbours. We get pregnant, give birth and some of us experience stillbirth. And just when we think we can’t take any more, something happens to cause our hearts to expand with love. We are left feeling warm and fuzzy inside.
Life is full of mixed emotions. And that’s what this little book is about.
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ALSO BY DEBBIE VIGGIANO
The Ex Factor
WARNING – CHANGE OF GENRE. DIVORCE DRAMA. CONTAINS SWEARING AND UPSET.
Sam Worthington is married to Annie. He’s also a loving, hands-on dad to daughter Ruby. Then Sam discovers Annie is having an affair. Even worse, she wants a divorce. Devastated, Sam has to cope not just with the dismantling of a marriage, but being parted from the daughter he adores.
When Annie’s new relationship breaks down, she wants Sam back. But Sam has now met teaching student Josie, and re-discovered love. Annie hatches a plan to seduce Sam and win him back, but her plan fails. Sam hadn’t counted on his rejection of Annie backfiring on him so spectacularly – for Annie vows to use Ruby to destroy her ex-husband.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And for Sam Worthington, his journey to hell is just beginning...
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ALSO BY DEBBIE VIGGIANO
The Perfect Marriage
Rosie Perfect is trapped in a loveless marriage to feckless husband Dave. Unlike her surname, the marriage is far from perfect but, as she’s
also mum to baby Luke, leaving isn’t an easy option. When best friend Lucy announces she’s getting married and having a hen night, Rosie relishes a night off from drudgery. Waking up the following morning in businessman Matt Palmer’s bed wasn’t on the agenda. But Matt is no marriage wrecker. Or is he?
Suddenly Rosie’s life is turned upside down…from not recalling what took place between Matt Palmer’s silk sheets to discovering her drunken husband is also a gambling addict…from having her home wagered away in a poker game to being pursued by a murderous loan shark. As Rosie lurches from one crisis to another, life is far from perfect. Indeed, will Rosie Perfect ever get her perfect happy-ever-after?
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ALSO BY DEBBIE VIGGIANO
Secrets
Janey Richardson thought she had it all – the perfect job, a drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend, a cutesy cottage love nest, and a socking great diamond on her left hand. But things aren’t always as they seem, as Janey is about to discover when an unexpected stranger turns up exposing a secret that shatters her world. There’s only one thing for it. She’s going to have to disappear.
Garth Davis thought he had it all too, until a secret is revealed that turns his world upside down. He is left with one burning question, but he’s going to have to take a five-thousand-mile journey to find the answer.
When Janey’s and Garth’s worlds collide, a thaw takes place in Janey’s heart. But is Garth ‘The One’? Making the right decision isn’t easy, especially when Janey’s own past rushes back to meet her.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Prior to turning her attention to writing, Debbie Viggiano was, for more years than she cares to remember, a legal secretary. She lives with her Italian husband, a rescued puppy from Crete, and a very disgruntled cat. Occasionally her children return home from uni bringing her much joy - apart from their gifts of dirty laundry.
The Woman Who Knew Everything Page 28
