by Last, K. A.
“Hey, Grace, how’s your morning been?” Emma rushed out, slamming the door behind her.
“Just great. We had a visit from Annie…”
“Ugghh,” Emma shuddered.
“Then Josh and Abby broke up.”
“Oh … well that’s interesting. What’s it been, like three years?”
I nodded but didn’t say anything further. I definitely was not a gossip girl.
We didn’t waste time talking about the Christmas break. I’d taken the two and half hour drive to Emma’s place at least twice a week, and she’d come to the shed a couple of times as well. Instead, as we crossed the yard to class, she told me about the new girl in the dorm. Emma was in the middle of a detailed description when something hit me on the shoulder and sent my bag flying. A normal person would’ve been rattled but I’d copped worse. It was really only a tap. I turned to tell the person nicely to watch where they were going, but faltered when I saw who it was. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as I looked at the very person who could be my undoing.
Josh stared at me, his navy and gold school tie hung casually around his neck. His dark brown hair swept across his brow, and the strong chiselled features of his face were even more overwhelming up close. I still couldn’t believe he’d been thinking about me. I felt like a love sick school girl. Oh wait, I was one!
After apologising and picking up my bag, we discussed our first day timetable. I’d forgotten Emma was standing beside me until she cleared her throat. I hadn’t even heard the second bell ring. We hot-footed it to our English class and Mr Martin wasn’t overly impressed with our lateness. Archer had saved seats in the back for Emma and me.
“How come you’re late?” Archer whispered.
“Emma and I ran into Josh in the yard, literally.” I gave him a sheepish smile.
Archer shook his head then looked to the front of the class where Mr Martin had begun the lesson.
Shakespeare, but more importantly, a choice between Macbeth and Romeo and Juliette; I was tingling all over at the thought of it. Mr Martin dropped a copy of Shakespeare’s Complete Works on my desk and I held it in both hands, marvelling at its beauty. So much was written on those pages. Through my lashes I noticed Josh stealing a glance at me and it made my heart skip. I heard him thinking he didn’t like Shakespeare, or rather didn’t understand it.
“We will start with Macbeth,” Mr Martin said as he put the DVD in the player. “This movie is a modern representation and runs for almost two hours. We will watch as much as we can today. You may think this is a nice relaxing start to the new school year, but please pay attention,” he finished as he dimmed the lights.
The credits for the 2007 Australian version of Macbeth danced across the screen. I sighed and made myself comfortable, making sure I had an unobstructed view of Josh. He was resting his chin on his hands and already looking a bit baffled.
I let my mind wander, imagining what it would be like to have Josh hold me, running his hands through my hair and down my back, caressing my soft lips with his. A shiver shot down my spine and I shook in my seat. Of course this could never happen, and I quickly snapped out of my fantasy.
With one eye on Josh and the other on the screen, I rested my chin on my hands as well and went back to watching the movie. I knew it by heart but still loved it, and when I heard Archer stifle a yawn I looked at him disapprovingly.
He mouthed at me, What?
Pay attention. You’re supposed to be able to understand this version!
He rolled his eyes. I don’t care how modernised it is, it’s still Shakespeare.
What was it with boys? Could they not appreciate good literature? I shook my head. Emma was doodling on her note pad and paying no attention either. Great, I’d be doing triple the work for this subject.
When the bell signalled the end of class I picked up my bag and walked with Archer and Emma across the yard. The school hummed around us with a pleasant vibe, and the heat of the summer sun was shining through the clouds. We entered the cafeteria for morning break while having a heated discussion about the movie so far, and I was losing two against one. I must have been naïve to think Emma and Archer would enjoy the contemporary version with guns blazing. It seemed the dialogue was still lost on them.
“The only thing I give it credit for is Sam Worthington and his hair,” Emma said, laughing.
“And the witches,” Archer said. “Hot.”
I groaned and gave up, accepting defeat. Today’s world was just too far removed, so I decided to change the subject.
“Who’s this new girl everyone’s talking about?”
“There’s a new girl?” Archer asked, putting his arm around my shoulders.
“Yeah, I saw her this morning,” Emma said. “Blonde, tall and gorgeous. Just what we need, another good looking sort to put the rest of us to shame.”
Emma was a little touchy about her looks. I couldn’t see the problem, she was pretty. She wore her mouse brown hair in a straight bob and her hazel eyes always had a nice sparkle. I tried not to listen to her thoughts too often, but I knew she was self-conscious about her glasses, and the bit of extra weight she carried. Curves were nice; too many girls were stick thin these days.
I didn’t continue with the new girl questions because I didn’t want to upset Emma. Instead I quickly looked in her head, just for a glimpse of this girl. I could have looked in anyone’s head to find out about her, but I’d been too preoccupied with Josh. What I saw almost stopped me in my tracks, but I pulled myself together just in time as a ripple of shock surged through me. Archer felt it and tightened his arm around my shoulders. The familiar dark eyes and strawberry gold hair, that perfectly pale face, floated into my head. It was the girl Archer and I saw at the property. Now I was really confused.
“You guys better get to class,” I said, ducking out of Archer’s embrace. “I’ve got a free. I’ll see you at lunch.” I quickly grabbed a muffin, picking at it as I walked away. Archer would have more questions now, and I just didn’t have the answers yet.
The students were mostly expected to spend their free time studying, but few of us did. There was a special place I liked to go to think, or just exist, without any interruptions. I strolled across the school grounds to the sandstone outer wall and followed it until it finished in the far corner. No one really went down there much, it was too out of the way, which is exactly what I wanted.
I skirted the edge of the trees, found the path I was looking for and ambled down the narrow worn trail. It opened out to my favourite spot and I dumped my bag, taking a seat on the rock ledge. I gazed out across the valley at the contrast of the blue summer sky against the browns and greens of the landscape. The school sat on a beautiful country hillside on the outskirts of Hopetown Valley, with the coastal town of Macquarie Cove about an hour’s drive to the east.
I twirled a twig between my fingers and recalled the image of the blonde girl. I wasn’t exactly sure how she could be at the school, she was a vampire and the vamps in my world didn’t come out during the day, but I had a theory. Archer was not going to be happy when I told him why we couldn’t kill her. He was so focused on ridding the world of as many vamps as possible.
With my attention back on the beautiful view, I decided to change the course of my thoughts. At the outcrop I didn’t need to have any problems, I could just be. An image of Josh formed in my mind and I sighed, closing my eyes. Imagining his touch on my face, how warm it would be, sent a quiver through my body. But the realisation my desire could never be fulfilled saddened me, and a tear rolled down my cheek. I was marred with the curse of an angel on earth, able to offer unconditional love, but forbidden to receive a deep passionate love in return. My purpose was to protect, not get involved with trivial human experiences. I needed to pull myself together and look at the big picture, continue the fight. But I was sick of fighting. If I had known how much fighting was to come, I would have run.
The sound of a twig snapping sliced through the silence and my e
yes flew open. If I could die, I would have done so on the spot. Josh stood at the mouth of the path. I inhaled sharply, scrambled to my feet and took a step away from him. What was I supposed to do? There was no security of having other students around. I felt exposed and vulnerable. We were completely alone, and I didn’t know if I could control myself, but I guessed there was only one way to find out.
SIX
JOSH
English passed in a blur. I attempted to pay attention to the movie but I didn’t try too hard, it was so boring. The contemporary Melbourne setting didn’t fit with what was coming from the actor’s mouths, and with no solid understanding of Shakespeare, I was lost. There was that, and the fact I couldn’t stop thinking about Grace.
By the time class ended I was out of sorts and very thankful I had a free next period. Back home I loved to go walking in the paddocks to clear my head, and fortunately Hopetown Valley had its very own beautiful landscape. After ditching my backpack I ambled out into the grounds. The walk to the outcrop took less than ten minutes but I walked slowly.
The country side was glorious at this time of year. I loved the heat of summer and the way the sunlight glinted off everything. With my hands in my pockets I found the first path that lead out to the rock face. Lost in my own world I walked the trail until I came to its end. I heard a little gasping sound and looked up to see Grace sitting on the outcrop. She hastily got to her feet, and it looked as if she’d been crying. Despite her eyes being a little red she was absolutely radiant.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “We seem to keep bumping into each other. I didn’t think anyone would be here.” I didn’t want to intrude, so I smiled then turned to leave.
Secretly I wished she would call me back. I wanted to spend some time with her. I walked as slowly as I could without making it obvious I wanted to stay, and waited for her to say something. I’d nearly given up hope when she spoke.
“Wait, Josh,” she said. “You can stay, if you like.”
I made my way back, smiling inwardly. My heart quickened when Grace looked at me. I tried to move my mouth to say something, but no words would come. Instead, I stared, completely and utterly spellbound.
“Do you come here often?” I finally asked, taking a few steps towards her.
“Yeah, I love it here. It’s peaceful.”
“It is a beautiful spot,” I said. I took another step closer, reached out and gently brushed a tear from her cheek. “You’ve been crying?”
“It’s nothing,” she replied, shaking her head and looking down. She fiddled with a delicate silver ring on her right hand. A sapphire as blue as her eyes was surrounded by flowing curves. They looked like wings.
Not knowing why she’d been crying troubled me, I hated to think someone had hurt her, but who was I to demand such information in the first place? Grace didn’t know me well enough to confide in me, and yet I was drawn to her like a magnet. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. For a split second it occurred to me that Abby never made me feel this way, and I felt guilty for the way I’d treated her. No matter how shallow a person is I guess everyone still deserves some respect.
“You know, you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it,” Grace said.
What on earth is she talking about? I thought.
“I saw what happened with Abby this morning,” she said quickly.
“Oh, that. Yeah, I probably should have been nicer.”
“Sometimes we think with our head, not our heart.”
“You’re a little weird, you know that, Grace?” I said, chuckling. “How come we’ve never been friends?”
“Different circles I guess. No reason why we can’t be friends now.”
We stood in silence for what felt like an eternity, and all I wanted to do was reach out and touch her just to make sure she was real.
“You’re so beautiful, you glow,” I said, closing the gap between us. We were as close as we could be without actually touching. I sensed that Grace was a little nervous and it excited me, having that effect on her. At least I knew the feeling was mutual, or I thought it was. The warmth I felt emanating from her was amazing. I could feel little sparks of electricity flying between us. She took my breath away, and all I could think about was her.
“You know, you’re pretty easy on the eyes yourself,” she said.
“Remind me again why we’ve never been friends?”
“Um … Abby, you know your ex-girlfriend.”
“Who?” I asked with a smile.
Grace looked up at me—she was almost an entire head shorter—and for a brief moment I thought I saw apprehension in her expression.
“What is it?” I asked, raising my hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes, pushed her cheek into my palm, and I felt her warmth spread through me.
“I shouldn’t be here, with you,” she said, her eyes still closed. I put my other hand on her back and pulled her close.
“Why? Why not?”
I held her tightly, she put her palms on my chest and I gazed into her eyes. Behind their beautiful sparkle I could see a hint of sadness.
“I can’t explain it to you, Josh. I just can’t.”
I don’t think either of us knew what to say. I bowed my head and pressed my forehead to hers, wishing I knew what she was thinking. What I did next was probably the single, most stupid thing I’d done in a long time. I should have let the moment be, but instead I ruined it. The glorious kiss I imagined in my mind never eventuated. When I leant in to gently brush her lips with mine, she quickly turned away and stepped out of my embrace.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Her hand flew to her mouth. “I can’t.” Tears welled in the corners of her eyes and she blinked them away.
I’m pretty sure my expression displayed exactly how hurt I was, and all I could do was watch her run to the path, taking the broken pieces of my heart with her.
SEVEN
GRACE
Monday Lunch Time
Alone together and with no one around, I could not believe I called Josh back. What was I, crazy? This guy had me trembling with emotion and I knew it wasn’t allowed, so yeah, I called him back. Way to go, Grace, what a good way to dig your own grave.
Josh was like an open book as he walked towards me. I could hear the thoughts bouncing around in his gorgeous head. I had to admit I liked them, but he was wondering why I’d been crying. How was I supposed to explain that? I’m crying because I’m an angel and if I fall in love with you I could be damned forever. Maybe not the answer he’d be expecting.
He held me close, our foreheads touching, and we stood on the rock ledge with the valley spread out before us. I could feel Josh’s warm breath on my face and it felt like a thousand tiny kisses caressing my cheek. I knew what he was about to do before he did it, and I also knew I couldn’t let him. Josh leant down, intending to kiss me, and I turned my head away.
I didn’t want to hurt him—there is no dignity in rejection—but I was overcome with a sickening, falling feeling. I quickly took a step back. I’d never experienced this feeling before, it was filled with dread, but I think I knew why it had overcome me. I was about to break the rules. It was a warning.
My hand flew to my mouth. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I can’t.”
The hurt and confusion in Josh’s eyes tore my heart in two, and I had to muster all my strength to pick up my bag and run towards the path. My shoulder lightly brushed his arm on my way past and I felt the warmth his touch left behind. Tears blurred my vision and I fell, cutting my knee on a rock. I picked myself up and continued on. The wound healed by the time I reached the sandstone wall, only a small trace of blood was left.
I could have orbed myself anywhere, home, the cemetery, China, but running made me feel more alive. When I reached the yard I slowed to a walk and stopped under a big gum tree that stood on the edge of the lawn. No students were out yet as the lunch bell hadn’t rung so I sat under the tree, facing the open grassed grounds, and calmed my
self. The tree was ours. Archer, Emma and I sat under that tree every day. I opened my bag, took out my water and had a sip. With a deep breath I closed my eyes and leant back against the rough trunk, waiting for the others to show up.
Archer was the first to arrive. He gave me a good once over with a concerned look.
“Ok, so spill. What’s up?”
“I’m fine, Arch, really.”
“Then why is there blood on your knee, and why have you been crying?”
Scowling, I licked my finger and wiped the blood away. Was it that obvious I’d been crying? Sometimes I hated being so in tune with my brother. It was hard to hide things.
“It’s nothing, Arch. I just had a bit of an encounter with Josh.”
“Encounter? If you don’t tell me I’ll make you.”
“No, you won’t, I’m way stronger than you.”
“True. But I can always catch you off guard.”
“Then I’ll just push you back out again,” I said.
We stared each other down, but I wasn’t giving in.
“Seriously, Grace, what happened?” he asked.
“I’ll tell when I’m ready.”
“Like what you saw in that vamp girl last night?”
“That’s different…” I trailed off as Emma plopped down beside me. There was a moment of awkward silence as she looked from me to Archer.
“What did I interrupt? Or is it secret family business?” Emma laughed.
Not far off, I thought.
“How was Chemistry?” I asked in a hopeful attempt at changing the subject.
Emma cringed. “It’s only the first day and I already wish I’d chosen something else.”
“Come on, Emma. Chemistry is fun. It’s really cool putting stuff in test tubes and watching it bubble,” Archer said.
Realising I hadn’t been to the cafeteria to get lunch I snatched half of Archer’s sandwich when he wasn’t looking. He went to say something but I threw him my, don’t mess with me I’m hungry, look.
