by Last, K. A.
When I heard Seth’s name, I lost it. I forgot that Ryan was my best friend, and that I actually had the strength to kill him. All I could see in my mind was the face of the one person who was taking everything from me. The anger engulfed me.
“Josh, stop!” a voice cried.
I hesitated, holding Ryan by a fistful of his shirt, and looked at what I’d done. He was barely conscious, his forearms were scratched, his clothes were torn, and one side of his face was covered in blood. My throat cried out in agony, wanting nothing more than to taste it. The smell that wafted to my nose became the only thing I could think about, but before I could bring my mouth to his neck, I was hit by something strong and very, very angry.
For a moment I was airborne as I flew backwards. My shoulder crashed into a tree. The trunk split, sending a loud crack through the forest. Charlotte stood over me, growling and baring her teeth. This was a side of her I’d never seen, and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty. It made me realise how much she’d been holding back.
“If I were you, I’d run,” she said.
I didn’t hesitate in taking her advice.
THIRTY-FIVE
GRACE
Sunday Afternoon
Archer calmed down from his tantrum, and we spent the morning tidying up the aftermath of the party. It looked like everyone had had a blast in our absence, and the mess was, well, messy. We’d decided looking for Angelica could wait a bit longer, let her hang, were Archer’s words, and I was thankful to be doing something normal for once. Cleaning was about as normal as you could get; I wasn’t in the mood for any more fighting, physical or otherwise.
My thoughts kept turning to Josh as I stacked chairs and collected the last of the cans. We hadn’t heard any news, and I was angry at myself for not staying to help him. The truth was it scared me. What if he woke up and he wasn’t Josh anymore? What if he was this terrible, horrible demon instead?
I watched Seth rake the ashes from the fire—we now had a nice big dead patch of grass in the clearing. Archer wasn’t too keen on him sticking around but Seth insisted. I didn’t know what to think, it was all too complicated. Not that Josh’s situation was any less complicated. Boy was I in a pickle.
Movement in the forest caught my attention, and I saw Charlotte burst from the path. She slowed as she neared us, carrying someone in her arms. My stomach dropped away to oblivion. It was Ryan. His body was limp, his head lolling about as Charlotte moved.
“He’s not dead, but we need to get him inside,” she said, without breaking stride. Ryan’s face was bloody. I took a deep breath and followed them to the shed—so much for normal. Archer was at her side throwing angry questions; Seth fell into step with me. What could possibly go wrong next? This totally sucked.
“Yep, I have to agree with you there,” Seth said.
We stopped outside the shed door and I looked into his ebony eyes, trying to see if there was any malice behind his words. This time all I saw was sympathy and regret. He went to touch my face but I stepped back, my eyes still locked with his.
“Not now, this is not about us.”
“Grace…”
With a shake of my head I silenced him then went through the door to face what was on the other side. Charlotte had put Ryan on the couch and was washing his face with a wet cloth. The water in the bucket next to her was a murky red, the coppery smell of his blood lingered in the air.
“How do you stand it?” Archer asked, kneeling beside her.
“You get used to it. After a while it becomes just another smell.”
“Do we know what happened?” I asked.
Charlotte handed the cloth to Archer and got to her feet. “Josh is gone,” she said.
The room was silent apart from Ryan’s laboured breathing. He’d been unconscious but was coming around, attempting to sit up rather unsuccessfully. Archer helped by propping him up with some cushions then went to get him a glass of water.
“What do you mean he’s gone?” I said. “Gone where?”
“When he woke up, he fought me, Grace. He’s mad, and I couldn’t stop him.”
“That doesn’t explain why Ryan pretty much needs a hospital. Did Josh do this? Did he … bite him?”
Charlotte shook her head. “No. Not that I can see. I think I got there in time.”
I knelt beside the couch and took Ryan’s hand. His eyes fluttered open and he managed a small smile. He squeezed my fingers, closing his eyes again.
“It’s ok, I’m here,” I said, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “Can you tell me what happened?”
Seth made himself comfortable at the kitchen table while Charlotte paced in front of the coffee table. Any minute I thought she’d make a hole in the already threadbare rug. Archer perched on the edge of the couch ready to hear the story. While Ryan told his version of events I was lucky enough to have a picture in picture preview in his head, although I didn’t particularly like what I saw.
“He was really mad, Grace. Charlotte told me to run, so I did. I’m such a loser, I hate confrontation.”
“Don’t be silly, you had no choice. It was either run, or die,” I said.
Ryan’s memory of Josh and Charlotte arguing scared me, and I didn’t recognise the fierce person who’d replaced him.
“We fought more after I told Ryan to run. He’s strong, and his anger is making him stronger,” Charlotte said.
“He tracked me down in the forest. I’ve never seen him so…” Ryan trailed off.
I didn’t need to be told the rest, I saw it all—the confrontation, the aggressive words, and then nothing. Ryan said Josh wanted to bite him, and I could see how tortured Josh was. He’d settled for beating up his best friend instead.
“The next thing I remember is waking up here,” Ryan said.
“Looks like he’s out for my blood,” Seth said from the kitchen. He’d been so silent; having him close was something I still wasn’t used to.
“Seems that way,” I mumbled. “Archer, don’t,” I said, getting to my feet. I gave him my best dagger eyes before he could put his two bobs worth in. He snapped his mouth shut as quickly as he’d opened it.
“As much as I would love the opportunity to kick Josh’s butt,” Seth said, “shouldn’t we be more concerned about Angelica? For one, she’s still after Charlotte, and for two, she’ll be after Josh as well now.”
“Let her have him.”
“Archer!”
“What, Grace, look what he’s done,” Archer cried, pointing to Ryan’s face.
“He isn’t himself right now,” I said.
“You can say that again.”
“Archer, this isn’t really Josh’s fault,” Seth said.
The more Seth opened his mouth the more I liked what he said. He was thinking straighter than all of us combined, and I couldn’t help smiling at him.
“No, It’s mine,” Charlotte said quietly.
“Ok, everyone stop! We are not discussing this right now. Seth and I will search for Angelica,” I said. “You guys stay with Ryan.”
“Who died and made you boss?” Archer protested.
“Hello! Me—fallen angel, you—human.”
Archer folded his arms over his chest. “Just use that against me, why don’t you.”
I ignored him and turned to Charlotte. “Will your blood help heal Ryan’s injuries?”
“Yeah, I’ll do what I can.”
“I’ll be fine, Grace,” Ryan said. “He just knocked me out, that’s all.”
Yeah, and messed your face up a bit, I thought.
Under the watchful glaring eye of my brother, Seth and I crossed the clearing. We had no clue where to look for Angelica, and if she didn’t want to be found, then we didn’t have much of a chance. Because we were technically on the bad side, it made it that much easier for Angelica, and that much harder for us.
“Maybe she’s gone back,” he suggested. “I know I would if my friend ended up like Annie.”
My hand moved to my pocket and An
nie’s ring. It felt odd having someone’s soul at my fingertips, knowing I could send them to oblivion so easily. But I didn’t want to kill Annie or Angelica. I just wanted them off our backs and to see that ending Charlotte’s existence wasn’t the right thing to do.
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “But if I know Angelica like I think I do, she isn’t one to give up. She’s stubborn.”
Seth chuckled. “Sounds like someone else I know.”
I followed him into the forest.
THIRTY-SIX
GRACE
Monday Morning
When I lifted my head, my first thought was that I had a horrible taste in my mouth. The second; I wasn’t in my own bed. I ran my tongue along my teeth, wishing for toothpaste and a toothbrush.
How was I going to face the day? Emma’s funeral was only hours away. The past few days I’d been occupied enough not to think about it, but seeing her parents would be hard, and not having Josh there would be harder. I didn’t know if he’d show up, and after what he did to Ryan, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted him to.
Sadness weighed me down, and I remembered it was my birthday. Turning eighteen should have been a happy occasion, but I felt far from happy. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, propped myself on my elbow and looked around the room, accounting for everyone. Archer was curled into a ball at my feet, Seth lay on the floor in front of me, and Charlotte sat at the kitchen table. Ryan was stretched out under a blanket on the other couch. He looked much better thanks to Charlotte’s blood healing most of his wounds. As for the damage done between him and Josh, I wondered if that would ever heal.
Seth and I had searched the forest for hours the night before. I knew Josh was out there, I’d felt him, and heard him. The anger radiating from him had been toxic, seeping into me like water into a sponge. How could I have thought he would be the same after the change? Every time I thought we were close, he slipped away. He was playing games. I was tired of playing games. I knew the change had nothing to do with his rage, it was my fault.
The room was bathed in a dim predawn light and I took a moment to take everyone in. So much had happened since the first day back at school, was it really just a week ago? I’d fallen in love, betrayed my home, lost my best friend, hurt Josh, and fallen in love again. Oh no, was I in love with Seth? He lay so peacefully on the floor and I had to resist the urge to touch him. Instead of stabbing a sharp pain through my heart, this time remembering how things were before he fell brought a smile to my face. Maybe things were supposed to happen this way, to bring us together again. Maybe fate had intervened for a reason. Maybe Josh wasn’t the one I was supposed to be with.
“Hey,” Seth said, and I looked down into his sun kissed face. “Happy birthday.”
“You remembered.”
“Of course, there’s plenty of room up here,” he tapped his temple, “for useless information.” He paused, playing with a loose thread in the carpet. “I’ll understand if you don’t want me to come today.”
“No, it’s ok. I think I need all the support I can get.”
There was a moment of comfortable silence between us before Seth sat up and crossed his legs so his knees touched the front of the couch. Our faces were level, and he leant in slightly. I waited to see what he would do. He was close enough that I could feel his warm breath on my cheek, and I knew I didn’t want him to pull away, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss him either. Now would be a very good time for toothpaste.
You don’t have to, if you don’t want, he whispered in my head.
I don’t know what I want.
He slipped my free hand into his and turned it over, tracing my palm with his finger. Seth’s touch was gentle and warm.
Are you trying to seduce me? I asked.
Is it working?
A huge smile spread over his face, and before I had time to react he closed the small gap between us. Never in my existence had I felt something as soft, and tender and gentle as that kiss. It surprised me; it was so different to the way Josh kissed me. It was like we fitted perfectly together and the moment his lips touched mine, it felt right. I found myself wanting more. Eagerly, I slid my hand behind his neck and pulled him closer, twisting my fingers into his short, blond hair. My mind went blank, and all I knew was his touch. Too soon Seth pulled away and our lips parted. With our foreheads touching I gasped for breath, my heart racing. He gently raised my chin then held out his hand and caught my tear in his palm. I hadn’t even noticed I’d been crying, and we both watched as it turned into a diamond. The tears began to flow faster as I remembered catching Seth’s tear so long ago.
“I have one of those, too,” I said, smiling.
“You kept it? You know it’s said if you catch an angel’s tear and it turns into a diamond, the one shedding the tear is your true love.”
I turned that over in my mind. “You love me?”
“I have always loved you, Grace.”
“So, this is how angels kiss then? I never knew…”
“…how good it was?” he asked.
Exactly. I felt my smile widen.
You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this moment, Grace. How long I’ve waited for you.
I closed my eyes, laid my head on his shoulder, and felt like I was home. I hated myself for feeling that way, for betraying Josh, but I couldn’t deny it. You can’t choose love, it chooses you.
Seth’s lips brushed my ear and he whispered, “We have an audience.”
When I lifted my head, I faced my brother’s ice cold stare. His hazel eyes darkened as he frowned, looking less than impressed.
“How much did you see, Arch?” I dropped my eyes.
“More than I would’ve liked. Doesn’t he have somewhere else to stay?”
“I have a place in town, but it’s not as nice as this.” Seth flashed Archer a grin.
“Whatever.” Archer folded his arms over his chest.
Ryan sat up at the sound of Archer’s voice and rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?”
The silence hung between us all. Charlotte came to sit beside Archer. Her expression was neutral, and I was grateful she wasn’t taking sides.
“To judge others is to judge yourself,” she said.
“I can’t believe the Council want you gone.” I shook my head as I sat up. “The world needs more people like you, Charlotte.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” she whispered.
Archer scowled and stood up, heading outside. Seth followed and I didn’t stop him. Let them sort out their differences, I thought. I was tired of being mediator.
Happy birthday, big brother, I said in Archer’s head. He didn’t reply.
“He’ll come good, Grace,” Ryan said.
“I bet you wish you’d never found out about us and our freaky, supernatural world.”
Ryan sat studying his hands, and I thought he would never answer. Charlotte seemed to be hanging on the edge of her seat, waiting for a response as well.
“I don’t know. Emma is gone. My best friend is … different. I’m having a pretty tough time dealing right now, but I guess you can’t change the past. Would I be better off not knowing? I don’t think it would make a difference, she would still be dead, and Josh would still be gone.”
Ryan was right. Suddenly I felt very guilty for bringing him into this mess. Losing two people in one week was a lot to take, I was living it as well, but at least my coping mechanisms were a little more advanced.
After breakfast, we took turns in the shower and got ready. At least our grey school uniforms were depressing enough for a funeral. Archer and Seth were both keeping their morning conversation locked away in their heads, which was probably a good thing, and all focus was on Emma and getting through the service in a relatively sane fashion.
It felt weird pulling into the school parking lot, two days away felt like two years. Everyone milling around the main yard looked like strangers. They had their funeral faces on, and it made me mad knowing some of them would shed tears
for someone they didn’t even know, or like.
By the sound of the first bell the entire school, along with teachers, parents and family, was crammed into the cathedral. Mr and Mrs Shrove sat in front with Emma’s older brothers and their wives. I didn’t know them well as they all lived interstate and I could count on one hand the number of times we’d met. As Emma’s close friends, Charlotte, Archer, Ryan and I had the privilege of the second pew. Seth was somewhere with all the others who had to stand. It really was quite a turn out. I would have been happier in the back so I could see everyone, but I guess I had to settle for listening only. But after a few minutes it was driving me crazy and I shut everyone out. There were so many judgemental and bitchy thoughts; I just didn’t want to know. Josh wasn’t around either, I couldn’t sense or hear him. This made me sadder than I thought it would. Despite what he’d done, I still needed him. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to him properly since his rage of jealously started, and I kicked myself again for getting into this mess. I knew I’d have to make a choice, but how do you split your heart in two?
Father Michael’s service was short but nice, and Mr Shrove held it together for the eulogy. Before I knew it, Ryan, Archer, Mr Shrove and Emma’s brothers were getting up for the procession, all acting as pallbearers. Everyone filed out the big doors behind them and into the sunshine. Only family and close friends were invited to the grave side part of the ceremony, and I knew it was time to get up, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to say goodbye. If I stayed right where I was, maybe I wouldn’t have to. I’d managed to keep my cheeks dry, but I knew watching Emma being lowered into the ground would open the flood gates. Thinking of her, trying to remember her smile, her laugh, my eyes began to sting. I took a deep breath.
“We’ll see you in a bit,” Mrs Shrove said, patting my arm on her way past.
