Jay's phone rang and he excused himself to answer it.
How was I supposed to fix this? No relationship built on a lie would last, especially one this big.
"Hey, I'm so sorry about that, the office is frantic over this deal we have going on," he explained.
"Oh no, do you need to go?" I asked.
"No. No. I don't want to keep running out on you. I asked you out, and I'm going to keep my word, even if it gives my staff a heart attack. But I guess you can always give them CPR, since you're a doctor, huh?" he asked, nudging me with his elbow.
Wow, he had to go there. It's like he knows and is just waiting for me to tell the truth.
I smiled awkwardly and took another bite of the hot dog to keep from having to lie anymore. "Mmmmmm!"
Before I knew it, we had walked to the park, where all the nannies were out for their midday strolls. There were kids running back and forth, some crying, and some fighting, but they all looked sweet to me. Seeing as my biological clock had been ringing since I was about twenty-four, I thought they were adorable.
All I remember was waking up one day thinking that I had to have a baby, and like an animal in heat, I eyed any man that crossed my path, automatically sizing them up:
Straight – check.
No ring – check.
Hair – check.
Matching socks – check.
Wants kids – there is not enough information, please check back later.
I had come to the conclusion that every eligible bachelor either had kids, didn't want kids or my favorite reason—didn't want kids with me. So in the interest of saving time, I decided to take the risk and ask if he wanted kids…ever.
I knew there were timetables and restrictions as to when certain questions could be asked, but I happened to be on an extra timetable. My relationship with Ben was hanging on by a thread, and I needed to make a decision, fast.
"Do you want kids someday?" I asked, leaping in feet first.
"Wow, that's a big question!" he exclaimed.
Why is he telling me something that I already know?
"It is. What's your answer?"
He stopped walking. "No, I don't. I don't have time for them, but I guess if I met the right person, then maybe I would change my mind. My life is just not kid friendly right now."
"I see."
"And even if we got together and decided to have a kid, would you give up being a doctor? Because I certainly would never quit my job, and I don't think I particularly believe in nannies."
There is that doctor lie again, rearing its ugly head. There is no way around this unless I just tell him the truth.
"By the way, why aren't you at work? I thought doctor's work for days straight?" he asked.
"Ummm, yeah. I actually work in a little while."
"Well, let me take you somewhere. I promise it'll be fast."
"Okay," I replied as he grabbed my wrist, whisking me to the limo.
"Where did he come from?"
"He has been following us. Never know when I'll need a quick getaway."
"Are you a bank robber?" I chuckled.
"That probably would be more exciting than my job, now that I think about it."
"Mine, too."
"I'm sure being a doctor is exciting."
I shook my head.
A few minutes after jumping into the limo, we pulled up to a skating rink that I used to love to frequent as a little girl. Just the sight of the building alone brought back so many good memories. We grabbed some hot cocoa, and sat in the bleachers, people watching. Although Jay was mostly cell phone watching.
"I love this," I said, watching the families skating, and spending time together.
"Yeah, me too," he said, still staring at his phone.
"But it looks like you're not enjoying yourself. If you need to leave, we can go…it's no problem…really!"
"No, what little time I do have I'd like to spend it with you," he said, putting his phone back into his pocket.
"Only if you're sure."
"I love the fact that you're beautiful, accomplished, and that we complement each other."
"So that's the only reason you like me?" I asked, taking a sip of cocoa as I watched the crowd.
"What do you mean?"
"Because I'm a doctor and we complement each other?"
"No, of course not, but it doesn't hurt to have a doctor at the side of a CEO. We could be a power couple. My partners tend to hire men that are married to women like yourself; accomplished and beautiful."
"Yes, you've said that a couple times. I'm not a prize to be won you know. What if I wasn't a doctor?" I asked.
"But you are a doctor! So why even entertain that line of thinking?" he asked, pulling his phone from his pocket for the umpteenth time.
"Would you still date me if I was—say—a file clerk or a waitress?" I asked a little irritated.
"Why would you even ask that? Why would you want to be a waitress or a file clerk?"
I shook my head. "You don't get it."
"You're a doctor, so there's no reason to be having this conversation. I don't want to fight with you during the little time I have to offer you today," he said with irritation in his tone.
Offer me?
At that moment I felt like I did in high school, insecure, and not good enough for him. All the negative feelings that I tried so hard to forget came flooding back, and the fat girl I tried to melt away in the sauna, sweltering in a plastic running suit, sat down right next to me and screamed in my ear, "I'm back!"
I began to play with the ends of my hair, a nervous tick that I had in high school whenever I was feeling anxious. Ben never made me feel like that. He always accepted me for who I was, and he always seemed to know my full potential even if I didn't know it yet.
I looked at Jay, disappointed at the direction the conversation had taken, and as I opened my mouth to say something else, he put his finger up to my lips to cut me off. His phone had begun to ring, and he wanted to answer it.
"Hello—okay—yes," he said over the phone.
"Your office?"
"Yes. I'm so sorry; my staff is getting ready to burn it down if I don't head back right now."
"No problem," I said, relieved that we wouldn't have to continue the awkward conversation.
"Did you need a ride? It's no trouble at all," he asked.
"Oh no. Thank you for the offer. I'll walk."
"Okay, but only if you're sure?" he asked, already halfway out of the bleacher section.
"Yeah, I need to walk off the hot dog anyway," I said with a smile, motioning him to leave.
His phone rang again as he ran up the stairs. I shook my head, watching him leave. He wasn't all I had imagined him to be, but that wasn't his fault. How could I ask anyone to live up to my fantasy, when I couldn't even live up to my own.
TICKETS
BEN
I moved around the empty apartment, reminiscing about all the good times. To think I was so scared to make the first move, fearing I might lose her, when in reality—I never had her in the first place.
I knew what I had to do, but I didn't want to admit it to myself, let alone her. There was a jiggling at the door that caught my attention.
The door creaked open. "Hi," I said.
"Hi," Necie replied softly.
"I was just leaving."
"No. I'll be in my room. I'll leave you alone," she said, heading to her room.
NECIE
Quickly, I grabbed onto my door knob, when the doorbell rang.
Oh my goodness. Please don't be Jay.
I tried to get to the door first, but Ben beat me to it.
He opened the door to find a messenger standing on the other side with a manila envelope and a clipboard, which he handed to Ben, and said, "Please sign for this."
Ben signed, took the envelope, and read the writing on the front. "It's for you," he said handing me the envelope.
Slowly, I pulled the flap open and pulled out a pla
ne ticket. The note that came with the ticket read:
Please say yes. Love, Jay
I quickly stuck the note back into the envelope, hoping that he hadn't seen it.
"What is that?" he asked.
"Nothing," I whispered.
"That's fine—it's none of my business. You are none of my business anymore," he said, scooping up his duffel bag.
"But—"
"Oh, and I'm moving out," he said sternly, grazing past me, headed to his room.
My jaw dropped at the news. Monster snuggled up to my legs, purring as I stood there paralyzed.
How could I be so naïve?
I wanted to run to Ben's door and beg for his forgiveness…for another chance. But before I could, my phone rang.
Slowly, and still looking at Ben's door, I pulled it from my purse. "Hello?"
"Hey beautiful, I have an hour before my next meeting, can I stop by to pick you up?"
"You don't have to. I know what a busy schedule you have," I whispered, hoping Ben wouldn't hear.
"No. I want to."
Anxiety filled me, wondering if I should go or stay and try to hash things out with Ben, who apparently wanted nothing to do with me.
"Yeah, I'll be outside in a few minutes," I said, deciding that I was going to tell him it wasn't going to work out, and that I wasn't going to Paris.
I picked up the ticket and my purse, and hurried downstairs.
As I waited for Jay's limo to show up, I looked up at Ben's bedroom window, wishing I knew what to say to get him to stay. A tear rolled down my cheek, which I wiped away before Jay showed up.
A few moments later, the limo pulled up to the curb and Jay popped out of the back before his driver could even put the car in park.
"Hi," he said, leaning over to kiss me on the cheek.
"What did you wanna do?" I asked, smiling, trying to hide my hurt.
"Let's go take a walk in the park. I haven't been there since high school, and since I'm leaving tomorrow, I wanted to stop by and see the old place," he said, grasping onto my wrist, leading me into the limo.
The drive over to the park was short and palpable. At least for me, it was. I spent the entire ride over wondering what I would say. The driver dropped us off at the curb, and after getting out, Jay put his arm around me, which felt surprisingly uncomfortable. This was the man I had always wanted, and his touch alone made me feel like I was cheating on Ben.
"Did you get the ticket I sent you?" he asked.
"Yes I did, thank you."
"Well?"
"Umm, I'm still trying to figure out if I wanna go," I said as looked out at the grassy hills.
"You don't know? What's holding you back?"
I didn't reply.
"It's Paris. Who wouldn't want an all-expense paid trip to the most romantic city in the world?"
I stopped walking and turned to him. "I don't think it's the place; I think it's the person," I said, looking at the ground.
"I don't understand. I thought we had something going on? Is there someone else?"
"Well—there wasn't—but now there is."
"Since yesterday?" he asked, understandably confused.
"It's my roommate, Ben."
"The rheumatologist?"
"No, he's just my roommate, and I need to come clean. He's the doctor, and I'm just a file clerk," I said, awaiting his reaction.
"So you lied to me?" he asked, looking away from me toward the street.
"Yes, but—"
"Is that why you asked about being a waitress?" he asked, interrupting me mid-sentence.
I nodded.
"I thought we had something special. Why would you think that you needed to lie to me?" he asked, still looking toward the street.
"When you mentioned that the help was easily paid to do anything you wanted, I didn't wanna tell you that I was a file clerk, so I lied and said the first thing that came to my mind… a doctor."
He shook his head.
I continued trying to explain my actions. "I had this grand idea of you in my head ever since high school—that you were this perfect man, and no one would ever come close to you. It has blinded me from what I already had in my life. Someone who loved me unconditionally; someone who I just realized I loved, too. I just never knew it."
He put his hands in pockets and shifted his gaze back over to me. "Do you know how hard it is for me to open up to somebody? Like really open up? Let alone letting someone close enough to develop real feelings?"
"I'm so sorry for lying to you, but I was ashamed, and I didn't think you would accept me as is," I said, shifting my gaze toward my feet in shame.
"When we danced at the reunion, I didn't know if you were a doctor or a janitor, I was attracted to you. And yes, maybe telling me that you were a doctor enticed me a little, but that's just like how women are attracted to successful men. There's nothing wrong with being a file clerk, and I'm sorry if I made you feel like there was, but you shouldn't have lied to me. Lying is the one thing I have a hard time getting past. I guess we'll never know if we could've worked out," he said, visibly upset.
"I understand," I said, pulling the ticket out of my purse, handing it back to him.
"No you keep it, consider it a gift," he said, pushing the ticket back toward me.
He wiped away a tear rolling down my cheek. "You know, I looked you up in the yearbook, and I finally remember who you are."
"You do?" I whispered, looking down at my feet again, the insecurities rolling in like a tidal wave.
"You're not that girl anymore. You need to leave her behind. You're so beautiful, and whoever this Ben is, he's one lucky guy."
"He won't even give me the time of day now. He's been around all these years, and when I finally realize that I love him—what do they say—a day late and a dollar short?" I asked in a low voice, wiping another tear away.
He chuckled, and said, "You know men and women aren't that different. We all have feelings, and those feelings get hurt. I'm sure he'll come around. I know I would."
I looked up at his beautiful smile, and couldn't help but smile myself.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the time. "I'm late! I have to go, are you going to be okay?" he asked, taking a step toward his car.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine," I said, patting him on the chest.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me in for a tight hug. "I'm going to miss you, Ms. Anderson. It was so good to see you, and who knows, maybe we can give it another go at our twenty-year reunion—if the rheumatologist doesn't work out, that is," he said as he kissed the back of my hand.
"I'm gonna hold you to that."
He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.
"Now go, before your staff has a heart attack."
"Yeah, especially now that I know you can't give them CPR." He chuckled.
"Funny!" I said sarcastically.
I watched as he jogged back to the limo, pulling the ringing phone out of his pocket. After he jumped into the backseat, we made eye contact one last time as he pulled off. I waved, watching him disappear around the corner. And with that, I finally had closure to that chapter in my life.
ANOTHER WOMAN
BEN
"Is everything okay Dr. Johnson? I saw you walk in upset today and—" Jada, my nurse, asked before I interrupted.
"Yes, of course, everything is okay. Just roommate issues."
"No offense, but why do you still have a roommate?"
"I won't for much longer; I'm moving out. It's time to get my life going," I said, clearing my throat.
"Speaking of life," she replied as I stared at my computer screen, trying to hide my watering eyes.
"Yeah?"
"I've meant to ask you if you weren't busy or anything—I was wondering if you'd like to grab some dinner?"
"Yeah sure, we can go grab food after work."
"No. I mean a real dinner, with real plates and silverware. You know, with real clothes that don't require drawstrings,"
she said, tugging at her scrub pants.
"Oh," I replied, caught off guard by her offer.
Apparently, I was oblivious to other women's flirtatious advances, having been blinded by my love for Necie. I hadn't flirted with a woman in so long; I probably wouldn't have seen a naked woman lying in my bed holding up a welcome sign.
"I mean if you're seeing someone…" she said, holding up her hands, backing up toward the door.
"No, no. I'm not seeing anyone. No one at all."
She stopped mid-step.
"Let's meet tonight at this great little Indian restaurant I know of. It's on Furman Avenue."
"Okay, great. Say eight?"
"Yeah, eight sounds good," I replied, walking around the desk toward her.
"Well okay then, it's a date," she said with a smile, turning to reach for the door.
"Here, let me get that for you," I said, putting my hand on the small of her back, grazing against her to open the door.
"Such a gentleman, thank you," she whispered next to my ear.
I hadn't been this close to another woman for so long, and I must admit, I liked the attention. She walked out backward, giving me a little wave before she turned to proceed down the hall.
I closed the door and exhaled, walking back to my desk. "A date. Wow! A date," I said to myself.
This probably wasn't the most opportune time to be testing out the waters, but I didn't owe Necie anything. I had already given her too much of me, and I'd be damned if I was going to give her anymore.
I gathered my things off my desk, picked up my duffel bag and headed out of the hospital to get ready.
Twenty minutes later, I found myself slowly walking into the apartment, my eyes darting around the room to see if Necie was home. Realizing she was probably still out from earlier, I rushed into my room. I knew if I saw her, I would lose my nerve to go out with Jada. Even though I knew we weren't together, I still felt a little guilty for bringing another woman to our restaurant. Quickly showering, I threw on a pair of jeans and my go to white V-neck tee shirt and flew out of the apartment and down the stairs just in time to meet Jada at the curb.
The Want Ad: A Sweet Romance Page 6
