“Sorry. I can’t make it. Listen, don’t be upset with me. I can’t leave this office. I have so much work. I really want to be there with you, but my work is my priority.”
Instead of giving him the artificial “Okay. I understand”—that was what I usually said—I just gave a defeated, “You never can make it, can you, Todd?”
“Why are you being sarcastic, Dana? What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know. You promised me. I told you about this party how many weeks ago? And you said, ‘I promise I’ll be there.’ ”
“Yes, I said I would be there. However, I can’t always predict what’s going to happen. Things change on a daily basis at this company. . . . Once again, I’m sorry, Dana. I have to go. I didn’t eat, and I’m very frustrated. I’ll be at the office for a while. Feel free to stop by.”
“Okay,” I said as I twisted my mouth and tried to control my anger and not let tears escape my eyes. He wasn’t able to be with me, but at least I could be with him later. I felt a little better, even though I was at another event alone. I walked to the restroom to make sure my eye makeup hadn’t smudged. Leah and Reshma were exiting the ladies’ room.
“We were looking for you. Are you okay? So is he coming?” Reshma asked.
“No, he is working.”
“Well, one thing is for sure, when you get married, you will be provided for,” Leah joked as they walked me into the restroom. I began to fix my clothes and reapply my eyeliner and blush. I tried to remain calm, but I was so upset.
Leah looked at me in the mirror above the sink and said, “Dana, I can’t understand why you put yourself through this. You are a beautiful girl. You can find someone else.
“You deserve a real boyfriend.” Reshma giggled, breaking the serious tone.
“You guys are full of jokes tonight.”
“No, really, you need to be dating, having fun. You need a guy that doesn’t stand you up all the time,” said Leah. “You’re beautiful, you have a great personality, and you’re successful. I’m sure lots of guys would love to date you.”
“If it was only that simple,” I snapped back at them. “Listen, ladies, there aren’t that many black men like Todd.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Reshma asked.
“It means it is different for us,” I replied.
“What do you mean, us?” said Leah.
“Us means black women. We don’t have as many options as you guys. There aren’t thousands of black architects running around Philadelphia.”
“I don’t believe that. That’s just a myth. It’s all the same. There are as many jerks who are white men, Asian, and Indian men as there are those who are black,” Leah responded.
“Nope, not the case. There are plenty of white men for you to marry and lots of Indian men for Reshma. I have to work with what I have. Todd is a great catch, and I’m not letting him get away.”
“Great catch or not, he doesn’t treat you well. Seriously, I don’t like seeing my friend upset,” Reshma said.
“I have to say one thing. You won’t find anyone as long as you won’t let go of an old relationship,” Leah retorted.
Reshma nodded her head in agreement and said, “Remember that crazy Indian guy I dated before I met Zyeed? After him I didn’t think there was any hope that I was going to ever meet anyone—and now I’m getting married in two weeks. As a matter of fact, there will be a lot of single guys at my wedding.”
“And I could introduce you to one of Stephen’s friends if you like,” Leah added.
“I don’t want to be hooked up with anyone. I’m happy with what and who I have. And besides, I want a black man.”
“You’re telling us you’d rather have a so-so good black man over a nice guy of another race?” Reshama asked perplexed.
“Yeah. I mean no. I just want a good man, but I would prefer if he is black. Besides, I have one, and we are not having this discussion anymore.”
“If you say so.” Leah looked at me like I wasn’t making sense. I wasn’t . . . but I was. I knew what I wanted.
I left the party and stopped at Todd’s favorite restaurant, Laverne’s, to pick him up dinner. He always got the classic turkey-spinach burger, sweet potato fries, and a strawberry milk shake. He’s going to be so pleased that I brought him dinner, I thought.
Todd worked on the twenty-second floor of a tall office building at Twentieth and Market Streets. The building was lively during the day, but at 10:00 p.m. it was eerie and empty. I said hello to the security man, signed myself in, and rode the elevator up to his floor. I walked down the hall and could see Todd steadily working. I tapped on the glass door, and Todd came and opened it. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and said I looked beautiful. I was glad that he noticed.
“You said you hadn’t eaten, so I stopped and got your favorite.”
“Wow, and I’m starving. Thank you, sweetheart.” He took the food out of the white paper bag and took big bites out of the sandwich and stuffed the fries in his mouth. As he ate, I admired the blueprints lying out on his desk and the color model on his computer. I was always so amazed at the intricate drawings that eventually became buildings.
“What project is this?”
“The new athletic center for Temple University. The deadline is next Friday, and we are so behind. I’m going to be working nonstop on this. There is so much that has to be done.”
“Oh, this is what kept you from being with me tonight,” I said as I poked out my lips.
“Yeah, this is it.”
“I really wish you could have been with me tonight. I get so tired of going places alone. My friends at work think I’m lying when I say I have a date. They think I’m making you up.”
“I don’t know why. We’ve all met before. They know that’s not true.”
“Yeah, they were just being extra silly tonight, I guess. So, how much longer are you staying here tonight?”
“Actually, I’m trying to get out of here now. I have to be back in here by seven, and what I have left, I can do from home. Do you want to meet me there? I’ll be home in, like, half an hour.”
“Okay.”
At Todd’s loft, he continued to work and I didn’t distract him. I took off my dress and cute shoes and showered. Once I was out of the shower, I put on one of his T-shirts, and I watched television in his bed, making myself comfortable. Todd was right in the other room, but I wanted him closer. I could smell his scent on his sheets. However, I knew not to bother him or force myself on him while he was in work mode. When he was ready to come to bed, he would join me and I could show him how much I missed him.
Around 2:45 a.m. I got the nudge I was waiting for. I was barely awake when he began lifting my T-shirt over my head. The room was dark. I couldn’t see Todd, but I could feel his hands all over my breasts. Once his hands touched me, everything was right in the world. I forgave him for standing me up, making me angry and embarrassing me in front of my friends again. I was so caught up in the moment that nothing else mattered.
“You ready for me, baby?” he murmured in my ear.
“Yes,” I responded sleepily as I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, sliding my body down on him, until he was all the way in. My pulse sped up the moment our bodies connected. My clitoris was pressed hard up against the base of him. I could feel hot sensations coursing through me. I was just enjoying the way he gripped my waistline and controlled my body, moving my hips as fast as he needed to.
“Todd!” I moaned as he panted on top of me. Our bodies were sweaty. The sex was so good, and I was just enjoying it so much that I couldn’t help whispering, “Baby, I love you and don’t want to be without you anymore.” I waited for him to respond and say he loved me, too, and he needed me, as well, but he didn’t speak. More strokes brought out more emotions. I couldn’t control how I felt or what I was saying. “I love you so much, Todd. I miss you when we’re not together. Baby, we really need to figure out what we are going to be.”
; Todd still remained quiet and placed his finger over my lips and kept pushing his firm body in and out of mine. I didn’t like that he was ignoring me. I couldn’t let it go any further without him giving me an idea of what we were doing. He had to explain why we just couldn’t go back to being a couple.
I pushed him off of me mid-stroke, sat up, folded my arms, and asked, “Todd, when are we going to be together again?”
“Let’s not talk about this right now please, baby.” He pushed me back down and squirmed back in me and began our beautiful experience again.
I was becoming a little frustrated. I felt like crying, but tears only made Todd upset. So I kept them in check and momentarily forgot all my troubles by focusing on the pleasure on the horizon. Within minutes I exploded. My body shook so hard, I thought I was having a damn seizure. All the shaking I was doing must have excited him, because a few seconds later he collapsed on top of me. We were both satisfied so it was the perfect time to ask him the status of us again.
“Todd, what are we doing?”
“I don’t know.”
“You do know. What is this? Where are we going?”
“Uh, Dana, can we talk about this later?”
I said okay, but the minute he was in the shower, my brain started spinning again. I began to get angry and I decided I didn’t want to spend the night. If he couldn’t define us then I didn’t want to be bothered with him anymore. I huffed loudly as I threw my dress over my head and slipped on my heels. Todd walked back in the bedroom in his open navy robe, brushing his teeth.
“Where are you going?” he asked with a mouth full of toothpaste.
“Home.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t keep getting hurt by you. I asked you a simple question, and you can’t answer it.”
He stepped back in the bathroom and spat out the toothpaste and said, “That doesn’t mean you have to leave.”
I didn’t hesitate. I finished getting dressed and walked out the door.
“Dana, hold up,” Todd called. “Wait. Let me throw on some shorts and walk you to your car.”
The cool summer air was refreshing and woke me as I climbed in my white Honda Accord coupe. Todd made it to my car door just as I started the engine. I rolled down the window and waited for him to speak.
“Yes?” I said, staring straight ahead.
“What’s wrong with you? Why do you always get like this? I told you I don’t want a relationship, not with you or anyone else, right now. You know what we are.”
“No, I don’t know. That’s why I’m leaving.”
“Dana, you’re being extra . . . Just call me when you get in.”
I wasn’t thinking about Todd right now; he frustrated the hell out of me. I pulled out of the parking space and dialed Tiffany, my friend since college. We had been roommates at Maryland Eastern Shore. In college we shared books, food, clothes, and gained a lifelong friendship. If her mother sent something for her, it was for us, and vice versa. I missed college, the good old days, when I didn’t have a lot of responsibility and every day was a party. Nowadays Tiffany was sometimes up in the middle of the night, doing lessons plans, preparing to deal with the twenty-one kindergarteners in her class, and we would talk. I took a chance and called her.
“What’s wrong? Why are you calling this late?”
“Todd is the problem. I’m just leaving his house. He stood me up again, and then I asked him where our relationship was going and he acted like he couldn’t speak.”
“Dana, he always does this to you. I don’t like Todd for you anymore. He had all this time to get himself together and still hasn’t. When are you going to realize it is never going to be the same?”
“I know. I was just hoping that maybe one day it would. That’s what’s kept me around. I hoped that one day he would change. He is everything I want in a man and husband. And I’m not in a rush to leave him, because what else is really out there, anyway?”
“You have a point, I guess. But is a little of something better than nothing?”
“I don’t know.”
“You should think about it. Good night.”
I drove back to my apartment and went inside. Now that I was in my apartment, lying in my cream silky sheets alone I regretted leaving Todd’s. I should have just continued my fantasy with Todd until morning. But no, I shouldn’t have—because he was not giving me what I wanted. What I wanted was for a man to treat me like royalty. Like the love of his life. Like I’m the only thing that matters. Like how my daddy treated my mom. I wanted a good man who took care of his family, like my father.
My dad, James Turner, worked long hours at the Tastykake factory to provide for my mother, me, and my two sisters. Tastykake was a well known Philadelphia baking company. My dad would bring us home treats all the time, including Butterscotch Krimpets and lemon pies. Every time he got his paycheck, he would take all his girls out. And on our birthdays he would give us a hundred dollars and let us pick out whatever we wanted at Toys R Us. My dad was the closest thing to superman. He could do no wrong, and even now he still treated my mom like a queen and me and my sisters like princesses. I guess they didn’t make them like him anymore.
It was morning, and I didn’t have time to think about last night with Todd. I had to concentrate on my presentation at work. I was in my office’s huge conference room. It had three large windows and a twenty-foot-long, shiny maple boardroom table that could seat ten on each side. I pulled down the projector and made sure everything was set up for my 10:00 a.m. meeting.
Reshma and I had thirty minutes left to prepare for our PowerPoint presentation. We were scrambling to get our notes together for our initial meeting with Cell Now. Cell Now was doing really well in the southwestern part of the country, and the company wanted to expand its services in the region stretching from Philadelphia to Atlanta. We planned to do a viral campaign through social media and have lunchtime contests and giveaways at local colleges. The service was good, but the phones were kind of cheap. Still, they were highly marketable to the eighteen-to-twenty-five demographic.
Our presentation went okay, though I flubbed a few lines of my prepared speech and then the computer kept freezing. I had to present most of the figures from memory, instead of being able to refer to all the attractive graphs and charts I had prepared. Overall, it still went well, I thought, as everyone from Cell Now exited the boardroom. They seemed excited about our ideas. I would know in a few days if they were going to go with our agency or not. I looked down at my cell phone. I had to hurry up and get to Eleventh Street to meet up with my sister Crystal.
“We are ordering food. Do you want Greek today?” Leah asked as she tapped on the door to my office.
“No, sorry. I have to go take care of something with my sister.”
“Is everything okay?” Leah asked.
“Yes, everything is fine.”
I arrived at the family court building to find it crowded, with long lines in every direction, and they made everyone go through a metal detector. I was truly annoyed by the way the horrible, power-hungry security people kept speaking to me. They were very demanding and questioned me. “Take off your earrings.” “Do you have any change in your pocket?” I gave a hefty security guard an evil stare, and he responded by saying, “Miss, I’m just doing my job.”
After the invasive security screening was over, I finally was able to go upstairs. I walked into the room and saw Crystal, her baby daddy, Kenneth, and his sister. I gave Kenneth and his sister both a stone-faced glance. I had to make sure they knew that my sister had support.
Kenneth should be executed for having the audacity to deny that he was Kori’s biological father. However, Crystal should have known better than to mess with a nothing ass like Kenneth. Crystal was a classic example of a middle child. She wanted to save the world, be nice to all, and help everyone, but honestly she needed to save herself. Every relationship she had ended in disaster. And, of course, it was never her; the men she chose were al
ways the ones to be blamed. But I blamed her for picking such horrible men. She believed everyone had the best intentions for her, and obviously, they didn’t. I’d been telling her this her whole life. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was not adopted, because it didn’t seem possible that two people who were less than two years apart and had been raised in the same household could turn out so differently.
CHAPTER 3
Yvette Turner-McKnight
Some women hated to walk past groups of men, because no matter what you were wearing, they found a way to objectify you. I wasn’t one of those women. I would not say I welcomed it, but I couldn’t help the way I was built. Early on, I just embraced it. I had always been tall for my age and built like a little woman, my mother would say. My father would always try to make me wear baggy clothes and didn’t like the way boys looked at me, wanted to walk me home, and rang the phone for me. He hated it so much, he tried to keep me under his supervision as much as possible. I was not allowed to spend the night at the house of a friend who had brothers, and I could never get off the porch. All my dad’s efforts were in vain, because I was still boy crazy. I moved out and married at eighteen and left my younger sister, Crystal, to deal with my punishment. My dad put a tighter vise grip on her life. She couldn’t do anything or go anywhere. That didn’t work, either, because she got pregnant early and the dad went to jail. By the time they got to my baby sister, Dana, my dad had refined his approach and molded her into the perfect overachiever.
I walked past a group of men who worked at the same place I did. They were dressed in dark blue Dickies pants, work boots, and T-shirts and were leaning against the dingy white work truck. They were staring at my short, tight, tan pencil skirt and my navy and white short-sleeved blouse. The most noticeable glance came from Hector. His eyes were roaming up and down my legs, and he didn’t look away, which made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I had asked him before not to stare at me like that.
Another Man Will Page 2
