by Reina Torres
“I knew I couldn’t wallow. I had to find a job and take care of Ava. I owe everything to the DeLuca family for taking a chance and hiring me to work with Gabe and I think I've done a pretty good job working from the ground up.”
He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was proud of her accomplishments and so was he.
“You’ve done really well here, Jordan.”
She nodded, her face full of pride. “Thanks, it's taken a long time, but I have a good life here. And I managed to get my daughter to full adulthood without strangling her… or the other way around. I consider myself a lucky woman right there.”
“No one can argue and say you didn't do a good job for Ava.”
“Careful, now,” she laughed, “don't let Steve hear you, he’ll come up with something.”
“I bet he would.”
“But, really I owe it all to Gabe and his family. When Steve left, I had nothing. No skills beyond changing a diaper while juggling classes and play dates. The sheer amount of extracurricular activities that she was involved in had their own spreadsheet.”
Vance winced and she laughed.
“Yeah, I had a knack for organizing things. I helped Abby with an organizational chart for her lessons and recitals and Gabe took one look at it and hired me on the spot.
“It was a godsend, really, I needed a job to keep her in those activities and he needed an assistant. He had an apartment that he could rent to me cheap and I jumped at it. The rest of my life is history,” she explained. “The DeLuca family helped me out back then, and made me one of their crazy family and I've been loved ever since, no matter what.”
“No matter what?” He was trying to tease, but it didn’t sink in.
“Of course,” she nodded. “The DeLuca’s became our family when I had no one to help us. They’ll always be family to me.”
The moment settled between them, quiet mingling with the twilight calm, and yet Vance felt something underneath it all, making him nervous.
“So,” she breathed in the air and turned her face so she could see him around the brim of her hat, “tomorrow.”
He nodded, and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “Are you sure you want to make the drive to the airport?” He watched her carefully for a reaction. “I could still call the service and have someone come out and get me.”
She shook her head at him. “Careful, or I’m going to think you don't want to spend more time with me.”
“Hey,” he tugged on their joined hands and he stepped closer when she did, “why would you say that? If I didn't have to get this MS to my editor and get this whole contract thing squared away,” he brought their joined hands up to his lips, “I think I'd stay here a little while longer.”
“Or,” the sound of her voice seemed to shock Jordan, even though she had been the one to speak, but she shrugged and continued on as if she’d crossed the line and now there wasn't much else to do beside just keep going, “I could come with you.”
He heard the hope-filled tone of her voice and saw the lift in her chin as she met his eyes.
“I know it must sound crazy, but I was talking to Frankie about what Steve said-”
“Honey,” Vance shook his head, “you shouldn't listen to him. Don't take what he said seriously.”
He hoped he'd gotten through to her, but he was sure she hadn't heard him when she started to argue with him. “I'm not saying I put any stock in most of what he said,” she reached out her free hand and grabbed his forearm, “but he was right in some of it. I put aside the part of me that was a wife and a partner and a lover because I had to be both mom and dad for Ava when her father left. But now, Ava is in college and I know that I’m a professional who is damn good at her job. Maybe this is my time, you know?”
He heard the truth in her voice. Heard her conviction.
“What does that mean?”
His question dampened her enthusiasm. He saw it in her face.
“It means exactly what I said.” She struggled to keep her smile on her lips, he saw the effort that it took her, “I could go with you. I have some vacation time coming to me. I could look for a job in New York and if that works out,” she swallowed hard and he felt her trembling through her hands, “if things work out between us, I could move there.”
He felt his world expand and collapse all in one breath. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to tell her to pack her bags, but then he wanted none of those things as well.
New York would kill her.
The cold walls of concrete that blocked out the light from his apartment.
The lack of personality that he mourned in the big-name stores that lined every street.
The way strangers and friends would turn their backs on you without a moment’s notice.
He couldn’t let that happen to her. He couldn’t let her give up the family she had here in St. Helena. He couldn’t let her give up the life she had in St. Helena.
‘Jordan, I just,” he opened his mouth, hoping that the right words would magically form on his lips, “don’t know what to say.”
Her hands dropped away from his arm and his skin was suddenly cold. Logic said it was the descending night air crawling across his skin, but his heart said it was so much more than that.
“Why don’t you just say yes?” Her breaths puffed out in short gasps. “I’m not saying this is forever, Vance. I’m not saying I’d even stay with you. I can get my own place while I’m there. You don’t even have to spend a lot of time with me. I’m a big girl.”
“Jordan…” he stepped closer to her, his hands vaguely reaching for her, “this is all really sudden-”
“Oh my god.” She stepped back, lifting her hands to settle over her heart as her shoulders rose high on an indrawn breath. “Oh my god.” She swallowed and a hand reached up to her neck, covering the exposed skin. “Forget I said a thing.”
“Jordan-”
“Forget. I said. A thing.” She bit out the words, her eyes glittering in the approaching darkness. “Let’s blame it on the wine, okay?”
He tried to reach for her, coming within a fraction of an inch, but she snatched her arm away, stumbling on the ground beneath her feet.
“Look,” she gave him a big smile, too bright for the moment, but he wasn’t going to argue, “I need to go talk to Gabe for a minute. I’ll see you back down there, okay?”
She didn’t even wait for an answer, she turned her back on him and walked down toward the clearing where the crew was almost done putting away the long table.
Vance gave her the space she’d asked for with her ridiculous excuse. He took slow deliberate steps through the rows and listened to the crunch and crumble of the dirt beneath his feet as he went. At one point the ground dipped down, likely some rearrangement of Mother Earth remodeling through rain or erosion, and he lost sight of Jordan. But when the ground evened out again he looked over and saw Gabe, standing alone, no Jordan in sight.
When he reached Gabe’s side, he realized that Jordan’s car was gone too. Pointing in the vague direction of where the car had been, he got an answer from Gabe.
“You’re an asshole, Vance.”
Turning to look back at Gabe, Vance felt the panic in his chest stab through his gut as well. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Do you have any idea how much it cost her to say those things to you? Do you have any idea what kind of courage it took for her to open up her heart, just so you could stomp on it for her?”
Vance turned on his friend, the same kind of anger that he saw in Gabe’s eyes, roiling up inside of himself. “Do you have any idea how much I wanted to say yes?” His heartbeat stuttered in his chest and Vance pressed a closed fist against his ribs. “But as much as I want to have her with me, to share a life with her, what kind of life would New York give her? All that cold cement and colder people? Here, she’s alive and happy. She has good friends, and family. What kind of an asshole would I be if I let her give up everything she has, just because I want
her? I wouldn’t ‘just’ be an asshole. I’d be a selfish prick, too.” He waved Gabe off. “But go ahead, have at me. I deserve it.” He raised his gaze to meet Gabe’s. “But can’t you just give me a little bit of credit because I want her to be happy? Because,” he drew in one big breath and let it out, “she wouldn’t be happy with me. So, I’m giving her up. And don’t,” he glared at his friend, “tell me that you wouldn’t make the same sacrifice for Regan if it came down to that.”
Gabe reached out, set a hand on his shoulder. “But it doesn’t have to be that choice.”
Vance wasn’t going to listen. He couldn’t waver in his resolve. Not when he was doing it for Jordan. Not when he knew this was the right thing for her. “I take it that you’re the unlucky slob that gets to drive me back to Jordan’s house?”
Gabe looked at his car and back again at Vance. “I think you should come over to my place for a bit. Give Jordan a chance to calm down. I can’t be held responsible if she kills you in your sleep.”
Vance shrugged. “It would almost be a relief at this point. But ‘Lead on, MacDuff.’”
Gabe nearly dropped his car keys in the dirt. “It’s ‘Lay on, MacDuff,’ you idiot.” He turned his back on Vance and flung open his car door.
Looking across the roof of the car, Vance shrugged. “I’m a writer, not an actor, I can mess things up once in a while.”
“You’re batting a thousand on screw ups today, Vance.” He gestured at the car. “Get in.”
Vance didn’t even bother to argue, even in jest. Gabe was probably already planning his demise. And Vance wouldn’t blame him, one bit. He deserved worse for what he’d done.
Chapter 12
The next morning, Ava turned her car into the parking lot of a drive through coffee shop, squealing the tires on the asphalt. Vance didn’t offer up an argument. He knew enough about the Schultz women to know not to get between them and their caffeine, but he was surprised when the car pulled into a parking space.
He waited until the parking brake was set before he turned in his seat.
“I take it we’re going to talk?”
Ava swiveled in her seat and gave him a pissy look. “You think?”
“Okay then,” holding out his hands in submission he gave her a hesitant smile, “let’s talk.”
Her lips pursed as she stared at him and then when the time seemed to creep by and the vintage dashboard clock mocked him like a metronome on his grandmother’s upright piano. “So, you’re just going to leave?”
“That’s the plan.” He had hoped to sound sure of himself but instead his voice ended shaking with hesitation. “This has been great. Spending time with you and your mom has been incredible, but I’ve got responsibilities in New York. A book to finish. An apartment and a life.” He heard himself echoing the very same words that Jordan had told him that morning when she’d walked out the door. And he realized that the cold feeling that had descended over him then, still hadn’t gone away.
And Ava didn’t seem to understand any more than he did. She just stared at him, waiting.
“Ava?” He tried desperately to think of a way to explain. “I wish I could make you see why it has to be like this.”
“Save your words.” She turned away and glared out the window into the overcast morning. “Don’t bother trying to explain, not if you’re leaving.”
“Ava-”
He nearly swallowed his tongue when she threw the car into reverse and backed out of the space.
“I said, never mind.”
Vance wanted to argue with her, but a moment later he was holding on for dear life as she rocketed down the road aimed for the airport. Anything he tried to say to her fell on closed ears, so he stopped talking altogether because he knew that the only words she wanted to hear couldn’t come from him.
Jordan’s office door opened with a hesitant squeak. “Can I come in?” Frankie waved a white tissue through the open crack of the door. “Is it safe to come in?”
Pushing back her chair, Jordan rounded her desk and gave Frankie a big hug. “You’re acting like a big dork.”
“Hey!” Frankie managed to wiggle a hand free enough to point at Jordan’s nose. “Watch the ‘big’ comments.”
“You’re one sexy mama and you know it.” Jordan stepped back and gestured to a chair. “You want a seat? Some water? A foot rub?”
Frankie’s mouth opened up in a big O. “Wow. You’re pulling out the big guns now.” Taking Jordan’s hand, Frankie walked them both to the chairs in front of Jordan’s desk. “Why don’t you grab your purse and I’ll take you to the Sweet and Savory. Lexi has these to-die-for raspberry lemonade bars,” Frankie made a smacking sound with her lips. “Pucker Perfect, she calls them, and they are delicious! Come on,” she smiled, “I’m in the mood to treat!”
Jordan gave her friend a grateful smile and gave her hand a squeeze. “That’s a great offer, Frankie, but I’ve got work to do.”
Leaning closer, Frankie gave Jordan’s face a close look, narrowing her eyes at her friend. “Your eyeliner’s all smudged, your nose is redder than Randolph’s cousin Rudolph, and you look like you haven’t gotten more than a few winks of sleep. You expect me to believe that you’re going to sit in this office and ‘work’ today?”
“What other option do I have, Frankie?” Jordan dropped her friend’s hand and touched her fingers to her throat. She felt her voice scratching up from her middle. “I have to get my act together and do my job so I at least have something that’s mine. So, don’t push, okay?”
Frankie nodded. “I’m sorry, babe.” She let out a breath and touched her rounded belly. “I thought for sure he’d jump at the chance to have you move to New York. When we had dinner with you two, he was all over you,” Frankie held up a hand for patience, “not touchy feely stuff, but he was totally into you. He hung on every freakin’ word you said.”
Jordan shrugged. “Well, that just proves what I’ve always thought.”
Her eyes narrowing, Frankie leaned heavily on her arm rest. “What?”
“That I just have horrible taste in men.” Jordan’s shoulders sagged in defeat.
“Hey, stop!” Frankie shot back an argument. “Don’t you blame yourself because Vance Donovan is a dumb ass. He probably lives in a building with a doorman because he doesn’t even know how to open his door by himself!”
Jordan’s shoulders shook with laughter. “Stop…”
“And if he ever decides to show his face around here again,” Frankie gave her a pointed look, “I’ll lop off his balls and feed them to-”
“Not Mittens! The poor baby!” Pressing the backs of her hands against her eyes to stop the flow of tears, Jordan gasped in a few breaths of air. “Mittens doesn’t deserve it.”
Frankie nodded in complete agreement. “Absolutely! I’d feed the jerk his own balls and film it for Nora to post on Facebook.”
The mention of Nora sobered Jordan again. She and Nora had never had much to say to each other, but ever since Vance had ‘talked’ to Nora, the older woman had been civil. That was more than anyone else had managed to do, so Jordan would always be grateful for that.
The phone on Jordan’s desk rang and she got up to answer it. Less than a minute later she hung up and returned to Frankie’s side. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. My next appointment just arrived in the parking lot.”
Frankie managed to get up with Jordan’s help and gave her best friend a big kiss on the cheek. “Keep your head up, girl!”
“Always!” Jordan walked her to the door and watched as Frankie waddle down the hallway toward the Ladies Room at the end. “I’m okay,” she repeated to herself. “I have the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. I’m going to be okay.”
He made his way through the TSA checkpoint on autopilot, handing over his documents and barely mumbling answers when asked. From there it was a long walk to the gate, stopping to grab a seat at the nearest bar, close enough to hear the call for boarding. Halfway through the second beer, a burs
t of sound from the announcement system turned Vance’s head.
“First call for boarding.” The voice repeated the words and added, “Flight Aero-Four-Six-Two bound for New York. Rows 30 to 38, now boarding at gate A3.”
“That’s me,” he sighed, resigned to his fate. Waving to the bartender, he took the final bill from her, added his tip and signed for the total.
“No one likes sitting at the back of the plane,” she shrugged, “did you book late?”
He shrugged, making conversation to avoid heading to the gate. “My editor booked the tickets. I think he’s trying to make a point.” Vance draped his coat over his arm and picked up his messenger bag, before taking his ticket in hand. “I’m fairly sure he would have stuck me on a Greyhound bus for the fun of it if he wasn’t ready to strangle me for taking so long with this book. Thanks.”
Vance turned and left the bar, walking through the shifting masses of people in the gate area. He handed his ticket to a missish looking attendant at the podium and watched her wave it under the scanner. BLIP. “Here you go, Mr. Donovan. I hope you have a pleasant flight.” Her tone didn't agree with the words coming out of her mouth, but he didn't make much out of it. He didn't think this flight would be anything pleasant either, he was already in a surly mood, and it wasn't likely to get better.
He followed a couple as they walked down the jetway. They, at least, were in love and not afraid to show it. In fact, they were apparently unaware that they were in public. No less than three times, one or the other would tug on the hand they were holding and pull the other in for a kiss.
It wasn’t as though they were indecent or anything like that. He was just that pissed at himself. He’d seen a smile like that on Jordan’s face a few days ago and knew that he was the one who put it there.
