by C. A. Harms
I'm already regretting my choices, but it's too late to go back now. I've made my bed, and now I’m forced to face the humiliation it will cause.
Thirty minutes later, I spot Addison's car, and I wave my arms as if she won't see me in my red dress doing the walk of shame down the sidewalk. I ignore the inquisitive glare she offers as I tuck myself inside and close the door behind me.
We drive in silence, and I know Addison won't say anything because she is always on my side. Even if I'm wrong, I'm right. But this is wrong. I know that.
"I should've stayed," I could have said; we can't let this happen again, blah blah, but I snuck out like an idiot instead. "He's probably still sleeping and when—"
"He's awake," I look over at her and just stare. "He called Tony as I was walking out the door."
Shit!
"And?"
"What do you think Dani," she doesn't look at me? "He's confused, and frankly, so am I."
"I snuck out because I didn't want things to be awkward and now all I've managed to do is make them impossible."
For the first time in our friendship, Addison doesn't try to make me feel better, so I know without a doubt in my mind that I've really screwed up.
It was good while it lasted!
Four days and two text messages later, and I still don't feel any better about what I've done.
I've apologized for being an idiot. I even made a joke about remembering my comfortable shoes for the next time I decided to sneak out and walk my ass home, but still nothing. I can't say I actually blame him. I think I'd ignore me too if I was him.
I've been dreading the upcoming weekend, knowing it would be another kick to my confidence or lack thereof. I want to back out, I want to fake an incurable disease that is highly contagious, but I know I can't.
Great Grammy Jean will only turn ninety-five once, and to be honest, I'm not sure how much time we have left with her. The problem is her celebration is at my parents' house, which means that Cathryn will most likely be there, and Matthew too. I'll be forced to see them, which is something I’d prefer to go without.
I know they are together, and no, I'm not still pining over my ex, but seeing them together, especially right now, just brought my current situation to a head. I'm alone. Even my bang buddy has decided enough is enough. I also know being alone is my fault, my choice, so there is no one to really blame but myself.
Saturday comes, and I still have not heard from Jonah. I've managed to screw up even a non-relationship.
"Why don't you come over after the shit show?" Addison has spent the last hour giving me a much-needed pep talk. I've tried to leave a few times only to find yet another reason to stall the inevitable. "Do you want me to go with you?"
"No," I smile for the first time in days. "I'm thinking you, Matt, and Cathryn, all in close proximity to one another, will be a bad thing. Toss my mom in the mix, and I see flying cake and chairs being smashed."
"Don't forget balls being kicked."
"Who's kicking whose balls?" Tony asks from the opposite end of the line, and she covers the phone saying something to him before coming back to me. "Come over when you're done."
"I'll be alright," I will be anything but okay; I know that. "I'll just get some junk food and add another ten pounds to my forever growing ass." This week I've managed to eat my body weight in junk. I'm not proud of myself, but desperate times and all that.
"The girls are coming over for beer and burgers." It has been a while since I've seen everyone. "Put on your pale pink wrap dress, the one with the low-cut V in the front. Match it with your peep-toe heels, I love. Go with the rose gold dangle earrings and walk into the party like you're on top of the world."
"But I'm not," I feel like I'm dragging the bottom of the barrel.
"Don't let those bastards see you as anything other than the gorgeous person you are." I love Addi, but she is a bit biased when it comes to me. She does, however, give me a little boost, and I walk back into my bedroom, seeking out the outfit she's just directed me to wear. It is a much better choice than my Capri pants with a silk blouse.
Thirty minutes later, I'm parked out front of my parents' house, reading over the text from Addison one last time.
Addison: You are beautiful. He never deserved you. But there is no time better than now to make him regret being a douche. He'll be sorry he ever let you go!
Tossing my phone in my purse, I climb out of my car, closing the door, taking one last deep breath. Squaring my shoulders, I walk up the driveway and around the side of the house, toward the gate that leads to the backyard. My parents have gone to the extreme as they always do, with a canopy that shades the main area where Gram sits and several smaller canopies over clusters of tables and chairs. It's decorated in blues and silvers and a big banner which says happy ninety-fifth across it.
It's impossible to miss the moment when everyone notices my arrival. There’s a hush of quietness instantly falling over the entire yard when each person turns to face me. All eyes shift between where I stand and where my sister and my pig of an ex sit.
I avoid making eye contact and remember Addison's words. Make him regret it! Squaring my shoulders, I walk ahead and offer everyone my strong, confident smile.
"Good to see you could set everything aside and be mature," I ignore my mother’s words and continue past her as if she didn't just once again choose my whore of a sister over the daughter who had her heart broken.
I have one purpose for being here, and as far as I'm concerned, no one else matters. Grammy looks up, and the dull look in her eyes is hard to see. I know our days are numbered with her. This time may be the last real moment I'll be able to share with her, so I plan on taking every single second I'm gifted.
Leaning in close, I press a kiss to her cheek, and for the next hour, maybe more, I talk to her and only her. We share memories of her younger years, we talk of my grandpa, and I suffer through those of my sister and me growing up. Even the mention of Cathryn makes my skin crawl. But for Grams, I deal with it, but only for her.
When it's time to leave, I stand and turn around just in time to see my sister lean in and kiss Matthew, his arm wrapping around her waist as he holds her close. For a few seconds, I'm lost, feeling the familiar ache of betrayal hit me. Then I quickly recover and begin walking.
I ignore my mother and don't even show my father an ounce of my attention. He is as bad as my mother, and they are prime examples of a couple that should never have more than one child. They don't have the ability to love each one equally.
I'm proud of myself. I've made it to Addison's house and to her front door without shedding a tear. But that all falls apart when the door opens, and there she stands, looking back at me. There is no reason to speak, she knows.
Taking me into a hug, we both share a few silent seconds before I clear my throat and pull back. Realizing Tony and Molly are watching us closely.
"Hey," Tony dips his chin, and I force a smile.
"I just need a little space, okay," I offer a reassuring squeeze to Addi's hand, trying to step around her.
"Do you need me too?" Addison's loyalty almost breaks me all over again.
"No, you stay," I step around her and kiss her cheek. "I won't be too long."
Moving through her apartment, I open the slider door and walk out onto her patio. I am resting my hands on the railing. I take in one breath after another, moving through the shit that is clouding my strength. I fight the tears until I can no longer fight them anymore, and then I let them fall freely.
Chapter Nineteen
Jonah
“She’s had a tough day,” Addison blocks the path to the door that leads out onto her patio. Her hand is pressing into the center of my chest. I look to the left to see Tony lounging back on the couch. He is no help. “She doesn’t need anything more piled on top of what she’s already faced.”
“I was mad, okay. And hurt.” I know I’m not getting anywhere near Dani if I don’t appease Addison first. “I just
needed a little time to get over it.”
And to accept that I may never get anything more with her than sex.
“You have feelings for her.” It isn’t a question, and I don’t deny it. I don’t look toward Tony because I know he already knows the truth behind her statement.
“Can I go see her now?” I hold the box beneath my arm, waiting for my approval to pass.
“She’ll come around,” I’m surprised by Addison’s words, and the spark of hope they inflict is dangerous, I know. It’s a setback to my acceptance of never genuinely having all of Dani the way I want her.
When Addison lowers her hand and moves out of my way, I walk toward the door and quietly slide it open. It never fails. Every single time I see Danielle, I feel like she’s knocked me on my ass all over again. Legs for miles, and the perfect curves in all the right places. Her back remains to me, and I assume she thinks it’s Addi joining her.
Removing the lid off the box, I step in behind her, and she flinches when she looks back over her shoulder at me, surprise in her eyes. She glances down at the box in front of her, and when she laughs, I feel the tension leave my body. “For the next time, you decide to take off on a five-mile hike in heels.”
The box holds a pair of Nikes, white with a small amount of blue on them.
“What makes you think there will be a next time?”
I ignore the ping of annoyance in my chest. “Dani, I know this thing between us is all you can give, but it doesn’t mean you can’t stay over or me with you. All it means is we had a really good time, and we were too tired to get up and go home. We don’t have to slap a label on anything, and we don’t have to panic that things are getting more complicated than they truly are.”
I can see she is considering my words.
“We can be friends too. I know how to separate the two.”
“I know,” she nods, turning her body to face mine.
“God damn,” I groan when I see the front of her dress. Resting my head on her shoulder, I feel her body vibrate with laughter.
“What?”
Low cut, the swells of her tits completely visible and inviting.
“You know what,” pressing a kiss to her collarbone, I breathe her in, and finally, after days, I feel settled, and that alone should terrify me that I end this entire thing and never look back. My problem is I can’t. To be honest, I’ve tried. After I woke up to find she had left that morning, I thought it’s time to cut ties and move on. I know I’m getting in deeper than I should, and in the end, I’ll be the one hurt, but then the longer I stayed away, the worse I felt.
When she combs her fingers through my hair, I shift my head so that I can see her face. I’m well aware in our current embrace it’s well above being just the casual hookup, but if she’s going to allow it to happen, I’m a greedy SOB, and I’m going to take it and run.
I notice her eyes are puffy, and immediately I remember what Addison said about her having a bad day. She looks exhausted yet still stunning. “I thought me and my crazy had scared you off.”
“Not a chance,” I wish I could tell her just how limited of a possibility that is.
“You can talk to me about anything.” I wish she would. Maybe she’ll get over the fear and the hurt she has if she’d talk about it. Perhaps I’ll be able to convince her.
“You coming here tonight, was it planned or—”
“Tony,” the guy is on my side for sure. Even though he told me I was chasing my tail when it came to Dani, he still has my back. He sent me a message that she was going to be here. “He was with me when I bought the shoes.”
“Great,” she mumbles, which only makes me chuckle.
“Come on,” I stand tall, “let’s go inside.”
Hooking my arm over her shoulders, I lead her inside to join everyone else. I ignore the curious looks of Addison and the other girl. Now everyone in the room besides Danielle knew I wanted more from Dani. I hope they keep it to themselves, at least until she’s ready to hear it.
I sit down and clear a space for Dani to sit beside me. When she doesn’t hesitate, it isn’t only me that seems surprised by her lack of hesitance. I hope this means she and I have crossed over the line between awkward and comfortable.
“What is that?” I immediately lift my hand and place it over the side of my neck where my sister seems to be pointing.
“What’s what?”
Slapping my hand away, she leans in closer, and once again, I try to feel if it’s a bug or something I can swat away.
“Oh my God, Jonah,” her mouth gapes open. “Aren’t you too old for hickey’s?”
“I do not have a hickey,” Frantically, I jump up and find the nearest mirror. Twisting to look at my neck, I hear my sister and mom both laugh from behind me. Looking back, I glare at both of them.
“No, you don’t,” Avery crosses her arms over her chest, giving me a knowing look. “But the fact you freaked out so easily means there is a possibility you could have had one. So, who’s the girl?”
“There is no girl.”
“Liar,” my mother pipes in, and I feel like the two women in my family are attacking me. Two very nosy and pushy women. “From what Tony says, you’ve got a liking for a high school teacher who is friends with his girlfriend.”
I’m going to kill Tony. He could share news of Dani with any one else and get no reaction, but with my sister, it was like opening up the floodgates. I’m going to kill him.
My father steps into the hallway and immediately stops, looking over his entire family as if we’ve lost our minds. Frankly, I’m not sure Avery and my mom haven’t. “Can you call off the dating police, please?”
“Don’t look at me,” he chuckles as he walks past. “If they’re nagging you, they aren’t nagging me.”
I spent the last several hours being hassled for more information I refused to provide. I wouldn’t even drop Dani’s name because my mom has friends who will indeed find her the information she is desperate to know.
Opening up Dani to my sister will be a disaster, but adding in my mom, well, she’ll run like her ass is on fire without looking back.
“Don’t worry, Mom,” Avery pushes past, walking in the direction of the kitchen with a smirk on her face. “I’ll get the information we need from Anthony.”
Narrowing my eyes at her, she seems completely unfazed. I know I need to get to Tony first. The bastard will rat me out in a hurry if Avery gets a hold of him. He is my weak link when it comes to the ladies in this house. He’s grown up around them, and they know his weak spots.
My mom and sister are great at drilling away at the men in this family until we cave and give in. Tony is no exception. He is the one who seems to yield the quickest and easiest.
Chapter Twenty
Danielle
"That is so cute," Molly says over my shoulder, admiring the swimsuit wrap I've found on the clearance rack. I'm the ultimate bargain shopper. "It would look perfect with your red suit or the blue one."
"My thoughts exactly," tossing it into my shopping bag, I begin sifting through the remaining clothes on the rack and find a few more pieces I decide I must have.
"Have you ever been to Anthony's house?" Rachel asks, stepping up opposite me and looking over the clothing rack.
"No, but Addison says it's secluded and amazing."
I think of how secluded Jonah's house is and fight the smile as I remember what had taken place in his garage and many other areas throughout his home. Then there was last week on his living room floor, which initially started on his couch. Who needs to work out when you have Jonah as a sexual partner? He is very acrobatic and explorative.
"All I know is he has a pool and a hot tub. The yard is huge, and she got lost her first time there trying to find the bathroom." I remember her calling me, telling me she stumbled into his bedroom and was fighting the urge to snoop through his things. She wanted me to talk her down, but honestly, I was as curious as she was, so I wasn't much help.
"I jus
t hope there are some good-looking guys at this cookout." Out of all of us, Gina has to be the most forward. She has no problem flirting with any man, and she's had her fair share of one-night stands and hookups. The idea of keeping things casual between Jonah and myself stems from the examples I've seen from her. She never gets attached. She lives without the drama, and if a man gives her more complications than she is willing to handle, she moves on to the next. She's the guy in the relationship.
A few hours later, and with way too much money spent, I step out of my apartment wearing my favorite summer maxi dress over my new blue bikini. I have foregone doing too much with my hair due to the heat and the idea of just getting it wet in a pool. Instead, I left it alone, and the natural wave I have makes it seem fuller than usual.
I plug in the address in my GPS, and I set out to Tony's feeling good about the day and evening ahead. I know Jonah will be there, which I'll admit I like the idea of having someone of the opposite sex I know in a crowd of strangers.
I'm surprised to see so many cars lining the street and the long winding driveway which leads to Anthony's house. After driving a little ahead, I find an open spot and slip into it before someone else beats me to it. Just as I step onto his driveway, my phone begins to ring, and I dig through my purse to find it. Addison's name is lighting up my screen. I can already hear her, where are you?
"I'm walking up the drive as we speak," I don't give her the chance to ask.
"Hurry." Nothing more before she hangs up. She's so impatient.
Parked just beyond the garage door at the front of the drive is a very familiar Audi. I have fond memories of the sleek car. I pause for a few seconds, my body reacting to the visions in my head.
I shake away the lust that tries to consume me and look away from the car and proceed to the front door. It's unlocked, with a note pinned to the door which reads, everyone is out back.
