by C. A. Harms
"You got it," I wink at her, trying to hide the tension I feel, and she seems to be convinced. It has become a thing for us, every Tuesday night, we'd meet my sister and Tuck for dinner or drinks. I think Avery is smart enough to pick up that I'm struggling, but Tucker believes Heather and I couldn't be more perfect.
I spot them at a table near the back and start in their direction. Avery holds up her hand to wave me over. "Where's Heather?" She looks around.
"Restroom," I say, avoiding direct eye contact with my sister. I've been doing that a lot lately. She tends to have the ability to see right through me.
"Good evening sir, can I get you something to drink?" Our waiter stands next to the table, and I focus on him instead.
"Red wine and a glass of water with lemon." I'm not feeling much like drinking. I don't have much of an appetite either.
Tucker and Avery are arguing over something on the menu, and instead of paying attention to them, I look around the restaurant. It has been a while since I've been here. The atmosphere is soothing, with light jazz playing over the speakers and individual light fixtures hanging over every table, making the lighting somewhat dim and romantic.
I scan over the entire bar before shifting quickly back to the right, and my whole body grows rigid. Silver high heels, a pair I've seen before—the same pair of stilettos which at one point were lifted in the air by silky toned legs. Parted legs and her back arched while I—
The woman turns to the other woman at her side, and my entire body breaks out in a thin layer of sweat. My heart rate is speeding up, and I fist my hand in my lap.
"What's wrong?" I hurry to look away from the bar and gain some composure, but it's too late. I know when I see Avery's face.
"Nothing," I try anyway because I don't want Dani to see me. Since she left my house, I've managed to avoid her, yet here I am now in the same restaurant with another woman.
"Are you sure?" Avery pushes, and then I spot Heather walking toward us.
"It's nothing," I look away from her and feel my neck heat. Avery spins around in her chair, looking behind her.
Heather squeezes in beside me, and I attempt to move her chair out for her but end up practically tipping it over backward, and the sound of it screeching across the floor echoes louder than one would think possible.
Heather giggles, I try to hide my face, and when I look up to see Avery glaring at me, I know she's picked up on my mood.
"Did you order yet?" My mind feels cloudy, taking me a few seconds to realize Heather has asked me a question.
"Just drinks," I clarify, and she offers me a sweet smile.
"Thanks," whispering she leans in closer and, without warning, presses a kiss to the corner of my mouth. I am a bit surprised because we haven't crossed over to the snuggling, flirtatious touchy-feely in public or alone for that matter. When her hand lands on my thigh, I stare at her, not sure of how to react.
Our waiter returns, and while he moves around the table to take everyone's order, I look past him and find myself staring directly into Danielle's eyes. She is standing up from her chair and turning around to leave when she freezes. I recognize the other girl she is with as her friend Gina.
A moment passes between us, her looking to my side, I'm sure noticing I'm next to a woman before looking back to me once more. Quickly she averts her gaze, and when she begins to walk toward the door, I half expected her to look at me once again, only she doesn't.
"Will you split it with me?" I find everyone looking at me, including our waiter. I've zoned out, and from the annoyed look my sister is offering me, I'd say it was longer than just a few seconds.
"Sure," I agree, to what, I have no fucking clue. My heart is still hammering in my chest and my back aches from the tension coiling through me. Seeing Dani again hits me harder than I thought it would, and it takes everything I have not to chase after her. My legs are still vibrating with the urge to seek her out.
I walk Heather to her door, much like I have many times before. She steps up onto the landing leading to the front door of her apartment and tugs me closer with her hand in mine.
I'm once again thinking of Dani when Heather wraps her arms around my neck and leans in closer. "I know we said we'd take things slow," she whispers while continuing to move in inch by inch. I should stop her, I should back away, but I'm lost in a particular memory of Dani that, to be honest, it's taking far too long for my brain to catch up with my actions. "I was hoping maybe the waiting period was over."
"Waiting period?"
Heather nods, biting her lower lip, and it may have been sexy if I could stop focusing on her damn teeth. "I'm asking you if you want to stay over, Jonah?"
Did I want that?
Could I do that?
None of this is fair to Heather, and I know I can't take that step, not yet. I can't do to her what Dani and I attempted to do. I can't have sex with Heather when my mind is still very much involved with Dani. It's wrong.
"I want to," even that feels wrong to say. "But I think we need to wait."
"Usually, isn't it the girl who is playing hard to get?" She arches her brow, and even though she isn't Danielle, I still find the gesture cute. "You're making this difficult, Jonah."
"Sorry," lifting my hand, I push back the hair that has fallen in her face, and I cup her jaw. Trailing my thumb over her lower lip, she smiles. "There's no reason to rush."
She pouts, and I move in closer, hooking my free hand around her waist, pulling her body to mine. Why can't I feel anything for this woman? I want to feel something, a spark of hope, we can be an us if I give it a chance.
Gently I press my lips to hers and try with every ounce of strength I have to clear my mind. I focus on the way her mouth moves against mine, the way her tongue caresses my own, and the soft moan that escapes her. I concentrate on the feeling of her body in my arms. How she fits with minimal effort as if she belongs there.
"You say take it slow," she adds breathlessly, "then you kiss me like that."
When I pull back, I find her with her eyes closed and her lips parted.
"You don't play fair, do you?"
I smile at her words. "Something to look forward to."
I want it to be accurate. More than anything, I want to invest all my emotions and energy into Heather, but as I walk away toward my car, I know I am reaching for the impossible. A huge part of me hates Dani for making me fall for her; even though I know that isn't fair, it doesn't stop the feeling from coming.
How does one truly move on when their heart is still with someone else?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Danielle
I practically cry when the crowd clears, and I find not only Gina at the table but Molly, Rachel, and even Addison. My chest feels tight, and I hang my head looking down at my new black heeled boots to keep my emotions in check. Or to attempt to, it's impossible when one by one they each step up and hug me.
"Even if I've been upset with you, it doesn't mean for a second I haven't missed you." Addison is the final straw, and immediately I fall apart. "You are worthy of a good man." I try to look away, but she won't let me. Holding my face in her hands, my lower lip trembles uncontrollably. "And you have so much love to give. You just tried to give it to the wrong man. Now I think it's time you give it to the right one."
"That opportunity is gone," I wipe at the tears that have run down my cheeks. "He's moved on," I shrug, accepting I had a guy who was worth taking the risk for, and I let him go. That's on me, and I have no one else to blame but myself.
"Oh, Dani," Addison shakes her head. "Babe, you wouldn't know the signs even if they jumped up, bit you in the ass, and growled."
I attempt to ask her what the hell she means when our moment is interrupted with Gina hollering loud enough to wake the dead. "Enough of the heavy shit, ladies, it's' time to drink."
Lining the tall table in front of them is a variety of shots filled to the top. In the middle is a bowl of limes and two salt shakers. "It seems we are having
a Tequila kind of night," I mumble, and Addison laughs. I know tomorrow I'll regret the choices I make tonight, but without pause, I move to the table and grab one shot in each hand.
Rachel squeals, grabbing her drinks and the rest quickly follow. For the next several hours, we toast to friendship and memories. Those toasts rapidly get a little less classy when the alcohol begins to cloud our judgment. Suddenly we are making wishes of great sex and multiple orgasms.
Too which I am, even in my drunken stupor, reminded of Jonah and how well he knew my body. Better than anyone ever has before.
When they venture into talking about their recent sexcapades, I grow quiet, knowing I'll probably never meet another man who can make me feel even half as good as Jonah was able to.
It doesn't take long before they all notice I've become a little quieter. All the girls stop talking and stare at me. Molly, the last one I expect to bounce over on to my side when it came to Jonah, surprises us all. "Please, he isn't even sleeping with her," she rolls her eyes and takes another drink of her cocktail.
"Who? What?" Addison grabs for the edge of the table, practically tripping over her own feet, trying to balance herself.
Molly grabs the salt shaker, licks her hand, sprinkles the salt over the area, throwing it all around in the process, and it scatters all over the tabletop. Licking the salt, she then picks up another shot of Tequila. She slams it back and then places it on the table upside down. Lifting a lime, she looks me dead in the eyes, "He hasn't slept with Heather because he can't get over you." Then she brings the lime to her mouth and sucks, still holding my stare.
"How do you know that?" It's Rachel who asks because I can’t seem to speak.
"Um yeah, because with a guy like Jonah, I'm pretty sure given a chance to mount him, I'd be trying all I can to make him forget." Gina, the hound, only got worse when she drank.
"I overheard a conversation between him and Tony," Molly finally breaks her hold on me and focuses on Addison. "Tony was in the living room, we were baking cookies in the kitchen, and he was too busy holding the PlayStation controller, so he had Jonah on speaker. He said, and I quote, It would be so much easier if I could get Dani out of my head, then maybe I'd be able to sleep with Heather without feeling like I'm cheating."
"Well, damn," someone mumbles, and I don't care to find out who. My mind is reeling with the idea that maybe just maybe.
"You don't want to know what Tony told him to do," I can imagine. "And you don't want to know." She added, pointing at Addison.
"Oh, I think I do," Molly really shouldn't say it, but I know she will. Loose-lipped is our Molly on Tequila.
"Just do it, bang Dani out of your system." Addison looks a little pissed, and I shoot Molly a silent shut up, but she is oblivious of my attempts. "There was talk about little Heather having a rocking body, and she may be the one to cure him of his Dani coma, but I stopped listening after that."
"A rocking body, huh?" Addison is already dialing her phone as she walks away from the table in a huff.
"Did I forget to mention Tony also said no one compares to Addison?"
You can hear Addison yelling into her phone, trying to be heard over the music thumping around in the club. Part of me, even though he hates me, feels sorry for Tony. Blindsided, and he didn't do anything wrong.
I crawl into the awaiting Uber, giving a thumbs up to Gina as she and Rachel climb into another. Tony showed up long ago to haul Addison off and took Molly home in the process. The minute I looked up from our table to find him stomping in our direction, I averted my gaze. He was pissed, and I knew all he needed was a small reason to fire off at me, so I chose to stay out of his way.
Addison tried to fight him, but he'd had enough and bent down to throw her over his shoulder. She flailed, slapping his back as he left the club, and Molly shuffled behind.
After that, Gina, Rachel, and I had way too many drinks, and when the two Ubers arrived, we all stumbled outside, laughing and singing along to the music that followed out the doors behind us.
"Where to?" The Uber driver asks.
I close my eyes, lean back against the seat, and take in a slow deep breath. I give him my address." But I need to make one quick stop first."
When I meet his gaze in the mirror, he waits for me to tell him my plan. "You can keep the meter running while you wait." He seems pleased with that, nodding and putting the car into drive.
Had I not been completely loaded, I would have been nervous, but that feeling doesn't hit me until the Uber stops at the end of Jonah's driveway and I see the lights in his house are on. I think part of me had hoped he'd be asleep, and then I could somehow convince myself I tried.
"This the right place?" The driver looks back at me over the seat, with his arm stretched out.
"Yes," I whisper and slide across the seat, placing my hand on the handle.
Crawling out, I start up the drive, and the closer I get to his front door, the more my hands shake.
I lift my hand, placing it flat against the beautifully handcrafted door, and take a few minutes in an attempt to slow my racing heart. I’m not sure if being here is the right choice, I've already caused so much damage, and none of it is fair to Jonah.
Tapping the door, I mean for it to be a gentle pat, but when I see movement through the side window, I panic. Stepping back away from the door just as it opens, I’m looking up at Jonah, and I know right then and there I'm in love with him.
"Hey," juvenile and completely ridiculous, but I'm at a loss. I felt much braver on my way here, but that is gone in an instant when reality hits me. What in the hell am I doing?
"Hey," repeating the same word back to me, he looks back over his shoulder and steps outside to the porch. Pulling the door closed behind him, he tucks his hands deep into his pockets. He's nervous, and suddenly, it dawns on me why.
"You have company.” It wasn't a question.
"Uh," he looks back at his house and grips the back of his neck as if he's torn with what to do next. "Yeah."
"Oh," I feel like a complete moron. "Okay, yeah," backing up, I twist my hands nervously in front of me. An annoying habit I developed at a young age that has stuck with me throughout my life. A timidness I hate overcomes me at the worst of times. "I should go." Swiveling around fast, I almost trip over my own feet but quickly recover. "Dani, wait!"
"No," I wave him off, starting back toward the waiting Uber. Humiliated, I wipe at the tears which have begun to fall. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have," what? Did I think he'd be sitting here alone after weeks and weeks, waiting for me to come crawling back?
"You shouldn't have what?" He sounds much closer. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't know," I throw my hands up in the air, frantically trying to find the words but knowing that nothing I say will change anything. I hang my head in frustration more toward myself than him. I should never have come here.
"You never did," I turn and look up to find him staring at me, and then I see the girl through the large front windows, staring out at us as we stand in his driveway. She looks comfortable in his home like she belongs there, and it hits me. I showed up at his place, hoping for something when I deserve nothing. Jonah's a good man, and he deserves a good woman. “I’m glad you met someone," my voice cracks as I stare at him. "You deserve that."
His brow creases, and he glances back, noticing we are no longer alone.
It's my chance to walk away. I need to; I've already caused him trouble once again. I need to let him go and allow him to be happy.
I hurry to the Uber that is waiting at the end of the driveway. Reaching the door, I look back one last time before climbing inside. Jonah is breathtaking, he was the first time I saw him when I walked into that restaurant, and he is now.
I can't quite see his face clearly at this distance, but I know his eyes are on me. If I could go back and change every mistake I made with us; I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd accept everything he was willing to give me without caution. I'd live and laugh and love, but
that is now nothing more than a fading dream.
I had my chance to be loved by a man like him, and I walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jonah
I need a minute. I know Heather is waiting inside, fully aware that I was outside talking to another woman, but I need a damn minute. I'm angry and confused, and that combination is dangerous. It has me wanting to say and do a lot of things I know I shouldn't. Leaving now and chasing after the Uber that just drove off with the woman who broke my heart would be one thing.
I've tried to move on, fuck I have a pretty lady inside my house who is more than willing to give me anything I ask for, but loving Dani has held me back. Just the thought of her and everything between Heather and I immediately feels sour. Had I not met Dani, I know without a doubt in my mind Heather, and I would already be more than we are now.
But to be honest, any connection is lost, and I know it wouldn't matter what woman I had at my side. I'll constantly be comparing her and what I feel to what I felt and still feel for Dani.
I'm not an angry guy, but I feel like a ticking time bomb. And it isn't fair to Heather. She deserves more.
Taking in one last deep calming breath, I turn around and walk back inside. The foyer is now empty, where only moments ago I saw Heather standing as she looked out at Dani and I. I'd initially left her waiting for me on the couch, but that is now empty too. Walking farther into the house, I find her in my kitchen, sitting at the center island, twirling her wine glass around slowly by the stem. She's looking down, watching the red liquid swirl ever so gently, appearing lost in thought.
My stomach instantly feels hollow. I don't want to hurt Heather, she's been amazing, and I've enjoyed spending time with her. But I know it won't go anywhere; we never really had a chance, and truthfully, it does sadden me.
