Writing Our Love

by Sammi Cee

  Shayna brings the roasted chicken in and sets it on the table before going back in for rolls and a salad. It looks delicious as always. She tells us to go ahead and serve ourselves as she settles in next to me across from Eli. Once we all have a full plate, Shayna begins to pepper my friend with questions.

  “So, Eli, are you all settled in over at Coop’s?”

  “Yeah, I really didn’t bring too much with me, so it wasn’t a big deal to get all moved in.”

  “Are you excited to start your new job?”

  Eli makes a weird face before replying, “I’m not sure. I had applied for a laborer position, but apparently, I’m a new foreman. I’m not really sure how that’s gonna go.” He places his fork down to rub the back of his neck while he’s talking.

  “Eat, Eli,” I say. I know him and stress kills his appetite.

  Before I can bring up something else, so he doesn’t get himself worked up, Shayna says, “Oh, lovey, they’re gonna be blessed to have you. Coop’s told me all kinds of things about the quality of your work. I have no doubt you’ll be a real asset to them. Now, tell me how you think I can score an invitation to Coop’s house for dinner. He calls me precious, but I haven’t seen his house or met his beloved dog. I’m surprised he even let me meet you.”

  And just like that, she changes the whole tone of the conversation and has Eli laughing. Looking over at her, she winks at me before leaning over and rubbing my knee. She saw that he was about to get himself worked up, and she changed his focus. Until this minute, I never realized how important it is for the person I care about to understand Elijah, or at least try to. And here’s Shayna, this woman I’m becoming increasingly attached to, demonstrating understanding and compassion for the most important person in my world as she’s burrowing further into my heart. I can’t even be upset that it’s at my expense.

  Eli gives me the stink-eye. “What kind of boyfriend are you?”

  “Good grief. You both need to stop. It’s not exactly like we’ve been dating all that long. And I was trying to make sure everything was prepared for you to come, dumbass.” I say the last part while wadding up my napkin and throwing it at his head.

  “Dumbass? Who you calling dumbass? I’m not the one who has a super-hot girlfriend that I’m neglecting just weeks into my relationship.”

  Hearing her gasp, I turn to see Shayna turning a pretty shade of pink while gaping at Eli. In the background I hear Eli ask, “Why’s she looking at me like that? Did I say something wrong?”

  Looking at Shayna, but responding to Eli I say, “Nah, man. You said something right. My precious-girl isn’t insecure about herself at all, but she also doesn’t realize what a bombshell she is.”

  Glancing down at her plate, Shayna mumbles, “You two stop and eat your food.” She immediately picks up her fork and takes a bite. I side-eye Eli and we share a smirk. She’s gonna have so much fun dealing with us.

  The chicken and veggies with it are fabulous so we’re relatively silent as we eat, each of us enjoying our meal. The minute I take my last bite Eli is up and grabbing my plate, stacking it on his, and turning to Shayna he asks, “Can I take your plate?”

  She had finished a few minutes before us since Eli and I had gone back for seconds, so flashing him her most brilliant smile, she says, “Oh, lovey, please make sure you come over often.”

  She passes him her plate, and as he turns to head to the kitchen, I pinch his hip and he sticks his tongue out at me. Shayna reaches over to hold my hand as he disappears. “He’s lovely, Coop.” All is right in my world.

  Eli

  Walking over to set the plates on the cabinet so I can rinse them off one at a time, I reflect on the night thus far. Shayna is a great lady. And there’s no question that she’s just as besotted with Coop as he is with her. It really hadn’t been my intention to embarrass her by calling her super-hot, but she really is. Yeah, maybe by online definitions of what’s hot, she’s not, but I think those curves she’s sporting are gorgeous. Plus, I really like how she moves confidently in her own skin. It doesn’t hurt that she’s stacked up top. Not that I’d ever say that to Coop.

  When he first told me he was serious with someone, I did experience a momentary disappointment that our days of hooking up the ladies together were over, but I’d always known that couldn’t last. Hopefully, at some point I’ll be able to find a woman who can see past the scar on my body and love me anyway. Just as I get the last plate loaded into the dishwasher, Coop and Shay appear.

  Walking past me, Shay pulls the dishwasher door up and gives it a firm shove with her hip. Meanwhile, Coop grabs my hand and tugs me down the hall and into the living room. “What’re we doing?”

  Coop shoves me down on one end of the couch and goes to recline himself on the other side. Shayna follow behind us with two freshly opened beers and a new glass of wine for herself. After handing me and Coop our beers, she snuggles down next to him on the couch with her legs pulled up under her. Leaning back against his chest she says, “Okay, let’s get to know each other better. No more dumb questions; I want to know you, lovey.”

  Over the top of her head, Coop chuckles, but merely shrugs his shoulders at me. “Um…”

  “Don’t worry,” Shay says. “It’s gonna go both ways. I’ll tell you something important about my life, and you tell me something important about yours. We’ll go back and forth; it’ll be fun.”

  Apparently, we have different definitions of fun because it doesn’t sound at all fun to me, but I go ahead and shrug to let her know I’ll play. “Since it’s my idea, I’ll go first. Probably the most important thing about me is I have a twenty-year-old daughter whom I adore more than life itself. Now you go.”

  “Well, I haven’t had any kids, yet. I’ve never even been in a serious relationship.”

  “Yeah, well there’s a plus and minus to that. Trust me.”

  Since she started it, and Coop would never betray her trust by telling her business, I ask awkwardly, “May I ask where your daughter’s father is?”

  Smiling at me reassuringly, she says, “Yes, you may. Daniel, my daughter’s father, and I were married at twenty. Entirely too young probably. Our parents weren’t thrilled about the idea, but we met in college and were in love. We weren’t letting anyone tell us anything. A couple years later, along came Shelly. We were divorced before Shelly was even ten, but I’ve never once regretted having loved him or having my daughter. Daniel and I are still great friends, and he has a lovely wife with four more children.”

  “Four?” Coop asks.

  “Ha-ha. I guess I never told you that, huh.” She glances back at him, and when he shakes his head, she continues, “Yeah, his wife, Marcy, wanted lots of children of their own, so they got to work immediately after they got married. They moved to California several years ago, so we don’t see them often, but Shelly flies out once a year to see them. I really think she more goes so she can have a relationship with her siblings, but no need for him to ever know that.”

  “Wow, so you’ve been doing this alone for a long time.”

  “Oh, lovey, don’t look so sad. I’ve had a wonderful life. I loved my career, and my friends at work were very important to me. And my parents only retired to Florida about five years ago, so they were around a lot. My private life revolved around my daughter, but she was involved in so many extra-curricular activities that I became great friends with many of the parents. And I’ve always had my books. I’m fond of books if you hadn’t noticed.”

  That was probably one of the first things I noticed when I’d entered the house. Her living room and dining room all have beautiful cherry wood bookcases overflowing with books. “Actually, I had noticed. The craftsmanship of the bookcases is stunning.”

  “Thank you. It was my one big splurge on myself over the years. Matching bookcases to house my massive collection.”

  Before I can stop myself I ask, “And is that how you decided to write a gay romance series? Because you read them?” Clearing my throat, I fidge
t in my seat as I wait for her to answer.

  “Aww, Coop. He really is a lovey. Look how attractive he is with a blush staining his cheeks.”

  Coop laughs, winking at me over her shoulder. “I’ve always said he’s gorgeous.”

  Quickly glancing over her shoulder at him, Shayna says, “Well, you would know.”

  Expecting awkwardness to follow, I’m shocked when Coop replies, “Yes, I would, precious. Beautiful is beautiful to me, no matter what the package.” She leans up to give him a quick peck on the lips before turning back to me.

  “Okay, you got a few things about me. What about you?”

  And for some reason, things I’ve only ever talked about with Coop, come rolling out of my mouth. It’s like total word vomit.

  “Well, I was that spoiled, little rich boy. You know the type?” At her encouraging nod, I continue, “So yeah, I had too much of everything I wanted and so nothing was enough. I started drinking when I was thirteen with some older friends. Then as I got older, my friends and I got into popping pills and smoking pot. We had good times, and because I had an ungodly allowance, I could keep us all in supply of whatever we wanted.”

  Shaking my head, I can’t believe the arrogance of my teenage self. Before the self-loathing can hit, Coop has moved from behind Shayna to sit on the arm of the couch behind me. He puts one of his hands on each shoulder and gives a gentle squeeze.

  “Anyway, it all escalated. I was running and gunning thinking I was the shit. Fu-uh-screwing my way through the female population at school, drinking more, not paying attention in class, if I even went, then I got into some of the heavier drugs. At first it wasn’t a lot, but eventually, I was snorting coke as much as I was smoking pot. As you can imagine, my relationship with my family was shit by then, and I just didn’t care. It didn’t matter how mad they were, the money was still there to do what I wanted. Not long after I turned seventeen, I had just dropped off the last of my friends on a Thursday night. I’d already missed curfew by hours, but I didn’t care. The last thing I actually remember was telling my friend when he got out of my car how fucked up I was. But I wasn’t, like, worried about it or anything. I thought I was so damn invincible.”

  When I feel Shayna squeeze my hand and focus in on her, I realize I’d been zoning out as I told my story. She’s now sitting directly in front of me, holding both my hands in hers. “What happened next, Eli? Please, tell me.”

  The tears start to fall from my eyes, and Coop moves his arms forward to wrap completely around my neck as I finish my story. Between the press of his cheek to my head, and Shayna scooting in closer while still holding my hands, I get the rest of it out. “I can’t really tell you exactly what happened. I remember pain. So much pain. Flashing lights. People screaming and the loud noise of machinery. I can still hear my mom sobbing, but I couldn’t open my eyes enough to find her. I don’t know if I actually made any noise, but I know inside my head I was screaming. The pain was so horrible I just wanted to die.”

  And with that declaration, all the hurt from the past overwhelms me again for the millionth time, and I let myself fall apart.

  Diary Excerpt

  Ugh. I’m getting so frustrated with myself. I finally took some time today and went and met up with Ruth for lunch. It’s been too long since we just spent some time together. She seemed genuinely curious about my writing and listened with a sympathetic ear while I described my frustrations with myself. She thinks I’m being too hard on myself about the progress of my book, but she doesn’t understand all the things that are still going to need to be done when I’m done writing it. It’s already been two months since I started, really, I thought I’d have it at least halfway done by now.

  * * *

  Her suggestion that I’m spending too much time with Coop though may be valid, but I’m not willing to give him up. Having him in my life has been like a fresh breath of air. It’s not even that I got lonely once Shelly left for college a couple years ago, it’s just that I didn’t remember how nice it was to have someone ask about my day and want to spend time together.

  * * *

  And boy did I forget how good sex is. Maybe because it’s so different than what I’ve ever known when I’m with Cooper. It’s passionate and hard, it’s like we can’t get enough of each other fast enough. It makes me feel so desired which is definitely ramping up how it makes me feel to have him touch me.

  Shayna

  Five

  Shayna

  Having Eli and Coop over two nights ago was eye-opening for me. The depth of their friendship had been apparent from the way they interacted with each other to the way they finished each other’s stories. I’m still in awe that instead of making me feel excluded, they somehow managed to make me feel like I was a part of it. A part of what I’m not sure, but I know it’s special.

  I’ve finally been with Coop long enough that us having plans isn’t making me feel anxious about what to wear, so instead I spent the morning fussing about what to bring. I’ve finally scored an invitation to Coop’s house. Putting the finishing touches on my brownies, I know Eli will be here any minute to pick me up. For some reason, Coop wouldn’t just give me the address to drive over.

  Ding Dong. Grabbing the brownies off the counter, I look around and make sure everything is in its place before running to the door. Pulling it open, I find a shy El hovering on my porch. “Hi, lovey. It’s good to see you.” Balancing the brownies in one hand, I step into his space and wrap my other arm around him as I lean on my tiptoes to give him a kiss on his cheek.

  With a little chuckle and pink staining his cheeks, he mutters, “Hi, Shay,” before relieving me of my tray of brownies. He waits patiently as I turn to lock the door, then holds his arm out so I can slide my arm through the crook of his elbow as he guides me to his car.

  “You and Coop are such gentlemen,” I say as he moves around to open the door for me. He shuts my door once I’m inside and goes around to put the brownies in his backseat before sliding in to the driver’s seat and starting his car up.

  Once he’s moving out into the road he replies, “Yeah, believe me, I didn’t use to be. That’s all Coop’s influence on me. When we first started hanging out, it was more like I was his pet project than anything else. He was always encouraging me to be better, do better, reach for more, you know?”

  “Hmmm… that sounds like Coop. You were so young, you didn’t find that annoying someone almost your same age was bossing you around like that?”

  Glancing at me with a smile before fixing his eyes back on the road, Eli shakes his head a little while chuckling. Finally, he says, “You know, it’s odd cause it really didn’t. It wasn’t so much like he was bossy as he was… I’m not even sure how to describe it. He always urged me to do things in a way where I truly felt like he was trying to help me. I never felt like he was looking down on me or anything. And you know, looking back, I can see that a lot of Coop’s lessons came by him setting an example for me rather than just telling me what to do.”

  “What do you mean?” I’m honestly interested in how a young Coop figured out how to help a lost young man. And truthfully, I’m intrigued by the dynamics of their relationship more than ever.

  “He led me by example, you know? He never said that I should eat healthier, he would just buy something healthy and say he grabbed me one, too. Or if he thought I should be exercising more, he’d say he wanted to get in an extra workout and wanted company. Things like that.”

  “So how is it then he helped you with your manners? I’m dying to hear this if it was all by example.”

  At that, Elijah burst out laughing and quickly shook his head from side to side. “Oh no, Shay. I’m not telling you that story.”

  “What?” I gasp, pretending outrage. “Why? What’s the big deal? Come on, I can take it.”

  “No way. Coop likes you a lot. I’m not telling you stories about his past.” He shakes his head again and glances at me before looking out his window and changing lanes. Curiousl
y I look out the window wondering where in the heck Coop lives. We’re driving closer and closer to the water. It’s beautiful over here, but not exactly inexpensive.

  Focusing back onto my companion, I try to word what I want to say. I don’t want to embarrass Elijah or make him feel like he’s betraying Coop, but maybe he really doesn’t realize the extent that Coop has talked to me about his sex life. “Um, lovey? Not to shock you or anything, but you know Coop has given me all the little details about what he gets up to in the bedroom when he’s with a guy, right?”

  Instantly Eli is that lovely shad of pink again. This man couldn’t be any more adorable if he tried. For such a big, manly body, he gets thrown at the silliest little things. “Um…yeah…I…but this is different, you’re asking me to talk about women here. I just don’t want to make it weird for you two or anything.”

  The last thing I want to do is make Eli feel like he’s betraying his friendship with Coop, so I drop it and switch gears. “Where the heck are we going?”

  “Right here,” he says with a smile as he turns onto a driveway I didn’t even notice and goes up a little hill. When we reach the top, the house in front of us stuns me. It’s absolutely gorgeous. The house itself isn’t huge, but the property it sits on is breathtaking. And if I’m not mistaken, his house backs up to overlook the water.

  “This is Coop’s house?”

  “I know, right? But now you see why he didn’t want you to find the place on your own. One, the entrance to the driveway is a bitch to find if you don’t know it’s there. And two, he thought you might think you were at the wrong place.”