Joey reached for my hand and touched the top of it. “I don’t lie to you, Lace.”
“Yes, you do. You erased my phone when Shayne called, didn’t you?”
He smiled. “Yeah, you got me there. That’s different though, and you know it. Shit, Lace, I even told you about other women in my life. I’ve never told any other person that.”
“I can’t see you anymore.” I looked away, afraid to see the way he was going to judge me.
“What are you goin’ to go back to Shayne now? You think he’s good for you? Can he give you what I can? Does he make you feel the way that I do?”
“No!” I was so frustrated. “He doesn’t, okay? This isn’t about Shayne.”
“You came here to tell me that you were together and now you can’t see me anymore. What else would it be about?” Joey stood up and paced around the living room. I watched him shake his head and clench his jaw, while I thought about how to best explain.
“Being with Shayne made me realize that I’m on a collision course. I can’t keep doing it to myself. It’s ripping me apart from the inside. When I’m with you, I forget who I am. You make me feel alive and like nobody ever has before, but it’s a temporary high. The moment I walk out your door, I think about you being with other women. I think about the pictures and what else you could be hiding from me. I think about all of the people that have warned me about how you are. It’s just too much.”
“Lacey, you’re so wrong. I’m not hidin’ nothin’ else from you. Sure, I lied about Shayne, but that’s only because I wanted you for myself. You think I wanted to share you? You’re the only woman that I’ve ever had to fight to be with. Once I had you, I knew one thing.” He walked over and got on his knees in front of me. I was already crying. “I knew I didn’t want to let you go.”
I tried to look away. “I wish you really meant that, Joey, because being with you is wonderful. You and I both know, it was just about the sex. It’s not like you even do relationships, so don’t give me that shit that I’m different. Look, I’ve thought a lot about this and it’s best if we just stop.”
“I think you’re scared that you might have feelin’s for me.”
He shocked me and I remembered back when I thought he was a cocky bastard. “I’m stopping this before that can happen.”
For a moment I saw this spark in his eyes, almost like he was going to fight for me to stay. “I guess you need to do what you think is right, Lacey.” I stood up and tried to hug him, but he backed away from me. “You should probably go. I mean, I don’t want you to have to be around when I’m callin’ someone else to come entertain me, because that would just be rude.”
By the time I made it to his door, I was already bawling. Sky was a knock away, but I chose to leave the property. I couldn’t handle seeing Joey with another woman. Realizing that only let me know what I was walking away from. Sure, he wasn’t willing to be in a committed relationship, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t falling for him. I needed to get as far away from him as possible.
Joey had made it clear that he was going to move on and that all I was to him was a fuck. No matter what kind of bullshit that he fed me to make it happen, I was just a conquest. Being able to watch me walk out the door with no remorse was enough proof for me.
I drove fast, speeding home, where I knew I could be alone to suffer in peace. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, not my parents or my friends. I needed to be in seclusion, where I didn’t have to talk about being hurt and alone. I wanted to cry without explaining why.
Once I was in my room, I buried my face on my bed. My sobs were loud, but like every night, my parents weren’t home. They wouldn’t understand that my heart was broken. They’d tell me everything would be okay, when I wasn’t sure it ever would be.
I’d tried to be with Shayne, to be able to say goodbye and not feel awful about walking away from him. I wanted to forget about the way I’d loved him for so long. I needed to escape his hold on me.
Joey was the key. He helped me see that another man could give me more. He’d showed me that I was desirable and made all of the pain go away. Saying goodbye to him was what was killing me. I felt more empty than before, and extremely alone.
I felt like saying goodbye to Joey was harder than breaking up with Shayne. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand how sex with the man had left me with feelings that I couldn’t explain. My heart ached for him to reach out to me. I wanted my phone to ring; for him to beg me to come back to his place so we could talk about being together.
But it never did.
After that night, I promised that I’d stay away from Sky’s until I knew I was able to see Joey without hurting. It was the hardest thing that I’d had to do, pretending that I could be strong on the outside when my insides felt like they’d been stabbed a zillion times.
After four whole weeks, Joey hadn’t called. Shayne still left messages, but I erased them before listening. All of my progress would have been for nothing if I allowed myself to feel bad about ignoring him.
I saw Sky at school, but she knew better than to talk about either of the guys. Instead, she talked about Ford and how well he was doing working for her father. As happy as I was for her, I still envied her life. Ford was the perfect guy. He was so in love with Sky that he never even looked at other women. Several times I asked what she did to keep him so happy, thinking maybe there was some secret, but she said I was crazy. She told me that I needed to keep doing what I was doing and happiness would find me.
There was only one problem with her theory. I wasn’t going to find love someday, because I already was in love, with a man that never offered me anything but a good time. The longer I was away from Joey, the more I knew that my feelings for him had grown into something more. The worst part about it, was knowing that he’d never feel the same way about me.
Chapter 21
Shayne
After a while it’s normal to get sick of moping around. For weeks I’d dwelled on all of my failures instead of taking into account everything I was doing for my family. They may not have known it, but I was protecting them, being responsible, and making sure that we had a part in the newest members of our family’s lives.
It had taken my dad a month before he would finally talk to me about anything non work related. Even though his grudge was still apparent, I found compromise when he broke down and invited me and Ashley to come to dinner.
My sister was the only person who appeared to be genuinely excited, but it was a step in the right direction. Ashley seemed more nervous than me. They knew we weren’t a real couple, so it wasn’t like they were expecting us to hold hands or be affectionate.
We were just two people that shared one night together. Out of that night we made a baby and chose to raise it as two loving parents.
On the outside it sounded almost perfect. For me, never willing to be tied down, it made sense. Nobody expected me to be this knight in shining armor.
We were invited over on a Saturday and Ashley must have changed her clothes ten times. She was nervous and I tried my best to reassure her. “Will you calm down? You barely look pregnant. Everything you’ve put on looks cute.”
“Cute? I don’t want to look cute. I need to look mature, like a mother.”
I rolled my eyes and covered my face to prevent her from seeing me frustrated. “Ash, please put something comfortable on. You don’t have to impress any of them. It’s not like they’ve never met you before.”
She sat down next to me and put her head on my shoulder. “I know. I’m trying to be at my best knowing that this lie could blow up at any time. Since your family already hates me, I’d like to have some sort of dignity once the truth is out.”
I patted her leg. “Everyone will love the twins. Ain’t that what matters the most?”
She smiled. Since we’d been living together, Ashley had changed. She cared about what other’s thought and had been so focused on learning everything she could about being a mother. Her stepmother
was close to our age, which did nothing for Ashley’s need for a mother figure. She tried though, always doing what she thought was going to get her in good graces with Ashley.
Her real mother left town a few years back. She married some other government official and barely spoke to her daughter. I always thought Ashley would end up being selfish like her, but this pregnancy had changed her.
“I’m just goin’ to wear this. We can go whenever you’re ready.” She smiled, but I could tell she was anxious.
“I’ve been ready for nearly an hour,” I teased.
She gave me a dirty look as we headed out the door.
The car ride was quiet. She fidgeted with her hands, picking at her fingernails and biting them at times. I looked through the mirror toward the backseat and clenched my jaws. “Guess I’m goin’ to have to get a new ride soon. This car isn’t made to hold car seats, especially two of em’.”
She looked back and laughed. “I never noticed. Wow, guess you never get action in that thing.”
“This car was for pickin’ up women. The action started when we got back to a bed.”
Ashley laughed more. “You’re never goin’ to change are you, Shayne?”
“Be nice. Honestly, it gets lonely. I sit around and watch my friends and family settling down and a part of me wants that.”
“You had it with Lacey. That girl chased you for years, didn’t she? I remember seein’ her around.”
“Yeah, her family had a place at the beach near mine. I’ve known her for years, since we were teenagers.”
“What will it take for someone like you to settle down?”
I looked over at her and then back to the road. “Please tell me that you’re askin’ in general. You know you and I won’t work, right?”
Ash nudged my arm. “Eww. No! I’m not askin’ for me. I was just bein’ a friend, you douche. Two guys in the same family are too much for me.”
“Hey, you got what you wanted. Didn’t you always say you wanted to be a part of our family? The two kids in your stomach made that happen.”
“That wasn’t what I meant.” I offended her and I felt bad. She’d been the only solid friend in my life lately.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off.”
“It’s fine.” She paused and looked out the window. “Shayne, can I tell you somethin’?”
“Sure.”
“You’re my only friend. I can’t talk to anyone else. You know my secrets. Somehow, you always do. I know for a while you hated me, but I appreciate everything you’re doing. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”
Ashley reached over and grabbed my hand. I squeezed it. “We’re cool. I know I said I hated you, but I was only sayin’ it because I was so pissed.”
“I know I shouldn’t have lied to Ford. At least he’s happy now. Your sister said he’s doin’ real good at his job.”
“He talks to the family more. It’s good that he’s back to bein’ normal. I mean, we all thought he’d marry you.”
“When Harley died everything changed. A part of Ford died with her. Now his mother’s back after all those years. He’s got a lot on his plate. I never would have said this months ago, but I’m glad he has Sky. She seems like she’s just as crazy about him.”
“She’s a great girl. She’s good for him. They both want the same things.” The car got quiet. I’d hit a nerve, but Ashley needed to talk about it, just like I needed to talk about Lacey. “How about Lace and Joey. Did you ever see her runnin’ to someone like him?”
Ashley laughed. “Now that’s hysterical. He makes you look like an angel.”
“I know, right. What was she thinkin’?”
“I’ve known Joey since we were little kids. He’s always had a way with the girls, even his brother. I guess it’s in the blood or somethin’. I can happily say that I’ve never been with either of them. Jamey’s goin’ to be just like Joey.”
“We had words, you know. I called Lacey a while back and he answered. He told me she was different to him and I needed to back off.”
She looked right at me with a shocked face. “Really? Do you think she put him up to it?”
“She didn’t even know about it.”
“Wow. Do you think he’s changed?”
“Hell no! He just wants to bang her. I guess he thought that if she got back with me he wouldn’t get to bang anymore.” I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. Thinking of Joey and Lacey made me insanely jealous. I’d never suffered from that kind of feeling before, especially not about a girl.
“You need to forget about her. I’m not sayin’ that to be mean. She gets to you like Ford got to me. Once I realized that and finally gave up, I started to feel better. Plus, I had these little ones to worry about.” Ford could have had a good life with Ashley. She was gorgeous. The girl had a great body and she was easy to hang out with. Sure, she had a wild side, but I found it spunky and attractive. Had she not been with either of them, I would have definitely wanted to hit it. That wasn’t me though. We were friends and that was it.
We pulled up at my parents and I turned the car off. Ashley looked at me like she was going to throw up. I grabbed her hand again. “It’s goin’ to be fine, Ash. Were two friends that are expectin’. That’s the truth. The paternity is irrelevant, right now.”
“It’s still lyin’.”
“Don’t get all honest on me, Ash. We can do this.”
She squeezed my hand. “Okay. Let’s do it.”
Lacey
“Stop moping and get your butt over here. Ford got some movies and we’re planning on vegging out all weekend.” Sky had been begging me to come over for the past week.
I still didn’t want to run into Joey. Seeing him would bring the pain back. His last words to me were all I could think about, no matter how much time had gone by. “You know why I don’t want to come.”
“I didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?” She had me scared. “He’s got a new girlfriend?”
“No. Well, I suppose he could. He left for Italy a few days ago.”
“Vacation?”
“No.” She got quiet for a moment. “Lace, Joey moved there. He got an opportunity to be the chef for some consulate. We didn’t find out until the day before he left. His brother’s staying in his place until the lease is over with.”
I could feel my lips trembling as she spoke. Not only was Joey gone, but he was on the other side of the world. “He’s not coming back?”
“Ford said it’s a dream opportunity. His mother was really upset. She was finally getting used to him living on his own and then he did this.”
“Sky, are you lying to me? Did you know about this and just not tell me?”
“No, I swear. He came to us the night before. He was short about it and didn’t give us any details. To be honest, we hadn’t seen him much lately anyway. Ever since the two of you called it quits, he kept his distance.”
“I bet he had plenty of women to take my place.”
The line got quiet again and I wondered if we’d been disconnected. “Lace, I’ve never seen a single woman visit Joey. He’d go to work, then come home. Are you sure that he didn’t want something more with you?”
“No. He made it quite clear.”
“I think he lied. We’re talking about a guy that did everything for his mother. What else could make him want to leave everything behind? Something had to happen.”
I thought about Joey being so far away. My heart was breaking all over again and I couldn’t even picture never being able to see him. I’d been foolish to not come around. “If that’s the truth, then I made him leave.”
“You did tell him you slept with Shayne. Maybe that’s what set him over the edge.” She told me like it was and I valued that in our friendship, but at the very moment I wanted to slap my best friend. I was in agony and needed to find answers, not be lectured.
“How do I reach him?”
“I have no clue. I guess his mother has a way.
”
“I’ve got to go, Sky. I will call you later if I’m going to stop by.”
“Lacey, what are you going to do?”
I was sobbing and hoped that she could understand me through my tears. “I need to know the truth. Everyone told me he’d never want a relationship. What if he did? What if he was being honest to me? Oh my God, I could have ruined everything.”
“Lacey, calm down. We’ll get his number. Everything will be okay.”
“No, that’s not good enough. I’ve got to find him. I need him to know that my feelings were real. All that fighting, it was only because I was crazy for him. It was the chase that made me want him, but nothing could ever compare to what happened when we were alone. I can’t explain it. No man will ever make me feel like that, except Joey. He needs to know, Sky.”
“I can call the diner for you and get his contact information.”
“No. I need to do it myself. This is all my fault and it’s my job to fix it.”
I hung up the phone, knowing exactly what my plan was going to be. I didn’t care what it took, I needed the truth no matter what I had to do to get it. If there was a chance that Joey was in love with me, I had to know.
Chapter 22
Shayne
The house smelled wonderful when we walked inside. Peyton was the first person to greet us and I felt like I was going to vomit when I saw who her guest was. Jamey sat in a lounge chair in the living room. He nodded when our eyes met and for a split second I thought it was Joey. Ashley must have sensed my anxiety, because she grabbed my hand, getting my attention to go to her, instead of him.
My sister came over and hugged me. I whispered in her ear, “What is he doin’ here, Pey?”
“Seriously?, We’ve been seein’ each other for a month. God, you are so out of the loop. Dad is fine with it for once, so back off.”
I grabbed my sister by the arm when she started to walk away. “He’s nothin’ but a player.”
She jerked herself out of my hold. “Screw you, Shayne. Just because you screw up your relationships, doesn’t mean people can’t change. Jamey’s living at his brother’s place now. He’s got a good job and I really like him.”
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