by Monica James
“I know who the other benefactors are. It’ll be business as usual. The do-gooders funding the depraved of Europe and beyond. It’s rather genius. I intend to make this place renowned as there will be no rules. No one will suspect what’s going on behind these Godly walls.”
“They are children,” I remind him appalled, but he knows.
“And so was I when you killed my father! Why should they have a family when I was robbed of mine? Every child who gets exploited and used for depraved acts will be on your head. You did this. You created me. I know how much this is going to hurt you, and that’s far more satisfying than killing you. You can live with a lifetime of pain as have I.”
“Mother Superior will never sign the deed over to you,” I snarl, his words cutting deep because he’s right. I created the monster in front of me.
“You will convince her. Ren has told me how much she adores you. I’d think with how loyal she is to you, you were fucking her while she was on her knees, praying for forgiveness,” he crudely spits. “But it seems that’s reserved for Sister Arabella.”
Ella’s cheeks redden.
Renata knew all along. She was sent to seduce me, but that didn’t work, which is why Serg is here now. She knew she was running out of time.
“I will not help you,” I growl, anger fueling the violence thrumming through me.
Serg snickers. “This isn’t optional. You don’t do what I say, I’ll burn this place to the ground but not before I allow my men to have their fun with the sisters and children. Once they’re done with them, everyone will be begging me to kill them…all except one.”
Irina yelps when Renata grips her hair and yanks her head backward. “I suppose keeping one child alive does have its advantages. She’ll be passed around like a turkey at Thanksgiving.”
Unable to stop myself, I strike out and kick Serg in the jaw. His head connects with the wall with a thunderous thwack. It does nothing to soothe the murderous pulses within.
“Try that again and another sister will die,” Renata warns, pointing the gun at Ella who yelps, eyes begging for me to help her.
Renata killed Sister Yali. She is far worse than I ever thought.
Serg spits out a mouthful of blood. “Aleksei, this will happen. You either do what I say, or I kill your beloved, slit Mother Superior’s throat, and exploit your precious Irina. Oh, and I kill your beloved дорогая.”
The walls close in on me.
“What did you say?” My body begins to vibrate in fury.
Serg cocks his head to the side, his expression changing before he bursts into riotous laughter. “Oh, this just makes everything so much better.”
I wait with bated breath.
“You don’t know, do you? You didn’t read her postcard?”
Clenching my fists, I tip my face to the ceiling and steady my breathing. But no matter how many breaths I take, it’ll never be enough.
“She is coming to visit. She and Saint. Shame, if you’d read the postcard you’d know when and where.”
She is coming here? My heart beats faster for a mere fraction of time, but then it shatters once again when I realize what this means for her.
“Do what I say, and she’ll remain unharmed. Don’t give me what I want, then every single thing you care about will be taken away from you, and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.”
Renata stole the postcard and burned it, ensuring I would never see it again.
Serg has everything that I care about in the palm of his hand, and I allowed it. This is all my fault. My karma has finally caught up to me. It’s time I paid for the sins of my past.
Love is dangerous—more powerful than money and control—which is why I lock eyes with Serg and surrender.
“I do all this, and you promise their safety?” Even if he agrees, I’m putting my faith in a sociopath.
He grins in victory as he crosses over his heart. “Cross my heart, hope to…well, you know. You have one week to give me what I want. I understand it may take some convincing for Mother Superior to agree.
“Don’t even think about going to the police. I own them. I own everyone,” he smugly boasts. “You have no allies. They’re all mine. You have no one.”
He comes to a wobbly stand, using the wall as support while it takes every ounce of strength not to kill him.
He is wrong. I have Santo, but for that to work, I need to give him Ella. And when I look at her, she knows it too.
It would be simple. Trade Ella for the safety of so many. For the safety of Willow. She’s coming back for me once again, oblivious to the trouble that faces her because of me. But Ella isn’t a faceless name. She is a human being—one I have feelings for.
No matter what she’s done, I can’t hand her over to the wolves. But I can’t let so many others die.
Ella flinches as Serg hobbles past, licking his lips deviously. Renata’s eyes narrow.
“Come, sweet Ren. Olivia has missed you.”
Serg’s admission has me remembering Renata’s tale about her friend being held hostage. Could it be true?
But when he runs the back of his hand down Renata’s cheek, I recognize what this is. He has both under his spell. A harem of women who would do anything to please him, like I once did.
“It’s been quite lonely without you. You know you’re my number one girl, don’t you?” He plays on her emotions, ensuring she feels “special” so she’ll continue to do what he wants.
Renata nods, an obedient pet.
She deserves an Oscar for her performance because she had me fooled. But her likeness to Willow was the reason I was careless. I will live with that on my conscience for the rest of my life because whatever happens now, someone is bound to lose.
Irina looks at me, trusting I will save her, and I will. But what happens next, Serg is sure to have something up his sleeve to ensure I’ll bow to his command.
“Just in case you get any ideas, we’ll be taking collateral.” When he bends down and tosses Irina over his shoulder, I race forward, heart in my throat. Her small legs flail wildly as she bursts into inconsolable tears.
“Take me! Take me!” I shout, slamming my hand against my chest over and over again. “I’ll do what you want. Just leave Irina here.”
Serg turns to me, his eyes void of emotion, and that’s because he’s dead inside. “Oh, I know you will. But the thought of you suffering, not knowing what I’m doing to your loved ones, that gives me far more pleasure than simply holding you captive.
“This is about breaking someone and having them do anything you command. This is about power, the power I have over you. If I wanted you dead, you’d be gone by now. But I intend to torture you for the rest of your life.
“And I can only hope that one day, when you’ve had enough, your death will be by your own hand. The greatest shame is a fallen leader ending their miserable existence because they’re a failure. When they’ve failed everyone they loved.”
Balling my fists, I swallow down my nausea because he just served me a dose of my own medicine. For countless years, I operated this way, and now, it’s my turn to feel the pain I’ve inflicted on so many.
I deserve this, but the people I care about don’t.
“Ski!” Irina sobs, her cries breaking me in ways I’ve never felt before.
Serg’s knife is within reach. I’m quick. I’m also a perfect shot. I could injure him, but Renata reads me like a book when she storms over to Ella and presses the gun to her temple.
Ella yelps, raising her bloody hands in surrender. Sister Yali’s head rests in her lap. So much destruction. So much death.
“We only need one hostage,” she threatens with a smirk.
If I didn’t want to detach her head from her shoulders, I’d feel sorry for Renata. I know what happens to a person when they lose their soul and give it to another. All I can think of is Zoey on her knees, calling me мастер.
No wonder Saint hated me with every fiber of his being. Seeing this now, the
hatred I feel is almost blinding. I wish this life lesson wasn’t learned this way, but I now understand the pain, the damage I caused to so many.
Ella stares at me, surrendering, fearful for her life.
“I’m going to kill you, sweet Renata. Of this, I promise you. I know how you taste. And I know you liked it.” I run a finger over my bottom lip, smearing it with my blood, just remembering I was stabbed.
She blinks once, taken aback by my threat. But I call her bluff. Serg won’t allow any harm to come to those I care about until he gets what he wants.
They’re all his pawns.
Serg growls, clearly upset I played with one of his toys. I’ll use this to my advantage when the time comes.
He gestures it’s time to leave as he too reads the seriousness of my threat, and although he has the upper hand, deep down, he knows if I ever get the opportunity, I’ll deliver the same to him as I did his father.
“I will find you. I promise.” I beseech Irina to forgive me. Loving me will be the reason for her demise. “Ski любит Irina.”
I tell her I love her because I do, and her trembling reply has every part of me weeping tears I cannot cry.
“Irina любит S-Ski.”
Serg doesn’t allow me to say goodbye as he runs down the hallway, Irina’s terrified screams growing softer and softer until eventually, they stop. Renata removes the gun from Ella’s temple, and we lock eyes for a second, but in that second, I promise her when we next meet, I will kill her.
She takes off after Serg like the good little lapdog she is.
A strangled sob leaves Ella as she slumps forward, resulting in Sister Yali sliding from her lap and onto the cold floor.
Her death is my fault. I asked her to tend to Irina while I looked for Ella. If only she hadn’t, she’d still be alive.
I numbly walk over to Ella, offering her my bloody hand. She peers up at me with nothing but utter fear reflected in her eyes. But with a hesitant touch, she slips her own bloody hand in mine. She steps over Sister Yali with a small sniffle.
She was stabbed in the back. The pooling of blood reveals she died a slow, painful death. I can’t offer her anything, to express how truly sorry I am, so I strip off my shirt and lay it over her body, wishing to conceal her dignity. It’s the least I can do.
“You’re hurt,” Ella says, trying to look at the wound in my side. But I brush her hand away.
“I’m fine.” The wound inflicted on my heart is far worse.
But when I hear a stunned gasp, followed by Mother Superior asking the Lord for protection, that wound becomes a gaping hole.
“Aleksei,” she wheezes, and when I turn to face her, exposing Sister Yali’s corpse, that turns into a smothered sob. “What happened? We must call an ambulance.”
“She’s dead,” I numbly state. “Irina is gone.”
“What?” The confusion on her face just highlights the fact that she will associate every birthday from here on out with this ghastly night. I just ruined every future birthday for her, which is why I need to leave.
“You’re safe. I promise you. Just trust me. Okay?”
She looks over my shoulder at Sister Yali. She trusted me, too, and look what happened to her.
“Okay.” She peers down at the wound in my side, gushing blood, and figures it out. This is my doing, and she does something that breaks both our hearts. “I…can’t have you here, Aleksei. You’re a risk to the children. Forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive. You’ve been far kinder than anyone has ever been to me, and I will protect you and these children with my life.”
I won’t tell her of Serg’s plans. I can’t. She is safe as long as Serg thinks he’s in control.
“Do not let anyone into the orphanage. It’s locked down. Wait until you hear from me. Do not trust anyone.”
When she opens her mouth, I grip her hand in mine. “Please, Mother Superior, just do as I say.”
My blood now pollutes her clean, wholesome hand. “Okay.”
I wish I could explain, but I don’t have time right now. I need to work out what I’m going to do.
Mother Superior looks at Ella, and although she doesn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle, she knows she’s leaving too.
“I’ll bring Irina back. I promise.”
My empty promises mean nothing anymore.
“Go, I will take care of this.”
I want to say so many things, but nothing will ever be enough. So I say the only thing I can. “I love you,” I whisper in Russian.
In the entire time I’ve known Mother Superior, I’ve never seen her cry…until now. “And I love you.”
I can’t stay here a moment longer because her tears will be the death of me. With hands locked, I lead Ella down the hallway. She grabs her packed bag, and I stuff the folder Santo gave me into it. We then gather my belongings from the basement.
I wash the blood from my hands, place an adhesive bandage over the superficial stab wound, and slip into a clean shirt. Looking at Ella, I realize this is the last time I’ll see her in her habit. Everything is about to change.
She watches as I smash out the bricks, collecting my hidden stash. This is how someone like me lives. Always in secret. Always needing a plan B.
With everything I need in hand, I dial the only person who can help me.
“Pavel, I need your help.”
He doesn’t ask questions and directs me to the only place I can be—his mother’s house. It was here I was once offered sanctuary. It is here where my sins are buried.
I don’t bid the sisters or the children farewell. It’s better this way.
We toss our bags into the back of my SUV, and just like that, we slip into the night, leaving behind nothing but carnage and pain.
Larisa’s house is about an hour away, so I turn the radio on, needing to fill the silence. There are no words to explain what just happened because a few simple hours have changed everything I thought I knew.
Ella isn’t who I thought she was. And Renata, she absolutely played me for a fool.
Serg left Zoya behind, but her time will come. The orphanage needs a face behind it with Mother Superior gone. No guesses whose face that will be.
He came here tonight, lifting his leg and marking his territory. This war has merely just begun, but I can’t help but wonder how many casualties this warfare will see.
“What did you say to Mother Superior?” Ella whispers after minutes of silence, her eyes sealed shut. She’s exhausted as she too doesn’t know what tomorrow brings.
With eyes focused on the road, I numbly reply, “I told her that I loved her…and she said she loved me too.”
I can only hope that love doesn’t get her or so many others killed.
Ella didn’t say a word to me before she fell into a deep sleep, but honestly, I needed the silence. I needed time to think. I have no game plan because I don’t have many options.
When I pull the SUV in front of Larisa’s home, a cabin in the middle of nowhere, a sense of nostalgia overwhelms me. Switching off the engine, I take a moment to let it all sink in. It’s impossible not to associate this place with memories of Willow, Zoey, with everyone I hurt.
Sighing, I gently touch Ella’s arm as she’s still asleep. Her eyes flicker for a moment, and I see it—hope that what she just experienced was a dream. But when she focuses on our remote surroundings, that hope is dashed.
She has no idea of Larisa’s hatred for me, but she will soon find out because when the door opens and Larisa hobbles out, she does nothing to mask her annoyance that I’m once again using her home as a hideout.
Ella opens the door, and when Larisa sees her in a habit, she crosses herself. No doubt she is fearful for Ella to be in the presence of a monster.
Grabbing our things, I walk toward Larisa, who has her animals surrounding her on guard. A German shepherd bares its teeth when I walk up the front steps. Ella trails me.
“Hello, Larisa. Thank you for your hospitality.
”
She grunts in response, focusing on Ella.
“This is Antonella. But she prefers Ella.” I speak in English, so Ella understands.
The fact I haven’t used Ella’s holy title hints at the fact she isn’t a sister. Larisa has two sinners under her roof now. Nonetheless, she gestures for us to enter.
Turning to look at the barn, I can’t help but feel like this is where I belong. It was good enough for Saint and Willow when they stayed here, and it’s more than I deserve. But Larisa has granted me permission to stay inside her home, so I nod my gratitude as I walk into her sanctuary.
The place hasn’t changed an iota, and images of Zoey sitting in the armchair, reading a magazine hit me hard. Now, she lies buried in a grave outside. As does Sara. We never found Ingrid because she selflessly strapped a bomb to herself and detonated it to save us all.
My feelings for Ingrid were real, contrary to my actions. I cared for her in my own way. She was so innocent and fragile, and to know how her life ended still makes me sick to my stomach.
Larisa points down the hallway. “One bedroom,” she says in Russian.
There are three bedrooms here, but Larisa is a hoarder, so the other two are probably filled with her latest finds. Ella looks at me, waiting for me to translate, but I don’t need to. When I walk down the hallway and enter the only open door, she understands.
The room is the same one I stayed in when I was last here. The white linens are freshly pressed, and even though it’s small, the bedroom is homey. Ella, however, seems worried that we’ll be roommates.
She doesn’t say anything, but her pale complexion and the gnawing of her bottom lip reveals she is uncomfortable sharing a bed with me. She doesn’t know if I’m friend or foe, but honestly, neither do I.
She places her bag on a wooden chair in the corner of the room and waits for me to speak.
“I’ll sleep on the floor,” I say, reaching for a pillow and tossing it onto the floor along with my bags. She watches as I open the cupboard and retrieve a gray blanket from the top shelf.
She’s careful to keep her distance from me, which wounds me, but I soon realize I don’t trust her either. She may run, which means I need to keep her from doing so. I won’t take any pleasure in seeing her bound this way, but she is my get out of jail free card. She is the one bargaining chip I have.
