by Ames, Ilsa
Tears stung my eyes as we drove away from the now empty storage unit. I blinked them away and checked my rear view mirror to make sure the moving van was behind me. Don’t think about him, don’t think about him.
I managed to get through the day, found a new bed that would be delivered the next day, and had all of the furniture arranged by the time the sun started to go down. I went back to the hotel, got my bags, turned in my key, and went back to the house after a stop at the grocery store. I went into the now less empty home and sat on the couch that would be my bed for the night.
The nausea had started around the time I made it into the house and I knew what I was in store for. As if it wasn’t bad enough that I’d just left the only man I’d ever loved, now I was an ocean away, on my own, and nauseous. The tears started to fall finally, and I swiped at them, angry with myself. I’d made this decision, he hadn’t driven me away, I’d chosen to leave. I’d done this to myself. All of it really.
I’d decided to sleep with him. I’d decided I could handle a fling, that I could protect my heart, but hearts were stupid and made their own decisions didn’t they? Even when your brain screamed no at you, over and over again, your heart still went off and did something incredibly moronic like fall in love with a prince who was way out of your league. And damn, my boobs hurt!
I grabbed at them gently and laughed at myself. I was sitting in a home I’d just rented, with somebody’s used blinds up and no curtains, holding my boobs while I was surrounded by pieces of my past. I’d placed pictures of my mom and dad over the mantelpiece. They were there on their wedding day, two pictures of them alone, and one with me in between them. There wasn’t a fireplace anymore, just the mantel. Beside it was a picture of Jane and I together on the day I graduated from my university.
The couch I sat on had been Jane’s. She’d spent many hours on it as she battled her fight with cancer. I sprawled out on it, and hoped I’d catch her scent, or feel a ghostly embrace from her, but there was nothing. Those long months in storage had erased all of the smells of her and her home. The appliances had been mine, but the coffee table and rocking chair had been Mom and Dad’s. The bedding had all been mine too, but one quilt was one my mother had brought from Ikrosovnia with her. I don’t know whether she made it, if it was some remnant from the orphanage she’d been in, or if it had belonged to her family, but she’d kept it so I did too.
This was my home now, humble as it was. I’d arranged wireless internet on my phone and laptop and settled on the couch with a blanket to watch a movie. It was something about a writer, one who went away on vacation to finish her book but couldn’t because her family and friends kept dropping in on her in way or another with some calamity that only she could solve. The poor woman just wanted to finish her book but the people in her life just wouldn’t leave her alone.
I’d often felt lonely in my life, even with Jane. Jane had tried to be all I needed her to be, but she could never be my mother. I didn’t make friends easily either, and most drifted away when I didn’t want to go out to clubs or get so drunk I puked up everything I’d just bought. I was alone in the world, I had no problems to solve for others, nobody depended on me now. I wondered if I should write my own book.
What would I write about, I wondered as the movie came to an end? I was wide awake, nausea made sure of that. I could write about my life, even my fling with the prince, if I made it a fictional story. At least I wouldn’t have the problem of constantly being interrupted by life. There was nobody to interrupt me.
I picked up my laptop from the coffee table, email icon still on ignore, and started to research romance novels and all of the things that went with publishing a book. It wasn’t easy, from the looks of it. From the way some writers carried on, writing the book was the easy part. Getting it in front of an audience was the hardest part.
I’d only been gone for twenty-four hours and my life had changed yet again. I had a new direction, and definitely a new future ahead of me with this baby. I’d have to arrange to see a doctor soon, I needed to get prenatal care, I knew that much. Who would I say was the father? Could you still put unknown on a birth certificate?
That brought tears again, only this time I had to run to the bathroom in the unfamiliar house because my stomach chose that moment to rebel. I couldn’t find the light switch, I couldn’t remember where it was, and ended up on the floor to crawl to the damn toilet. I was in tears, with full-on sobs by the time I found the toilet, just in time. I cried there, on the floor, alone, when it was all done. This is what I had to look forward to. This was the choice I had made.
I fell asleep on the cold tiles of the bathroom so white it was nearly blinding when there was light, but was dark now without even moonlight. I’d made this choice, and I had to live with it.
Chapter 18
Andrej
An emergency with factory workers in the north of my country kept me away from the palace for two days. There’d been an earthquake there that had caused a building to collapse early in the morning hours and I’d been pulled away to act as spokesman for the palace. Many people had been trapped inside and I was needed there to be the face of calm comfort. I wanted to be there too. They were my people trapped in that building, and I wanted to be there when they came out.
I ignored all communications from home that weren’t equal emergencies, and sent word that Livia and Cara were to be notified I’d return when the workers were freed. My family could wait, my country needed me more at the moment. I went down to factory one more time late in the evening of the second day, my security detail a pain to manage in the small streets and then the disaster area. There were so many of them, huge tough men there to protect me, that it was sometimes hard to move around freely.
I’d become used to them in normal activities, they’d spread out, but here, in an area where so many buildings had collapsed and rubble was strewn about everywhere, there was little room to move. I glanced at one who stepped on my toes, and he moved away a little. I wiped the toe on the back of my leg to remove the dust and sighed heavily.
“Are they free yet, General?” I asked of the man in a navy blue uniform who stood on the outskirts of the rubble with me.
“Any moment now. The army is working hard to get those people free, Your Highness. Rest assured, they will be out in a matter of moments.” He turned back to the building where the workers were trapped and waited. The last ray of sunlight of the day beamed off of one building straight into my eyes, but I didn’t flinch away.
I watched with him, and willed the soldiers to work faster. Our army had trained for these sorts of things in other countries, just in case it happened here. Ikrosovnia sat on a fault line, so it was possible, and now the worst had happened. A cheer ran through the crowd of families at the other edge of the rubble and a fist appeared in the air. Then a face and a body covered in blood and dust. They were free at last!
The men and women emerged, one on a stretcher, until all of the workers were accounted for. Cheers and jubilation filled the air as cameras clicked and video was recorded. All twenty-three workers were alive, some with grave injuries, but they were alive. They were all rushed into ambulances and taken to the nearest hospital. I conducted an interview with the media for a short time, then went back to my hotel and gathered my things. It was time to go home, time to sort out my future.
I wanted a shower, a shave, and two days alone with Cara. I’d see Livia first, I decided once I was back at the palace. I headed to her quarters and found her with Alexa, looking for all the world as if she’d lost her best friend. She didn’t even give me a smile when I walked in. Just a glare and huff of her chest before she went back to her blank gaze as she stared at the walls.
“What’s wrong, Livia? Why are you so upset?” She looked quite miffed for such a little girl. What could possibly have a child that age so vexed? I sat down beside her and took her tiny little hand in mine. She threw herself into my arms and began to wail. I couldn’t understand a word she said,
and she kept switching between English and Ikrosovnian, which only made it more difficult to follow.
“Livia, my sweet child, calm down, my darling. What’s wrong?” I brushed wet hair away from her damp and tear-stained face. She was hot and her face was red. It broke my heart to see her that upset.
“Cara is gone!” she wailed and threw her head back onto my shoulder.
“Baby, she’ll be back soon I’m sure. Where is she? In the village?” Maybe she’s gone off to see a new doctor finally. That would be a relief.
“No, she’s gone, Papa! Back to America!”
Alexa came in then, saw that Livia was in tears and tried to soothe her too.
“She had to go back to America, Livia. She missed her home. Can you blame her, dear? She was a long way from all she knew.” Alexa’s words only made Livia wail even more, while all I could do was sit, stunned into silence.
“She’s gone?” I finally choked out, my throat almost too dry to form words. She’d left us? Without even a word to warn us?
“Yes, I’m afraid she was just too homesick, Your Highness. She left two days ago.” Alexa looked at me, her eyes passive but there was a tightness around her mouth that shouted it was my fault at me.
Or maybe that was my own guilt?
“I’ll go fetch her back.” I stood up and handed Livia off to Alexa. “Livia be a good girl now. I’ll go and see if I can bring Cara back, shall I?”
“I want to go to America, too!” She cried out, distracted now.
“Not this time, sweetheart. Soon though, I promise.”
“You’ll bring Cara back?” She hiccupped and put her head gently on Alexa’s shoulder.
“I’ll do my best.” It was the only promise I could make. If she’d run away, she might not want to come back. If only I’d had time to tell her how I felt, that I’d been a complete dolt, and now I knew the error of my ways.
“Alright, Papa. I’ll see you soon then.” Livia disappeared into her bathroom with Alexa. I knew the tutor would clean her up and put her to bed, so I went to my own rooms and started to pack. I called Viktor in and started to fire directions at him.
“Arrange a flight to Atlanta in a state called Georgia. I’ll need a couple of security detail but not many. Cancel my appointments for the next week or so, and tell my father he’ll have to run his own damn country for a little while. I have a life to see to.”
“It’s about time,” Viktor muttered so low I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right.
“What was that?” I looked at him but his face was as bland as ever.
“Of course, Your Highness. Anything else?”
“Find Cara. I expect her address to be available when I step off of the plane in Atlanta. And arrange a car for there too.” I let it slide, mainly because he was right, it was about time I woke up to reality.
I raced off to the family’s private air strip, loaded onto a plane with the few staff I took with me, and settled in for a long flight. We’d have to refuel before we made it to Atlanta, but I didn’t mind. I slept through most of the flight, and answered emails from Viktor in between. Just before we arrived he sent me a final email with Cara’s address inside. After all, a man with my sort of resources could find anyone. Even if they maybe didn’t want to be found.
I gave the directions to the driver once my bags had been collected and the men with me found seats of their own in the SUV. The driver took me straight to the address and the men left my bags on the door. It was the middle of the night in Cara’s world, but I didn’t care. She was only a few feet away now. I sent the men on to a hotel and waved off their protests. Nobody really knew I was here; I wasn’t in danger.
I knocked on the door when they’d left, and then wondered if I’d made a mistake. What if this wasn’t where she’d come to? What if she really didn’t want to see me? What if…what if she’d really disappeared and I’d never see her again?
Had I come all of this way for nothing?
I heard a lock unlatch on the other side of the door and waited, my heart as frozen as my lungs as I waited to see if it was her, or someone else. And if it was her, what she’d do once she saw me. A light flicked on over my head and I looked up at it just as the door opened.
“Hello?” I heard her sweet voice, groggy with sleep but definitely hers.
“Cara…” I started, but she gasped and her eyes went wide. I stopped, what would she do? “Please, may I come in?”
She just stared at me, and I guess she was in shock. She just stared at me without a word.
“Cara?” I held my hand out to her, a plea to hear me out, at least.
“Hello, Andrej. Uh, come in I guess?” Cara’s voice shook, like she wasn’t sure that’s what she actually wanted me to do.
“It’s a nice place, Cara,” I said as I walked in, and looked around. I could see she’d been asleep on the couch, and the place was barely furnished, but it was a nice place. It just wasn’t where I wanted her to call home.
“Thanks, do you want a drink, something to eat? I don’t have a lot at the moment…” I could see by her face that her mind was on what you should offer a prince when they visited your home.
For the first time, we were in an entirely different world together, in a situation where my title meant fuck all really. I was only a man who was somebody special in his own small country, but just another schmuck here. Albeit, one with a lot of money and clout, but still just a man. It was part of the reason I loved America so much. I wasn’t the prince here, I was just a guy with a weird name and a weird accent.
“Coffee would be nice, or water. Whatever you have.” There was no rush of I love yous or declarations, only awkward chatter that made no sense. She was dealing with the situation the best way she could, so I let her do it.
She brought me a cold individual-sized bottle of lemon-lime soda, without a glass or a tray and handed it to me. She had one of her own and opened it to take a sip. “So, what brings you here?”
I wanted to laugh at the question, but she wouldn’t look at me and I could tell she was nervous. One wrong word and I knew she’d throw me out.
“You actually, Cara. You left without even saying goodbye.”
“I left you a note. It’s in my room!” she protested, but then stopped. She inhaled sharply and took another sip of her drink. She had on the black silk nightgown I’d given her. It stretched over the firm globes of her breasts in the most distracting way.
“I didn’t see a note.” I dragged my eyes up from the firm orbs of her breasts, and looked into her eyes. “Livia was distraught when I got back from the factory disaster, and told me what had happened.”
“What disaster?” Her eyebrows crooked together in confusion.
“There was an earthquake, it must have been the morning you left. A factory collapsed, and a few other buildings, and the workers were trapped inside. Otherwise, I don’t think you’d have made it on that plane.”
“It was time for me to go, Andrej. I couldn’t do it anymore.” I heard the strain in her voice, but I still felt a need to apply a little pressure. I wanted the truth out of her about why she’d left.
“Couldn’t do what, Cara? Love me? Be there with me?”
“I couldn’t do any of that, Andrej! Not anymore!” She stopped as if she’d realized what she’d admitted. She changed directions, but only a little. “You didn’t want anything long-term and I was…attached to you. I didn’t want to start to be clingy or make a fool of myself, so I left.” She looked away. “I left before I could make a nuisance of myself.”
“The problem with that logic, my love,” I said quietly, “is that I wanted you to be a nuisance. I was going to tell you the morning you left, but I got called away. I was going to tell you I’ve come to care very deeply for you, and well, I wanted you to stay. But now you’re here, and you’ve rented a home.”
“There’s more to it, Andrej. I just, I wanted to come home. Isn’t that enough reason for me to leave?”
“Not when you share pas
sion like we do, Cara. Not when I’m certain I’m in love with you.” I took her hand and I knew we both felt the spark, she closed her eyes against it, but I knew she felt it.
“What?” She finally opened her eyes, those blue eyes that still amazed me, with tears that obscured them. She blinked and the tears fell on her cheeks. I quickly wiped them away.
“I love you, Cara. I’ve loved you from the moment you walked into the palace. I didn’t realize it at first, because I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I’m kind of a shit when it comes to emotions. I wanted to tell you, and had planned it all out, but then the earthquake happened, and you left. I didn’t have time. I guess I should have made the time before you felt so hopeless that you left me.”
She sat through my whole speech, her eyes wide with disbelief. Then she launched herself at me and I tasted toothpaste and the sweet taste of Cara’s mouth. I gathered her over my lap, her legs straddled over mine, and found her breasts with eager fingers. I let my hand slide down from the tight nipples, to between her thighs. She was ready for me, as always. I undid my pants, rearranged us, and then I was inside of her.
In an instant the world made sense again. Her lips found mine and we moved together, too frantic to say anything else or to even try to make it last. There was time for that later. Right now, I just wanted to feel her clench around me as we exploded together. Then the world really would be ours again.
Chapter 19
Cara
“That’s the Golden Gate Bridge.”
Andrej pointed it out to me as his private jet pulled down into an airport near San Francisco. He’d wanted to surprise me and it had taken him a few hours to pull it off. First, he started to ask me real questions as soon as we woke up together the next morning. Both of us were sore from being scrunched together on the foldout bed hidden in the couch. I hadn’t seen the point in pulling it out until he showed up.
