‘Maybe he’s just so confused it hasn’t really sunk in yet. And I guess if you can’t remember what you’ve lost you can’t be scared by it.’
The kettle shrilled its readiness and Hannah handed the bundle of clothes to Gina. ‘Go and take those in to him and I’ll make the tea,’ she said.
‘What about our dinner?’ Gina asked.
‘We’ll have to have it for tea now.’
‘But the telly. . . We can’t eat while the best telly is on!’
Hannah frowned. ‘Are we seriously having this conversation?’
‘You know how much I love my Christmas Day East Enders.’
Hannah swung an arm towards the front sitting room. ‘We’ve got our very own drama happening right in front of our noses. Think of it that way and maybe you’ll get over missing it one year. Besides, you can watch it on catch-up.’
‘It’s not the same…’ Gina mumbled as she took the clothes through. Hannah smiled to herself. It was like a mini-drama. A very attractive mini-drama, now that she thought about it. But they knew nothing about this man and it would be silly to think of him as anything but a poor unfortunate soul who had, by a random quirk of fate, ended up knocking at their door.
So her reaction was so strange and so powerful once he returned from the bathroom, where he had done his best to clean up and change his clothes, that it took Hannah completely by surprise. Her heart did a little skip – that same little skip it always did when she was about to fall for someone. He was wearing one of Jason’s soft sweaters – a bottle green one that Hannah had always loved him in – and the sand-coloured chinos she had teamed it with actually fit Tom pretty well. He had been very pale when he first arrived, but now some colour had returned to his complexion and the green of Jason’s sweater against his dark eyes and olive skin made him look startlingly handsome. Hannah shook herself as he sat back down on his chair and cupped the mug of hot tea gratefully in his hands.
‘I can’t thank you enough for your kindness,’ he said. ‘I’d probably be frozen half to death by now if I was still out in the snow.’
Wow. She hadn’t really acknowledged it before, but he was eloquent too. Well spoken, good vocabulary, polite and courteous. She wondered what he did for a living. Was the recollection of cortical blindness a clue? Was he a doctor? He had a fairly local accent but she hadn’t seen him around her neck of the woods before. She’d definitely have noticed him if she had.
‘We still need to work out how you ended up wandering around in the snow,’ Gina said.
‘I think we’ve established that it will have to remain a mystery for now,’ Hannah replied. ‘As Tom can’t remember.’
Gina looked at him. ‘You can’t remember anything at all about why you were out? What you were doing this morning? Nothing?’
Tom shook his head slowly. ‘Honestly, I wish I could.’
‘Try to think back,’ Gina said. ‘Try to concentrate on waking up this morning.’
‘Gina…’ Hannah warned. ‘I don’t think this is helping. It must be really stressful.’
‘It’s not,’ Tom said. ‘It’s fine. I’ll give it a go.’
Hannah and Gina exchanged looks as he closed his eyes and became silent. The crappy bandaging only added to the air of vulnerability about him that was all at once worrying and inappropriately sexy. As he sat and concentrated, Hannah found herself wondering what he would do if she kissed him now. You’ve been on your own too long, Han, she thought, and quickly shook the idea away.
They waited that way for a good minute, until Jess broke the silence. ‘What are you all doing?’ she asked.
Hannah whipped around and gave an indignant squeak. ‘What are you doing? Is that my turkey you’re eating?’
‘I was starving and mum said we weren’t having dinner for ages.’
‘That didn’t mean you could steal our dinner!’
‘Chill, there’s loads. And I’m not really stealing it if I was always going to be eating it in the first place, I’m just getting my share early.’
Hannah looked so genuinely appalled by Jess’s crime against the Christmas dinner rules that Gina broke into a fit of giggles. ‘That turkey is big,’ she laughed. ‘I think they might have got the labels mixed up in the shop. What you actually have out there is an emu.’
‘You’d be moaning about my stinginess if there wasn’t enough,’ Hannah said in a defensive tone.
‘There’s enough for everyone on Holly Way out there.’
Tom cleared his throat politely. ‘If you want to eat, please don’t put it off on my account.’
‘We’re fine,’ Hannah said, looking pointedly at Jess. ‘At least most of us are.’
‘What!’ Jess cried. ‘I’m growing!’
‘I wonder if I’m supposed to be having Christmas dinner now,’ Tom mused, and Hannah realised that he suddenly looked very melancholy.
‘God, I’m so sorry. We’re being really insensitive.’
‘No, of course not. You’ve been kinder than I deserve.’
‘What does that mean?’ Gina asked sharply. ‘Don’t you deserve kindness? What have you done?’
Tom shrugged. He looked confused. ‘I don’t know… it’s just something I said, it didn’t mean anything… at least, I don’t think it did.’
‘Of course it didn’t,’ Hannah said. She patted his arm. It was a rather ineffectual thing to do but she couldn’t think of any other way of soothing him. ‘Did you manage to remember anything just now?’ she asked.
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘And I really tried.’
‘It’s ok. When the ambulance gets here the paramedics may have some ideas about how to jog your memory for you.’
Tom nodded.
‘They really ought to be here by now,’ Gina said, going to the window to check.
‘Give them time,’ Hannah said. ‘The snow will be holding things up. We’re lucky we’ve got anyone coming out at all.’
‘I suppose so.’ Gina left the window and flopped into a chair. She glanced at Jess, who was licking her fingers. ‘Can I have some turkey if Jess is?’ she asked, looking at Hannah.
‘Seriously it’s like having a couple of kids,’ Hannah said.
‘Please…’ Tom said. ‘Make your dinner. You mustn’t put your day on hold for me.’
‘We can’t just leave you alone,’ Hannah replied doubtfully.
‘Then… let me help,’ he said. ‘Until the ambulance comes, anyway. It’s the least I can do.’
‘Great idea,’ Jess said.
‘Tom helping doesn’t get you out of doing anything,’ Gina said, raising her eyebrows at her daughter.
‘Bugger,’ Jess grinned.
Hannah turned to Tom. ‘Are you sure you’re up to it?’
‘I feel much better now I’m warmed up. Apart from my head being sore I feel completely fine.’
‘I suppose it would be nice to eat soon. You could join us.’
‘I’ll probably be on my way to the hospital by the time everything is ready. But I can make myself useful until then.’
It was selfish and stupid, but Hannah was beginning to wish they hadn’t called an ambulance. She was starting to like the idea of him staying for dinner. But then, she supposed that his family would rather like the idea of having him around at dinner too, whoever and wherever they were. Someone would be worried sick about him right now, and sending him to the hospital was the right thing to do, if only to help them find him as soon as possible. ‘We’d appreciate the help,’ Hannah smiled. I suppose it might do you good to be active, jog your memory a bit.’
‘It can’t do any harm,’ Tom said. ‘It would take my mind off things too.’
‘Are you sure about that?’ Gina asked. ‘Aren’t you better off resting?’
‘I don’t think I’m able to rest, even if I sit still and quiet for the rest of the day, my mind is still going round and round trying to piece things together. And as I’m not supposed to fall asleep it’s probably better to be doing somethin
g.’
‘I suppose it must be quite traumatic, the idea that you don’t know who you are and where you belong,’ Hannah said.
‘It is. I keep imagining all sorts of disasters that I’m not there to avert and the pain my disappearance might be causing. It’s Christmas Day and someone is missing me. I know I’d be beside myself if someone I cared about was missing like that.’
‘Come on then,’ Hannah said gently, ‘if it helps to take your mind off things then we’d love your help in the kitchen.’
She led the way, Gina throwing her a doubtful look as she did so. Hannah tried to return it with one that was encouraging and confident, but that wasn’t how she felt. She didn’t really know what she felt, but her thoughts were in a strange kind of turmoil, the likes of which she’d never experienced before. Whatever her doubts about who this man was, whether they were doing the right things to keep him safe – whether they were doing the right things to keep themselves safe – there was an emotional pull towards him that she was now desperately trying to keep under control. Hannah didn’t believe in love at first sight, but the confusion in her head felt like the start of something a lot like it. In the strangest of circumstances this man had been dropped into their lives, as if some higher power had brought them together, and Hannah felt like it meant something. But that would be stupid, wouldn’t it? Who believed in fate and destiny? Not Hannah, whose life had been struggle after struggle to make it on her own, despite what fate or destiny, or whatever power ruled the universe, wanted for her.
‘Wow… this is very festive,’ Tom said with a smile as he stepped into Hannah’s kitchen. ‘I like your taste in décor too.’
Hannah beamed. It had taken a lot of work to get the room perfect, a project that had been ongoing, along with the rest of the house renovations, for the last five years. Jason had been very little help, disinterested, she supposed, because the house belonged to her alone. But independence was the way she liked it and she was not about to risk it all on anyone. As it turned out, she had made a wise decision where Jason was concerned. But the kitchen had been particularly troublesome, because the house had belonged to an old lady who hadn’t modernised since the early seventies. Now it had a rustic country charm about it – handmade wooden units painted in a delicate sage green with butcher block worktops, shelves and a reclaimed dresser filled with an eclectic collection of pots and crockery collected from antique shops and flea markets and sometimes from her travels abroad – but it also featured the best of modern technology, including a sleek fridge and spot lighting. To Hannah, it was the showpiece of the house, and suited the feel of the place perfectly. It was a bright little suntrap too, so she often found herself forsaking her office upstairs to work at the kitchen table, especially on chilly days. Nothing made her happier than feeling the winter sun on her back, sitting in blissful silence with her laptop and a mug of sweet hot chocolate at hand. On those days, she couldn’t imagine how she ever kept up with her hectic former life as a sales manager.
However, since Jess had been at work in the kitchen turning various things off and snaffling her own private turkey starter, the pride and joy that were Hannah’s kitchen worktops now also displayed the strange, disorganised logic of your average teenager.
‘Hmmm,’ Gina said, looking at her daughter. ‘I see you helped yourself to a bit more turkey than you were letting on.’ She angled her head at the glistening roast, which now had a cavernous chunk missing from the left breast.
‘I was hungry,’ Jess pouted.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Hannah cut in, ‘there’s plenty. Enough for you, Tom, if you feel up to it. I could do you a turkey sandwich. You might not be able to eat for ages once you get to the accident and emergency department.’
‘Turkey sandwich?’ Gina said, ‘He’ll probably have his fill of them tomorrow.’ As soon as she said it she looked as if she wished she could take it back.
‘It’s alright,’ Tom said, clearly understanding Gina’s discomfort. ‘I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow but I’m hopeful that this memory loss is only short term and I will be eating turkey sandwiches with my family like everyone else come Boxing Day. If I hold onto that thought and stay positive, that can only be a good thing for my emotional well-being, can’t it?’
‘Of course,’ Hannah said. ‘Would you like me to fix you something?’
‘I’m sorry; it’s kind of you but I really don’t think I could eat right now. ‘Why don’t we concentrate on getting your lunch ready and, maybe, if I’m still here, I might feel like something then.’
‘Where do you think the ambulance is?’ Jess asked. ‘They’ve been a long time. It’s a good job he’s not dying.’
‘They’ll probably concentrate on the actual life and death cases before they come to us,’ Gina said. ‘After all, they’ll be on skeleton staff and it’s turning into a blizzard out there.’
‘They don’t know he’s not dying,’ Jess said stubbornly.
Gina glanced at Tom with an apologetic shrug. ‘I gave them all the details and they didn’t seem overly worried.’
‘Not even about the fact that he doesn’t know who he is?’ Jess returned.
‘Apparently there can be lots of reasons people lose their memory and if he’s not dizzy or throwing up or anything, then there shouldn’t be an immediate danger. They said we could call them again if anything deteriorated.’
‘Do you think I actually need an ambulance?’ Tom asked. ‘I would hate to be using a stretched service if I didn’t have a medical need.’ All three looked at him. ‘I mean, I feel fine… apart from the obvious.’
‘I’d say that’s pretty big, though,’ Gina said.
‘It is, but not life threatening. I know how up against it the emergency services are. Maybe I can get myself to A&E later on.’
Hannah glanced at the window. ‘Not in my little car, not in this.’
‘No… I didn’t mean you had to take me,’ Tom said quickly, a slight blush rising to his cheeks. The sight of it made Hannah want to throw her arms around him.
‘I know you didn’t,’ she said, ‘but it’s either us or the ambulance, I’m afraid, as you have no keys, no phone and no memory of who else to contact to take you. Can you even remember how to drive? Could you drive before?’
‘Yes. At least I think I could. I’m pretty sure I could drive now if you asked me.’
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ Gina said.
‘Neither do I,’ Hannah said. ‘We wouldn’t dream of sending you out alone into the snow in your condition.’
‘Sounds like I’m pregnant,’ Tom smiled. But then a shadow suddenly crossed his features and the smile disappeared. He stared into the distance, as if his mind was reaching for something. Hannah watched, and it was almost as if the thing he wanted to remember was more painful than forgetting it. The episode was fleeting, and then the darkness cleared from his expression and he was back again.
‘Well…’ Hannah began, feeling unsettled and uncertain after what she had just witnessed. ‘If you want to, we can phone again for advice. They might be able to suggest some alternative.’
‘They might just tell us to sort it ourselves.’
‘But we’d have to get help somewhere,’ Hannah replied.
Gina shrugged. ‘I suppose they’d send the police.’
Hannah mused on that. She didn’t like the idea, and she couldn’t say why. Perhaps it was because it made it feel as if Tom, or whoever he was, had committed some kind of crime by being confused. He seemed like the sort of man who had never been in trouble, and sending him off to the police station on Christmas Day to sit with all the drunks and scum felt like a humiliation he didn’t deserve, whatever the circumstances. The hospital was a much kinder option. And as Hannah had already made up her mind to go with him, even though she knew Gina would be angry about it, it was a kinder option for her too.
‘We should wait for the ambulance,’ Hannah said in a voice that suggested there would be no further dis
cussion. ‘So, let’s get this dinner on while we have time.’
‘I don’t suppose you need me,’ Jess said. ‘There’re so many of you in the kitchen now.’
‘Yes, we do,’ Gina said sternly. ‘You still have sprouts to peel, remember?’ She pulled Jess by the arm to the pile she had been working on earlier.
‘I have no idea why we’re forced to eat sprouts,’ Jess said, wrinkling her nose. ‘I mean, does anyone actually like them? Why celebrate the most important day of the year by making us eat the shittest vegetable there is? Nobody eats sprouts at any other time; that tells you a lot about how much people like them.’
‘Sprouts can be good,’ Tom said. ‘You just have to know how to cook them.’
‘And you do?’ Jess asked.
‘I lightly boil them, then fry them with butter, bacon lardons and pine nuts. They’re delicious that way. But you can roast them with balsamic vinegar and honey too and they’re just as good.’
‘You remembered!’ Hannah squeaked.
Tom was silent for a moment. And then a small smile appeared on his face. ‘I did, didn’t I?’
‘Can you remember any more?’
‘Recipes?’
‘No, silly! About your life.’
‘I don’t know. I don’t even know where the sprout thing came from. It just popped into my head. I don’t know if I can cook or not.’
‘It sounds like you can. And pretty well too.’
‘But that might not be my memory. I might have read it somewhere and think it was part of my past.’
‘Is it upsetting you?’ Jess asked.
Gina gave her a warning look, and Hannah was about to speak when Tom beat her to it.
‘It’s ok,’ he said. ‘I’m not upset. I mean, I’m worried, of course, because I don’t know what I’ve left behind. But there’s something curiously liberating about the whole thing.’
‘Really?’ Hannah asked.
‘Well, it’s odd, but I feel more like myself right now than ever, even though I don’t know what that is.’
Gina frowned as she bit into a carrot stick. ‘That does sound odd.’
‘I wish I could explain it better. Say I was a policeman, and in my everyday dealings with people I always remembered that I was a policeman and had to act in a way that was fitting to my station in life. Perhaps I wouldn’t do and say some of the things that I’d want to, because I’d think that police officers weren’t supposed to do and say those things.’
Once Upon a Winter: All Four Parts in One - Plus an Exclusive Extra Short Story... Page 3
