“She’s fun,” said Penny. “We’re nothing alike. Everybody loves her.”
As if on cue, Celeste arrived. In white jeans, blinding-white sneaker-heels, a white tank top with silver writing on it, and gobs of silver jewelry. It wasn’t Celeste’s fault that she resembled a reality-show stage mom with questionable judgment straight from central casting.
“Oooooh!” said Jude in a tone that implied that it finally made sense. “Your mom’s hot.”
“Yep,” said Penny.
“Explains a lot.”
“Yep.”
“Mom!” Penny called out.
“P!” Celeste swiveled around and ran toward her with her arms outstretched for a bear hug. Penny laughed.
Her mom stepped back for a quick audit of her daughter’s appearance.
“Awww, baby. You look terrific.”
“You too, Mom.” She really did.
“Hi, Mrs. Lee.” Jude smiled.
“Come here.” Celeste pulled her in for a hug. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
Celeste was a smooth liar.
“And, actually, I’m Mizzzzz Yoon,” she said. “Lee’s Penny’s dad’s name. Unmarried, never was. Anyway, call me Celeste.”
“Sure thing, Celeste,” said Jude, smiling. “And I know you haven’t heard squat about me because I know absolutely nothing about you.” Jude linked her arms with Celeste, and the two walked ahead to the elevator. “Tell me everything. Penny’s a regular Fort Knox.”
Penny followed behind them.
Celeste and Jude chatted easily. Neither of them had inside voices, and Penny was relieved that they weren’t sharing the elevator ride with anyone else.
“So, Mom,” said Penny. “You’re here. What do you want to do?”
“I want to go shopping for my birthday.” Celeste smiled at Jude. “I’m turning the big four-oh in four traumatizing weeks.”
“Scorpio?” asked Jude.
“Saggi cusp!”
“Aries!” said Jude.
“Omigod, I’m Aries rising!”
Celeste and Jude high-fived.
Penny realized the astonishing truth that she’d simply given up one crazy roommate for another. She checked her phone. No new messages.
She unlocked the door to their bedroom and invited her mother in. “This is us.”
Jude’s side was covered in photographs, posters, various burnt-orange UT paraphernalia, beer bottle labels stuck to the wall, and stuffed animals.
On Penny’s side there was nothing but a small framed picture of her and her mother that had been packed inside her suitcase until forty minutes earlier. Penny was glad she’d remembered to dig it out and place it on the desk.
“Let me guess which side is yours!” Celeste exclaimed.
• • •
After an eyebrow threading, a pair of jeans for Jude, a new caftan for Celeste, and an Egon Schiele postcard book for Penny’s secret shrine dedicated to pining for Sam, the girls were peckish.
“What do you want? Thai? Indian? Vegan New-American?” Jude rattled off suggestions while they piled their purchases into Celeste’s hybrid wagon.
“I need a coffee before we do anything else,” said Celeste, slamming the trunk.
Penny didn’t hear it so much as she watched Jude’s mouth move in slow motion: “Coffee? I know exactly where.” Jude jumped into shotgun.
Shitshitshitshitshit.
Up until this point, Penny had been on her best behavior. She tried on everything Celeste had badgered her into. She’d held a Zen master’s peace in her heart and allowed Jude and Celeste to tease her habits, how she only ever wore black and never showed her figure. Penny understood that it was great that her roommate and her mom were getting along even if the two of them together were a vaudeville act.
“There’s a great place close to the dorm,” said Jude. “I’ll navigate.”
Penny felt her soul escape her body.
“Coffee? What? Don’t be crazy, Mom. You’ll be up all night,” said Penny, getting into the backseat with increasing hysteria. “Let’s drop everything off at the room first. I’m bushed.”
“Penny,” said Jude. “Your mom is almost forty. I’m sure she can handle a midafternoon latte. So take a left here,” she directed.
Penny’s throat tightened. She took inventory of what was happening around her.
Possible measures to derail a horribly inopportune Sam encounter:
1. Crap. She had nothing.
“So, my uncle works at this place,” continued Jude. They turned onto the Drag.
“Ooooh, is he cute?” asked Celeste. Penny was going to be sick.
She pulled out her phone to check her appearance. Her sunblock had turned into a crumbly powder on her forehead. She licked her fingers and desperately tried to smooth it in. Plus, as luck would have it, Penny hadn’t done laundry in two months and was dressed in ratty black leggings and a Willie Nelson T-shirt that read HAVE A WILLIE NICE DAY. It was 2XL and she’d got it six years ago at a Buc-ees’ truck stop. She’d had an outfit planned on the off chance that she’d see Sam again. It involved a blazer and some ankle boots with a heel. Maybe she’d get a blowout. That was her fantasy.
This was not how she wanted to see him after their morning call.
Penny breathed deep. She considered texting Sam a warning, except what would she even say? When Celeste killed the engine at a parking meter a block away, Penny wanted to cry.
“Wait. Hold on,” she blurted.
Penny pulled out her lipstick.
“Oh, honey,” said Celeste. “I knew you’d love it.”
SAM.
House on the weekends was a different scene—a bizarro brunch world of chatty local families with young kids instead of the regular college students in their free Wi-Fi k-holes. Sam was hunched over the counter. The morning felt like forever ago. Or as if it happened to someone else. There was no accounting for why he unlatched his neck and disgorged his ugliest stories on Penny at once. He’d called her under the guise of being some knight in shining armor, and then, yeah, he’d barfed on her.
He thumbed through an old Austin Chronicle. He flipped to the classifieds, the usual mix of penis enlargement ads and moonlighting masseurs.
Sam wanted to tell Penny everything. He wanted a record of his thoughts and feelings and stories to exist with her. Like a time capsule for this strange period of his life. With her, he felt less lonely. He hadn’t even realized he was lonely. He hadn’t let himself.
“Sam!”
It was Jude. Hearing his sunnily disposed niece call his name filled Sam with a rush of guilt. Had they made plans? Behind her was a flashy Asian woman and . . . Penny. Penny. Actual Penny. He’d remembered her hair accurately. How wild it was, as if you could root around in it for treasure.
He ran his fingers through his own hair. It was greasy. He took off his old-man glasses that he’d bought off a drugstore carousel. They magnified his eyes in the dorkiest way.
“Hey,” he said. Sam concentrated on staring right at Jude and partially at the other lady and not at all at Penny. He didn’t want to openly ogle her. Jude bounded over and hugged him.
“You remember my roommate, right?” she said, gesturing to Penny.
“Uh, yeah.” He couldn’t avoid it any longer. He looked. Absorbed her. The visuals were coming at him fast. The angle of her cheekbones. The tilt of her chin. The flash of gray fingernails. There was a wiggly strand of hair that fell over her left eye. Her eye that was looking at him. He stored the details as quickly as he could. She was wearing the same bright red lipstick she’d worn last time.
“Hey, Penny.” He smiled. Wide. Stupidly. “You okay?”
“Oh, fantastic,” she said. The voice was so good. Deep like on the phone. Maybe deeper. As if her text bubbles had spent a late night in a speakeasy. Penny tucked her hair behind her ear and blushed hard.
“And this is Penny’s mom, Celeste.”
Before Sam knew it, Celeste came in for a perfumed hug.
She smelled of singed cotton candy and flowers.
“Whoa,” he said reflexively, jolting back when he felt the heave of her bust on his chest.
Celeste laughed. “I guess you’re about as into physical contact as my kid is,” she said.
Sam watched Penny tense up at the mention of “kid” and felt a pang of sympathy. Knowing her as well as he did at this point, she’d want to be struck by lightning right about now.
He cleared his throat. Sam wanted to text her, partly to make fun of her and partly to say this was going way better than it had any right to.
“Jude tells me you’ve got the best iced coffee and the most delicious pastries.” Celeste peered into the display case. “I read a write-up on this place.”
“Well,” said Sam, “we do our baking on the premises and . . .”
“Wonderful,” Celeste cooed.
“Actually, Sam’s being modest,” said Jude. “He does the baking. I keep telling him he should go to school for it and become the next Julia Child.”
Sam ran his fingers through his hair again before wiping his hands on the back of his jeans.
“Just a regular Guy Fieri,” Penny mumbled. Sam smiled.
“Um,” he said. “I wish I’d known you guys were coming. I would have made something . . .”
He busied himself with surveying the remaining muffins and cookies.
“The cookies are pretty good, and the last remaining lemon bar is worth digging into.” Sam grabbed a piece of tissue and pulled it out.
“Penny loves lemon bars, don’t you, baby,” said Celeste.
“Sure,” she said. Sam could hear the eye roll in her voice.
“Lemon bars are pie-adjacent,” he said, quietly stealing a glance at her. A slight grimace played on her lips. “I wish I’d thought to make a sheet cake.”
He was rewarded with a smile then. A real one.
“It probably depends on the crust you’re using,” said Celeste. “I have a great recipe that uses vodka. You know, so you can get your sugar high with a little kick.” She laughed at her own joke. A forced monosyllabic “ha.” Like a cymbal.
Sam smiled politely. The type of person who couldn’t let a drinking reference pass them by was a very specific sort of person.
“You seem tired,” Jude told him.
“I’m fine,” he said. “Listen, I’m sorry I’ve been flaky about dinner.”
“Oh, Uncle Sam, don’t fret.” Jude leaned over and rubbed his shoulder. “At least the coffee’s free and plentiful.”
“So, it’s an iced coffee for you and for you . . . Celeste, was it?”
“An iced coffee for me too, and for Penny. With almond milk if you have it. She’s lactose intolerant.”
Penny stared straight at the ceiling.
Penny is lactose intolerant. He filed it in his head.
“God, I’ve been living with you this whole time and you’ve never mentioned it,” exclaimed Jude.
“Shocking,” said Celeste. “You know, it took me two months to find out she had a boyfriend. Can you believe that?”
Boyfriend?
Penny has a boyfriend. He filed that into the folder too. With a little red sticky label. A boyfriend she hadn’t once thought to bring up? She was a vault. Sam wondered what the punk looked like. He willed her to meet his eyes, only she kept her attention firmly on her hands.
“Mom,” said Penny darkly.
“What?”
Sam was mentally texting her again. Considering the words that would elicit the most information about this boyfriend without betraying his annoyance at being kept in the dark. Then again, apparently nobody knew a goddamned thing about Penny.
Celeste took out her wallet. It was neon pink, fuzzy, and stuffed to the gills. The coin purse attached to the side bellowed out completely, the metallic leather crinkling under duress. It was as much a conversation starter as Celeste was. Penny glared at it, horrified.
“Oh my God, Celeste,” said Jude. “I love your wallet. It’s adorable.”
“Thanks! I just got it,” she said. “I can get you one if you want.”
“Really?” enthused Jude. “I would die.”
Celeste radiated with pleasure.
Sam’s heart warmed toward Celeste then. And Jude, who could fill any awkward moment with a bracing surge of good cheer.
“Please, Celeste,” said Sam. “Put that away. It’s on me.”
Celeste clucked and pointedly stuck a ten-dollar bill in the tip jar, holding his gaze.
Sam made their drinks and a plate of treats and led them toward his favorite couch in the back and excused himself. He texted Penny on his way back to the counter.
Wow
Why the escalation lol?
You good?
Moments later Penny walked over alone.
“You forgot my almond milk,” she said. She smiled. He cheesed back. He knew his outsized canines gave him the air of a starved mutt, but he couldn’t contain himself. He nodded at her shirt.
“I Willie did,” he said.
“Dick,” she said, smiling.
“I’m more a Waylon Jennings man myself,” he continued, grabbing the almond milk from the fridge under the counter. He sniffed it and poured some into a small metal creamer. He handed it to her with the handle pointing toward her so their fingers wouldn’t touch.
“This is a lot,” she breathed. “It’s nice to see you, Sam.” She practically whispered it, and Sam couldn’t deny the pleasantly warming effect of her saying his name.
He cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his back pockets. His left hand collided with his glasses. Ugh. Worst glasses ever. He couldn’t believe she’d seen him in them. Not that it mattered. Seeing as she had a boyfriend (!!!) but still.
“Need anything else?”
“Napkins,” she said, grabbing a few by the register. “Thanks for being nice to my mom.”
“Sure,” he said. “So that’s your mom.”
“I can’t believe you’re you,” she said at the same time.
“We’re going to have to workshop the shit out of this tonight,” he said, laughing. “I might have to call you again.”
PENNY.
Dinner was sushi someplace downtown, where she ordered tuna rolls that tasted like sawdust. While she picked at them, her mother and roommate discussed topics so titillating that Penny couldn’t recall any of them save one—Sam.
Penny counted the minutes until the Celeste Show was over and she could call him. She’d have to pretend to write or study until Jude fell asleep or take the call outside. He’d distinctly said he was going to call her, which indicated it was also a green light to call him. It wasn’t as if they worried about who texted who last, so interface rules likely applied to calls, too.
“I wish he’d confide in me,” said Jude, reaching over her to snag a piece of salmon from her mom’s plate. Penny marveled at how quickly her roommate and her mother had progressed to the food-sharing stage of their relationship. “He looks terrible and he keeps blowing me off. I don’t think he’s eating or sleeping. I hope it’s not drugs.”
Penny didn’t think Sam looked terrible at all. In fact, he looked dreamy. Perfect. She hadn’t known he wore glasses and Penny was crazy about glasses as a thing. They were so much better than contacts. Why touch your own eyeballs when you could accessorize your face? So what now? If Sam had called and Penny had doubled down and seen him in person—even if it was an accident—what did this mean? Everything was messy now. It was all Jude and Celeste’s fault. Why hadn’t Sam called? They’d left House three hours ago.
“Maybe it’s a girl,” said Celeste, pouring another round of sake. Penny’s mom didn’t think the tiny cups qualified as underage drinking. Jude clinked her glass to Celeste’s, then Penny’s, and downed it. “Maybe,” said Jude. “His ex is insane.” She pulled out her phone. “Whatever’s making him so withdrawn has to do with her. Get a load of this.” Jude pulled up MzLolaXO. Penny had taken great pains not to search for Sam’s ex a
fter the last time, but if someone else was cruise directing . . .
“Wait, stop.” Celeste took control of the phone. “There’s a video.”
Penny held her breath. She had no idea how she’d missed it.
It was Sam peering into the camera. The background was noisy with voices and music—a party. He was smiling. Slowly. Sexily. He took a sip of beer and leaned in. “What did I tell you?” said Video Sam. “What?” objected a girl’s voice off-screen. “Why do you get to do it if I can’t?” she asked. He grabbed the phone and held it aloft, the two of their heads framed in selfie mode. He had dark hair and dark eyes; her hair was practically white and her eyes were pale. They were beautiful together. “Happy?” he asked. She smiled and nodded. With his other hand he grabbed her chin and kissed her roughly.
Jesus.
“See, they were, like, so goals,” said Jude solemnly.
“No wonder he’s preoccupied,” said Celeste. “I don’t think you get over this type of a girl.” Celeste ordered another sake.
“I bet she’s mean,” said Penny, apropos of nothing. Well, nothing other than how Jude and Celeste were practically pulling her guts out of her butt and making friendship bracelets with them.
“That kind of girl only gets more desirable the meaner they are,” said Celeste. She sighed dramatically. “I can’t believe I’m turning forty.”
Penny glared at her mother. She knew what Celeste was thinking. She was comparing herself to Lola. Any talk of desirable women reminded her mother of herself.
What was that like?
After dinner Celeste dropped Jude off and took Penny to get ice cream at Amy’s for some alone time.
“I love Jude,” said Celeste. She parked and they walked toward the State Capitol with their cones. It was beautiful when it was lit up at night. Downright romantic. “She’s so pretty and funny,” she continued.
Emergency Contact Page 15
