But until she spoke to him she would remain aloof.
She felt Tom try to catch her eye but she kept her face averted, concentrating instead on eating the toast she had picked from the sideboard.
"My apologies." Tom spoke, addressing the whole group. "I am going to be an absent host this morning. I have some business to attend to in the village. Nothing that should keep me too long so I hope to return this afternoon."
Caroline looked up at this and met his eyes, which had obviously been looking at only her for the duration of his speech.
"Oh, do not worry about a thing, dear" The dowager spoke while Caroline did her best to mask her disappointment. "We shall find plenty of things to amuse ourselves. In fact, I thought to pay a return visit to the vicar and his wife. They were such pleasant companions at dinner the other night. Ladies, would you care to join me?"
Rebecca snorted in a most unladylike fashion.
"No," she responded quickly, "oh they were nice enough but deadly dull. The man started talking about his nose hair for heaven's sake. I do not want a repeat of that, thank you very much."
The dowager smiled but was relentless.
"It is your duty, my dear, as duchess."
"What? Why?" she answered mutinously, "I'm not married to Tom, am I?"
The dowager laughed now, well used to Rebecca by now.
"No, you are not. But you are his family and good manners dictate that we pay a call. And were he married, I would be dragging his wife along, too." The dowager's eyes suddenly became calculating and Caroline inexplicably became nervous. "Speaking of which, Caroline, you will join us?"
Caroline jolted at the dowager's very obvious ploy, embarrassed by it, desperately wishing for it, and worried about Tom's reaction to it.
The cup that she had been lifting to her lips now dropped squarely into her lap.
Thankfully, the contents were no longer hot but she jumped up in shock, as did everyone else.
It was ridiculous, she thought distractedly as the room broke out in pandemonium, how one little cup could cause such chaos amongst five adults. Seven if you included the staff. And one baby.
Caroline had yelped, causing Henry to burst into noisy sobs, Rebecca was yelling at Caroline to see if she was all right. The dowager was doing the same. Edward had plucked Henry from the arms of his fretting grandmother and was trying to soothe him while calling for help.
How much help did he think she needed, for goodness' sake?
Tom had raced around the table and grabbed her, frantically wiping at her ruined gown with his napkin, worry etched on his face. It seemed as though he did care. Why then, the distance?
It was rather sweet actually. Noisy, but sweet.
"I'm fine, truly," Caroline was saying over the noise. Nobody appeared to be listening however.
Thankfully, Sally came bustling into the room and had, in her own unique way, seated everyone back at the table, called the footmen to order and removed Caroline from the room to be changed.
They had only made it a couple steps up the grand staircase when—
"Caroline."
Caroline turned at the sound of Tom's deep voice.
"I shall just go and prepare another gown, my lady," said Sally before continuing up the stairs.
Tom walked forward until he stood at the foot of the staircase.
He was still taller, even though she stood two steps up, but their faces, their lips, were much closer than usual.
"You are truly not hurt?"
Caroline smiled at his obvious concern, her heart twisting painfully, wishing it stemmed from love and not just politeness.
"No, I am not hurt. Truly."
"Good."
He didn't say anything else so Caroline turned to leave but was stopped by his hand on her elbow.
"I—ah—I shall return as quickly as I can. From the village, I mean. I would not leave only, well it is necessary."
"That is quite alright. I am sure I shall be well occupied."
"Will you go to visit the vicar's wife?"
His question reminded her of the dowager's painfully obvious machinations.
She smiled ruefully.
"The dowager seems to want me to attend, does she not?"
Tom smiled in return, his eyes creasing as they had before, when he was not so hardened by their past.
"Yes, she did. Subtlety is not one of my aunt's fortes. I hope she did not make you uncomfortable."
"Oh no," Caroline answered flippantly, "I regularly pour coffee over myself. Helps to wake me up in the morning."
He laughed now and the sound made her heart sing.
He should laugh more.
He used to laugh all the time.
"Nevertheless, I will have a private word with her. Tell her, yet again, that she may give up on her hopes for me to marry. Selective hearing is another of her faults."
Caroline did her best not to let the pain show. This was not news to her. She knew their time together was limited. All the more reason why she wanted him to kiss her!
"Tom, I want—"
"Ah, there you are." Edward's booming voice interrupted them. "Tom, I thought to ride into the village with you, if you are agreeable?"
Tom's eyes never left Caroline's.
"That's fine, Edward," he said before pointedly ignoring him. "What were you going to say?" he asked softly.
Well she couldn't hardly blurt it out in front of Edward, could she?
"Never mind." She smiled. "It is of no great importance."
Well, that was a lie.
"Caroline—"
"So, I'll just go and get ready then, shall I?"
Swearing softly Tom turned round to fix Edward with what was no doubt a hard look.
"Yes. Why don't you?"
Edward grinned unrepentantly, either oblivious to or not caring about Tom and Caroline's desire to be alone.
Caroline watched for a moment as Tom and Edward engaged in some sort of very immature stare-off.
"Right, well I shall leave you two to it then," she said eventually, "I really must change my gown. Good day," she curtsied quickly then turned and rushed up the stairs, feeling both of their eyes on her back the entire way.
Tom watched Caroline go and could have happily punched his cousin in the jaw.
He watched her until she disappeared from view then turned to see Edward watching too, though their eyes had been watching two very different areas. And so they had better be.
"What the hell was that about?" grumbled Tom, without preamble.
"What?" asked Edward with feigned innocence.
Rather than reply, Tom just fixed him with a stare.
Finally, Edward relented.
"Did you really think I was going to let you follow her up the stairs? I have been lenient this past week, but that is the outside of enough, even for you."
Tom swore again, this time loudly.
"I wasn't following her up the bloody stairs, I just wanted to speak to her. And what do you mean 'even for me'?" he shouted feeling very affronted.
Edward shrugged, uncaring about Tom's obvious anger.
"Well, your reputation with women isn't exactly a secret, is it? You forget I was there when you were forming it."
Tom scoffed. "And you were a saint?"
Edward grinned again. "No, perhaps not. But I've never made any secret of the fact that I haven't so much as glanced at another woman since meeting Rebecca. Can you say the same thing?"
"Unfortunately, no. I cannot say Rebecca has blinded me to all other women."
"You know what I mean."
"Edward, what exactly is it that you have a problem with?"
Suddenly Edward dropped the easy-going manner and became serious.
"What happened between you two, well it must have hurt like the devil."
Tom tried to interrupt, not wanting to have this conversation now. Or ever, in fact.
But Edward held up a hand and continued on relentlessly.
"I can s
ee that there are still feelings there, Tom. Anyone with eyes in their head could see it. But if your intentions aren't honourable, frankly, I don't want you near her."
Tom didn't know whether to laugh or cry. If his intentions weren't honourable? He hadn't touched her in days. All because he had no idea anymore what his intentions were.
He was clinging desperately to the idea of confirmed bachelorhood but it no longer seemed as appealing.
But then, the only wife he had ever wanted was the one who still planned to marry another.
His life was a damned disaster.
He knew he wanted her quite desperately. He also knew that the thoughts of touching her then casting her aside in a manner of days did not sit well with him.
So he was stuck.
Spending hours on end in her company, wanting her desperately, and feeling unable to do anything about it.
"So?"
Edward interrupted his thoughts.
"So what?"
"So, do you want to marry her? Or are you just stringing her along."
"You assume it's me doing the stringing?"
"Isn't it?"
Tom sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"I don't even know anymore," he admitted.
Edward watched him silently for a moment before moving to grasp his shoulder.
"How about, when we get to the village, we have a drink?"
"Make it about ten and you've got a deal."
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
"I'M TELLING YOU, Becca, it's not working. He hasn't tried to kiss me at all. At least, not in any way other than with brotherly affection. I have a brother. I don't need another one."
It was a pleasant morning and the sisters were seated on the veranda, enjoying the view of Tom's magnificent gardens.
Rebecca frowned in puzzlement.
"I just do not understand it. When he looks at you, I'm surprised the whole room doesn't catch fire it's so heated."
Caroline raised a doubtful brow.
"I believe that is your husband, Becca. It's positively inappropriate."
Rebecca grinned. "I know."
"Anyway, the point is I think that he has changed his mind. Or perhaps since spending time with me, he no longer wants me."
Caroline tried to keep her voice steady and matter-of-fact but she could not keep the hurt from showing.
"Caro—" Rebecca leaned forward now and gripped her hand— "I promise you, he wants you. Enough to give Edward a heart attack, in fact." She leaned closer still and looked Caroline dead in the eye. "He loves you."
For one, brief, wonderful moment, Caroline's heart soared. But then reality hit.
"He doesn't, Rebecca. He did but I killed it. And I do not deserve it. Besides, you heard him. He is determined to never marry. So it is hopeless."
"Nonsense."
Both girls jumped at the sound of the dowager's voice behind them.
Caroline's cheeks burnt with embarrassment.
"It is never hopeless, child. Not as long as two people love each other enough."
To her horror, Caroline felt her eyes fill with tears.
"And when only one of them loves?"
The dowager did not answer at first, merely leaned forward and placed a motherly kiss on Caroline's head.
"When one of them loves it means the other is not quite ready to admit it yet. That is all."
And then she left Caroline to her thoughts, dragging a reluctant Rebecca with her.
Caroline was grateful that she did not have to join them at Mrs. Colson's. The vicar's wife was indeed a lovely woman, and Caroline would usually never dream of being so impolite, but she needed to be alone with her thoughts.
However, it had now been some hours and she could only assume that they had either gotten stuck with the very chatty Mrs. Colson or they had gone on to somewhere else.
Caroline was bored and decided to take yet another walk in the gardens.
Her stroll took her around to the front of the house and she was surprised to see the arrival of a lone rider to the front of the house.
Her brow creased in confusion. As far as she knew, Tom wasn't expecting his guests for another day or two.
Caroline’s attention was further caught by the arrival of another two riders coming up the long driveway. She dearly hoped it was Tom to greet his guest.
Unsure as to whether she should greet the stranger or disappear until someone else arrived, she watched as he dismounted and made his way to the front door.
His gait was very familiar. So too was his dark hair.
Caroline stepped closer and then gasped in surprise.
It was Charles!
"Charles," she called and ran toward him.
Her brother turned at her shout, and he grinned as Caroline ran up the steps.
"Hello, Caro," he said in his deep voice before he pulled her into a hug that lifted her from her feet.
Charles had always towered over her and he made Rebecca look positively tiny.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, completely forgetting about the imminent arrival of the other riders in her excitement.
"I came to Town and was told by Edward's servants that you were all here. I was sure his cousin wouldn't mind if I paid a visit, since I came to see my family and my entire family is here."
Caroline smiled widely.
"No, I am sure he wouldn't mind, he is a very generous man."
Charles eyes, identical to Caroline's icy blue, narrowed slightly at her warm praise but he did not comment, instead pulling her toward him in another hug.
"You look very well, Caro. It seems England is agreeing with you."
Caroline made to answer but did not get the chance as she was suddenly pulled roughly from Charles' grip.
She looked up in confusion and was surprised and horrified to see Tom, looking murderous, push her gently away from Charles before throwing his fist and landing a fierce blow right onto Charles' cheek.
"Tom!" she screamed now, "what are you doing?"
"Getting this lecherous brute's paws off you," he snarled and made to move forward again.
"Stop it!" she screamed again, pulling out of his arm with all her might. "He's my brother."
Tom stopped mid-step and turned to look at her.
"Your brother?" he asked slowly, his breathing harsh.
"Yes, my brother!" she shouted back, furious with him.
"Ah, so it is. Hello Charles, nice to see you again."
Caroline's jaw dropped at Edward's nonchalance.
Charles grinned at Edward, seemingly as unfazed as the other man.
"Edward, nice to see you too," he said as the two men shook hands.
Caroline felt as though she had slipped into a surreal dream, or nightmare rather.
Charles turned back to face Tom and eyed him closely.
"You must be Tom Crawdon. Sorry to drop in unexpected, though it would appear I've had my comeuppance," he grinned ruefully, rubbing his cheek and extending his other hand.
"My apologies," said Tom now grasping Charles' offered hand, "I thought—"
"You thought some stranger was manhandling my sister. Believe me, I am well pleased to have someone take such good care of her. You must really care about your guests."
The two gentlemen shared a look that Caroline, still in a state of shock, did not even try to decipher.
Tom broke the brief silence.
"Please, come into the house and we will have someone look at your cheek."
"It's nothing that a glass of brandy won't fix," Charles said jovially.
The door had opened as this bizarre little exchange was going on and Edward stepped through, handing his hat to a waiting footman.
Both Tom and Charles turned back holding a hand out to Caroline then glancing at each other — Charles' face once again shrewd and questioning, Tom's trying and failing to look innocent.
Caroline stared at them both, completely overset by what had just occurred then shook her head and stomped
into the house without either of their assistance.
She wished Rebecca and the dowager were here. She'd even take Mrs. Colson at this point.
In the space of a few moments, she'd seen Charles, watched as he was almost knocked clear out by Tom, and then listened to them bonding and talking about brandy of all things.
Her head began to ache. And in the midst of it all was the horrible realisation that now whatever chance she and Tom had of being together had been completely obliterated by the arrival of her overprotective big brother.
Tom led the way to his study feeling like he needed a drink just as badly as the viscount he had just punched.
Good God, he had been in some awkward positions in his time but this could safely be described as one of the worst.
He and Edward had finished up their respective business in a relatively short time and had headed straight to the village pub for an ale or two and to talk about Tom's predicament.
Tom had only been interested in the ale; Edward was the one pushing to talk about this blasted situation with Caroline.
"Why are you so insistent on talking about my feelings, Edward? You used to be just as uninterested in that nonsense as I am."
Edward shrugged and said, "I'm married," as if it were self-explanatory.
"So then, what do you plan to do about her?" Edward carried on, unrepentant.
Tom swore quietly before he admitted, to his drink, not to Edward, that he had no idea.
"What would you do, if you were in my position, hmm? She's the only woman I ever loved, Edward. I moved to the other side of the world because of her, for God's sake. And still—"
Here he hesitated, unwilling to take that leap.
"Still what?"
He sighed and dropped his head into his hands.
"Still I'm not enough," he said hoarsely, as if the words were torn from his very soul.
"I'm confused," said Edward.
"Not the first time."
"I'm ignoring that. You say you're not enough yet she asked you to, well, to scandalise her." He grimaced. "I'm still not happy about that you know."
"Yes I know, you've said so. Several times. And I told you that nothing has happened."
"I believe you because I chose not to think of the alternative. But if she asked you, how can you think you're not enough?"
Seeking Scandal (Ranford Series Book 2) Page 20
