by Nancy Glynn
Her head snapped his way. “A snowman? I haven’t built a snowman in…”
“I don’t care. I’m not leaving Illinois in the winter without making one. When you’re ready to stand that long, I’m dragging you out there.”
She laughed. “You’re crazy.” She pointed ahead. “Take that way…it’s faster.”
“You got it.” He turned, causing her to fall against him, her strawberry-smelling hair rustling against his face.
Reaching out, she grabbed his thigh to steady herself. “Take it easy, Cowboy. This isn’t a horse.” She adjusted herself back in her seat, grinning.
“It ain’t? Huh. I’m starting to tame these icy roads like the mares at home. Getting easier.” He noticed her stretch her body and fluff her hair. Primping for him? He couldn’t take his eyes off her shapely jean-clad legs, picturing toned thighs and calves. Needed to find something else to think about. Shifting in his seat, he said, “I’ll just run in. You stay put.”
“But—”
“I’ll be right back. Here…listen to your oldies.”
“Fine, but hurry. It’s coming down again.”
He opened his door. “Damn.”
“What?”
“Was hoping you’d say hurry, I’ll miss you.” He winked and jumped out before he saluted her.
The look on her face said it all. Her luminescent eyes wider than normal. Wished he had his phone out to capture it for moments alone.
***
She stomped her walking boot, angry at herself for falling in the first place. She’d never be in this situation with some guy her brother had placed in her path once again. A man she didn’t need in her life.
The sooner she healed, the faster he’d leave and the faster she could get on with her life, making a new name for herself in the publishing world. Every time she’d write on her laptop, Hayden would pop into her head.
Scratching through her heavy winter coat didn’t ease the itch under her bra. She wanted to tear it off. Opening her coat, she slid her hand inside her top and lightly scratched the scar.
Thinking more about it, she remembered a lotion she wanted. She pulled her phone out and texted Hayden, asking him to get her a lotion called Calming Crème. She smiled, knowing he was confused and probably not used to shopping for creams and lotions. He gave her the thumbs up emoji and said he’d look.
She rubbed the area harder, wondering if the nerves were starting to regenerate. A smile spread on her lips at the thought. Any kind of sensation would be welcomed. Her armpits still ached, but that was to be expected.
When she saw Hayden walk out of the store with his bags, she pulled her hand back out and zipped her coat. Watching him strut with that self-assuredness sent a thrill through her. She almost felt like a real woman again…almost. She was going to enjoy his company as much as she could while he was here.
After he dumped the bags into the back, he slid in and smiled at her. “I had to ask for help to find that dang lotion. There’re way too many.”
She laughed. “Sorry. I’m sure they didn’t mind helping you.”
Grinning, he buckled up and moved the gear into reverse. “Yeah, that 100-year-old lady didn’t mind at all.”
“Liar.” At least he didn’t brag about flirty women throwing themselves at him. Joel used to tell her about all these starving new authors promising him anything to get published, even though she knew it was the other way around.
He began to drive, occasionally glancing her way. “Winter dry skin?”
Chuckling, she said, “Yes…curiosity got you?”
He nodded. “If you need help rubbing it on, I’m right down the hall.”
Shaking her head, she said, “You’re bad. I can handle it. But thanks. Very generous of you to offer.” She hid a grin and the thunderbolt shooting through her body at the thought.
“Hey, I’m here to help. Anything you need.”
She licked her lips and decided to look out her window, ignoring his heated stare. He gave her that sexy grin she hoped was only meant for her, but she knew deep down he probably gave it to all women he flirted with.
“I can’t wait to make you dinner for once. I want you to go relax in your room and write on your laptop, leaving all the cooking and cleaning to me. Got it?” He glanced at her until she met his eyes.
“Got it. Thank you.” A small smile spread her lips before an itch stabbed at her, making her wince.
“You okay, Aubrey?”
Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “Dry skin acting up.” She rubbed through her coat under her armpit, wanting to scratch the front but couldn’t with his eyes plastered on her.
“Wow, never knew that about your winters. Poor thing.”
“I’m fine, really. I’ll just take a nice bath and lotion up. Be good as new.” She smiled, laughing at his expression.
He cleared his throat and stared straight ahead. “Sounds good.”
Her shoulders and chin shook with the laughter she stifled. She watched him shift in his seat in discomfort, probably envisioning her, but the vision he would have would not match what was reality. With a fading smile, she turned her head to see bare trees whiz by on the long road to her house.
“We’re home,” he said, finding his smile again. “Can you get to the stairs in your boot by yourself while I get the groceries?”
“I think so. Like a regular boot but bigger. Should be fine.”
“Hang on and let me help you down.” He jumped out and ran to her side before opening her door and grabbing her hands.
“That is one ugly boot,” she said, looking down at the monstrosity.
“Looks like a Martian shoe.” He shut the door and grinned.
She laughed. “Thanks. I feel better already.”
“Wait. Stay here.” He ran, sliding down the walkway and grabbed the shovel to move piles of snow out of the way for her.
A tightness clutched at her heart as she watched this man out of his element. Yet, he commanded it with his fearlessness. She sucked on her lower lip, waiting for him to finish. When he did, he threw the shovel and came for her. “I’m fine. Go get the bags. Please.”
“I just want to make sure you get up the stairs okay. You know, until you’re used to that thing.”
Laughing, she said, “I am.” She allowed him to wrap his arm around her shoulder and help her limp her way through the dusty snow and up the steps. “Now go. Want me to warm the teakettle or anything before I head upstairs?”
He shook his head. “Nope. You go pamper yourself and don’t worry about a thing.” He walked back to the truck.
She liked watching him from behind and forced herself to go inside to the warmth. In her room, she threw her coat on her bed and pulled her top off to examine the source of her itchiness. As she slid her bra strap down her shoulder, a knock on the door made her jump. “Yes?”
“I have your cream.”
“Oh, hang on.” She limped to the door and cracked it open to stick her hand out. His gaze drifted to her bare shoulder, bringing heat to her skin. A blush filled her cheeks, knowing she glowed. “Thanks.”
He slowly nodded and placed the jar into her hand. “Lunch?”
“There’s chili if you want to heat it up?”
“Sounds good. I’ll hit the snow out there before it gets worse.” He stood still, his eyes locked with hers as if he didn’t want to leave.
She nodded. “Good luck. I’ll just take my bath and do some writing while you’re freezing your Texas ass outside.” She smirked.
Laughing, he said, “Thanks for the encouragement. And my Texas ass will be just fine.”
“I’m sure.” Heat radiated to her head.
His eyes widened as he grinned. “I’ll bring up a bowl. Enjoy your bath.”
Nodding, she shut the door and leaned against it, closing her eyes. She then walked to her bathroom mirror and undressed, peeling her prosthetic bra off. The pink scars were inflamed from her scratching, especially near her armpit.
Tears
pricked the back of her eyes. Even though she spared her nipples, she’d never look the same again. How could she ever show anyone her ugliness? That beautiful man was expecting a beautiful woman under clothes, and she couldn’t provide that.
But he’d never know. She’d send him back to Texas where there were plenty of whole women…women with breasts for his enjoyment. He deserved that much.
After turning on her oldie’s music, she ran her bath and poured lavender bath oil in before sweeping her hair up and dipping her toe into the hot water. This time she could put both feet in and relax without straining her swollen foot on the edge of the tub.
Her bath pillow waited for her as she laid her head back and used her sponge to carefully wash her chest. She hadn’t cried for herself in a long time. It’d been eight months since she had the bilateral mastectomy of her own choosing.
But she thought Joel would be there for her. Turned out he wasn’t. She had resigned to the fact that she’d be alone the rest of her life, which was fine. She loved to write and had no plans of dating. Never had the desire to get reconstruction but to leave it be.
Until Mr. Texas Hero showed up and changed all that for her.
As the Beatles played in the background, she kicked her good foot against the basin and washed the rest of her body. A body she was proud of until it stopped at her chest.
That damned BRCA test spoiled everything for her. Changed her whole life. Why did she have to be positive?
Shaking her head, she refused to have a pity party. Refused to allow anyone to come into her life and change things. As soon as Hayden went back home, she’d go back to her regular life and not care about her breastless body like she did before.
It wasn’t like she had big breasts before, anyway. But they were hers. She was happy to keep her nipples intact…something that belonged to her. But it wasn’t good enough for Joel. He wanted a real woman.
Their relationship had been dying a slow death before her surgery, so it was no surprise that he couldn’t handle it.
She had sworn Danny to secrecy except for her parents knowing. He wanted to protect her from any man’s disgust, including his Marine buddy. He tried telling her that she was still beautiful no matter what, but those were words of a brother who’d love his sister no matter what. He knew what a lover might think because he admitted he didn’t know how he’d feel.
He’d do anything to make sure Hayden didn’t hurt her and only wanted him there to help her out.
Guilt filled her when she thought about the joke she pulled on him. She knew he was confused and mortified at the same time, knowing her secret. They had spoken since and she had profusely apologized.
A knock on her door snapped her head toward it. “I’m in the bath still,” she called out.
“I have your chili.”
She sank lower into the bubbles and said, “Okay, can you put it on my nightstand?” Glancing down at her chest, she made sure nothing showed even though she knew he’d never look in there.
The sound of the door opening jolted her heart. He carried the bowl to her table, his back turned to her. “I like this song.”
She giggled. “You like the Beatles?”
“Yep…well, their old stuff like this.”
She listened and caught the song. You’re Going to Lose That Girl played, making her smile. “Thanks for the chili.”
“No problem. I’ll be outside freezing my Texas ass off.”
She slipped, making the water splash.
His head turned to his right without looking at her. “You okay?”
“Yes. Just lost my balance.” She loved that he did everything in his power not to look at her.
He chuckled. “Yeah, those baths can be treacherous. Need to work on your clumsiness or I’ll never be able to leave you.”
“I’ll work on it.” Never be able to leave her? If only. “Need to get you back home.”
His tone dropped. “Right.” He walked to the door and closed it.
She pulled the plug and let out a heavy sigh. As she waited for the water to drain, she glanced down at herself. The purple rigid scars glared back at her, and for the first time, she regretted doing it. Regretted making that drastic decision. But now it was too late.
Stepping out of the tub, she dried off and opened the cream jar. She scooped a large amount and rubbed it into the pink area and all around her nipples, then her nipples which had dry skin from the winter air.
With her chin up, she rubbed faster until the itch calmed down. She’d need more than one jar. Her doctor did tell her that if itching started it’d be a good thing because it meant nerves were regenerating and sensation was returning. It didn’t matter, though. What good did sensation returning do her? No hands or mouth would ever touch them again.
She shimmied into her cotton pants pajamas with little snowmen dancing on them—a gift from her mother, and not the sexiest thing ever. They were warm and perfect for this weather. No man to impress.
It felt good not to wear that bra. She didn’t need to worry about having a shape in her pajamas, but she’d put it back on when she went down for dinner later. She also left her walking boot off and hopped to her bed.
She snuggled against her pillows and pulled her laptop over before grabbing the hot bowl of chili as another beautiful love song came on by the Beatles. A perfect setting for an independent woman. A tight smile formed. Just perfect.
The smile faded as she finished her chili and started to write.
***
He stood at her door, his forehead against it, listening to her love ballads. Something about the way she spoke, like there was an undercurrent of emotions wanting to come out. Maybe he’d get her to drink a little wine later and open up.
Laughing under his breath, he ran back down to get his winter gear on. He never in his life had to get any woman drunk to get them to tell all their secrets and desires. They’d vomit it all over him, hoping he’d pity or fall in love with their stories, but it never worked.
Aubrey was definitely a mystery. The quiet smile she hides when she thinks he’s not looking. He’d love to think he put it there, but he’d never take any credit. Danny would ask him how she was and if she seemed sad. He couldn’t understand why Danny would wonder about that. Maybe because of her breakup with Joel?
As he tugged his black beanie over his ears and wrapped his scarf around his face, he shoved his hands into his gloves and ran down the front steps. He grabbed the shovel and began to push the snow off to the side before taking on that monster of a snow blower.
His horses at home were easier to handle. His hay mower was easier. When the snow sat for hours, it turned hard as ice stones, so it was like mowing frozen mountains. Yep…mowing hay or even baling was much easier.
This time, he stuck earphones into his ears to ward the thunderous sound off, replacing it with music from his phone. Brad Paisley started the playlist off with his favorite song, “She’s Everything.” Next in line would be Luke Bryan singing about country girls.
He’d have to get the country girl out of Aubrey. She lived in the country, so should be easy. She just didn’t farm. He could see her in short jean shorts and a plaid crop top tied at her waste in the summer. Boots running up her shapely calves. Hair in a bouncy ponytail.
His thoughts heated him up nicely as he plowed the snow. Sweat trickled down his back with visions of her rolling around in hay. Get those thoughts out of your head, Hayden. Her brother would kill you and you know it. Only do what you’re asked and that’s it. No more thoughts.
He glanced up and saw her watching him from her bedroom window. He waved back when he saw her waving, not wanting her to leave. Staring at her for what felt like eternity before she disappeared, the curtain still moving.
An hour later, he accomplished a lot. The whole walkway was now clear and safe to walk through. Mountains of snow stood like a fortress on both sides, all pushed up by the blower.
The door opened, and Aubrey walked out in her coat, hat, and o
ne boot. “Hi. Thought you could use some company.” She treaded the porch and down the steps to meet him.
He smiled. “Just finished.”
“Good.” She bent and started rolling a ball of snow and stood with an evil grin, raising her brows up and down. “It’s time you were initiated.”
He scoffed but ducked fast enough to miss her hit. “Oh, yeah?”
Laughing, she scrambled to grab more snow but not before he did. She screamed and tried to run away.
“You can run, but please don’t with that lame foot.” He rolled his ball and aimed, hitting her in the chest. “Gotcha.”
She dove into the snow and balled up a bigger one than his and threw it, catching the angle of his jaw but still splatting it on his face. “Yes!”
“That’s it. You’re mine now.” He bent and hurried to make a ball before she could, wanting to laugh at her inching away from the enemy—him. He took two giant steps and hovered above her with his snow.
She then jumped up and ran as far as the deep snow would allow, sinking into it and not getting far. Giggling and screeching forged from her as she ran, tracking the snow with her boot prints.
He caught up to her and opened the back of her coat before jamming it down her warm skin. A screech tore from her that echoed through the trees. “Told you not to run.”
She bent and grabbed a handful before turning around and shoving it down his front, laughing with him as they fell into the snow.
Her body on his drove him wild, igniting a fire that’d melt the whole yard of snow. He stared into her crinkled eyes, still laughing, but quieter now, their chests heaving hard from the excitement.
Saving them from making a huge mistake, she rolled over to the snow and began to move her arms and legs up and down. “Let’s make angels.”
He joined her and mimicked her movements, their feet hitting when they’d push them out. Wanting to go back to the previous position, he forced himself to sit up and watch her. “Yours looks great. I like snow angels. I’ve seen people do them in movies.”
