by Leza Lowitz
ALMOST AT THE MOUNTAIN BASE—
fallen pine trees
block the path!
Can’t get up
the mountain.
Can’t go back.
Sky turns black,
then orange,
then red.
Clouds open up to
sudden rain.
Teachers huddle,
try to determine
the next-highest place.
FINGERS SHAKING,
I text Mom
to let her know
I’m okay.
But I don’t say that.
Instead I ask
R u ok?
She texts back
right away.
R U? I’m fine.
I love you, Kai
& a heart
& smile.
I’m smiling, too—
only notice
that I’m
crying
when I taste salt
in my mouth.
SCCCCHHHLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUU—
strange sound
rises from behind us
like a giant Slurpee
being sucked through
the biggest straw
in the world.
Let’s go!
Aki-sensei shouts.
To the bridge!
Its span is high—
we’ll be safe.
FIVE BLOCKS ACROSS TOWN
to the river—
just five blocks!
Must have run five times
that for soccer
every day
when I was
little.
But a huge black sheet of water
curls away
from the shore,
leaves the ocean floor
totally open
bare,
exposed—
like us.…
HEART POUNDING
legs pounding
head pounding
obstacle course of
crumbled buildings
chunks of pavement
rooftops strewn like train tracks
tracks buckled like busted rooftops
downed electric cables
splintered boards
upturned cars
ships on land
flattened trucks.
Each block
is like
a continent
to cross.
ANOTHER QUAKE
hurls us
into the air.
I look up at Ryu—
always the leader—
propelling me
with his motion.
Now
he’s on the ground.
Shin is way behind—
gangly grasshopper legs
buckling in and out
like they always did
on the soccer field.
Can’t go on!
Ryu groans.
You can do this! I stop,
reach for his hand,
pick him up and
drag him along,
legs pinwheeling.
Keep running!
Aki-sensei shouts,
shirt clinging
to his sweat-drenched back.
Gotta make it
to the bridge.
Gotta run
faster than we’ve
ever run,
faster than we
knew we could
because the
foaming
mass
is coming up
so fast
so strong
so soon—
too soon—
behind us.
Almost there!
BLACK MONSTER
raging,
smashing
into land,
exploding
in sky-high spray
snapping
crunching
crushing
everything
in its wake.
Horns beeping
cars swirling
water
sweeping up
busesstreetlampsshopsigns
homesbuildingstrees
even people.
WE MAKE IT
to the bridge—
spanning out
over the river
like the wings
of an angel.
Safe!
But the water
makes it, too,
churns
around the piers
thrashes
into the railings
surges
over the railings
sweeps
onto the deck
charges
right up
to where
we’re
standing.
SHIN! RYU! AKI-SENSEI! KEIKO!
R
U
N
!
BRIDGE HEAVES
to the left
then
splits
in
half
as if concrete
and steel
were
balsa
wood.
We go
down
with it.
INTO THE WAVE
f
r
e
e
f
a
l
l
Sucked under
the freezing
black mass—
have to
breathe.
Have to
break free.
Have to
get away
from the
foul-smelling
eye-stinging
throat-burning
monster.
THWAAACK!
Slammed so hard
my nose
cracks,
tinny taste—
blood
in my mouth.
I reach out,
hold on to the tree,
scramble up
hand over hand,
thighs squeeze
and release,
squeeze and release
up up up
like the monkey
Mom always
said I was.
10 feet
20 feet
30 feet
40 feet
Don’t know
how high I am,
don’t care.
Just hope
I’m higher
than the
next wave.
But the monster
rears
up again.
THE PINE TREE
bends,
sways,
bows
low
to the
ground.
Waterwaterwaterwaterwaterwater
up to my feet
up to my thighs
up to my chest
up to my head
up to my mouth
just want
air.
CAN’T GIVE UP
can’t
give in
can’t
give way
can’t
go under
so cold
so cold
can’t
breathe
can’t
do
anything.
SILENT
underwater
world.
Then
Mom’s voice:
Kai
Kai
Kai…
*1 Obaachan—Grandma
*2 Ojiichan—Grandpa
*3 sanma—mackerel
FACEDOWN
in the sludge—
bruised
and battered.
Don’t know
where I am
/>
or how long
I’ve been here,
shivering,
shaking,
coughing up
sand
dirt
seawater
sludge
until I’m
empty.
STAGGERING TOWARD ME
clothes in strips—
Principal Kunihara.
You OK?
Where’s Shin, Ryu?
I cough out.
Don’t know…
His once-booming voice
now a whisper.
Hand on my back,
he guides me
up the hill
to the junior high.
My head hurts.
My body hurts.
Where’s Mom?
Where’s everyone?
Where’s my favorite
ramen place?
What happened
to the vegetable market
the fish shop
the tofu maker
the video store?
BIG BLACK DIRT
BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT BIG BLACK DIRT
What happened to
my town?
IN THE AUDITORIUM,
people huddle together
on the floor,
rocking back
and forth.
I’m too scared
to ask the question
that matters most.
BUT I NEED TO KNOW,
so I go looking
face to face—
neighbors
townspeople
strangers
old
young
wet,
bleeding,
shaking.
None of them
are
Mom,
Ojiichan,
Obaachan,
Shin,
or
Ryu.…
MY EYES LAND
on Aki-sensei—
brown face now ashen,
big man now small,
bent over like a bonsai.
You’re okay! he says,
relieved.
No, I say.
I gotta go find
my mom
and grandparents!
Now!
THEN WE’RE SLAMMED
from side to side
like we’re a bone
the earth keeps trying
to spit out
of its throat.
Take cover!
Aki-sensei shouts.
We grab on to
walls,
grab on to
each other,
grab on to
anything
to stay
upright.
IF THE QUAKES CONTINUE,
the sea could
rise up again,
take what’s left—
can’t let that happen.
I’m going out! I shout.
Wait, Aki-sensei says.
The earth’s
still shaking.
Principal Kunihara
won’t let anyone
out of sight.
I don’t care.
The earth’s not waiting!
Why should I?
THE SHAKING STOPS
and I breathe again,
relieved.
It’s just a 7.1—
not like the first one,
the 9.0
that lifted doors
and walls
and the ocean
floor.
HANDS AND FEET NUMB,
we curl up
on the hardwood
floor
and wait.
Ganbarimasu—
Together, we’ll endure.
Principal Kunihara carries boxes
under his arm.
What for?
He says we’ll tear the cardboard
to make signs.
We use what we have.
I write in marker
salvaged from the
art room—
LOOKING FOR MY GRANDPARENTS:
HIROYUKI AND SANAE TAKAMOTO.
HAS ANYONE SEEN
TOMOKO TAKAMOTO?
Tape the signs
to the auditorium wall.
WE SECTION OFF
sleeping spaces
with cardboard,
tarps,
blankets,
tents,
lines of tape
drawn
across the floor.
All we’ve got
are old futons
and blankets so short
my feet stick out
from under them.
It will be a cold night
in the auditorium.
I try to close my eyes.
Try not to think
about Mom,
about Ojiichan
and Obaachan,
about all my friends.
Try to focus on
this other tide,
the one inside me—
Me.
Kai.
Still alive.
IN MY DREAMS
I play soccer
with my friends,
like I used to do
so long ago.
But we’re trapped—
Shin, Ryu, and I
can’t kick the ball
through a wall of water
even Kagawa*1 or Honda*2
couldn’t penetrate.
WIND BLOWS THE DOORS OPEN
in the middle of the night,
batters them shut again.
I bolt upright, panicked.
Is it me,
or is the earth
still moving?
A snowstorm’s arrived
and it’s pitch-black outside
but I don’t care—
I’m getting out of here.
TIPTOEING LIKE A NINJA
I feel my way
around the room,
stepping over boxes,
shoes, people.
I’m almost at the door
when Taro Nishi
jumps up
in front of me.
Where do you think
you’re going?
he asks.
Where does it look like?
I say, pushing my classmate aside.
But he blocks my
path,
like he always
does.
Move!
I say,
shoving him
out of the way.
What’s your problem?
Taro snarls.
My problem?
How about
no water
no food
no electricity
no heat
no family
no future?
Gotta find my mom!
Rescue teams are
doing their best,
he says,
holding me back.
If your mom’s out there,
they’ll find her.
I struggle against
his grip,
try to break free.
What if they don’t?
He doesn’t have an answer,
so I go slack
in his arms,
then squat when he
relaxes his grip.
I kick him
>
backward in the shins,
ram my body into his,
break away,
rush for the door.
I’ve got nothing
left to lose.
AKI-SENSEI RUNS OVER,
grabs me tightly,
whirls me around
to face him
in the darkness.
We’ve got to keep our heads,
he says, jutting his chin
toward the scuffed
floor
where kids
huddle together
in the dark,
wide-eyed,
scared.
BACK IN MY CORNER
I pound my fists
into my futon,
rage like the sea.
Next to me,
old folks
burrow into their
blankets,
murmur:
It’s just like the war,*3
when we had
nothing.
Obaachan used to talk about
how hard things were
back then,
when a banana
was a luxury,
green tea was
champagne.
She told me all this
so I’d appreciate
what I had.
But I didn’t.
Until now.
At daybreak
sun streams through
mud-streaked windows.
In the hallway mirror
I see my seaweed hair,
dirt-smudged face,
bloodshot brown eyes.
Sliding paste
over my teeth
with my fingers,
seawater still
on my tongue.
Can’t get the mud
out from under my nails—
my skin, my hair.
Must be how Mom felt
washing my dirty soccer clothes.
The cold water turns brown,
brown like my
first soccer uniform—
my very own team jersey
shining like
a stallion.
Sharp white stripes
running like arrows
down the sides.
Ryu said
kakko ii
—cool—
and I felt that way.
Ryu!
I haven’t seen him
since the bridge.
LOOKING UP
from the sink—
a face
behind mine
in the mirror.
Can it be?
Buzz-cut hair
like a monk’s,
eyes slit-sharp
like a lizard’s.
What?
Shin!
No way!
You’re here!
