by M. Ullrich
“It’s okay to be mad at her, but don’t just write her off as another failed relationship. You can’t be so rigid with other people. Learn to bend, Caroline. Otherwise, you’ll just keep breaking.”
Caroline stepped out of the embrace and saw her younger brother in a new light. No matter what the years had thrown at him, he continued to observe and love in such an unjaded way. She decided then and there that it was time to learn from Kyle and from her own mistakes.
* * *
Emma placed the empty ice cream pint on her stomach and balanced her spoon across the top. She looked around her living room for anything within reach she could add. She considered a remote for a split second before her phone started to buzz. She reached for it, and the spoon fell off, landing on the floor with a thud. She stared at it and blinked twice before deciding to leave it. She’ll clean eventually. Maybe. She checked her phone and saw three new notifications from Christie. Her friend was sweet but relentless. When Emma wouldn’t tell her what happened in Florida or about the fallout with Caroline, she just flooded Emma’s phone with new travel destinations.
She could pack up and go to Bermuda or Portland. She’d even heard Minnesota was nice this time of year. Disappearing into the sky hundreds of miles away would be such an easy fix. An escape would solve so many of her current problems, but no one ever experienced personal growth from running.
She tossed her phone back on the table and placed the ice cream container next to it. Not a destination in the world was calling to her right now. She wanted to wallow and figure out how to fix her damaged heart. The last time someone had affected Emma like this was so long ago, she couldn’t recall how to cope. Takeout and ice cream weren’t doing the trick, and waiting for sad music to come on the radio wasn’t working either.
Emma marched over to her radio, tired of its incessantly cheery music. What ever happened to rock and roll and broken hearts being put into words and strung together with the strum of a guitar? Her finger was on the power button when the DJ came on.
“This next song goes out to Emma from Caroline. She was very specific about the dedication. It’s been a while since we’ve had a shout out,” the DJ said with a short pause to laugh. “Caroline wants Emma to know as long as you’ll have her, she’ll be there for you. And here’s a nice little throwback gem to go with it.” Emma immediately recognized the beginning notes of the Bon Jovi song she had mentioned in group. If the song was on the radio, and Caroline dedicated it to her, then that must mean…
Emma dashed for her door and swung it open with an expectant smile, but it fell away when she peered out into an empty hallway. Her next move was for the front door of the building. She ran down the stairs and felt like she couldn’t get anywhere fast enough. Once she finally made it to the first floor, she saw Caroline standing on the other side of the double glass doors to the building. She approached and stepped outside slowly and without a word. Caroline stood awkwardly and was wet from head to toe. Emma looked down to her own bare feet on dry concrete and up to the cloudless, sunny sky.
“There’s not a lot of bakeries in the area, so I don’t have a pie. But I’m hoping I can get you one soon,” Caroline said. She pulled the saturated black blouse away from her body. “And I had to improvise since it’s obviously not raining.”
“How did you…” Emma pointed to Caroline’s wet clothing.
“I brought a filled watering can.” She might have been wet, but her makeup was still immaculate and eyes more emotional than ever. “Also, before I get into my lengthy apology, I just want to tell you your idea of a grand win-you-back gesture is impractical.”
Emma smiled in spite of her rising tears. “Noted.”
“You live on the sixth floor of an apartment building that requires everyone to buzz in.”
Emma shrugged.
“And what if it was December? You’d expect me to stand out here in the cold rain?”
“I didn’t expect any of this.” Emma felt her smile start to broaden, even as she watched Caroline’s frown deepen. “I guess my overactive imagination got the best of me that day.”
“It did, and you need to keep that thing in check,” Caroline said, shaking her arms. A few water droplets fell to the concrete at her feet. “I had a long talk with my brother, and he made me realize how ridiculous I was being, and I’m sorry.”
“How is Kyle?”
“Fine. Just a small scare, but we can talk about that later if you’d like. Right now, I need to get this apology out before I lose it.”
Emma started to step forward. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“Stop.” Caroline held up her hands and Emma stopped a foot in front of Caroline. “I do. I’m sorry for acting rashly and spontaneously when it came to us. I wasn’t being fair when I expected you to bend to my needs without considering yours.” She had yet to meet Emma’s eyes. “You’re the type who likes to shout things from the rooftop while I sit in the basement and write them down. Do you think, maybe, we could meet in the middle and just make a quiet announcement from the front porch?”
Emma stepped up to Caroline and took her face in her hands. She kissed her lightly once, and then a second time before pulling away slightly. Millimeters separated their faces as Emma barely breathed. “My imaginary grand gesture may have been impractical,” she said, her lips grazing Caroline’s. “But your house analogy is terrible.”
“I know but you get it, you get me and that’s—” Caroline stopped talking and took a deep breath through her nose. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Emma knew she was trying to get her ducks in a row. “I knew I was falling in love with you the moment you held my hand.”
“The first person to hold your hand in over seven months. You were also a little drunk that night.”
“I felt your touch so keenly, and it felt so good and right. You weren’t some stranger holding my hand. You were Emma.” Caroline’s eyes started to water, and Emma watched her chin quiver. “Sure enough, in just a few days all those small feelings mounted into something big and scary and it all moved way too quickly, but I knew I wanted this.”
“But I went and did something stupid that messed it all up. I’m so sorry, Caroline.”
“You really don’t have to apologize.”
“I do. You’re right,” Emma said with a shrug. Her eyes never strayed from Caroline’s. “I am selfish, but I promise you I’m working on it and the selfish things I do, I do them with good intentions.”
“I know.” Caroline pulled her right hand away and placed her palm over Emma’s heart. “You love and live in a way I’ve never seen, and it’s just another reason why I believe we were meant to meet. I want to experience life by your side because with you, I’m finally starting to see the good in the world again. Or maybe even for the first time.”
“It’s funny,” Emma said. “I want to experience life at your side because in just a week you’ve shown me what I’ve been missing for so long and didn’t even realize.”
“Then how do you know you were missing it?”
“Because I can’t imagine going back to how things were before Caroline Beckett swept me off my feet.”
“I did no such—”
Emma silenced her with a finger to her lips. “I want to take you inside now because I really need to kiss you some more.”
Caroline stepped forward, wrapped her arms around Emma’s neck, and said, “You can kiss me right now, right here.”
Emma looked around. “Are you sure?”
“I think this counts as the front porch.” Caroline started to pull Emma in.
“You and this house analogy.”
“Shut up. It’s what I rehearsed.” Caroline kissed Emma deeply. She ran her hands along Emma’s shoulders, down her arms, around her back and over every inch she could reach.
Emma felt electrified when she pulled back. “Come on, we have to get upstairs now.” She started to walk inside but Caroline held her in place.
“No more fighting and no m
ore pretending, okay?”
Emma tried to hold back her smile, but a lopsided grin escaped anyway. “I can’t make any promises about not fighting, but I can promise I’m not pretending anymore, and I haven’t been for a while.”
Emma stared down into Caroline’s dark eyes and fought to remember a time when her feelings for her were manufactured. All her feelings felt so natural now, like they’d always been buried in every beat of her heart. When she led Caroline inside this time, there was no hesitation, just two women falling in love—real, honest love.
Epilogue
Caroline loved the feeling of warm, humid air wrapping around her bare legs. She reclined in the sand and dug her palms into the earth. She always felt peaceful at the beach. The sound of waves rushing to the shore and receding was one of her favorite sounds, right up there with rain against the windowsill and Emma singing in the shower.
“One piña colada for my beautiful wife,” Emma said as she handed over the frosty drink. She plopped herself down in the sand beside Caroline. “And a frozen margarita for myself. Virgin, of course. Which means it tastes terrible, but it’s fun to pretend.”
Caroline looked at her wife with a gentle smile. “You always did have a knack for pretending.”
“I really did, didn’t I?” Emma took a sip of her margarita and grimaced. She shook off the nasty look and stared at the ocean. “Pretending to be your girlfriend, pretending to be surprised when you proposed, and pretending I didn’t know I was pregnant until the doctor told us.” She splayed her hand across her growing belly.
Caroline reached over and placed her hand over Emma’s. “That last one was cruel.”
“But your face when the doctor made the announcement was priceless.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”
“And maybe I’m pretending I don’t know the sex.”
Caroline shook her head and leaned into Emma. “Nice try, babe. You’re already smiling, which is a dead giveaway, but I also know you too well to fall for that.” Caroline savored a long sip of her drink. She knew Emma was waiting for her to elaborate. “If you knew the sex of our baby, you’d have been decorating, shopping, and telling me what name we’d be choosing.”
“You’re making me sound very bossy.”
“Sometimes you do take those reins from me, and I love you regardless.” Caroline kissed Emma’s cheek and let her lips linger long enough to soak up her sun-kissed warmth. “Plus, Kyle’s determined to name the baby.”
“We’re not naming the baby Pollyanna or Kyle. Sorry.”
Caroline chuckled. “I know, but there’s no harm in letting him play the game.” She kissed Emma’s shoulder. “You look beautiful. The Bahamas agree with you.”
Emma dug her glass into the sand, standing her drink upright. She cuddled into Caroline’s side. “Thank you for this. I know how much you hate traveling.”
“I do hate traveling, but I wanted to make our five-year anniversary special, and I know you won’t be able to fly soon.”
“Let’s not forget how different our lives are going to be. No more leaping up and going or doing whatever we want whenever we want,” Emma said with a faraway look.
Caroline saw a little fear sparkling in Emma’s blue eyes, a fear she herself knew very well. “We’ll be living a very different life, but it’s going to be great.”
“We won’t have sex forever.”
“Which is just another reason why I brought you here.” Caroline started to kiss Emma’s neck. She ran her lips along Emma’s pulse and up to just below her jaw. She bit Emma’s sensitive skin lightly. Caroline dropped her hand from Emma’s stomach to her thigh and explored the soft skin just below the hem of Emma’s short sundress. Emma’s legs opened effortlessly. “I plan on making love to you for hours. And fucking a little, too.”
“There’s people on this beach,” Emma said, sounding like a protest, but her actions disagreed with her words.
“I won’t do anything that’ll get us arrested,” Caroline said confidently. “But I’m going to kiss my wife like we’ve been married for five years and madly in love for eight.”
Emma looked at Caroline with a dreamy, lust-filled expression. “I love you so much, Caroline, and I’m very grateful you’ve shaken your aversion to public displays of affection.”
“Turns out the key was being with a woman so unbelievably beautiful and sexy that it’s impossible to keep my hands to myself.”
Emma laughed loudly, the sound mingling with the waves and creating a joyous melody. “I’m surprised you didn’t want to go back to the resort for our anniversary.”
“We’ve gone back three times already. I wanted someplace new for our last hurrah. So to speak.” Caroline kissed Emma’s neck again. “Also, Ted and Ramona were dead set on going with us next time. Speaking of, they’re coming over for dinner next week.”
“That’s great, but I really would prefer to not talk about them right now.”
“More sex talk?”
“More sex talk, please.”
Caroline giggled. “Let’s get back to our room and fire up that Jacuzzi.”
“Brilliant, beautiful, and dynamite in the sack. How could I not marry you?”
Caroline stood and held out her hands for her pregnant wife. She helped get Emma to her feet and made sure she was steady before starting to walk. “If you had asked me back then, I would’ve come up with a hundred reasons why you shouldn’t have married me.”
“And now?”
Caroline stopped walking and pulled Emma against her, their baby getting slightly in the way. She looked deep into Emma’s eyes before kissing her lightly. When she pulled back, she said, “I’m down to only ninety-nine.” Caroline watched as Emma laughed wildly and tried to tame her shoulder-length blond hair as it whipped around in the wind. She was struck by Emma’s beauty and the love she held in her heart. Emma was her forever, her always, and the reality she felt blessed to live every day for the rest of her life.
About the Author
M. Ullrich has always called New Jersey home and currently resides by the beach with her wife and boisterous feline children. After many years of regarding her writing as a hobby, the gentle yet persistent words of encouragement from her wife pushed M. Ullrich to take a leap into the world of publishing. Much to her delight and amazement, that world embraced her back.
Although M. Ullrich may work full-time in the optical field, her favorite hours are the ones she spends writing and eating ridiculously large portions of breakfast foods for every meal. When her pen isn’t furiously trying to capture her imagination (a rare occasion), she enjoys being a complete entertainer. Whether she’s telling an elaborate story or a joke, or getting up in front of a crowd to sing and dance her way through her latest karaoke selection, M. Ullrich will do just about anything to make others smile. Her talents extend to being able to relate anything and everything to Wynonna Earp, as well as mandala drawing and procrastinating. She also happens to be fluent in three languages: English, sarcasm, and TV/movie quotes.
Books Available From Bold Strokes Books
Dangerous Curves by Larkin Rose. When love waits at the finish line, dangerous curves are a risk worth taking. (978-1-63555-353-6)
Love to the Rescue by Radclyffe. Can two people who share a past really be strangers? (978-1-62639-973-0)
Love’s Portrait by Anna Larner. When museum curator Molly Goode and benefactor Georgina Wright uncover a portrait’s secret, public and private truths are exposed, and their deepening love hangs in the balance. (978-1-63555-057-3)
Model Behavior by MJ Williamz. Can one woman’s instability shatter a new couple’s dreams of happiness? (978-1-63555-379-6)
Pretending in Paradise by M. Ullrich. When travelwisdom.com assigns PR specialist Caroline Beckett and travel blogger Emma Morgan to cover a hot new couples retreat, they’re forced to fake a relationship to secure a reservation. (978-1-63555-399-4)
Recipe for Love by Aurora Rey. Hannah Little doesn’t have much use
for fancy chefs or fancy restaurants, but when New York City chef Drew Davis comes to town, their attraction just might be a recipe for love. (978-1-63555-367-3)
The House by Eden Darry. After a vicious assault, Sadie, Fin, and their family retreat to a house they think is the perfect place to start over, until they realize not all is as it seems. (978-1-63555-395-6)
Uninvited by Jane C. Esther. When Aerin McLeary’s body becomes host for an alien intent on invading Earth, she must work with researcher Olivia Ando to uncover the truth and save humankind. (978-1-63555-282-9)
Comrade Cowgirl by Yolanda Wallace. When cattle rancher Laramie Bowman accepts a lucrative job offer far from home, will her heart end up getting lost in translation? (978-1-63555-375-8)
Double Vision by Ellie Hart. When her cell phone rings, Giselle Cutler answers it—and finds herself speaking to a dead woman. (978-1-63555-385-7)
Inheritors of Chaos by Barbara Ann Wright. As factions splinter and reunite, will anyone survive the final showdown between gods and mortals on an alien world? (978-1-63555-294-2)
Love on Lavender Lane by Karis Walsh. Accompanied by the buzz of honeybees and the scent of lavender, Paige and Kassidy must find a way to compromise on their approach to business if they want to save Lavender Lane Farm—and find a way to make room for love along the way. (978-1-63555-286-7)
Spinning Tales by Brey Willows. When the fairy tale begins to unravel and villains are on the loose, will Maggie and Kody be able to spin a new tale? (978-1-63555-314-7)
