I gathered my clothes that were on a trail that led to the living room. I knew he would be angry waking up and finding me gone but the hell with it. I have not done one thing rationally since the night of his birthday party. I jotted down a note and left it taped to the fridge for him to find. Who knew if I would be walking through these doors again, but right now I’m leaving and going to try to find my dignity that vanished the minute I allowed Lawson to make love to me.
PRESENT…
Lawson
When I rolled back over to her side of the bed, I found it empty and cold. I let out a breath and to be honest, I wasn’t that all surprised. Renee was in a state when she arrived last night and her emotions were all over the place. What I should have done was let her go when she wanted to leave but the temptation was just too great and I had to keep her with me.
My great plan may have worked last night but I’m sure today looks different. She’s standing on the precipice, torn between our past and our present. Her scent was all over this bed and in this room. I planted my face in her pillow and just inhaled her flowery scent. I prolonged my shower long enough and knew I had to get into the office. I took the last few days off intending to go somewhere and clear my head, but I never made it out of the apartment. The joke of it is, I am not any closer than I was last week. As I made my way into the kitchen to make coffee, I found her note on the fridge.
My heart ached just looking at her perfectly written script. I took a seat at the breakfast bar and began reading her note.
Dear Lawson,
Newsflash! It takes two to make a marriage work and you’re not the only one to blame for our current situation. Are we even now? You hurt me and I hurt you. Just so you know, I didn’t mean it and divorcing you is the last thing I want but I can’t make you stay either. I’m going into the office today to clear my calendar and then I am off to New York for a conference that I just decided on attending. Can we talk when I get back?
Xo,
Renee
God! I love her. You are an asshole, Lawson Douglas, and if she never takes you back, then you deserve the lifetime of misery you surely will get for fucking up the best thing you have in your life.
“Hail our fearless leader who has returned to his abandoned ship.”
“Okay, laugh it up, Alison. If you are finished, please get me a cup of coffee and let’s get down to work. We have a lot to catch up on in a short amount of time.”
“Something I don’t know?”
“I’m working on something and I may need your assistance with but nothing I can say right now, so let’s work on what I can control.”
“You got it. I’ll be back in a few with the coffee.”
“Oh, Alison, one more thing.”
“Boss?”
“Can you track down my daughter and ask her to stop by today?”
“She’s down in the diary for this afternoon.”
“How did you know?”
“We don’t have time for me to explain to you how awesome I am. She will be here at three, and the rest of your afternoon is cleared.”
“Thank you,” I called out to her retreating back.
A few hours later and one too many coffees, my eyes were bugging but it was a productive day I can be happy with. “Okay, one more thing before you guys leave,” I said to Paul and Ty, my two right hands.
“As you know, Rogan is chomping at the bit to begin work here at Douglas.”
“Yeah, we’ve been waiting for this day. So, when does he start?” asked Paul.
“I’m excited as well, and so is Rogan, but his start date will have to wait a little while longer until he returns from Argentina.”
“What’s in Argentina,” asked Ty.
“An opportunity and a chance to follow his true passion before he takes this seat beside me.”
“It sounds great. How long will he be gone for?”
“I’m not sure, Ty, but I’m anticipating a few months. So in the meantime, life will move forward without our amazing Rogan, and we will concentrate on our current projects mainly Creekside Orchards now that Winston Lockhart has been neutralized and enjoying his retirement like one of his cows.”
“Damn, that’s one way of looking at it.” Paul chuckled.
“Hey baby, thank you for seeing me,” I said as I hugged my beautiful daughter.
“What can I say? I couldn’t stay away.”
“Just my luck. Let’s have a seat and talk. Alison made us dinner reservations down at Harbor View if you want to stay.”
“Mom’s favorite restaurant.”
“Old habits are hard to break. So, I know you must be incredibly disappointed in me and for that, I am so sorry and will always regret hurting all of you.”
“Daddy, I’m a grown ass woman and it seems every time I am around you, I retreat back to the age of 7 when you twirled me around the living room and played tea party with me. I’m not disappointed in you but I was mad at you for leaving. You know you are Superman to me, right? The hero in all things that keep the bad stuff away.”
“I love that you and Rogan still believe in me and in that way, but baby girl, I’m just a man who has made his fair share of mistakes. Some I regret and some I can’t ever change, but I promise I will try.”
“Mom?”
“Yes, starting with her.”
“Can you tell me why you asked mom for a divorce.”
“I really don’t know.”
“How could you not know? Wasn’t you who always taught us to think before we speak?”
“I believe that was your mother and it’s beside the point. I made a mistake.”
“Yeah, a pretty big one but that’s beside the point. Look, I’m not going to sit here and chastise you anymore. What I want to know is how you are going to fix it? Win mom back and make her feel like the most special woman in the world. You can make it my wedding present, I don’t care, just fix it.”
“Baby, I promise to try. What I have with your mother is not lost, it’s just kind of confusing right now. I’ve been in love with your mom for over 30 years, that’s a long time loving someone and I do with all my heart. What I said was selfish and in the heat of the moment in an argument that was so stupid. Your mom is kind and loving and she just needs her time to process the last few weeks that we’ve been apart. It’s temporary, I swear.”
“I believe you. I love you, daddy.”
“I love you more.”
I can’t remember the last time I had such a delightful evening with my daughter. We ended up closing Harbor View with many rounds of drinks between us. Gus, Emily’s soon to be husband joined us for dessert and we caught up with the wedding plans and all their ideas for when they join Renee’s wellness practice.
I definitely left my daughter in good spirits and I was feeling a hell of a lot better about everything. I can’t wait to walk her down the aisle and celebrate her marriage to Gus, who is a great guy and I have no doubt will make a great husband. Emily is so much like her mother. They walk around with dreams in their eyes and I saw that tonight when she looked at Gus. I had that with Renee, a long time ago and I will have it again no matter what I have to do to win her back. I would have liked to stop by the house to check in with her, but I opted not to do that in the name of giving her space and texted instead. I won’t tell her that I wrote and deleted about ten messages before I simply just asked her if she had a few minutes to talk.
Renee: Hi, it’s not a good time for me right now. I’m catching up on work and getting ready for my trip.
Lawson: Yeah, no problem. Just wanted to tell you that I met with Emily, and then Gus. All is well.
Renee: Yes, I know. I’m happy for you.
Lawson: Okay, that’s all I wanted to say. Have a good trip. Talk soon.
Renee: Thanks, I will.
“Yup, asshole, your circle of hell is complete,” I said while I tapped my cell phone against my forehead. I was just about to go to bed and as I clicked off the last light, my doorbell rang. “
Shit! It’s after midnight,” I said aloud. Who could be here at this hour? I opened the door to find my father standing on the other side. I take it back. This is my circle of hell. So not in the mood for the lecture I’m sure to get.
“Dad? What are you doing here? It’s late.”
“Is that your way of telling me I’m not welcomed?”
“Stop it old man and get your ass in here. Can I get you something to drink?”
“We can skip the pleasantries and get down to it. I want to apologize for the things I said to you a few weeks back. Your life and how you live it is your business. I’m sorry I overstepped.”
“Dad, you are the one and only who gets a free pass. Feel free to call me out anytime you want.”
“I was hoping you would say that because I have something else to say and I want you to hear me out.”
“Okay, what’s up?”
“I spoke to Rogan, and we took the day to go out and survey the orchards at Creekside. It’s going to take a lot of work to restore it before we even think about laying the lines for the systems.”
“Yes, I know this already. I am the CEO after all. As for Rogan, he was supposed to be on a plane to Argentina.”
“Yeah, he changed his mind. I know it’s not what you want to hear but he came to me.”
“And? Did you feel the need to encourage him to stay? Dammit, dad, that’s not what I wanted for him. He is an eco-engineer and is needed elsewhere to do some good. I’m not saying we’re not in it for the same reason but we make a lot of money doing what we do. My son is special, dad. He has so much passion for community and the good for others. You should have told him that instead of the latter.”
“Lawson, I know who Rogan is and I am so proud of the man he’s become. He’s not wasting his life or his passion. Don’t you get it? He will be living out his passion right here in Georgia, and he’s the one who wants this son but won’t do it if he doesn’t have your approval.”
“So, use you for what? A buffer?”
“It’s worked before and he’s hoping it works now. And if I may run one more thing by you.”
“Yes?”
“I would like to assist him in any way I can. He needs my expertise out there and I want to help.”
“Dad, are you ready to take on such a project like that? Look where we live. It’s Georgia and you being out there under the blazing sun trying to keep up with your 25-year-old grandson does not sit well with me. Have you thought about that?”
“Yes, and I’m fine. You don’t have any cause for concern when it comes to me. I know my own limitations and I promise I will not push myself beyond that. Please, Lawson, I’ve never asked you for anything. I handed over my company to you because I saw what you see in Rogan today.”
“Fine. You have my blessing. I will talk to Paul and Ty about the change of plan and I will get back to Rogan.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. It’s late. Do you want to stay?”
“Yeah, I think I will take you up on that and not because I’m old or too tired to drive.”
“The thought never crossed my mind.”
“Good. Oh, and tomorrow at breakfast, we will talk about Renee. Good night son.”
“Oh, goody! I can’t wait.”
I closed the door to my bedroom and flopped down on my bed, breathing in Renee’s faint scent that still lingered on our pillows. I opened my wallet and pulled out one of my favorite pics of Renee. The photo was so old, sometimes I’m afraid to touch it. Renee is blowing me a kiss. It was in one of the first letters I received while I was overseas. She said although she’s not with me to give me a kiss in person, this would have to be enough until we could be together again. I tucked it inside of my helmet and kept it there every time I went out on patrol.
I took the photo and kissed it and then I prayed on it. “I love you, Renee. Pleasant dreams, baby.”
I woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. For a minute there, I thought I was back home with my wife. My father was busying himself in my kitchen and looking right at home. I took my place at the counter and he handed me an overloaded plate of pancakes, bacon, sausage, and fruit.
“Morning, this is quite the spread you cooked up.”
“Morning, son, what can I say? I was hungry and I have to imagine you’re not eating as well as you did when you were under the same roof with your wife. Eat up before it gets cold.”
“I’d rather have my coffee first, thanks. And I’m eating just fine. Dad, just say what you have to say and then you can be on your way to mentor my son.”
“You don’t have to be so snide, I was just simply pointing out the obvious. You need to go home and fix your marriage before this separation gets out of hand. I miss my girl and I need you home.”
“You don’t need me around to visit with Renee, she loves you and you have a great relationship. As for mine, I have apologized a thousand times and I will continue to do so until I am back home with my wife because that’s exactly where I want to be. She’s taking a trip to New York for a conference but also taking a few days alone to relax and have some fun. She doesn’t know it yet, but I plan on surprising her and sweeping her off her feet.”
“Damn! I knew I raised you right. Go get your girl.”
“I plan to.” I smiled and enjoyed the morning with my father.
A few hours later…
“Okay, guys, change of plans. You know what I said yesterday about Rogan, and his big adventure he’s taking in Argentina?” Paul and Ty both give me skeptical looks. “Forget my big speech yesterday, because we have a new change of plans, he’s decided to stay and bring in my father to assist him working at Creekside.”
“No sweat boss, Rogan can do as much or little as he wants until he gets the lay of the land. As for your dad, Roman’s expertise and vast knowledge are always welcomed around here.”
“Thank you, Paul, but I’m a little worried he may do too much so if you can just keep an eye out, I would appreciate it very much.”
“You told us yesterday that we have this and we do. No worries.” Ty reiterated and then began showing me new plans for the orchard revitalization we just put in place. Several hours later, I was beyond hungry and regretted not ordering take-out like Ty and Paul. I valued my arteries and didn’t want to have a heart attack before I had the chance to make up with Renee.
I was spent and happy to call it a day when Rogan had called and talked my ear off for an hour on his wonderful day with my father. I loved listening to his excitement and maybe this would be a good thing allowing him to steer his own course. My team had left for the day after an entire day holed up in my office. I had no one at home waiting for me back at the apartment, totally my fault, so I’m here. I’ll stay and work some more while the rest of the world has a life.
I think this right here and what I’m doing at the office buried under work on Friday night is one of the reasons why I had my meltdown with Renee. I am convinced that I am an exhausted workaholic that has led me here to this moment.
My phone vibrated and not bothering to check, I answered it and was taken by surprise that it was Renee inviting me for a late dinner. I never moved so quickly in my life. I sprinted down the stairs and to the parking garage in a flash. I peeled out of there and thanking the heavens I chose my Maserati Gran Turismo to drive today. Yes, it was totally an impulsive buy that I do not regret and although she will not admit it, Renee secretly loves it.
“Mr. Douglas, welcome back to Harbor View.”
“Thank you, Saul, has my wife arrived?”
“She has and has been seated at your table. Follow me, sir.” Once we reached the table, Renee rose from the table and walked over and pulled me in for a hug.
“Hey, thanks for calling.”
“Thanks for saying yes.”
We took our seats beside each other and Renee placed her hand on my thigh and just smiled at me.
“I mean it, Lawson, thank you for saying yes. I felt horrible for my curt
responses to your text messages. I was feeling, no scratch that, I don’t know what I was feeling and had no idea what to say.”
“Your note was pretty clear.”
“I imagine it was.”
“Are you still going to New York?”
“Yes, tomorrow morning. Emily has my itinerary and she can forward it to you if you want it.”
“Sounds good, I’ll call her.”
“Great. Let’s order drinks. I’m in the mood for a very dry martini.”
“You only order that drink when you’re stressed. Are you stressed?”
“What do you think? I thought I was simply attending the conference but the minute my name was added to the list, Darcy got so excited she asked me to deliver the keynote speech.”
“Congratulations,” I said and then brought Renee’s hand to my lips. Her skin was soft and she was wearing the same perfume from the other night. “Thank you,” I said.
“For?”
“I don’t know, just being here and talking to me. What happened next?”
“Darcy didn’t leave any room for discussion. All I planned on doing was attending the conference as a guest and network with my colleagues, but I didn’t get the chance to say that to her. I tried but she probably knew I was going to decline and kept on talking over me. I think the last thing I heard her say was that the liaison for the event would meet me at the hotel and assist me in anything I would need. Again, I tried to ask questions but Darcy disconnected the call before I had a chance.”
“Renee, it’s a huge honor and I’m proud of you. You are going to be great.”
“You don’t have to say that,”
“Why? It’s the truth.”
“You hate what I do,” she said quietly.
“No, I don’t. You are an amazing doctor and have helped so many of your patients, I just didn’t want to be one of them.” There I go again with my honesty? She looked away for a moment and then was quiet. I didn’t want to upset her, especially on the night before her trip. Did you write a speech?”
Here and Now Page 8
