by Merry Farmer
“What are they going to think we were doing in here?” Chastity followed suit, looking for some way to stand. It was way harder than she’d ever thought it would be. Soap plus linoleum was the kind of thing that made standing next to impossible, especially with the washing machine continuing to suds over.
“I didn’t think laundry detergent was supposed to be that soapy.” Chris finally figured out how to brace himself between the dryer and the wall. He reached down to hoist Chastity to her feet.
“I didn’t think so either.”
Chastity took a second to catch her breath once she was balanced—more or less—in Chris’s arms. They were both soaked in fragrant, blue liquid. A piece of her blond hair was matted to the side of her face. Chris’s back and butt were plastered with soap, and he had a smudge of blue on the side of his neck.
“God, you look sexy covered in soap,” Chastity panted.
“You too.”
He dove in for a kiss. Their mouths met and parted, seeking and finding. Unfortunately, they also found the acrid taste of extra-strength detergent, and lost their footing.
They broke apart as they scrambled to stay upright.
“Bleh!” Chastity wiped her mouth with her sleeve. That only got more detergent in her mouth. She starts spitting and grumbling, and somehow managed to make it to the laundry room sink.
Chris was right behind her. Within seconds, they had the tap running and took turns rinsing and spitting out soap.
A knock sounded on the door, followed by Linda asking, “What are you two getting up to in there?”
“She’s going to kill me,” Chris whispered, staring at the formerly clean, now ruined laundry around them, then called over his shoulder, “Nothing, Mom. Just some spilled soap.”
“Spilled soap?” Linda yanked open the door. “Oh my word!”
Soap and suds had begun to leak out under the laundry room door, but Linda’s unbelieving gaze settled on Chris and Chastity by the sink, covered in blue goo. At her shout, Karlan and Hope and Faith scrambled out of the living room and into the hall to take a look. Faith burst into laughter at the sight of them, which only caused the others to get up and come running too.
“Chris, you idiot,” Cooper laughed as he craned his neck to see the soapy disaster.
“And you wonder why we don’t let you mess with anything on the ranch,” Kolby added.
“I don’t know,” Karlan shrugged. “Right now, he looks like he could really clean things up.”
The three brothers shared a laugh. Chris laughed with him, but from Chastity’s way of looking at it, there wasn’t much humor in his eyes.
“Come here, Mom, I need a hug,” Chris said, starting toward Linda with slippery, outstretched arms.
“Don’t you come near me, covered in soap like that,” Linda scolded and laughed at the same time. Chris held back, glancing down at the mess of his clothes and the foam on the floor. “I expect you to clean that up,” Linda went on.
“Of course, Ma.” Chris winked at her, then winced and cried out. “I got soap in my eye.”
“Here, I can get it out.” Chastity grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the sink.
They spent the next fifteen minutes rinsing themselves off in the sink, then in the shower down the hall, until the only soap left was on the floor and the washer. Then they cleaned that up.
“Well, at least it’ll be easy to wash all these towels now that they’re filled with soap,” Chastity sighed. She rested back on her haunches in a squat on the now squeaky-clean laundry room floor.
“I guess so.” Chris tossed he towel he’d been using onto the pile the two of them had made, then flopped to sit against the wall. “So what are we going to do?” he asked, sounding a little too defeated for Chastity’s liking.
Chastity shrugged. “Sex in the laundry room is out, that much is for sure.”
Chris chuckled. “We could try it in the kitchen.”
Chastity wrinkled her nose. “Too unhygienic. People eat in there.”
“How about the stable?”
“Nah, the horses would give us funny looks. Plus, hay.”
Chris chuckled. “The car then?”
“Too cramped.”
“I give up.”
Chastity grinned. This was fun. No one had ever really bantered with her before. Argued, yes. She was forever arguing and bickering with her sisters and her parents. But nothing had ever come close to this silly back and forth about ridiculous things. Yeah, she knew she was weird and different, but Chris didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, he was smiling at her now like he wanted to go through the whole soap-up again.
“Well,” she sighed. “There really isn’t anything else we can do.”
“We could always get married.” Chris shrugged.
“You think?” She pretended as though no one had ever thought of the idea before.
“Why not?” Chris grinned. “At least then we’d have the full green-light to go ahead and get our nasty on in an actual bed.”
“What, and miss out on all the soap?”
“We could bring a bottle of scented hand soap into bed with us.”
Chastity pretended to consider, tilting her head to the side. “Doesn’t that stuff have a lot of alcohol in it? It could sting really bad in…places.”
Chris laughed. “I hadn’t thought of that.” He rolled to his knees and crawled across the laundry room floor to her. “We’ll just have to buy a really big bottle of lube instead and slick ourselves down.”
It was Chastity’s turn to laugh, but that laughter was cut short as Chris moved in for a kiss. One of the good kisses—not too hard, not too soft. Just right. It left her head spinning and her heart—and other regions—on fire.
“Let’s get married,” he whispered, rocking back to grin at her. “Just you and me, at the church tomorrow. No one else invited.”
She never would have guessed that the idea of getting married without her sisters would be so appealing, but at that moment, all she wanted was Chris, now and forever.
“Okay,” she said with a fake casual shrug. “I’ve got nothing better to do tomorrow.”
Chris stole another quick kiss, winked at her, then stood, pulling her up with him. “All right then. It’s a date. You and me and Brother Anthony. And then we’ll finish what we started here. Without soap.”
2
“Culpepper is such a cute town,” Chastity remarked the next day as Chris turned his truck onto the main street.
“Yeah, I like it,” Chris agreed with a smile. “I may have been born in Wiggieville, Texas, but I was raised here, after all.”
“Some people hate the towns they were raised in,” Chastity argued. “Me, for example.”
“Was it really that bad?”
She huffed a laugh. “Imagine living where everyone knows your family and you are inseparable from your sisters.”
Chris sent her a sidelong look and muttered, “I don’t have to imagine.”
Weird prickles—like embarrassment, but more emotional—wiggled down Chastity’s back. Yeah, maybe Chris did know after all. His brothers were definitely…noteworthy.
“Well, either way, I’m more happy than you can possibly imagine that we’re getting married at last.” She sighed in relief.
“Oh, me too, believe me.” Chris winked at her, then turned his truck into the parking lot of Culpepper’s church.
They’d been there for Faith and Cooper’s wedding a few weeks before, but for some reason, the small, whitewashed building felt entirely different today. Chastity slipped out of the passenger’s side of the car and started up the path to the front door with stained-glass details. Chris took her hand, then held the door for her. Her sisters could think what they want and boast that their Culpepper brother was the best, but Chris was a perfect gentleman—in spite of soapy incidents—and ridiculously smart to boot.
“Brother Anthony?” he called out once they reached the empty chapel.
Without a church service, the
small chapel felt empty, but Chastity didn’t mind. As far as she was concerned, at that moment, the chapel was whatever the opposite of a jail was. In marrying Chris, she would be free—free from her parents, free from the label of the Quinlan Quads, and free to get funky and do the wild thing all over the place with Chris whenever she chose.
A thump sounded from one of the rooms at the front of the chapel. A moment later, Brother Anthony’s wife, Lovanne, marched through the door, shaking her head.
“He’s coming,” she sighed. “Sorry for the delay.”
“Not a problem.” Chris flashed his winning smile for Lovanne.
Lovanne missed a step, then grinned, blushing, and fanned her face. “Whoo. I tell you, any single ladies left in this town are going to be mighty depressed that they missed out on the Culpepper brothers.”
“There are no single ladies left in this town,” Chris reminded her. “That’s why Chastity is here.” He gave Chastity’s hand a squeeze and turned to smile fondly at her.
Chastity giggled and glowed from her head to her toes…and a few important areas in between. Because frankly, the way she’d been feeling lately, it was a surprise her coochy wasn’t glowing neon.
“That’s just the problem,” Lovanne muttered. “There is no chastity left in this town. You had to go find some elsewhere.”
Neither Chris nor Chastity had time to reply.
“I’m here, I’m here.” Brother Anthony rushed out of the back room, a Bible in hand. “I’m ready to perform the christening.”
Chastity’s brow shot up.
“Wedding, Tony, wedding,” Lovanne told him with a long-suffering sigh.
“Oh?” Brother Anthony came to stop at the front center of the chapel, blinking from Chris to Chastity. “You mean, it’s not another one of those underwear model babies?”
“No.” Lovanne crossed her arm.
Brother Anthony chuckled. “I swear, I can’t go two steps these days without christening an underwear baby. What are we up to round two of the little things? No only children with that lot.”
“At least they’re good for business,” Chris said.
“You can say that again.” Brother Anthony snorted. “So it’s a funeral, then?”
“Tony!”
“Kidding, just kidding.” He laughed, thumped his Bible, then turned to Chris and Chastity. “It’s a wedding, obviously. The last of the Culpepper boys.”
“Yes, sir.” Chris nodded. “We saved the best for last.”
“You sure did,” Lovanne said, more than a little breathless.
Brother Anthony frowned. “Lovie?”
Lovanne smiled and rested a hand on his arm. “You know you’ll always be the man for me, Tony. But a woman’s got to have dreams now and then.” She batted her eyelashes at Chris, then sobered up and took her place by Brother Anthony’s side. “Well, get on with it.”
“Yes, dear.” Brother Anthony cleared his throat and opened his Bible. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this hunky man and this fine little lady in holy matrimony.”
The service took all of three minutes. It was only interrupted once when Lovanne remembered they needed two witnesses, and jogged up to the church’s office to get Gladys, the retiree who volunteered to put together the church bulletin every week, to join in. No family, which was fine as far as Chastity was concerned. She’d had enough family togetherness to last a lifetime. Now the only togetherness she wanted was the bump-and-grind kind…with her husband.
“At last,” she all but shouted in the truck once they were on their way home. “At last, Chastity Quinlan is getting laid!” She spread her arms wide, nearly knocking Chris upside the head as she did.
“Halleluiah,” Chris echoed her sentiments in a loud voice. “Let the sexy times begin!”
The problem was that they were driving, and the ranch was still a good twenty minutes off. In the absence of the ability to jump each other’s bones in a moving truck while driving, Chastity shrugged and asked, “Want me to give you a hand job while we wait?”
She wasn’t serious, and fortunately, Chris picked up on that. “Nah, I think the steering wheel would get in the way.”
He adjusted his hips anyhow, and Chastity was pleased to see that the front of his trousers wasn’t exactly flat. Her smile wasn’t just about exponential manhood growth, though. It felt good—amazingly good—to have a husband who got her humor and shared it. She shook her head and laughed, unable to remember the last time she’d been this happy.
Not only happy, by the time they turned onto the ranch’s long drive and made their way to Chris’s modest house, she was squirming with the need to get out of the truck, into the house, and horizontal in Chris’s bed. She had the door open and was jumping out before Chris had cut the engine.
“Okay, let’s get our squishy on, Mr. Culpepper,” she said, grabbing his shirt with both hands and yanking him in for a kiss as soon as they met in back of the parked truck.
“Whatever you say, Mrs. Culpepper.” Without missing a beat, Chris scooped her up, hands spreading across her backside, and lifted her against the truck.
Chastity wrapped her legs around his waist as her butt settled on the bumper. Chris wasted no time surging into her, mouth covering hers, tongue flickering across her smiling lips. He closed a hand around her breast and rocked his hips against hers in imitation of what she really wanted. Of course, the whole thing would have been a whole lot more romantic if the both of them weren’t giggling like kids, but laughter and silliness were sexy as hell.
She was just about to suggest they take it inside when a sharp snap of, “Hey! You two’d better wait ’til your married!” broke the fuzzies.
Chris turned—still pressing Chastity against the closed tailgate—to find Karlan and Kolby, and Joy and Hope, marching up to them. “For your information, we are married,” he told them. “So if you would be so kind as to let me screw the sunshine out of my wife, I’d appreciate it.”
No such luck.
“Wait, you two actually tied the knot?” Joy picked up her pace, reaching the truck before the others.
Chastity sighed and nudged Chris to let her down. He eased her to her feet, and the two of them faced the family together.
“We popped into town just now and made it official,” she said.
Karlan and Kolby exchanged wry grins and shook their heads. “It’s about time,” Karlan said.
“You always did wait until the last minute,” Kolby added.
“Yeah, with chores, homework, asking girls out, getting up in the morning.”
Chris continued to smile at his brothers as they ragged on him, but Chastity caught the faintest hint of gritted teeth and steel in his eyes. She wasn’t about to stand for that.
“Hey, lay off, okay?”
Karlan and Kolby blinked and gaped at her in surprise.
“Chastity,” Hope scolded. “They’re just teasing.”
“Are they?”
“Yeah, we are,” Karlan said, his voice stuck halfway between defensive and apologetic.
“Chris here knows we’re kidding, right?” He thumped Chris’s shoulder.
“Yeah,” Chris answered.
Chastity wasn’t so sure. She knew better than anyone what it was like to be “teased” by well-meaning family. It didn’t matter how much love was behind the jokes, after a while, it settled like a lodestone around your neck.
“So anyhow.” She tried to shake the suddenly heavy mood off by grabbing Chris’s ass. “We just got married. Now we’d like to go spend the rest of the day playing naked Twister. Anyone have a problem with that?”
A chorus of, “No, no, not at all,” rang up around them.
“Good.” She nodded. “Then if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got some hanky—”
She didn’t make it to panky. Off to the side, a large delivery truck pulled into Cooper and Faith’s driveway. There was only one thing that could mean.
“Oh my gosh, Faith’s kiln!”
All
thought of jackhammer gymnastics flew out the window. Chastity peeled away from Chris and started across the lawn at a jog, Hope and Joy right behind her.
“Yes, at last,” Hope called out.
“Hey, what about our wild monkey sex?” Chris hollered after her.
“We’ll have plenty of it later,” Chastity shouted back. “It’s the kiln!”
Chris had no idea what was so exciting about a kiln, but whatever it was, it kept Chastity and her sisters busy for the rest of the day. Which meant he was not getting busy for the rest of the day. But he was a patient man, or so he told himself. He’d been waiting for Chastity for a couple weeks now, so he could wait a couple hours more. She was worth it.
In the meantime, he figured he’d do what any good husband would do and cook his brand new wife a sensational supper. And Chris Culpepper was an excellent cook, if he did say so himself. While his brothers had all chosen to take a more traditional route and let their mom cook for them, Chris had broken with all that and gotten his mom to teach him everything she knew. He was now fully capable of concocting a feast worthy of a blue ribbon. In fact, there had been times when Linda had secretly let him cook supper for the family, and his brothers had no idea they were eating his cooking, not Mom’s.
“Oh my gosh, that smells absolutely amazing,” Chastity gasped as she stumbled into the house at supper time. She always seemed to rush and zip and fly everywhere, which meant stumbling now and then—not to mention needing to pee at the weirdest, most inopportune moments. But it was worth it to have that much energy.
“I never did ask what your favorite food was,” Chris greeted her with a big, sloppy kiss when she walked into the kitchen. “So I hope you like marinated pork loin, julienne potatoes, and lemon pepper asparagus.”
Chastity gaped at the spread he’d set out on the table. “Wow. That looks amazing. More than amazing.”
Chris beamed with pride. “So are you ready to eat?”
She turned to him, glittering mischief in her eyes. “I’m ready to eat you.”
Time froze. Chris stood there, supper hot on the table, oven mitts shaped like dinosaurs still on his hands, torn between wanting to feast or…or something else that began with an “F.” Chastity slid toward him, brushing her fingertips up his leg and over the increasingly tight front of his jeans.
