by D M Arnold
“You didn't look sorry.”
“I was flabbergasted. You're a beautiful woman.”
“Zander likes to flaunt me. He had me wear that for your benefit.”
“I'll admit my behavior toward you hasn't been exemplary. I'm truly sorry, and I hope the damage I did isn't permanent. I like you, now that I know you and I'd like us to be friends.” He pressed his palm against hers and patted her forearm.
She looked into his eyes. “I accept your apology, Nykkyo.” She laced her fingers with his. “I'm sorry I haven't been more gracious toward you.”
“Can you tell me what you know of Zander's activities?” he asked.
“Nothing. I know nothing of what he was trying to do.”
“You're a smart girl, Andra. I don't believe you ignorant of Zander's doings.”
“At the finishing school they taught us to turn a deaf ear to anything political. It was for our own protection. What we don't know won't hurt us. Truth drugs have been outlawed on Floran, but not on all the colonies. If one of us knew something, it's a short packet trip to where one could be used. So, we were trained how to ignore anything that didn't pertain directly to servicing our assignments. Believe me, Nyk, I know nothing.”
“Did you know Zander was up to no good?”
She looked at the floor. “I suspect as much. That's why I decided to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to his activities. My assignment was to service him as his ax'amfin, and as his wife.” She shuddered. “We have an unspoken agreement. I don't ask about his business and he doesn't volunteer anything. I did my duty. I despise him, but I did my duty and it did not include collaborating with his schemes.”
“You never thought of contacting the authorities about your suspicions?”
“I have no proof. I was following my training and ignoring what he did.”
“But his drug mixture -- he was using a hypnotic and those have been outlawed.”
“It would be my word against his. Even a drug test would be inconclusive as none of the ingredients in his mixture are illegal on their own. Besides, he could claim I injected myself voluntarily, and he'd be right.”
“The nerve toxin...”
“It's not a controlled substance -- it's not a substance known on Floran. Possessing it is no crime, only using it.”
“But, his intent...”
“How can one prove intent before the fact?”
“So, Zander's been cautious not to do anything overtly illegal... You must be in a terrible dilemma. I think you made the right choice. You're better off not knowing. Andra, I'm scared. I'm scared for both of us. The more I think about it, the more frightened I become. I think people are likely to die before we reach the end of this. I hope we won't be among them.”
“I'm scared, too. If Zander finds me before I can petition Central Admin for protection, my miserable life won't be worth living.” She moved closer to him. “I've decided to trust you, Nyk.” He slipped his arm around her and she leaned against him. “I might try liking you.”
Nyk stood. “It's late. Let's choose sleeping quarters. My mom and dad had rooms on the top floor. Mine was on the middle level. When I'm here, I use my old bedroom. I've never felt comfortable in my parents' rooms. You can have your choice of the guestrooms, or if you want more privacy, feel free to use one upstairs.”
Nyk showed her the guestrooms and escorted her up the spiral staircase. “I like this,” she said. “It looks feminine and comfortable.”
“This was my mother's room. Do you have a case?”
“It's downstairs in the lower level.”
Nyk returned with her travel case. “You might as well make yourself at home. We're apt to be here for some time.” He set her case on the bed. Andra opened it, removed a pair of tunics and placed them in a drawer. Nyk picked up a polypack filled with injector cartridges. “Andra, what are these? Are you in the habit of using drugs?”
“Oh, no. Those are some of Zander's. The green ones are his special mixture. I wanted to keep them from his hands. I hate using drugs -- especially, now after...”
“I understand.” Nyk opened a cabinet and tucked the pack inside. “They'll be out of the way, here. Sleep tight, Andra.”
“Good night, Nyk.”
He retired to his childhood bedroom, undressed, stretched out and attempted to will himself to sleep. Andra's story of abuse haunted him. “That poor girl,” he thought. He closed his eyes and saw images of her doubled over in agony, as Zander laughed and took hits on inhalers. “Why, Zander? Ax'amfin or not, you had no right to treat her so.”
Guilt plagued him. “She's not having the best time with Zander,” he recalled Senta saying. What an understatement. “She deserves pity more than anything else.” He had plenty of pity for her, now. “Andra hasn't known many men and it would help her if you were just a little nice to her.” Nyk wondered if Andra could trust any man. His eyes began to burn. He flopped onto his stomach and buried his face in the bedcushion. “That poor, poor girl.” Soon he was sobbing.
A rap sounded on his door. “Nyk, are you all right?”
He rolled over and switched on the lighting. “I'm okay.”
The door slid open. Andra entered holding a pillow in front of her. “What's the matter?” she asked. “What are the tears for? For me?” Nyk nodded. She sat beside him and stroked a tear from his face. “Thank you for the tears.” She touched her finger to her lips.
“Andra, why didn't Senta tell me?”
“I forbade her to. I forbade her to tell anyone. I was afraid word would get back to Zander.”
“I wish I had known. I'd have tried to help -- believe me, I would've.”
“I believe you.” She kissed his cheek and Nyk saw her lick her lips.
“Do you like the taste of tears?” he asked.
She smiled and gave a guilty nod. “For the past four years I've been tasting my own.”
“It wasn't your fault, Andra. It wasn't anything you did. You didn't deserve it. You're a victim -- the victim of a criminal.”
“Senta tells me the same thing. I love her, Nyk -- like a sister. I couldn't have coped at all without her friendship. Now, I'm free. Please be happy for me.” She headed for the door, turned and gave him a little wave. “I'll see you in the morning.” He watched her walk out the door and heard her mount the stairs to the upper level.
* * *
Nyk descended to the ground level and led Andra out the front door. “Is this safe to do?” she asked.
“I think so -- we're quite isolated here. I've moved the groundcar into the lower level. I hate being shut up inside. Come on ... I'll show you my favorite places from when I was a boy.” He walked with her to the edge of the bluff and looked down. “That sea is teeming with life. None of it's edible. Earth people take nourishment from their sea. Koichi understood what it means to live on a planet that's unwilling to nourish you. The surf's more violent than usual. There's probably a storm brewing -- the second one this year. We should check the vidisplay for a storm forecast when we go inside.”
He guided her from the bluff. “I like to walk on the beach when the surf's strong like this. Sea life gets tossed ashore and some of it's very interesting. Would you care to join me? The smell can be quite strong down there.”
“If you can stand the smell, so can I.”
“I do more than stand it. I love it. It's the smell of home to me.” Nyk helped her down the rocks. He slipped off his sandals and walked barefoot along the black sand, letting the surf splash against his ankles.
Nyk spotted a cephalopod-like creature lying on the sand. Its shell was a slender, curved cone about a metre in length. He picked it up and showed it to her. “The shell is cracked here. The surf must have thrown it onto those rocks. It's dead.”
“Poor thing.”
“This is its eye,” Nyk said, pointing. “The mouth is in the midst of this tangle of tentacles.” He took the shell to the edge of the surf and shook it to dislodge its inhabitant. He showed her the inside of t
he empty shell. The lining was glittering, iridescent blue-violet.
“It's beautiful!” Nyk handed her the shell.
“That's a fairly large specimen. I once had quite a collection of those. They're probably still in the house, somewhere.”
Andra walked to the edge of the surf and into the sea until it was halfway to her knees. She turned around and waved at Nyk, beaming a smile. “The smell's not so strong here,” she yelled over the roar of the surf. A large wave dampened the hem of her tunic and she started back toward the beach. Nyk motioned her to a pool sheltered from the surf by some rocks.
“This one's my favorite.” He pointed to a five-legged arthropod. It was making a zigzag track along the bottom of the pool. “The mouth is in the center on the bottom. There are five segments, each with a leg and an eye. The animal has no front or back, only top and bottom. It can see in a complete circle and it can change directions at will.”
Nyk scooped a palmful of water from the pool, poured it into his mouth, then spat it out. Andra dipped in her finger and tasted a drop. Her eyes widened.
“Can you taste the sulphur?” he asked.
“It's bitter and it lingers in the back of my throat.”
“That's the taste of the native life on this planet. That's why this world can never nourish us. The sea is life -- our life originated in Earth's sea. We carry a bit of that sea within each of us, Andra. Every time you taste the salt of a tear, you're tasting the Earth's sea, the origin of our life.”
“Have you seen Earth's sea?” she asked.
“No -- it's something I want to do, some day. I wonder how I'll react to the smells of that world's sea.”
He held her hand and walked to the end of the beach. “Those are trivalves. This is an arthropod related to the five-legged one.” He picked up a shell. “Look how elaborate. It's still alive.” He tossed it into the surf. “Ninety-nine percent of our population neither know nor care that we share this planet. We share it with creatures that breathe water instead of air. Our world is fairly young, compared to Earth. Perhaps in a billion years or so, this world will evolve intelligent, thinking creatures. Or, would have, if left alone. No one knows our ultimate impact on this world's life.” He escorted her toward the bluff and started climbing the rocks.
“Over here is my favorite spot.” He led her down a slight slope to the bowl-shaped depression lined with sand. “This is the place. If you lie in the sand, you're below the rim of the bowl. The wind passes over you, and it's quiet. This is a great place to relax. I used to lie here and look up at the sky. Sometimes, I'd sleep here. I'd lie nude, look up at the night sky, listen to the surf and stay here all night.” He lay in the sand, gazing up as the indigo sky deepened in the Floran dusk.
Andra lay beside him. “This is peaceful.”
“Have you ever looked at the night sky from a dark location? There's too much stray light in a city. Even in Sudal, city lights wash out the sky. Some night, we'll come out here and look up at the stars. The night sky is Floran's most beautiful feature.” He reached and touched her hand. “Another thing I used to like to do was to stand in the rain, right before a storm. It has to be the right kind of storm, one that starts with rain before the wind. You usually know when that kind of storm is coming, because the air gets close. Then a gentle rain comes and a few gusts of wind. I used to like to do that in the nude, too. You might think I did a lot in the nude here. It's so private -- and I like to feel in touch with nature.”
She pressed her palm against his and he laced his fingers with hers. “Nyk, you're different than I expected. You're different from how Senta described you.”
“I should hope so.”
“I didn't mean it that way. Senta told me you're a kind and decent man.”
“Senta said that?”
“Yes, and I can feel that about you. But you're deeper than I expected.”
“Deeper? What do you mean?”
“You think deep thoughts. I like that. I can feel your love of nature and the sea. I like that, too. I think I could love the sea.”
Nyk rolled to face her. “You're not what I expected, either. I was such an idiot about you.” He gazed into her eyes. “I welcome you as my friend.”
“I welcome you, too,” she replied. “I welcome you as my amfta.”
“You want us to be amften?” She nodded. “You'd share the gift with me?”
She touched his cheek and smiled. “I was afraid you wouldn't ask. Would you accept me as your amfta?”
“I ... of course, Andra.”
She caressed the back of his head. He closed his eyes, felt her lips against his and he kissed her. “Shall we here?” she asked.
“No, not here. I've tried. The sand can be uncomfortable. I tried to lose my virginity here -- with Senta. It was a disaster! I thought it would be special, because this place is so special to me. Senta never liked Sudal and this experience didn't help.”
Nyk escorted Andra into his childhood bedroom. He grasped the hem of her tunic and lifted it from her. She slid down his shorts and he stepped from them. Andra stretched out on the mattress. Nyk lay beside her, stroked her face and gazed into her eyes. Her pale blue, nearly white irises were freckled with black specks.
He realized what a beauty she was. Her eyebrows and eyelashes were the same pale blond as her hair. She had the finest features and not a blemish. Her beauty was flawless except for a faint, blue trace of a vein at her temple.
“Nyk, are you nervous?”
He shook his head. “No... Maybe a bit... Why? Does it show? You're so beautiful, Andra. I understand the finishing schools teach their students exotic lovemaking techniques. I'm not an adventuresome lover, and I hope...”
“Neither am I,” she replied. “You mustn't believe everything you've heard of ax'amfinen.”
“As I'm discovering. I'm so sorry I misjudged you.” He stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “We don't have to do this. We can be friends without it.”
“I know.” She caressed his neck and shoulders. “I want it. I like you, Nyk. Let's share the gift and become amften.”
He kissed her lips and stroked her hair, letting the fine, oat-straw white strands pass over and between his fingers. Nyk maintained deep eye contact with her, not letting his gaze stray below her collar bone. She signaled readiness by taking his hand, kissing it and placing it upon her body. His eyes followed his hand as she guided it. He regarded the color of her skin -- how light she was compared to his own medium complexion. She offered him the gift of her body.
He permitted himself to drink in her beauty. Her figure was the epitome of the Floran feminine ideal -- slim but curvaceous; athletic but soft. She showed him the sorts of touch she enjoyed.
Nyk offered her his body and guided her fingers to teach her what gives him pleasure. He regarded veins tracing narrow, blue Ys on the back of her hand. Her slender fingers ran across his chest. He stroked the back of her hand and guided it more. “Divide your mind,” he said.
She nodded. “Now, divide yours.”
He began the meditative exercise. Sensations of her touch he forced into his back mind, while he directed the front of his awareness onto the response of her body to his. Her breathing became deep and slow. Her pupils dilated slightly and her eyes appeared to aim through him at some unknown object behind the back of his head.
Gradually, he tightened the spring in her body as she tightened the one in his. His front mind focused laser-like onto her breathing, her heartbeats telegraphed through her flesh, the warmth of her skin, and the tone of her muscles. He read her body and modulated his touch in response.
She lay on her back and opened herself to him. Nyk lay atop her, twining his legs with hers. He gazed into her eyes as he held himself against her. His heart was racing and he required all his mental discipline to maintain the division in his awareness.
Nyk could feel her move with each breath. He embraced her shoulders. Her fingers explored the shapes of his shoulder blades and his spine. A
ndra caressed the back of his head and directed his face toward hers. He kissed her and again gazed into her eyes. “Can you release?” she asked. He nodded. “Then release, Nyk -- and I will, too.” She drew in a breath, held it and rolled her eyes upward.
Nyk closed his eyes and smashed the barrier between his front and back minds, permitting his pent-up sensations to implode into his awareness. The spring unwound. He slipped his arm under the small of her back and pressed himself against her. She held her face beside his, caressed his neck and gasped. Then she looked into his eyes. “Amften.”
“Amften,” he replied. She lay beside him as he held her and stroked her upper arm. He kissed her forehead and she smiled. She pulled herself against his body. He watched her eyelids grow heavy. Her grip relaxed and her breathing became regular.
Nyk smoothed his hand along her back and shoulder blade. “Senta was right,” he whispered. “You are a very sweet girl. I was such an idiot about you.”
15 -- Unlocking Secrets
Nyk opened his eyes and saw Andra beside him. “Have you been awake for long?” he asked.
“Not long.”
He touched her hair. “I wish we didn't need the storm shutters down. I love being awakened by morning's light, and the sound of the surf. I don't even know what time it is.”
She placed her hand on his. “Thank you, Nykkyo, for the gift.” She kissed his hand. “After years with Zander I forgot it's possible for a man to be tender and giving.” Tears began to well up in her eyes. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned him.” She touched a tear and placed her finger against Nyk's lips. “I shouldn't make comparisons... You probably think I'm a mess...”
“I think you're in remarkably good shape, considering what you've been through.” He stroked her face. “I'm amazed I don't see hurt and anger in your eyes. I look into your eyes and I can only begin to imagine what you've seen and felt.” A tear rolled down his face. “You poor girl.”
She took Nyk's hand into hers, touched his tear with his finger, then guided his finger to her lips. “We've cried over the same hurt and we've tasted each other's tears. Now, we're bonded fast, friends for life. It's the ritual of shared pain, from the academy. By the time we're done there, everyone has bonded with everyone else. There seemed to be enough pain to go around.”
