by Starla Night
"What are you doing?" Amber asked.
"Recording myself for evidence. People need to know what kind of crazy life I lead, and that I'm not lying."
Darcy turned in his seat. "I never thought you were lying."
"Just an overdramatic emo who baits people to disguise how I never figured my life out. Right?"
He shrugged one shoulder, guilty as charged, and also apologetic for his mistakes. "And look where I spent the night."
"So, I'm taking video proof so no one ever gaslights me again." Nicole uploaded the video. "I've already gotten a bunch of likes and shares. Maybe my future is a reality TV star."
Darcy patted Nicole's shoulder. "I'll write your first review. 'Everything's true except that part about the mushrooms. Five stars.'"
She grinned. "The lies have already begun. Good thing I have that on video." Her gaze lifted to beyond Amber and Nicole started her recording again. "Here we go."
Amber turned around.
Chrysoberyl Carnelian floated into the spare seat next to Amber. "My curdled comet, let me woo you with—"
"This is not your seat."
"It is! The matriarch, Gayle directed me."
The trio of dragon inspectors took the seats on the other side of Darcy sipping travel mugs of coffee. At her glare, the inspectors shielded behind Darcy and pointed their superior snouts in the air.
"There's no way they were invited," she said.
"When I explained the dragon inspectors are here to ensure that you declare your love for me and then cede the company, Gayle was delighted to invite them. I'm prepared to receive your love — and your company — as an aristocrat. You're not legitimate but I'm sure my mother Ferocia Carnelian will overlook it."
"Hello," Darcy told Serpentine. "Nice to see you again."
"It is not nice to see a sick-looking human."
"Careful," Amber told them. "You're talking to the future Vice President of the Onyx Corporation.
"But that's my role!" Chrysoberyl protested. "I'm the one who—ah...ah...ahhhh..."
Amber cupped her hand over Chrysoberyl's mouth. "You've been eating brimstone. Don't you dare sneeze. You'll light the whole wedding on fire."
His eyes watered. "Something disagrees with me. A possum or a dog."
"Probably the cat." Amber released him cautiously. "You better leave. The cat dander's on everything."
Chrysoberyl drew himself up. "I will not leave until you leave with me."
"Oh, that can be arranged. You're on your uncle's military cruiser, right?" She eyed the distant cruiser, a tiny gleam in the sky, and clenched Chrysoberyl's flat collar. "We must be fast to beat the ceremony."
"No! Ulp." He gulped. "I'm happy to wait! Until after the ceremony! And, ah, after I've proved my worthiness to you."
The music swelled with a new tune of piano, violins, and flutes. Everyone quieted and craned in their seats to look at the back of the aisles.
Ed's babushka entered with one usher. She murmured something in the kid's ear and he turned red. She remained stone-faced and assumed her seat on the groom's side. Next came in Ed's mother and father in a nice suit and a matronly dress. There was a brief commotion and then Darcy's mom stepped onto the aisle — wearing the rejected ballroom wedding dress.
A small gasp went through the audience.
"Oh, that's good." Nicole centered her video on her mom.
Darcy murmured in Amber's ear. "What's the problem?"
"I don't know."
"Guys." Nicole rolled her eyes. "Mom's wearing a wedding dress."
"Yes, Tara said to wear it if she liked it so much," Amber replied.
Nicole shook her head. "Mm-mm. It's not done. No, no."
Amber leaned against Darcy's chest. "There are too many nuances to a human wedding. We should skip the ceremony."
"Fine by me."
Gayle smiled for Nicole's video as if she were the radiant bride and assumed her seat of honor on the end of Darcy and Amber's row, leaving one spot empty between them.
Ed then entered, brows lifted as though he too were in shock, and took his spot beside the waiting officiant under the bedraggled arch. A streamer fell into his face. The officiant pulled it away.
The rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen entered hand-in-hand and split to their respective sides, ending with Jackie and Michael and maid of honor and best man. They both wore hardened, amused smiles as though they'd been through this before and were ready to do it again.
A young cousin raced in and lobbed a ring box at Ed, who caught it, before trying to race out again; the groom's side captured him and chuckles lightened the audience.
Last, an elementary-aged girl ambled to the front, trailing a few petals at a time from her basket. At the front, she dumped her basket out and kicked the pile, again to chuckles, and stood by Jackie.
The music changed a third time.
Tara appeared on the arm of her dad. She smiled with such hope, and her dad's eyes glimmered with emotion. All the humans stood so the dragons jumped up too, except Chrysoberyl.
Amber hissed. "Stand."
Chrysoberyl jerked his thumb at Darcy's mom. "She's not."
Amber curled her lip to show her elongating fangs. "Don't disrespect my human fairy godchild."
He blinked as his implant translated her sentence, then focused on her fangs and hauled himself to his feet.
Tara's dad led Tara to Ed, shook Ed's hand, and leaned forward and said, "You're a good man. I wish you two the best. Make my daughter happy."
"I will." Ed finished the handshake with a pat on the shoulder. "Thank you."
Tara's dad nodded, his gaze lingered on Tara's glistening eyes, and then he assumed his seat.
Tara handed her broach bouquet to Jackie, then turned to Ed. They linked hands and faced the officiant.
The officiant stepped forward to address the crowd. "You may be seated."
Everyone sat down.
Darcy's mom stood up.
Tara's smile flattened into disbelief and then irritation so sharp it could murder. "Mom?"
"Uh oh," Nicole murmured, cell camera trained on her mother.
"I said, you may be seated," the officiant repeated.
"Yes, I heard you. This will only take a minute." Darcy's mom faced the gathered families and smiled with intense satisfaction. "It's important that everyone knows what I endured to host this beautiful ceremony in my backyard today. And how my children betrayed me with that inhuman beast!"
Chapter Thirty-Three
Darcy's mom's accusation of Amber echoed across the wedding ceremony. Amber's chest tightened.
Beside her, Darcy stiffened. His expression was grim.
Human weddings were a lot more serious than Amber had realized.
Jackie stepped out of line. "Mom, this isn't your time."
"Just a few words, Jackie. Tara doesn't mind."
Tara gritted her teeth. "Mom, I mind."
Darcy's mom smiled beatifically. "All my life I have devoted myself to making my children happy. Their happiness was all I cared about. I quit school so I could be their mother full time. I quit work, quit friends, quit every social engagement time and time again so I could be the mother that they deserved."
"Gayle." Darcy's dad reached out to tug her skirt.
She swished out of his reach. "Why, when Darcy was deathly ill the day he was supposed to accept his award for participation in T-ball, I would not rest until I had made the organizers agree to hold a second ceremony here, at our house, for my son." She glared at him. "Because I loved him. And how has he repaid me?"
The ceremony froze in silence.
Darcy's mom twirled to show Jackie, Tara, and the rest of the bridal party. "How have my children repaid me?"
Nicole raised her hand. "I'm right here, Mom."
"Shut up, Nicole!"
Her father stood and hooked her elbow. "Gayle. You're not well." He turned to the crowd. "She hit her head a few days ago. We're still working through it. Gayle, sit down and let
's have the wedding."
"My children introduced a snake in the grass!" She yanked her elbow free and stabbed her index finger at Amber. "This thing, this literal snake, this dragon turned my children against me. First, she wormed into Darcy's unguarded heart. Then, she turned my faithful Jackie and my darling, beautiful bride Tara against me."
Nicole raised her hand again. "Mom—"
"Nicole!" Her mom glared. "You were always a whiny, awkward, untalented child. You're no loss."
"And there you have it, world," Nicole murmured with a wry sigh. "How my mom really feels. Wait till she stops sugar-coating it."
"You!" Darcy's mom veered to Amber in a glittery fury. "You brought me fancy wine, talked about your money, and took every opportunity to embarrass me. To dig in that my devotion to my child's dream wedding cost us our business."
"Gayle," Darcy's dad said.
"Sit down, drunk!" She pushed him back into his white folding chair, and he landed with an oof. She turned back to Amber. "You took advantage of my hospitality, inviting yourself in and eating me out of house and home, all the while seducing my innocent Darcy with your salacious behavior until he started sneaking out!"
Darcy cleared his throat. "Thanks for that, by the way."
Uneasy laughter trilled through the audience. Amber rubbed Darcy's thigh. Only he could turn an explosive situation into laughter and smiles with a single comment.
His mom drew herself up. "How dare you, dragon? Even now he disrespects his mother. And not to mention how you tricked me into injuring myself so severely I had to be hospitalized, all so you could sneak behind my back and turn this wedding—my very own backyard—into a hellscape!"
Tara and her bridesmaids grouped together at the front and spoke behind their hands, strategizing how to get move her mom out of the way to start the ceremony.
"And then, as a final heartbreak to me, my so-called daughter had the cruelty to recognize her at the reception for special thanks. When all she did was ruin everything." Darcy's mom lifted both hands to the sky. "I spent all night by myself putting this abomination to rights. Even after my children abandoned me, my devotion to them was never-ending. And that is why..." She pointed her finger at Amber in accusation. "I will never approve of you as my daughter-in-law!"
A dramatic silence settled over the wedding.
Darcy's mom folded her arms. "I know you must have the matriarch's approval to marry. And I do not approve. So, leave my family and my Darcy alone, and go with the other dragon I generously invited for you."
Chrysoberyl stared at Darcy's mother blankly as if his implant had stopped working and he hadn't understood a word.
Amber folded her hands in her lap.
"Didn't you hear me? I said I don't approve."
Amber leaned forward. "Am I supposed to reply?"
"You're supposed to leave!"
Amber looked up at Darcy. "Yes, well, I did care about your approval, but Darcy has convinced me it doesn't matter what others think. That includes you."
Darcy put his arm around Amber's shoulders and nestled her in his sheltering hug. "Sorry, Mom. This is the snake in the grass I'm going to marry. We'll have little snakes in the grass together—"
"Dragonlets," Amber corrected.
"—and live happily ever after. And, uh, I hate to say it, but that T-ball story is starting to sound a little weird. Let's stop talking about it."
She drew herself up to her full height and centered the large diamond-studded tiara in the middle of her disheveled hair. "So that's how it's going to be."
Darcy nodded.
"Well, I should have known." Darcy's mom swished to the unity candle on a stand beside a dark cake at the end of the train of bridesmaids. She gripped a thin flask with a long, pointy applicator. "I have no choice but to show everyone how dangerous you really are."
She turned and pointed the bottle at Amber.
Darcy bolted in front of Amber. "It's lighter fluid! Cover your nose!"
The audience — most of whom had seen how dangerous Amber could be with exposure to lighter fluid — jumped up screaming.
"Leave my boy alone!" Darcy's mom shrieked, squeezing the bottle. Fluid spewed out.
Amber covered her mouth and nose. The dangerous tickle shot to her brain. She clenched her jaw.
Darcy sheltered her with his body. His masculine smell and protective presence focused her.
Ed launched from the altar and tackled Darcy's mom like an American football player.
Darcy's mom face-planted into a dirt-covered, trampled section of lawn. The lighter fluid bottle flew from her hands and thunked against the wall of the turret, making a wet spot.
Jasper attacked it and the ground with a neutralizing chemical he'd sourced after hearing about Amber's allergic attack. He nodded to Amber that it was safe to get up. She rose with Darcy and cautiously inhaled. No tickle. She collapsed in Darcy's welcome arms in relief.
Darcy's mom had threatened her at her most vulnerable and she'd survived without risking any humans or damaging the treaty.
Whew.
Ed clambered off Darcy's mom amid cheers. He brushed his suit, straightened, and blushed. Tara hugged him and gushed. "Critical save! My hero."
"Well, I did what I had to do," he said, blushing happily.
Michael sighed. "God, I wish it had been me."
Jackie looked up at him and linked hands. "You're my hero even if you didn't tackle my mother into the dirt."
He smiled slowly. "Tell me more."
Darcy's mom pushed herself upright. Dirt clods and vine fragments from the honeysuckle she'd hacked fell off her face and smeared her white dress like the ultimate revenge. She sat back, stunned at the change of events.
The dragon trio stood to the side sipping their coffees.
"Fascinating," blue Graphite commented, for once not writing on his tablet. "I had read that the 'objection' period was nearer the end of the ceremony and was restricted to objecting about the couple getting married. Apparently, you can object to anything."
"In that case, I object to this inferior coffee." Serpentine eyed his travel mug and sipped. "It's lacking the bitterness, the acrid bite of Amber's. Shame."
"You read about human wedding traditions?" yellow Ulexite asked. "Why?"
"Well, we were going to Earth and many other dragons have found mates here. We are compatible, so..."
"But they're humans."
"Yes, well, it would be easier to, uh, awe them with my dragon presence." He coughed into his hand. "Too bad we could not take a moment away from the investigation or I surely, ah, would have met an interested female. Many, uh, many attracted females."
Ulexite considered.
The guests had scattered in clumps rehashing the drama of the century. Kris strategized with the officiant to rein them in and finish the ceremony.
Nicole trained her camera on herself and flashed the peace sign. "And that, my friends, is why I am never getting married!"
Chrysoberyl stood in the center of the altar looking around. "Well, that was a very strange ritual. Human weddings make no sense. When the inspectors rule in my favor and I take over the planet, my first rule will be to ... ah—ah—ahhhhh..."
Amber shouted. "Chrysoberyl, don't sneeze!"
He covered his mouth, eyes watering again. His voice sounded pinched. "I will get rid of all infernal animals, especially those so-called pets."
"You're never getting control of this planet," Mal growled.
"Sure I will, low caste. Perhaps Amber avoided injuring anyone today, but it's only a matter of time before one of you flames an inferior human." Chrysoberyl dropped his hand with a sigh.
Jasper came to Amber's side. "What does it matter if he sneezes? He's a male."
"His breath smells like brimstone candy."
Jasper frowned. "Carrying a weapon to the planet violates his exile."
"Tell the inspectors."
Suddenly, the ring bearer exploded out of the turret running pell-mell after the ma
ssive, white, super fluffy house cat.
His parents chased after him shouting, "Gentle petting! Gentle pet!"
They raced across Chrysoberyl's feet. He danced back, a look of horror transfixing his face. Then, after a long frozen moment, he let out a relieved sigh.
And sucked in a sudden breath and sneezed. "Ah-choo!"
Stinky male brimstone flames erupted from his mouth and engulfed the bedraggled arch.
Everyone screamed and stampeded away.
The streamers went up like fire-paper. The arch kindled like someone had doused it in the lighter fluid. Spots on the grass also lit up. A burning streamer dropped onto the unity candle table, melting the thick candle wax, and touching the small, glistening, black spongy cake.
The cake volcanoed flames like someone had doused it in gasoline.
"What is that?" Jasper shouted, flexing as though he didn't know whether to attack it with his neutralizer spray.
"My mom's rum cake!" Darcy shouted back.
"Alcohol?"
"Pure alcohol! Soaking in it."
Tara shrieked. "I always knew that thing would kill me!"
Jasper and Amber ran to Mal to conference.
"There's a reservoir up the hill." Mal pointed. "We just need something to carry it here."
"Take those tablecloths!" Jasper ripped them, scattering the silverware and china. "It will hold water. We have to stop it before it ignites the house!"
The geyser of flame licked the turret. The old wood smoked, darkened, and caught fire.
"Too late," Amber said.
"Before it ignites the rest of the house!" Jasper corrected, and shoved a tablecloth at Mal. "Let's go!"
"Where's Pyro?" Mal demanded.
Nobody knew.
"It's just us. Come on!"
They scrambled as the rest of the guests backed away to what they hoped would be a safe distance in the backyard; if they were wrong, everybody would need a boost over the back fence.
A tingling sense of danger infiltrated Amber and she halted in the middle of the chaos. "Where's Darcy?"
Nobody answered. Mal and Jasper soared across the sky to fill up their cloths. But Amber couldn't leave without knowing where Darcy was again.
She found Nicole still filming with a pale, sick expression on her face as she watched her childhood home go up in flames.
