“We have customers...” Began the first Gnome.
“Ohh! Lemmie deal with them.” The second Gnome turned to look at the trio. If he recognized them, he didn’t let on.
They felt they recognized him. “Grimbledung?” Asked Semfeld.
“Yeah?” Said Grimbledung. “Whad’ya want?”
Liverioso drew Garibaldis’ wand. “You thinking Gnome!”
Chéri kept her hand on her dagger. “Wait a second.”
“What?” Asked Grimbledung. “You going to buy something, or what?”
“Something’s not right.”
“What, Chéri?”
“If that’s Grimbledung, why doesn’t he recognize you? Or me? Or any of Us?”
Liverioso looked between Grimbledung and Chéri.
Grimbledung hopped back and forth. “Gaaaa!” He shouted. “Buy somethin’!”
The other Gnome stepped next to him. “Relax, Grim. Let them look around first.”
“Who are you?” Asked Chéri again.
“I’m the pro...”
“What’s your name?” Chéri drew her dagger.
Grimbledung hopped back and forth. “Peruse the merchandise! We endeavor to serve!”
“I’m Grimbledung. Who are you?”
“Where’s Grimbledung?”
“That’s me.” The Gnome pointed at himself.
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I…”
“Your name,” Chéri interrupted, drawing her dagger.
“Seiko.”
“Where’s Grimbledung?”
“Who cares?” Said Seiko.
“But what is...” Chéri couldn’t bring herself to call the Gnome ‘Grimbledung’. “That Gnome doing here with you? In this shop?”
Grimbledung stopped hopping back and forth. “Can I have that box?”
“Thaths not how Grimbledung acted.”
“Sure it is,” assured Seiko. “He was a complete nut.”
“Ah ha!” Said Semfeld. “You just referred to Grimbledung as someone else. So that,” he pointed at the Gnome, “isn’t him.”
Seiko opened his mouth to speak.
“I’m Grimbledung! GRIMBLEDUNG!” Grimbledung began to hop back and forth again.
“What’s the matter with you?” Chéri asked. She put her dagger back in its sheath.
“He’s Pixie Crazy, of course.”
“You mean there’s two Pixie Crazy Gnomes? What are the odds of that?”
Seiko narrowed his eyes. “Are you in the market for a wand?”
“No,” the trio said in unison.
Seiko sighed. “Well then, I guess I’ll tell you. After trying to muscle in on Drimblerod and Grimbledung’s business and not being able to, Webber and I...”
“Is that Webber?”
Seiko shook his head at Chéri. “No, Webber was my other partner. He got blasted by Grimbledung while we were running a land scam in Julesville. I’ve never seen him since.”
“Wait, Webber? Webber’s a Gnome?” Semfeld and Liverioso exchanged looks.
“Yeah. He’s a Gnome. Do you know him?”
“Nope,” said Semfeld.
“Not a clue,” added Liverioso. Though he stuck his tongue out afterwards.
“Julesville?” Chéri asked.
Grimbledung looked from person to person as they spoke. He hopped occasionally, but mainly listened.
“It’s where they resettled when Aution burned to the ground. I hear it’s up the road towards Prost Garrison. Or something like that.” He shrugged. “In any case...”
“Can I have the box?”
“No.” Seiko continued: “When I lost my partner, I thought ‘what makes Second Hand Sorcery so successful?’ so I could do the same thing someplace else.”
“And you thought...” Liverioso pointed at Grimbledung.
Grimbledung pointed back.
“Well, sure. It had to be the novelty of an unstable partner that got people to come in the shop.”
Semfeld shook his head. “It was the customer service and good reputation that brought people in.” What am I saying?
“And the selection of wanths too.” Whose side are we on?
“And Grimbledung wasn’t like this Gnome here,” added Chéri. “He was a little unstable, sure, but on the whole, he was good natured and actually trying to help folks out. Things just didn’t turn out like he expected, a lot of times.”
“Right.” Agreed Semfeld. Why are we defending those two?
“No, he was an unstable womanizer. They both were.”
“Unstable?”
“Womanizers.”
A bedraggled Dwarfling came through the curtain. He was carrying a small box.”
“That my box?”
“Yes, Mister Grimbledung. Sorry I’m late with it.”
“You’re late with my box!” Grimbledung hopped back and forth. “Your angony-izer, Kyle.”
“But the glue wasn’t holding so I had to wait...”
“Your agony-izer!”
Kyle removed a thick wood stick from his belt and handed it to Grimbledung.
Grimbledung bonked the youth on the head with it. “Carelessness with glue will not be tolerated!” He handed the youth back the stick and yanked the box from his hands.
“Grimbledung wasn’t like that.” Chéri pointed at the Gnome.
“Sure he was.”
A thought came to Chéri, “And they weren’t womanizers. Even when he was under the influence of a pretty powerful enchantment, Drimblerod was still a proper gentleman and...” She caught herself before continuing. Who am I defending here? “Just what did you do to him?” Chéri leaned in to look at Grimbledung. He leaned in as well, then tried to bite her nose. She moved back quickly. “He’s not right.”
“Well, I needed to make him Pixie Crazy, so I blasted a Pixie into his head. Show them the scar, Grimbledung.”
Grimbledung turned his head to the side. Above his temple was a puckered scar.
“You’ve got to be kidding!”
Seiko shrugged at Semfeld. “Well, I was trying to do what they did. Seems to work for them.”
“Those two, say what you want about them,” said Chéri, “looked out for each other, and would never never do something like that to the other.”
“You’re sick.” Liverioso summed it up. “Leth’s go.” He turned towards the door.
Chéri drew her dagger again. “That’s a good idea.”
“Knife! Gnome with a knife!” Screeched Grimbledung as he ran to the back of the counter and ducked down. “Kniiiife!”
“Good grief. Grimbledung would never act like that.” Chéri pointed her dagger at Seiko. “Give me everything in your coin drawer.” She gestured towards the counter. “And make it snappy or I’ll have this sticking out of your left eye before you know it.” She aimed the dagger at his head.
Seiko blanched. “You can’t rob me!”
Liverioso drew Garibaldis’ wand. Without even tilting his hands, or making an announcement, he leveled it at Seiko.
Sapiens to Plantae
Brassica Rapa!
He intoned.
Seiko turned into a large turnip.
“Ya!” Grimbledung ducked down behind the counter. “Turnip invasion!”
“Nice, Liv,” said Chéri as she leaned over the counter, pulled out the drawer. There were three silver and four copper pieces in it. “Well this business plan wasn’t working out for him anyway.” She gathered the coins then dropped back onto the other side of the counter. “Let’s go. Flip the sign, Sem.”
Semfeld stepped to the window and flipped the sign to ‘closed’.
Liverioso opened the door and held it for his two partners. As he was closing it, he heard the imposter Grimbledung say ‘Oh! A turnip!’
The trio left the shop and jogged toward the Livery. As they neared it, they saw that the Shambler was still hooked up to the wagon, and several bags of grain were still on it. The stable boy was not in sight. “Crud. Thath took less time than we thought.”
“And the Lord High Priest smiles down on us. You two get the other Shamblers. Give me a moment to get the saddles on the wagon and then I’ll meet you out front.”
Semfeld and Liverioso ducked under the fence railing and made their way to their respective Shamblers. Even though they were much more comfortable to ride with saddles and tack, Shamblers were routinely ridden bareback and controlled by tugging on the tufts of hair on their neck.
The pair waited by their mounts anxiously. They watched as Chéri shuffled out hefting a saddle in front of her. Once it was on the wagon, she disappeared back into the stable. After only a moment, she emerged with the other one. “Nice, Chéri,” remarked Semfeld.
As the two mounted their Shamblers, Chéri ran back into the stable. “Oh no; don’t get greedy! Let’s gets up there Liverioso.” He kicked the sides of his Shambler and moved toward the wagon. Liverioso dropped in behind him.
As they neared, Chéri came back out. She was dragging a tarp and some rope. She tossed it onto the wagon. As she clambered onto the front of the wagon, Semfeld and Liverioso came beside her. “You’re getting greedy. What if the stable boy comes back?”
“He won’t.”
“You didn’t!”
Chéri shook her head. “He’s busy grabbing jugs for some spoiled farm girl that could just as easily grab them herself. ‘Farm boy give me that jug. Farm boy hand me that tray.’ Disgraceful.”
“Leth’s go then!” Liverioso leaned forward and grabbed the tufts of hair on the neck of his Shambler.
Chéri took the reins in her hands. “Nice and calm like, or we’ll draw attention to ourselves. But don’t dawdle.” She snapped the reins and the Shambler began to walk towards the open gate.
“No dawdling but don’t draw attention to ourselves? How do we do that?” Liverioso asked as he coaxed his Shambler toward Semfeld’s.
“I don’t know. Ride casual,” suggested Semfeld as he kicked the sides of his Shambler. “We’re falling behind.”
The trio made their way around the Grass Livery, taking a short detour to look for any wayward clothes left to dry. Semfeld and Liverioso were rewarded with three shirts and two more pair of knickers between them. Chéri ended up with -begrudgingly- two young girl’s sundresses.
Keeping to a faster than normal, but not too fast pace, they made it out of town without anyone’s attention.
Finally outside of town, the trio rode hard for an hour, then Chéri brought the wagon to a stop. While she acted as look-out, Semfeld and Liverioso dismounted their Shamblers and rearranged the wagon. After half an hour, they had a second Shambler harnessed to the wagon with the third tied to the back to follow along. The four bags of feed as well as bedrolls were stacked and covered with the tarp and secured with the rope in case of inclement weather. They were also arranged into a fairly comfortable bench.
Liverioso took to lounging on the impromptu bench right away with Semfeld moving up beside Chéri.
“So...” said Liverioso. He put his hands behind his head and looked up at the sky through tree branches. “On our way.”
“You know, that was really strange what Seiko did. I can’t imagine how he got such a warped opinion of those two Gnomes.”
“Yeth. Even after our one visit, I knew thath they weren’t malicious. Grimbledung was annoying thure, but not much else. I think in a pinch, with time to explain, he’d have been on our side.”
Both Magician’s considered the thought.
So did Chéri.
All three felt their resolve waiver.
“Well, none of that matters now. We’re back on track with gear, food, clothing, and a little coins,” said Chéri. “And there’s only one more thing to do.”
“Kill the real Grimbledung,” said Liverioso, not completely convinced anymore.
“And the real Drimblerod,” added Semfeld, also not completely convinced.
“Right,” said Chéri. She was still convinced- they had helped kill her one true love. If for that fact only, they were going to pay. Someone was going to pay for dear Colossus’ death. And pay dearly. She snapped the reins at the Shamblers pulling the wagon. They picked up a quick walk. Northward.
They trio began their journey by heading north to Aution; they were well aware of its condition but because of the faulty directions, would ride right past Julesville not knowing that was where the Gnomes were. That missing bit of information would cost them exactly two additional days on top of the four months it would already take them to make the journey.
Because of this, they would arrive the day after Grimbledung transformed into a WereGnome in the Mora Tau Bar and BAR. This was another bit of information they were unaware of.
We now return you to your main plot.
It has been on hold so you haven’t missed anything.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Battle’s End, Unlikely Captive
Nulu looked around the battlefield. From what she could tell, several townsfolk were injured and two seemed to be dead. Hopefully not permanently. Thanks to the Orcs and Gnolls, and without being too modest, herself, the inexperienced Humans were spared from the main force of the attack.
The young Warrior threw up again.
“You need to stop doing that,” said Drimblerod. “It’s really gross.”
“Sorry.” The Human leaned on his sword as he took deep breaths.
Akita loped over to Nulu and Drimblerod. “I’ve interestin’ news.”
“What? Not good or bad?”
“Well, it don’t fall into either category, Drim.”
“Is it about Grimbledung?”
Akita turned to Nulu. “We got three prisoners.”
Nulu planted her Please Stick in the ground. “That is interesting news.” She looked around the battlefield. “Doesn’t happen that often.”
“Really? I’d think with how often they get into battles...”
Nulu looked down at Drimblerod. “Halflings fight to the death and would rather kill themselves...” A commotion made her look up. As she tracked her eyes left, she saw a Halfling fall on his sword. “Uh oh! Come on Akita.” Leaving her weapon, she sprinted to the two remaining Halflings. One had a dagger he was using to keep several Humans at bay.
“Stand back!” Said the armed Halfling as Nulu approached. “And your dog too!”
“Lemmie just kill them, save everyone the trouble,” offered Akita.
Nulu shook her head. “Let’s talk this through, uhm...”
The two Halflings glowered at her.
“Oh come on, if you’re going to kill yourselves you might as well tell us your names. There’s no sense in being impersonal about it. We may even include them in the songs about how bravely the marauding Halflings fought.”
They both considered that for a moment.
“I’m Mastadonius,” said the Halfling with the sword.
The other Halfling continued to glower at her. “I’m not telling you nothing, Troll.”
“Trolless, if you please... uhm...”
The Halfling put his hands on his hips. “Corporal Colossus of the Clan of the Black Hand of the Great Halfling Empire.”
“Well it’s nice to meet you two,” said Nulu. She furiously tried to keep their attention as Bonk and Klank now moved behind them. “Do you think we can talk this through?”
“No. You’ve gotten all the information you’re going to get from us,” said Mastadonius. “I demand to be released.”
“And I demand a hot bath and a cool drink. and a tall, handsome Troll to serve it.”
The Halfling raised an eyebrow at Nulu.
“That means neither of us are going to get what we want today.”
Klank and Bonk leapt at the two Halflings. As they did, Nulu reflexively glanced up at them. Corporal Colossus started to turn toward the threat. Mastadonius, seeing his fellow Halfling move, brought his dagger up.
Klank slammed into Colossus’ side, knocking the two of them two the ground.
Bonk’s leap took him to M
astadonius’ shoulder, as he fell forward, his arms dropped and the point of his dagger aimed back at himself. When the pair crashed to the ground, Mastadonius’ dagger stuck completely through him and into Bonk’s shoulder. With a yelp, Bonk lifted himself off the blade and rolled to the side.
“Hah! So much for you plan on taking us alive,” said Colossus from under Klank.
Klank looked down on the Halfling pinned to the ground under him. “Well, you’re half right, Corporal. You’re not getting’ off so easy.” He looked at his brother. “You okay , Bonk?”
Bonk was holding a paw to his bleeding shoulder. “It’s worse than you think.”
Klank’s ears perked up. “What?”
“I’m never gonna live this down, am I?”
Klank laughed. “No brother; that you are not.”
“Don’t tell Mom,” he begged.
“Nice work Klank,” said Nulu. “Bonk, if you can get to town on your own, we and handle this here.”
With a nod, Bonk began walking towards town. He was not looking forward to the teasing his brothers would give him that night. And the earful he would get from his mother when she found out- and she always found out that he had managed to get stabbed by accident. Yet again.
“Klank, can you handle the Corporal?” Akita asked.
Colossus struggled uselessly under the Gnoll .
“Yeah, I gots ‘im.”
“Great,” said Akita. “Nulu, we’re gonna take our newest resident to town and put him in the jail. Can you organize a party to get the dead and wounded back?”
Nulu nodded. “Drim and I can handle that. Right Drim?”
“Sure. Then when we get back, you can tell me all about how my partner is doing.”
“Right.” Akita nodded. “Let’s go Klank.”
Drimblerod watched the two move off. “I’m telling you, there’s something wrong with Grimbledung.”
“We’ll get it figured out later. Now let’s get our wounded and worse to the doc.”
“What about all these dead Halflings?”
“I’ll organize a mandatory burial party made up from all the able bodied folks of fighting age who didn’t show up today.”
Drimblerod nodded. “Sounds reasonable.” He looked around at all the dead Halflings. “I’m thinking of pulling the armor and weapons off them. Lots of coinage just laying out there.” He looked at Zoddious, who had walked over. “Unless you want to do that.”
Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3) Page 33
