Grimbledung turned to look at him. A tendril of drool hung from the side of his mouth and, alarmingly, his ears were completely covered in hair.
Several patrons stood up.
“What in the...” began one.
Nulu turned on the Human. “Just sit down and relax and whatever you do, do NOT make any sudden movements.” She pointed at his chair. “Sit down real slow.”
She looked up at the other patrons. “Just have a seat, real quiet like and we’ll...” She was cut off.
“Aaaaaahhh OOOOOOO!” Howled Grimbledung as he panted.
Nulu looked back. There was now fur - honest to goodness fur- sticking out of his collar and sleeves. His fingers ended in long claws. He hunched over and panted. “Grrrrr!”
“Grim, just relax. Breathe deeply and relax,” said Drimblerod.
Grimbledung panted.
And panted.
Finally, his breathing slowed. As did his drooling. The fur that had seemingly appeared in moments, withdrew. The same happened to his claws and, much to the relief of the patrons, his fangs.
Finally after a long moment Grimbledung cleared his throat. “I’m fine now. I’m not sure what came over me.”
“Well, why don’t we take out drinks with us and head home?” Said Drimblerod worriedly. “Everything is calm around here so let’s just have a quiet evening at home.” He looked at the Barmaid.
Mary nodded at Drimblerod. Usually patrons did not carry any drinks out of the bar, but at this point, she was ready to make an exception. She glanced over at Palmerlee. He was holding a loaded crossbow. He kept his eye on Grimbledung, but nodded as well.
“Thanks very much, and sorry for the trouble,” said Drimblerod. He moved to the counter and picked up his mug with one hand as he reached into his pocket with the other. “What’s the total?”
Mary did a quick mental calculation. In all honesty, the ale in the mugs cost more than the mugs themselves, so she didn’t even include them in her calculations. She did, however, add her drink to the total. “Little over a half silver. Six copper.”
Drimblerod nodded. He laid a silver on the table, then reached back into his pocket. He fished out several copper coins and let them clatter onto the bar. “See you next time.”
Nulu moved to the bar, keeping an eye on Grimbledung as she did so. “I’ll get these back to you.” She said as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a silver coin and added it to Drimblerod’s pile. She picked up both steins. “Good evening to you.”
“Let’s go Grim,” said Drimblerod.
Grimbledung looked around as if he had just woken up. “We’re leaving already?”
“Yeah, it’s a nice night out so we thought we’d walk home nice and slow. And we get to take our drinks with us.” Nulu handed him his stein.
Grimbledung took it with both hands. He hefted it up and took a sip. He turned back to the Barmaid. “See, Mary, I told you I was all better.”
Mary simply raised her eyebrows at him. “That’s better?”
“After you, Grim.” Drimblerod pointed to the stairs.
In a daze, Grimbledung moved to the stairs and walked up them, not even stopping to look at the pictures this time.
Palmerlee put the crossbow back on its hook. “That little fellow really worries me sometimes.”
“Sometimes? Only sometimes?”
“Well, it could be worse. Probably.”
Mary picked up the coins as she counted them. There were eight coppers and two silver for what was a six copper bill. “I think we need to make allowances for those two Gnomes. I think we’ve got some worse patrons, when all is said and done and the tips in.” She watched as Nulu went up the stairs. “The Trolless is good in my book as well.”
Nulu, Drimblerod, and Grimbledung left the bar and stood in the night air. Grimbledung looked up at the moon. “Sorry, Drim; I don’t know what happened back there. It’s all a blur.”
“I think you should tell him.”
“Tell me what, Nulu?”
“Tell him on the way.”
The three started walking towards the Duck Inn and Dine.
Drimblerod nodded. “Grim, you remember when you were at the tree when you left the Foreboding Forest and it was full of Pixies?”
“Uhm. Sure,” Grimbledung lied. It too was all a blur. “What about it?” He fished.
“Well, when they pushed you over the edge, you came raging back into town and attacked someone.”
“Did I hurt anyone?”
“No, Grim, you didn’t.” said Nulu.
Grimbledung took a drink. “Well, that’s good to know.” He took another drink. “Who’d I attack?”
“Well, Akita and Maca were standing out in the street when you came along...”
“Not Akita?”
“No, you attacked Maca.” Said Drimblerod.
“You know, I think there’s something going on with those two.”
Nulu laughed. “Yeah, it’s the town’s worst kept secret, I think. They’re the only ones who don’t know that everyone’ else knows.”
Drimblerod chucked as well. “That’s probably true.”
“I didn’t hurt her did I?”
“No, Grim. Akita got you off her, but in the process...”
“What?”
“He may have bitten you.”
“Well, no hard feelings, I suppose.” He scratched his neck again. “Seeing as how I was attacking Maca.” Grimbledung stopped walking. “You know, I didn’t know I was doing that, right? I mean... “His voice trailed off. “Do I need to go apologize? I’d hate to think...”
Drimblerod put his hand on his partner’s shoulder. “No, that’s not necessary. She knew what was going on.”
“She’s a Witch, you know.”
“That’s another of the worst kept secrets in town, I think,” said Nulu.
“Anyway, when you attacked Maca, Akita bit you and you died.”
“What, again?”
“Yes. And Maca got you healed up.” He pointed toward the Duck Inn and Dine and they began to walk again. “And in the process, cured you of your Pixie Madness.”
“Well, I knew I was feeling better. That buzzing in my head is completely gone.”
“Well, she was able to cure you of that, but because Akita bit you.”
“Wait...”
“He may have transferred some of his condition to...” Began Drimblerod.
“Are you saying I’m a Werewolf?”
“No, no,” Drimblerod assured him. “Not at all.”
“Well, that’s a relief.” Grimbledung took another drink.
“You’re not a wolf so you can’t be a Werewolf. You’re a WereGnome,” offered Nulu.
Grimbledung spit out his ale. “What?”
“Maca is working on a way to fix it, but in the meantime, you need to make sure you don’t get upset.”
Grimbledung looked at his partner. “Don’t get upset? You’re telling me to not get upset? Me?”
“Well, just try your best and we’ll be around to keep an eye out and help as we can until you get this thing under control.”
“So a WereGnome. What does that mean exactly?”
Drimblerod considered that. “You know, I have no idea. Maybe you should talk to Akita about that.” He put his arm around his partner. “But we’re here for you.”
Nulu nodded. “That’s right.” She smiled wide. “I offer a toast to the town’s latest resident, Grimbledung Sixtoes, WereGnome.” She raised her glass high. “Here, here!”
Drimblerod followed suit. “To Grimbledung!”
Grimbledung hefted his stein then took a deep drink. “You know, Mary was right.”
“What’s that?” Nulu looked down at her friend. “Who’s Mary?”
“The Barmaid. She said if I got a big mug, it would be warm before I got to the bottom. She was right.” Grimbledung peered into the stein. “This is a lot of warm ale.”
“Well, my dear friend, I have just the cure at my establishment.
” Nulu gestured to the building in front of them. “This place has a ready supply of cold ale that we can swap out for that warm stuff.”
“That’s my kind of establishment.” Grimbledung smiled at Nulu. She moved to the door and opened it. “Drunkenness awaits,” she said with a small bow.
“Whoo hoo!” Grimbledung poured out his warm ale in the street. “Let’s get to it! I feel a song coming on.” He put his arm around Drimblerod, “And you’re going to sing too.”
“You know I have a wand that would have cooled off that ale for you,” offered Nulu.
Grimbledung looked at the puddle of ale. “Rolton puddles.”
“We’ll, get it replaced,” assured Nulu.
Drimblerod downed the last of his ale- thanks to it being a smaller mug, it was still fairly cool. “I’ll sing only if Nulu sings as well.”
Nulu ushered the pair into the foyer. “That just might happen,” she said as she moved in behind them, closing the door as she went.
There was drinking galore. And singing. And, at one point, some howling. Once the bar closed, Grimbledung stretched out a very nicely constructed booth and fell asleep. Drimblerod followed suit in another next to him.
Nulu made it back to her room upstairs, stopping to gather her strength and bearings on the bench conveniently placed on the landing between the floors. As she fell asleep, she was glad she had put off the breakfast until the day after next- she wouldn’t be good company in the morning either.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
All Good Things…
Grimbledung sat at the counter drinking. His head was pounding and an early customer had suggested that drinking the ‘hair of the dog’ would cure him. When he flatly refused to do any such thing, Colossus – who was at his first day on the job in the shoppe (currently mopping floors in the back) suggested some ale instead. “That I can do,” Grimbledung assured him, then promptly ordered a small keg of ale from the brewery two blocks down- The Fat Blue Mooned Tyre. He's been drinking it since breakfast. It's made with
wheat- that's a breakfast food, right? “Bored.” He said aloud. He cringed at how loud his voice sounded. “Mayhap I’ll try some dog hair next time.” In the meanwhile, he poured himself another drink.
Door opened and a large (weren’t they all?) Orc entered the Shoppe.
Grimbledung recognized this particular large Orc. “You again?”
“Got wand.”
“Did you find it?”
“Sure?”
“Was someone holding it while you found it?”
“Holding what?”
“The wand.”
“Wand? No.”
“You know, I’m not too sure we’re going to be able to do business....”
“Have wand!” The Orc leaned over the counter and pointed a thick finger at Grimbledung. “You say you buy wand. I find wand. So I say have wand. You say you buy wand. So I say you buy wand!” His finger curled in, completing his fist. “SO BUY WAND!”
Grimbledung clutched his head. “All right, all right. Not so loud. That’s some hard to argue with reasoning, I suppose.” He shrugged. A thought occurred to him. “Oh, we have a new rule. Here’s a copper!” Grimbledung put a copper coin on the counter.”
“Rule like no more eat Elves?” The Orc made a sour face- which was saying a lot for a face that looked like an Orc’s face.
Grimbledung blinked. “Uhm. It’s easier to follow than that.”
“Hope so.”
“We only buy one wand a month from a customer.”
“Why?”
“Because...” Grimbledung’s mind went blank.
Rat hopped onto the counter next to his friend, “Because if we buy more than one wand from a customer a month, we get taxed double. You understand taxes, right? A government needs money to operate so they levy taxes on various...”
“Don’t want civics lesson from Rat!”
“Shhhh!” He cringed again. “Well, that’s the rule. So you aren’t allowed to come back for an entire month. We don’t make the rules, we just follow them,” Grimbledung lied softly. The Orc was not helping his pounding head.
The Orc let out a snort. “Fine. Follow that rule.” The Orc turned and started to walk away.
“Hey you.” Grimbledung called after him. “Where’s the wand?”
The Orc stopped and turned. Door latched shut behind him. “Wot?”
“We paid for the wand but you didn’t leave it,” said Grimbledung testily. “You have wand. We pay wand. You leave wand!” He mimicked the Orc, albeit quieter.
The Orc walked back to the counter. “Forgot.” He looked down at Rat. “Got distracted by professor, here.” His eyes brightened up. “There rule on eating rodents?”
“Only within city limits,” said Rat.
“Just like Elves, then.”
“Ahhh,” tried Grimbledung.
The Orc nodded and made his way towards Door. Door obliged by unlatching and opening for the creature.
“I think we’ve created a monster.”
Rat shook his head, “He was always a monster. Now he’s a capitalist.”
“Gads!”
Rat nodded. “My sentiments exactly.” He licked his lips. Well, I think I may go get a snack, now that that’s over with. You all right up here by yourself?” He twitched his whiskers. “Alone with just you and that Halfling?”
“Sure. I’ll just doodle until someone else comes in.”
Rat hopped off the counter. “I’m popping over to Nulu’s. Just give a howl if you need something.”
“What?”
“Or, you know, whatever bays out of your throat.” Rat twitched his ragged whiskers. He was having untold fun with the double entendres even though Grimbledung didn’t get most of them.
Grimbledung nodded. “Seems quiet. I got it.”
Rat scampered out of the shop, Door obliging him by opening and closing.
Within moments, Grimbledung sighed. “Bored.” He began to doodle.
And drink.
Finally, after a long ten minutes, a smiling Human customer entered the shop. “Hello all!” She said cheerily.
Grimbledung looked up from his doodling at her. He was in the shop alone. He looked around to make sure. It was, in fact, just him and the newly arrived female. She was smiling as if she had just found the Flying Picman’s long lost gold mine.
“So how are things today?” She continued, “in yea olde wand sales?”
“Well, they’re more used than olde, really.” Grimbledung shrugged. “But fine, I suppose.” Better if you buy something.
“So...” She raised an eyebrow.
Grimbledung raised an eyebrow back at her. “So.” He repeated. He wasn’t sure where the line of questioning was going. Or if it even was a line of questioning. The attractive (to a Human most likely) Human female seemed to be waiting for something. A thought occurred to him. It wasn’t something that was even required for a sale. Oftentimes, it was avoided. “Grimbledung,” he offered.
She clapped her hands as she moved forward, “Grimbledung. How nice to meet you. I am Lisa.” She smiled again. “So...”
He stared at the female. “Lisa?” He tried. Maybe she forgot?
The female leaned on the counter amicably. “Yes?”
Grimbledung wasn’t sure if she was trying to push his angry button, or just seemed to have a knack for inadvertently jabbing at it. He took a deep breath then let it out. Let’s try this. “So, Lisa, how may I help you today?”
The female seemed to look confused for a moment. She looked around the shop as if she had not realized she was in it. She looked back at the still-waiting Grimbledung with surprise. Then anger flashed across it for the briefest of moments. It was replaced by a smile. “I’m in the market for a wand, of course,” she said, finally.
Grimbledung was not sure how to react to the wide range of emotions the female had just displayed. Or if he even should react. “You sure?”
“Why else would I be here?” She asked defens
ively. She looked around the shop again. “In a wand shop.” She smiled again, but this time forced.
“Well, that’s what we have here, you know.”
“Lucky I came in then.”
That’s how you want to play? All right, let’s go! “Then you came to the right place.”
“Especially if I need a wand.”
“Right, otherwise you might have ended up with a bucket or a rake. Neither of which made good wands.”
“Well, you can ride a rake, so I hear.”
“True, but that’s not the same as a wand.”
“And buckets are good for carrying things.”
“Maybe water or a tune, but definitely not magic.”
“Then it’s a good thing I came in here and not someplace else.”
“It seemed that way, at first.”
“Are you running any sales?”
“As many as a row boat.”
“Want to know what kind of wand I’m looking for?”
“In the worst kind of way.”
“Water.”
“You sure you don’t need that bucket I mentioned earlier?” You don’t know who you’re dealing with, Sister!
Lisa laughed loudly. “You are quick on your toes.”
“All six of them.”
“Total or each?”
Still at it, then? Fine. “On average.”
She turned and leaned back on the counter, surveying the wands along the walls. “So a water wand.”
And the master wins yet another battle of inane banter. Grimbledung smiled at her back. “Those are over there” He pointed to her left at a rack of wands. “In yon’ corner.” They were sorted upward by color- the topmost were deep blue and the lowest ones were as light as the sky on a winter day. “More powerful are on the top.”
She looked over her shoulder to see where he was pointing, and then looked in that direction. “I see.” She moved to the wands and took a topmost one. It was a deep azure.
“That’s a pretty powerful wand, Lisa.” Grimbledung warned her as he moved around the counter. The last thing he needed was her flooding the place out. “So please be careful.”
She nodded as she looked at the wand, carefully and slowly turning it in her hands. “I see.”
“What do you need such a powerful wand for?” The amount of water that particular wand could produce was staggering. And in the right circumstances, lethal.
Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3) Page 37
