by Marta Perry
“Ach, I’m sure he means no harm,” Mamm said quickly. “He and his family moved here from Ohio a couple of years ago, and he’s certain sure interested in the school. He was even willing to serve on the school board.”
That didn’t really answer his question. “Why would he say something negative about Susannah?”
“Well, now, we don’t know for sure that he did,” Daad said in his calm way. He sent a quelling glance toward Mamm. “It was gossip, when all’s said and done. But supposedly he thinks the school would be better off with a new, young teacher, someone closer to the students in age.”
“That’s nonsense.” Toby’s tone was so sharp that both his parents looked at him. He shrugged. “I mean, it seems silly to think of getting rid of a good teacher for a reason like that. Like Mamm said, the more experience a teacher has, the better.”
Toby wondered to himself, where had that come from, that protective surge of feeling for Susannah? And more important, what was he going to do about it?
Chapter Three
When Susannah took her scholars outside for recess, she had a moment to assess William and Anna’s first day of school. It would be hard to forget, since Anna was still clinging firmly to her skirt.
Normally, Susannah might opt to stay inside during recess and prepare for the next class, but her helper today was Mary Keim, and she suspected Mary wasn’t ready to be left alone with the kinder yet. She studied the girl’s face for a moment, searching for some sign that Mary actually wanted to be helping at the school. She couldn’t find one. Mary stood pressed against the stair railing, not venturing toward the swings and seesaws, which occupied most of the children. She seemed afraid to move.
Susannah bit back a wave of exasperation. She rather expected this withdrawal from shy little Anna on her first day at a new school. She would think that sixteen-year-old Mary might have a bit more confidence.
“You don’t need to stay here with me, Mary. Why don’t you play catch with the older children? Or you can push some of the young ones on the swings.”
Mary showed the whites of her eyes like a frightened horse. “I...I’ll try,” she said and walked slowly toward the swings.
No, not a horse, Susannah decided, watching the girl’s tentative approach to the smaller children. Mary was more like a little gray mouse, with her pale face, pointed chin and anxious, wary eyes. She feared making a mistake, Susannah decided, and so she took refuge in doing nothing. If her father thought a few weeks as the teacher’s assistant was going to turn the girl into a teacher, he was mistaken.
Well, parents were often the last to realize what their children were best suited for. She’d certainly seen that often enough as a teacher. But she had more immediate problems to deal with than Mary Keim’s future.
Sinking onto the step, Susannah drew Anna down next to her. “You did very well with your reading this morning, Anna. Do you like to read?”
The child nodded, her blue eyes showing a flicker of interest, but she didn’t speak.
“I’d guess somebody reads stories to you before you go to bed at night. Am I right?”
Again a nod, this time accompanied by a slight smile.
“Let’s see if I can guess who. Is it Daadi?”
A shake of the head answered her.
“Grossmammi?”
“Sometimes.” The word came in a tiny whisper.
“Who else, besides Grossmammi?” Why wasn’t Toby doing it? Was he that busy with the carriage business at this time of the year? Maybe he considered that a woman’s job, but...
“Aunt Sally likes to read stories.”
That was the longest sentence she’d gotten from the child, and Susannah rejoiced.
“I know your aunt Sally. Once she was one of my scholars, just as you are. She liked to read then, too.”
Anna’s small face lit up. “She makes all the noises in the story when she reads.”
Susannah couldn’t help chuckling. “She did that in school, too. Do you giggle when she does it?”
And there it was—an actual smile as Anna nodded. Susannah put her arm around the child and hugged her close. All Anna needed was a little time, patience and encouragement. She would—
A sudden shout jolted Susannah out of her thoughts. She turned her head, her gaze scanning the schoolyard for trouble. And found it. Two boys were engaged in a pushing match, and even as she ran toward them, she realized that the smaller one was William.
“Stoppe, schnell,” she commanded in the tone that never failed to corral her students’ attention. It didn’t fail now. Both William and Seth Stoltzfus, a sixth grader with a quick temper, jerked around to face her.
“This is not acceptable. Into the schoolroom. Now. Both of you.” With a hand on each one’s shoulder, she marched them toward the school.
Mary stood watching, openmouthed.
“Mary, you are in charge on the playground until I ring the bell. Try to get Anna to go on the swings with the twins, please.”
Mary nodded and scurried to do her bidding, and Susannah sent up a quick prayer for guidance. After what Toby had confided to her, she’d expected trouble with William, but she hadn’t thought it would flare up so quickly.
“Now then.” Leaving them standing in front of her desk, she took her place behind it. “What did you think you were doing?”
“He started it,” Seth said quickly.
“Did not,” William retorted. “He did.”
“Did n—”
“Stop.” She halted the repetition of blame. “Were you arguing over the baseball?” Some of the older boys had been tossing it around before the trouble started.
Seth nodded. “It went toward him, and he wouldn’t give it back.”
“I was going to throw it.” William glared belligerently. “You didn’t need to grab.”
“So, you were both wrong,” she said. “That is not how we settle disputes in our school. You know that. You’ll both stay after school and wash the boards for me today.” She knew that would make an impact. While the girls vied for the opportunity to clean the chalkboards, the boys hated the job. For some reason she didn’t understand, they’d decided it was unmanly.
“Yah, Teacher Susannah.” Seth edged backward, and when she didn’t say anything more, he hurried back to his interrupted recess.
William took a few steps, his expression hostile, then stopped. “Are you going to tell my daadi?”
Susannah’s heart softened. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”
The expression that swept across his face couldn’t be missed. Disappointment. Why was the boy disappointed? Relief would be more natural, wouldn’t it?
Jaw set, William turned away, contriving to knock the books off the nearest desk as he did so.
“Perhaps I should ask your father to come in,” she said, watching for his reaction.
William shrugged. “He can’t. He’s busy working all the time.”
Susannah surveyed the boy thoughtfully. That surely wasn’t true, but she had a feeling William thought it was. Possibly this attitude was a hangover from what must have been very difficult times. Toby had been working in a factory, he’d said, so he wouldn’t have been able to take time off during the day very often.
Most Amish, if they could manage it, preferred to farm or run a home-based business so that the family could work together. Toby apparently hadn’t had that choice, and with a sick wife and no relatives close at hand, he’d probably had little time for anything else.
“It might be different here,” she suggested, concerned that she might be venturing too far into personal territory.
William shook his head, pressing his lips together. “Can I go?”
She nodded, feeling helpless, and watched him leave the room with a swagger probably designed to tell an
yone who saw him that he didn’t care about getting into trouble with the teacher.
She really didn’t want to have any further private conversations with Toby, but she was afraid she’d have to.
The opportunity arose when Toby came to pick up his children from school. After a look at his son, busily washing the chalkboards, he walked out of the schoolhouse and approached Susannah where she stood on the steps, waving goodbye to her scholars.
“I take it William is in trouble already.” He stood at the top of the steps, looking down at her.
Susannah went up a step. Toby had quite enough of a height advantage on her already, without adding any more. “I’m afraid so.”
He looked as if he was bracing himself for the news. “How bad?”
“Not bad at all.” She smiled to lessen the sting he was undoubtedly feeling. No parent wanted to hear that his child hadn’t behaved properly. “I thought a session of washing the boards together might be good for both Seth and William.”
Toby put one hand on the porch post, looking as if he’d like to pull it loose and throw it. “Fighting?”
“Just pushing each other. There’s no need for you to say anything more to him. I can deal with what happens at my school.”
“I’m sure you can.” His glance held a hint of surprise. “You’ve changed, Susannah.”
“I’ve grown up,” she corrected. “We both have.”
He blew out a sigh. “I don’t know. Grown-ups are supposed to have the answers, aren’t they? I don’t seem to have any.”
“No one does. We just muddle along and do our best to live as God wants.”
She’d had every intention of keeping her conversations with him cool and impersonal, and here they were, talking like old friends again. Like people who’d known each other so long that they barely needed to use words.
“What can I do, Susannah?” He was looking at her, his eyes so honest and pleading that she knew she had to help him, no matter the risk to her heart.
“I’ve been giving it some thought,” she said carefully. “It seems to me that Anna just needs a bit of time and patience to ease her transition to her new life. As for William...” She had to proceed slowly. She didn’t want to add to Toby’s burdens, but he seemed to be the key to the boy’s difficulties. “Perhaps if you could spend more time with him—”
“Do you think I don’t know that I’m to blame?” The quick flash of anger seemed to be directed more at himself than at her. “That’s the main reason I moved back here. I want William to have the kind of relationship with me that I had with my daad, working together, enjoying each other....” His voice trailed off.
“I know,” she said softly. “I thought perhaps if you volunteered to help with the Christmas program, it would be a start. William could work with you building the props and getting the classroom ready. And Anna would find reassurance in having you close at hand during part of her school day.”
And what would she find in having Toby in her classroom, seeing him often, trying to manage her rebellious heart?
But Toby’s face had already brightened at her suggestion. “That’s a fine idea, Susannah. If you’re sure you can stand having me around so much, that is.”
She couldn’t force a smile no matter how hard she tried, but she nodded. “Gut. That’s settled, then. We’ll start work on the program on Monday afternoon.”
“I’ll be here,” he said. He started to turn toward the classroom and his kinder, and then stopped, looking into her face. “You’re a kind person, Susannah. I won’t forget this.”
His fingers brushed her hand, and awareness shimmered across her skin. No. She wouldn’t forget, either.
* * *
Susannah sat beside Becky in the buggy on Saturday, struggling to find the best way of telling her friend she was going to be working with Toby. There didn’t seem to be any.
Becky was bound to disapprove, and Susannah could hardly blame her. After all, it was Becky who’d seen her through that terrible time after Toby left.
Back then, Susannah had managed to keep her calm facade in place with other people. That had been prideful, most likely, but it had seemed necessary. She hadn’t wanted to burden her parents or Toby’s with her hurt. It was only with Becky that she’d felt free to expose her inner grief and pain.
They were pulling into the parking area at Byler’s Book Shop, and she still hadn’t managed to bring up the subject. Byler’s, like most Amish businesses, was located right on the family farm—a square, cement-block building to house the store, run by Etta Byler, with the help of various sisters and cousins.
Becky parked the buggy at the hitching rail, and they both slid down. “I love having a reason to visit the book shop.” Becky was smiling in anticipation. “I think I’ll get a book for each of the twins for Christmas. After I help find the materials for the program, of course.”
“You can do all the browsing you want,” Susannah said, leading the way to the door. “That’s the best part of coming to the book shop, ain’t so?”
Susannah paused inside the door, taking in the sections devoted to children’s books, history and the ever-popular Amish romance novels. Several women were already browsing through books by their favorite authors. Becky cast a longing look in that direction, but she followed Susannah to the area devoted to aids for teachers.
Susannah paused in front of a display of bulletin-board materials. “I was thinking that we might work the whole program around the idea of light. Jesus came to be the light for the world, and then there’s the Christmas star and the idea of letting your light shine....”
“But not blinding your neighbor with it,” Becky finished the familiar Amish phrase, grinning. “That’s a great idea, if we can find enough things that relate to it.”
“I can write some of the pieces myself, if I need to.” The youngest scholars were usually the most difficult to find parts for. They needed roles that didn’t require too much reading and would allow them to move around, if possible. They’d be fidgeting, anyway, unused to being the center of attention for all the parents and grandparents and siblings who would pack the schoolhouse for the event.
“Stars, candles,” Becky said, musing. “Or even lanterns. We have some in the barn.”
“I’ve been thinking of having two or three large cardboard candles on each side of the area where the scholars will perform. They’d enjoy that, I think.”
Becky nodded, quick to jump on the idea. “We can get some of the fathers to make them, ain’t so? Who do you want to ask?”
Susannah couldn’t put it off any longer. At least no one was close enough to hear Becky’s inevitable reaction.
“I already have a volunteer.” She kept her voice casual and her eyes on the shiny cutouts she was leafing through. “Toby is willing to help.”
It took so long for Becky to respond that Susannah thought she hadn’t heard. She grabbed Susannah’s hands and pulled her around to face her.
“Toby? What is wrong with you, Susannah? Why would you let Toby anywhere near you after what he’s done?”
“Shh. Becky, his children are my students. I can’t keep him away from the school.” She had no hope that Becky would accept that as a reason.
“I know what he’s doing.” Becky’s eyes narrowed. “He’s volunteered to help because he wants to get close to you again.”
Her voice had risen, and Susannah shot a quick look around. “Hush. Do you want someone to hear?” At least in a public place, she had a reason for trying to mute Becky’s protests. Unfortunately she knew she’d have to listen to them all the way home.
Becky dismissed her words with a quick gesture. “Why didn’t you tell him no? Say you already had enough help?”
“It wasn’t that way.” She found she was trying to avoid her friend’s eyes. “Toby didn’t suggest it.
I did.”
Becky was silent for a moment, clasping her hands tightly. “Ach, Susannah, what were you thinking? You’re surely not falling for him again.”
“It’s nothing like that,” she protested. “William is troubled, and he needs attention from his father. I thought if they worked together on the project, it might help him.”
Becky pressed her lips together in disapproval. “Let him do that outside of school—far away from you.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. My only interest in Toby is as his children’s teacher. I’m not going to get involved with him again.”
Becky studied Susannah’s face for a moment and shook her head. “I’m not sure if you actually believe what you’re saying or not. But I am sure of one thing. If you let Toby get close to you, he’ll only hurt you again.”
Susannah felt her throat tighten as she considered the words. Becky was only saying what she herself knew was true. But her commitment to her students came before her own feelings. Somehow, she’d have to get through working with Toby without exposing her heart.
Chapter Four
Toby felt more than a little out of place when he arrived at the school Monday afternoon for his first stint helping with the Christmas program. Susannah had seemed confident that this would be good for his children, but he couldn’t deny it made him self-conscious to think of trying to build bridges with his children under her gaze.
Well, Susannah wouldn’t be critical of him. That wasn’t in her nature. He’d turned his kinder over to her with complete confidence in her abilities, so the least he could do was follow her advice.
The schoolroom was already humming with activity when he stepped inside, and Toby paused for a moment, hefting his toolbox in one hand, while he tried to make sense of what was going on. One group of children seemed to be reading their parts out loud, while in another corner, some older girls were working on poster-size sheets of paper.
Becky was there, directing a group that was decorating a bulletin board. She gave him a cool nod, making him wonder what she’d said when she’d learned he’d be helping. Nothing complimentary, he imagined.
