“Why are you telling me?”
“Because it’s still part of me, Mia. The man that did that to Claudette is still inside of me. The craving for power is always there. I’m learning how to function around it, but this is who I am. That’s why I was so scared.”
“Do you want to do things like that to me?”
“No.” I notice how her shoulders relax when she hears my answer. “I don’t. Not at all, but last night, before you asked me to tie you up, I don’t know how to describe what happened in my brain.”
“Try. I want to understand.”
I nod, wringing my hands together. “It’s like being an addict and standing in front of a table full of every drug they make, but being told you can’t have any. It’s like starving and someone hands you a burger, but you can’t eat it. You just have to hold it. My brain was spinning out of control, trying to fight old demons, but then your voice, your beautiful voice, broke through all the noise and guided me to a place that was safe for both of us. It’s like you just know how to push through the fog and help me out of it, but I don’t want you to think that it’s gone, because it’s not, and I don’t know if it ever will be.” I meet her eyes. “That’s why I told you about Claudette. I want you to see the ugliest part of me, but I hope you’ll stay. I need you.”
“Oh, Gabriel,” she whispers. “I know it’s not gone. How could it be? It’s part of who you are, and one out of control situation doesn’t brand you as a man. Everyone has made mistakes, and everyone’s mistake is different. I am so proud of you for telling me. I know it was hard. I know you think I’ll judge you or think less of you, but I won’t.” She smiles, leaning close. “I’ve done some pretty fucked up things too.”
“Not like that.”
“No, not like that, but I’ve hurt so many people. I’ve hurt men that were really sweet, and had feelings for me, because I was too afraid. It’s not different. How it happened was different, but the outcome was the same.” She rises up on her knees and takes my hands in hers. “But here’s the awesome part, Gabriel. We made it to the other side. Because of each other, we’re digging out of the fog together. Neither one of us can say that we’ll always do the right thing, or that we’ll never hurt the other person, because we’re new at this. We both know how to walk away, how to shut it off, how to protect ourselves. What we don’t know how to do is love, openly, wildly, and unconditionally, but we’re gonna learn. We’re gonna be fine.” She cups my face as a tear rolls down her face. “I love you, Gabriel, and just like I said before, I love every part of you, even the ugly parts. Even the parts you don’t love. I will sit with you in the darkness and wait for the sun to come up, and I’ll need you to do that for me sometimes.”
“You don’t think I’m awful?”
“No, Gabriel, I don’t. I think you’re hurt by things you don’t even realize yet, and that’s okay. Everybody carries some pain in their hearts. You chose to hide yours through control. Sara hides her by throwing love at everyone. My mother hides hers by never being alone. We all find ways to deal with it.” She smiles. “I used to hide mine by keeping people at a distance, and like you, by maintaining utmost control. I never could’ve imagined that my freedom would come through my submission to you.” She exhales slowly. “But I’m not Claudette. I won’t let you go too far. I won’t let you lose yourself. I won’t let you fall. You have to understand that. You have to trust me so that you can learn to trust yourself. Once you can do that, you’ll be free too.”
I stare back at the woman in front of me in pure amazement. “I don’t feel like I deserve you. I haven’t done anything good in this world to receive this kind of grace, but I am so thankful.”
“You have done good in the world, Gabriel. Your sister adores you. You’re her hero. Hell, even my cat adores you, and she hates everybody.” I finally laugh, wiping her tears with my thumbs as she continues. “I bet there’s all kinds of things you’ve done that you just don’t recognize, but I’ll help you with that.”
I nod. “I went to therapy for the sole purpose of getting you back. Now you’re back, and I want to keep you, so I know I have to work on me to do that, and I know I have to do it for me first.”
“You do, but I’m so honored to be the reason you started.”
I pinch her chin gently. “Took you long enough to show up.”
“You weren’t ready for me until now.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” I tug on her towel, releasing her gorgeous tits. “Speaking of being ready…”
She laughs. “Take it easy on me.”
“Oh, I’m going to. The only thing touching you today is my tongue.”
“Bring it on.”
I LIE BACK ON the couch as Gabriel slides down to bury his face between my legs. A few minutes later, my phone vibrates across the coffee table, and I glance at it to see Sara’s name on the screen. Picking it up, Gabriel hands it to me.
“Answer it.”
I shake my head. “No way.”
“Answer.”
“Let me go then.”
Grinning, he replies. “Answer.”
Sighing, I hit the green button. “Hey, Sara.”
“Hi! Did I wake you?”
I shift my eyes to Gabriel as he shakes his head between my legs, sucking on my clit. “Nope.”
“Good. Want to go shopping today? I’m bowing out of work early. It’s dead here.”
“Shopping?” Gabriel glances up at me. “I’m not sure.”
“I don’t know about you, but I haven’t bought shit for Christmas, and it’s almost here. I gotta pick up gifts for Jamie, Gabriel, you. Thought you might need to do a little shopping yourself.”
“Hmm, that is a good point.” Gabriel grips my waist, increasing his assault on my clit, causing me to gasp.
“What’s wrong?” Sara asks.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
Gabriel appears above me. “Don’t tell her,” he whispers.
I shake my head, but gasp again as his teeth bite my thigh.
“Mia?” I hear Sara ask. “Are you sure you’re okay? Are you with Gabriel?”
Sighing, I try to fight the mischievous grin tugging at my lips, but I’m unsuccessful. “I’m fine, Sara. I’m with Gabriel.”
Gabriel watches me, swirling his tongue over my swollen folds, with a huge grin on his face. “What’s she saying?”
“Nothing,” I whisper.
“Am I interrupting?” she asks.
“It’s fine. Really.” Smiling, I drag my fingers through Gabriel’s hair. “Let me see what the plan is for today.” I look down at him. “She wants to go Christmas shopping.”
“Perfect. You should go so I can go.”
“Okay.”
“Ask her if she wants to have dinner tonight. The four of us.”
“Sara, do you and Jamie want to have dinner with us tonight?”
“Yeah, that would be fun.”
I tense as Gabriel spreads my legs further apart, sucking full force, and scratching my tender flesh with the scruff on his cheeks. I lose track of the conversation for a moment as that delicious tension starts to build, and I know any second I’m gonna blow.
“I have to go,” I murmur.
“Nope,” Gabriel says. “Keep talking.”
“Or?”
“Or I stop.”
I narrow my eyes, knowing he’ll do it just to fuck with me.
“Mia? Are you still there?”
“I’m here, but hold on a sec.” Fuck! As my orgasm hits, I kick my legs pushing his face away from me, breathing hard into the phone, and completely embarrassed that Sara just witnessed this. Sort of. Gabriel backs off, laughing, and wiping his chin, then sweetly kisses my leg.
After calming myself a moment, I lift the phone again. “Um, sorry, Sara. What time do you want to meet?”
“What is going on there?
“I’ll tell you later.”
“Okay. How about noon at Fashion Square? I’ll meet you at Nordstrom in shoes?”
/>
“Perfect. I’ll see you soon.”
“Great. See you later.”
After hanging up, Gabriel grabs me and we roll around on the couch, kissing and laughing.
“You’re naughty.”
He smiles. “A fact I’m well aware of. Are you gonna tell her I was eating you out when she called?”
“Should I?”
“Sure, why not. Maybe you should tell her everything.”
My eyes open wide. “No way. That’s between us.”
“Maybe we should tell her together. So she knows how special you are, and how you pulled me up out of a hell I didn’t even know I was in. So she understands when I tell her how in love with you I am, and how I’m going to figure out how to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Brushing my fingers over his cheek, I smile. “She doesn’t need the details. She’ll understand.”
“Maybe I should. Clear it all out once and for all?”
“What would be helped by telling Sara? You’ve bared your soul enough. What you and I have, what we will have, is not easily defined. Do you remember when you told me that?”
“I do.”
“No one outside of us needs to know. We’re good with it, and that’s all that matters. Sara loves you so much, she doesn’t care about any of that stuff anyway, even if she did know.”
“That’s true.” He smiles. “How about I make us some breakfast, then I’ll let you go for a few hours to shop, then you’ll come back here, and I’ll spend the rest of the evening in awe that somehow, out of all the people in the world, I found you.”
I smile remembering the words he said early on that infuriated me, but now have a truth I never could’ve seen coming. “Why are you surprised? We’re soul mates.” He smiles, nodding. “But we did fall in love. In spite of fearing destruction, we did it anyway.”
“I guess we’re just reckless in our devotion.”
I smile. “I like that. Sounds exactly like us, and for once in my life, being reckless turned out pretty good.”
He rises up slightly, and kisses me with that mixture of softness and firmness that he’s perfected. “I love you, Mia.”
“And I love you.”
After saying goodbye to Gabriel and walking over to the mall, I wait in the shoe department for Sara to show up.
“Mia!”
I turn around when I hear my name and wave at my friend. “Hey you.” When she reaches me, we hug before starting to walk out to the main mall area. I hope I’ve done a good job with makeup and clothing choices to hide all my marks from last night.
“How are you?” she asks.
“Fantastic. Things are good with Gabriel.”
She grabs my arm and squeezes it. “I knew it would work out. Are you happy?”
“Elated.” Glancing at her as we walk, I smile. “He’s really special.”
“I know. Do you know what you want to get him for Christmas?”
Shaking my head, I answer. “No, I was hoping you could give me some ideas. From what I’ve seen, he doesn’t need much.”
“No.” She taps her chin with her finger. “He loves to cook. He told me after getting back from Paris. Maybe something cooking related? We could check out Williams Sonoma.”
“Hmm, maybe. I was thinking something sexier though.”
“Sexy. Sexy gifts for women are easy, but for men? I’m stumped.”
“Same. I better check my balance too so I know my budget.”
“Good call.”
I grab my phone from my handbag and log into my banking app, then stop walking as I stare at the tiny screen. This has to be a mistake. I click the button to see the deposit history, then shake my head. Are you fucking kidding me?
“What’s wrong?” Sara asks.
I glance up and smile. “Nothing. I just need a sec.” I quickly type out a text to Gabriel.
You work fast. You only had my checkbook for a short time.
He answers right away.
I forgot I did that. Are you angry?
No, but it’s unexpected and overly generous.
There’s no such thing as being overgenerous. Use it as you wish. Spoil yourself and everyone you love. You deserve it and I insist.
As I read another text pops in.
Please.
I laugh, glancing up at Sara before responding.
Make me.
I continue walking with Sara then pause again when my phone buzzes, gazing down at it.
I know where the mall is, Mia. I’ll make you crawl across it and bruise those pretty knees of yours.
It’s the only part of me you haven’t bruised yet.
“What’s going on?” Sara asks, trying to peek at my phone, while I move it away from her.
“Nothing.”
I don’t know how that was missed, but it would be quite a sight to see you on the floor in front of all those people. What would Gingerbread say?
I smile, reading his message.
Relax, chief. I’ll spend your money. You’ll be sorry you gave me that power.
Don’t call me chief, and I’ll never be sorry for the power you have over me. Have fun. Love you.
Love you.
I smile at Sara. “Sorry. I was just surprised by something he did.”
“What?”
“He deposited a shitload of money in my checking account.”
She smiles, nodding. “He does that to me sometimes too. He has a thing about taking care of those he loves.”
“Yeah, it’s just a lot. I don’t know how to accept it.”
“Just do it. You can’t fight him.”
“True.” I decide to tell her how much. “It’s five grand though.”
She doesn’t even flinch. “Sounds like we’re gonna have fun today then,” she smiles. “He put a thousand in mine on Friday.”
I just laugh. “I guess we’re having fun.”
She grabs my hand and swings it as we walk. “Does he love you?”
“What?”
“Does Gabriel love you? I said he takes care of those he loves and you said yeah.” She tilts her head. “So does he love you?”
I gaze down at the floor as we walk, unsure of what I should tell her, but she’s my best friend, my only friend really, and I’m so happy, I’m sure Gabriel will be okay with it.
“Yes, he does.”
Sara stops walking and faces me. “He does?”
I nod as tears fill my eyes. “He does. He told me last night.”
She covers her mouth and bursts into tears in the middle of the mall. “Oh, Mia.” We hug, crying together for a few moments. “I knew you guys were gonna be something. I just knew it.”
I nod, wiping my tears. “It was a shock to me, but I felt like I was falling too. I’ve never been in love before.”
“We’re gonna be sisters, I just know it.”
“I hope so, Sara.” I definitely hope so.
After pulling ourselves back together, we walk down the long, crowded halls of the shopping center and peer inside of each store as I try to figure out how to blow through my sudden windfall. When we reach the main section, I am suddenly inspired.
“Let’s go in there.”
Sara looks to her right. “Oh, good call. Louis Vuitton.”
“Something French sounds good.”
“Definitely.”
We walk inside and are approached by a salesperson. “Good morning. My name is Jake. Can I help you find something today?”
“Hi, Jake,” I greet. “I need something amazing for my…” I pause, considering what to call him, “for my man, but I don’t know what I want. Do you have ideas?”
“Of course. Come this way.” He leads us to an area full of accessories, jewelry, cologne, anything I could want. “We can start here.”
“Okay great.” Glancing around, I’m overwhelmed by choices. “Tell you what, Jake, can you just bring me some stuff?”
“Of course. Be right back.”
“Thank you.”
As Sara and I browse through cases, Jake walks through the space gathering items for me, returning a few minutes later. He sets down cufflinks, a key chain, a wallet, sunglasses, cologne, and a scarf. All of it is gorgeous, and I can see Gabriel rocking all of it. I have no idea what it all costs, but I imagine together, it clears my bank balance.
“What do you think, Sara?”
She looks over it all, touching several items. “What do you think of the sunglasses and the scarf? They just seem very Gabriel to me.”
I smile, nodding. “Yeah, I agree.” I pick up the two items, handing them to Jake. “Can you wrap these please?”
“Absolutely. Excellent choices.
“Thanks for your help. You nailed it.”
“I’m glad.” We follow him to the register watching him painstakingly wrap my purchases. After he rings up the two items, he looks up and smiles. “$1526.43.”
While handing him my debit card, I try to keep my mouth from falling open while Sara squeezes my hand. I have never spent this much money in one sitting in my life. Jake hands me my receipt and the bag.
“If you need to return or exchange anything at all, we’re happy to help.”
“Thanks again.”
As soon as we walk out of the store, I start laughing. “Almost sixteen hundred bucks for a scarf and some sunglasses.”
“Unbelievable,” Sara laughs.
“Right?” I run my fingers through my hair. “Where should we go next?”
“There’s a place called The Zen Den I want to check out for Jamie.”
“Let’s go.”
We find our way to the store in the massive mall, and I browse around while Sara talks to the salesperson about different items. A few minutes later, she bounces over to me with a huge smile on her face.
“They have Tibetan singing bowls.”
I nod. “And what is that?”
She laughs. “I don’t know, but Jamie said he wanted one.”
“Perfect then.”
“Yeah, I’m excited. I also want to buy some really nice lingerie. Something you can actually wear, not just for sex.”
“Oh, like a nice gown or something?”
Reckless Devotion: Book 2 Page 12
