“Cried?”
“Yeah. I couldn’t stop it from happening. It was like…” I shake my head. “I don’t know, like feeling safe. I admitted to her that I loved her.”
Dr. Nashito’s eyes open wide. “Okay. I thought that might take you some time. How did she respond?”
“She was awesome about it. She hugged and comforted me. I mean, she questioned me at first if it was just the intensity of everything, but I knew it wasn’t because of our talk last week. I was just afraid to say it out loud, but in that moment with her, the words just wouldn’t stay silent. I had to tell her.”
He nods. “And how does she feel about you?”
“She said she loves me too, and I believe her.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s with me. Because she’s helping me. Because she wants me to be happy and find the right balance. She wouldn’t do that if she didn’t love me.”
“That’s a good assessment. So where are we now?”
I exhale slowly, rubbing my hands together. “I want to keep seeing you for at least a few months. Mia thinks, and I agree, that some of my issues are because I never processed what happened with Claudette.”
“I’m happy to hear you’ve come to this realization.”
“Yeah, which brings me to what I want to talk about today.”
“I’m listening.”
“Mia asked me to take her to a club where she can experience the lifestyle first hand.”
Dr. Nashito scrawls something on his pad. “Tell me how this came up.”
“She asked me what I wanted to do most, and when I told her, she suggested we go to a club.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That I wanted to, um, to fuck her in public. I wanted to handcuff her to me, and brand her as mine.”
Dr. Nashito nods with no reaction in his expression. “And she wants this too?”
“She said she did.”
“Let’s back up to the weekend. How did that play out? Did she demonstrate submissive behavior?”
“Just in the bedroom. The rest of the time, she was her normal self.”
“And how did you feel about this?”
“Loved it. I want her the way she is. I want this relationship with her.”
“Okay,” he nods. “So tell me how you feel about her desire to join you in a public experience?”
A flood of emotions hit me all at once, and I have to take a sip of water to compose myself.
“Take your time,” the doctor says, clearly noting my reaction.
I nod. “I want it, but I don’t.”
“Why?”
“The old me wants it. I want to parade her around and flaunt that she’s mine. If we were in Paris, I’d be obsessed with making it happen.”
“But the new you?”
“Wants to protect her. Shield her from that stuff. I don’t want other men to look at her. I don’t know what the scene is like here.”
“So just say no.”
“I tried, but she said it would create a new memory for me.”
“And you want that?”
I consider his question. “I don’t know.”
“Think about it.” He sips his coffee and focuses on his notebook.
After a few minutes, I get it. “I think I know.”
He looks up. “Yes?”
“I don’t want or need to be a part of the community here, but I definitely would want to take her to the club if we were in Paris. I would want them to see what I have, just once, and then I want to walk away.”
“Walk away from what?”
“The lifestyle. I’m done.” I rub my forehead as my eyes widen. “Oh my God.”
“What, Gabriel? What’s going on right now?”
“I’m done. I can’t believe it.” I blink rapidly as I try to deal with this new information. “Is this possible?”
Dr. Nashito’s brow creases. “What are you done with?”
“All of it. I don’t want to go to clubs and have multiple partners. I don’t want to be with anyone but her.”
“But you want the people in Paris to see her?”
I let that question settle over me. “I thought I did, but maybe not.”
“What changed since a minute ago?”
“I don’t know.” I look up at him. “Do you know?”
“I don’t, but let’s talk it through. It sounds like perhaps you have some unfinished business in Paris. Something to prove?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so. I left on good terms. My buddy François is coming out for a visit soon. He was my first friend in the lifestyle and really guided me through it.”
“Does he have a devoted?”
“No. He’s different about it than I am. I was more selective. He likes the idea of having a harem of women at his disposal. At one point, he had three women living with him. He especially likes virgins. That’s why it was an honor when he gave me Claudette.”
“Your tone changes when you talk about him. Do you trust him?”
“Trust him with what?”
“Mia.”
My brow furrows. “What are you getting at?”
“Would you be comfortable leaving François alone with Mia?”
“I trust Mia implicitly.”
“I didn’t ask if you trusted Mia. I asked if you trusted François.”
It only takes me a second to answer. “No. He was always competitive with me. We often compared the women we were with. I know he finds it intriguing that I’ve found someone special, so no, I wouldn’t trust him alone with her, which is why he won’t be.”
“So, perhaps, wanting to show her off in Paris is more about your relationship with François than it is about Mia?”
“I’m so proud of her though.”
“Can you show her off at a restaurant? At a gathering with friends or a workplace event? At the mall, at the park, in the privacy of your own home, can you be proud that she’s in a relationship with you?”
A smile tugs at my lips. “Yeah, I can, but how do I get her to believe me that I don’t really want it?”
“Tell her. She’ll believe you. When she was here, I saw a woman very accepting and committed to your relationship. Just sit her down and explain what you learned today. She’ll understand.”
“Okay. I’ll do that.”
“Are you ready to drop down to once a week?”
“Yeah. Crisis averted.”
“Next session, we’ll start working through the situation with Claudette.”
“Okay.” I take a sip of water. “So, I’m not a bad guy, right? I’m gonna be okay?”
“You’re already okay, Gabriel. You just need to start believing it.”
Three days later, I sneak out of bed early to start my Christmas morning surprises for Mia. After throwing on some clothes, I pad out to the kitchen to start the coffee and feed Vixen. It’s actually cold and rainy today which is awesome. It’s not a white Christmas, but I’ll take it.
After finishing those tasks, I turn on the fireplace and the lights on the tree, then set up her presents in order of how I want her to open them. I was smart enough to dig the special piece out of my drawer last night and pop it in her stocking without her seeing it. I hope she loves it.
Sometime later, I hear the water running in the bathroom and glance back at the oven. Perfect timing almost. A few minutes later, Mia appears wearing my sweatshirt. I love how it hangs down just long enough to cover the tops of her thighs. On her feet she has slouchy socks and looks like some spectacular beauty from a magazine.
“God, you’re beautiful. Merry Christmas, ma petite.”
“Merry Christmas, baby. I love you.”
“Those three words are the only presents I need.”
She wiggles her eyebrows. “But they’re not the only ones you’re getting.”
“I’m excited. This is the first Christmas I’ve ever had while in a relationship.”
“Me too. It’s cool.”
“I
t is. Sit down. I made a quiche and bacon.”
“That’s why it smells amazing in here.” She sits as I hand her a cup of coffee. “So have you thought more about the dom club?”
I’m a little surprised that’s the first topic on her mind. “Yes.” I glance at her knowing we’d have to talk about it since I’ve avoided it for a few days. I wanted to sit with it and make sure I knew what I wanted, and I do. I’m very clear on this. “I didn’t change my mind. I don’t want to go. I really don’t.”
She gazes at me for a moment, sipping her coffee and nodding. “You’re sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Okay. Well, I have a backup plan.”
I laugh softly. “Is that so?”
“Yep. How about a regular sex club? I researched it online and found one not far from here. It’s high end, very expensive to get in, and you have to send in a picture before you’re accepted. Obviously, we’ll get in. We’re hot.”
Chuckling, I shake my head. “Obviously. Do you understand what you’re suggesting?”
“I do. I want to go. I want to see it.”
“Why?” I ask, sitting next to her. “Why do you want this?”
“Because I love you, and love is safe. I’m safe.” She smiles and cups my cheek. “Gabriel, with me, you’re safe too. I know this side of you needs expression, and you can do that with me. This is consent.”
Every time she says that my heart races. “I always thought it was so fucking hot when a women had no will, no fight in her. When she would do anything I wanted, but you know what’s even hotter?”
Mia nods. “When a woman chooses to give you anything you want. When she has plenty of will and fight, but she puts it aside for you. When she’s just as smart and capable and tough and bad ass as you are, but she can be soft, yielding, submissive…” My breath catches as that word dances on her lips. “She chooses to be that for you because she thinks it’s pretty fucking hot too.”
I stare into her eyes in complete disbelief of who she is. “Yeah, that.”
“Do you want to take me to the club?”
“Hold that thought.” I stand and go into the kitchen to plate breakfast. I have to believe what Dr. Nashito said, that she’ll understand me. I set a plate in front of her. “I don’t want to take you, but here’s why.” She eats a piece of bacon as she watches me intently. “I thought I did, you know? I thought I wanted to flaunt you and fuck you in front of people. I thought I wanted to cuff you to me and get off on all the people gawking at us.”
“But you don’t?”
“I don’t.” I cut into my quiche. “I realized it was about showing up people in Paris, and not a true desire to publicly display you. You’re not a toy. You’re not a sub. You’re the woman I love, and that changes everything. I hope you can understand that.” She gazes down at her plate as she chews her food, but doesn’t say anything. “Mia?”
“That’s cool.”
My brow furrows. “That’s cool? You sound disappointed.”
“I am. I thought it sounded hot.” We eat silently for a minute. “What if…” She shakes her head. “Never mind.”
“No, tell me. What if, what?”
“Well, I was just thinking, what if we went, but chose to stay with just each other. We could just watch and maybe even be watched, but no one else could play. We can choose the level of involvement.”
I tilt my head. “You really want this?”
“I do. Did you change your mind about owning me?”
“No.”
“About branding me?”
I swallow hard. “No.”
“Good, because I want to get a tattoo. I even designed it already, and I know a really good artist.”
A thought hits me that nearly knocks the wind out of me. As I clutch my chest, I lower my head for a moment.
Mia grabs my arm. “Are you okay?”
I nod, slowly gazing up at her. “Would you… like to brand me?”
She gasps as her eyes open wide. “What?”
“I want that. I want it, Mia.”
“Really?” Her smile is hesitant. “You would do that for me?”
“I would. I’m your devoted. I love you, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. The whole concept of devotion and ownership is about unconditional commitment, and I have that for you.” I take her hands in mine. “I don’t know if we’ll do anything in the normal way people do things. We’re not conventional people. All I know is my future is completely wrapped up in yours. If you want to do this club thing, then let’s do it. Let’s talk out our boundaries, and let’s commit to following them, and let’s plan our tattoos.”
A gorgeous smile graces her lips. “Yeah, let’s do all of that.”
Smiling, I lean forward and softly kiss him. After we finish eating, and he clears the plates, I bring up the club topic again. “What do you think about New Year’s Eve for the club? They’re having a big event. Do you want to see the website?”
“Yes.”
I jump up from the table, grab my laptop from the living room, and open it to the page I saved, turn it around toward him, and watch his face intently. He clicks on several things studying it closely while I sit next to him wondering what’s going on in his mind. Finally, he looks up.
“This is some classy shit.”
I laugh softly. “Yeah, I thought so. I don’t know what they’re normally like, but I saw some shady stuff clicking around on other sites. Then I landed on this, read the reviews, and I was like, yeah. Plus, they have a shit ton of followers.”
“People follow them publicly?”
“No, it’s a private page you have to pay an additional membership to join, but you can see basic details.”
“Ah. I was gonna say, usually people want to keep this part of their lives private.”
“Yeah, like could you imagine running into people from work or something?”
He chuckles. “My feeling about that was always if they’re in the same place as me then what are they gonna say.”
“Good point, but it would still be awkward as hell.”
“Agreed.” He tilts his head. “You sure you want to do this?”
“Oh, I’m sure. In fact, I want you to fuck me right now while you tell me all the things you want to do to me when we get there.”
Gabriel’s eyes soften as he reaches to my shoulder pulling the sweatshirt down. “I’m going to pick out what you wear.” I nod as he kisses my bare shoulder. “You will do anything and everything I tell you to do.”
“Of course.”
“You will do nothing without my permission.”
“Expected.”
“Maybe… I’ll find the prettiest woman there…” I notice how his Adam’s apple moves slowly in his throat when he swallows. “And watch you gorge yourself on her pussy.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “All you’ll do is watch?”
“I’ve always enjoyed being a voyeur.”
“What about men? Will you let a man touch me?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you’d lose your dom shit if that happened.”
He smiles. “You’d be correct, but they’ll try. When you walk in, everyone will look at you, wish they could be yours, and try to be close.” He tilts his head, dragging his fingers down my neck. “But you’ll be branded as mine.” Gabriel lifts me up, sitting me down on the edge of the dining room table directly in front of him. He runs his hand under my sweatshirt fondling my nipples, pushes me back gently, and pulls my legs forward. As he slides my panties to the side, I’m reminded of that time at my house so long ago. “The idea of seeing your devotion to me marked on your body forever… I can’t even describe what it does to me.” Without another word, he leans forward burying his mouth between my legs. I sigh, dragging my fingers through his hair. I try to speak through the pleasure coursing through my body, but it’s nearly impossible. As he continues sucking on my clit and folds of flesh, I know there couldn’t be anyone in the world be
tter at this than him.
“I thought you didn’t want to share me?” I whisper, finding my words, as he slides two fingers in me.
“Just this once, Mia. You get this girl shit out of your system, and then that’s it.”
The force of his words hits me with such clarity that suddenly the idea of experimenting sexually that way doesn’t turn me on nearly as much as the idea of belonging to him exclusively. “Look at me, Gabriel.”
He stands, hovering above me. “What, mon amour?”
“I changed my mind.”
“About? You don’t want to go?”
“I want to go, but I just want to watch, and I want to fuck you in front of a crowd of people that can’t touch either one of us. I want every woman in the room to see your body, your passion, your amazing cock, and desire it, feel it in their core how badly they want it, but know they can’t have you. I just want you, us, no one else, but I do want to do this club thing. I want to show you off because, Gabriel, you are the most spectacular man on the planet, and you’re mine. That’s what I want.”
“Are you sure just you and me?”
“Just you and me. When I start to crave some girl action, we’ll talk about it, you’ll fuck me senseless, and I’ll forget about anything but your dick. We’ll watch a movie, or shit, maybe we’ll go to a club and watch other women get down, but this body that you’re holding, it’s exclusively yours, and yours is mine. We don’t share. They can look, but they can never touch. Do you agree?”
“Yes, my love… my beautiful girl, yes.”
I smile when he says that. “Now fuck your beautiful girl, Gabriel. Fuck her good.”
“With pleasure.”
Instead of moving to another location, Gabriel just pulls his sweatpants down and enters me as I lie back on the dining room table. Oh God, he feels good. Perfect every time. Placing his hands on both my shoulders, he grips them, then just pounds into me full force rattling the crystal candle holders next to me. Our eyes are locked together, and as I lift my legs to wrap around his waist, my heart races in my chest.
“I love you, Gabriel… so much… so much.”
“Fuck, Mia… God, baby, I love you too.” He closes his eyes and exhales slowly releasing into me, then pulls me close, holding me tightly. “God, you’re perfect,” he whispers. “So perfect for me.”
Reckless Devotion: Book 2 Page 16
