by Rose Lange
Kade nodded. “Yeah, I know what you’re saying.”
“She’ll come around when she’s ready, son. Be patient with her. And you know it couldn’t have been easy for her open up to you like that, to reveal a painful time in her past, especially one so violent.”
“No, I suppose not.” He took a good sip of his coffee, and his stomach churned in agony thinking about the things she’d told him. It made him want to find this Brad asshole and beat the shit out of him, for hurting his Annabelle in such a brutal, violent way.
Kade still had a hard time wrapping his brain around everything she’d told him. He recalled vividly everything she’d said, and it made his gut ache at the memory. He wished he could kick Brad’s ass into the ground because that would surely make him feel better, although it wouldn’t solve anything. He was brought up to never raise a hand to a lady, and to always treat her with respect. To hear of someone doing otherwise, and to that extreme, made his mind spin like a top.
But his dad always knew just what to say to make him feel better.
Father and son resumed their breakfast in silence.
Annabelle woke up alone and with a pounding headache. She vaguely remembered Becky leaving very early that morning, saying something about she had to run some errands. However, she couldn’t remember for sure, and couldn’t recall what time it had been. Or what time it was now for that matter.
Glancing at the bedside clock, she was relieved to find out it was a little past eight.
She scrunched her forehead, putting a hand to it in an attempt to quell the pounding. Grimacing, she slowly crawled out of bed, even though she knew there was no good reason to. It was just too quiet in this cabin without Kade. She missed him terribly, but didn’t know how to fix what was wrong with her. She knew she had her share of skeletons in her closet. Knew she was no good at relationships, and didn’t want to hurt Kade again. Even though she already had by telling him she wasn’t in love with him.
Such a bald-faced lie. She was in love with him, and wanted him back. But was terrified of all it would entail. Cringed at the thought of getting married again only to have it crash and burn.
Making her way to the shower, she stripped of her clothing and was about to hop in when she heard the front door open and close. Her heart gave a little skip in her chest. She quickly brushed her teeth and put a robe on. Taking a deep breath as she put her hand on the door. She didn’t want him to know she was excited to see him, or that she’d been racing to the door.
Quietly and casually, she made her way to the kitchen and found him rifling through the contents of the fridge. She quickly ran her fingers through her hair, trying to quell her aching heart at the sight of him. Her heart skipped a beat when he suddenly looked up as though he could sense she was there.
For a moment, she couldn’t breathe when her eyes met his. Then, he spoke, “Good morning.”
“Hi.” She stuck her hands in the pockets of her robe, and felt silly standing there.
And I probably look terrible.
His expression gave nothing away as he looked at her intently. “How’ve you been?”
“Fine.” It was a lie. Being without him was like living without air, or without water. It was pure agony and impossible to do.
“Yeah, well, I just came to get a few things.”
“Oh, where are you staying?”
“With my dad. Just for a few more days, maybe longer.”
Annabelle wanted to get on her knees and beg him to stay, but knew that would look pathetic. She wanted to tell him everything that was in her heart, and on her mind, but she couldn’t, and tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. Biting her lower lip, she tried her hardest to be brave. Realizing she wanted to reach out to him, but a part of her always stopped short.
“Okay,” was all she could manage.
He stepped a little closer, looking into her eyes once more, not breaking the hypnotic gaze.
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
She straightened her shoulders. “I’m fine, why do you ask?”
Then he stepped closer, and her bravado instantly melted away as he took her face in the palm of his large hand. He held her chin ever so gently, as the pad of his thumb went back and forth against her lower lip. She took a deep breath, more like a sharp inhale but it couldn’t be helped. She tried to keep her composure, but hell; it was damned near impossible with him being so close. Heat from his chest radiated onto hers, warming her from her head to the tips of her toes.
Annabelle took another deep breath, and damn the man, he wouldn’t break the gaze, and like he was daring her to break it. He was testing her and silently daring her with his eyes. She could not have broken the gaze if God himself came down from heaven and told her to do it, because his slate gray eyes intoxicated her senses. And didn’t know how she was still standing here because her knees were wobbly, and would surely give way from her under soon. How long would stand here next to her, merely a hair’s breath away, and make her want to lose all her inhibitions? Would he kiss her? Knowing if he did, she’d readily yield to him.
“Because you look so frail and gentle, and all I want to do, is rescue you.” His tone soft, and gentle.
She sucked in another deep breath at his tender words. Then his hand fell away and he turned from her, and went upstairs. She finally pulled herself together and walked back to her bedroom. Looking at the clock, she realized she had less than an hour to get ready for work.
Later, when she made her way out he trailed behind her, a small piece of luggage in his hand and a grim expression on his face. He surprised her when he stalled for a moment.
Then she couldn’t help but ask, once again, “When will you be back?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
She nodded, turned to lock the door, and made her way to her truck. She tried to hold back her tears as she watched him pull out of the driveway behind her from the rear view mirror, and finally. Resting her head back, she let the tears fall. She attempted to take a deep breath, but found it difficult. She knew she couldn’t live her life without Kade, but knew she wasn’t worthy of his love. She’d broken his heart before and left him, and now she felt trapped. Knowing what she wanted and feeling it just out of arm’s reach.
Chapter 15
“So when is he coming back?” Becky asked as they took a small break in the office that afternoon at work.
“I don’t know.”
Her friend shook her head, as though words failed her at the moment. “Look, I know you’re stubborn and hate unsolicited advice.”
“I do. So we can we not have this conversation?” Annabelle pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, but knew she couldn’t stop Becky once she was on a role.
“No, Annabelle. I don’t care if I sound like a broken record. I’ll keep telling you over and over again, and until I’m blue in the face if I have to.” Her tone harsh.
Annabelle opened her eyes and looked at her friend’s brows scrunched in a frown, a steely determination in her eyes, and like she was ready to lay into her and not caring in the least.
Becky blew out a breath. “I’m sorry, it’s just frustrating to watch you push away a man who so obviously loves you,” she paused, “and what if you pushed him away for the last time? Have you ever thought about the fact that he might eventually find someone else?”
That one made her squirm in her chair. She had never thought about that, always figuring he’d be there for her. But what if that day never came again? Her heart shattered into pieces at the very thought of Kade with another woman, of sharing his life with anyone other than her.
“Maybe you need to stop and think about it before it’s too late.”
Annabelle tried to fight the moisture pooling in her eyes, taking a deep cleansing bre
ath.
And just when she thought Becky was finished, she said, “Think of it this way. What if tomorrow never came, and you never got that chance again? Kade is here in your life again for a reason. Just think about it.”
And with that, Becky walked back out to the storefront.
Annabelle let out a deep breath, and allowed her friend’s words to fully sink in. It felt like someone knocked the wind out of her, and her mind spun in rapid circles. She rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. Memories of the last five years played in her mind, and they’d been a living nightmare without him. Remembered when she’d been at her lowest point, being abused and mistreated, and thinking if she could only have another chance at happiness. Now here it was staring her in the face.
How can I let another five years go by, and let it happen again?
She loved Kade and it was time to face her past head on before it affected her future any more than it already did. For all she knew Kade had moved on and she’d already lost her chance.
Annabelle didn’t care one way or the other, and at least she could say she tried. She shot up from her chair, a fresh burst of self-confidence and adrenaline pumping through her veins, knowing what she had to do first.
A half-hour later she sat in her truck parked in her parents’ driveway, and attempted to gather her wits about her, but knowing she had to do this. She wasn’t looking forward to it in the least, but realized she needed to tell her parents how she really felt. Needed to forgive them, but not for them, for her.
She realized she also had to let go of Brad, had to put that behind her. Had to move on and realize Kade wasn’t Brad, and never would be.
She could do this and had to stay strong. Then she was going to allow Kade to help her heal the scars of her past. She smiled, already looking forward to telling him how she felt, and that she was tired of running. That she was here to stay forever, to let him love her, and free herself of the demons of her past once and for all. To tell him how much she loved him over, and over and over again.
With a steely determination, she squared her shoulders and slammed the truck door shut. She approached the front door and let herself in. She could hear the shouts emanating from within the house, and they were coming from the living room.
“Mom? Dad?”
She saw her parents standing nose to nose in the middle of the room; all that was missing was a ring and a referee. She had to stifle a chuckle, because she could almost hear the bell chiming the end of round one in her head.
Her mom turned to look at her, her eyes narrowed. “Annabelle, what are you doing here?”
Is the woman ever happy to see me? Annabelle could never picture treating her children that way. She pictured her and Kade being parents, living the rest of their lives happy, and it gave her an extra shot of bravery and confidence.
She took a deep breath before she spoke, “I need to talk to you, both of you.”
Her dad frowned, but his face held a look of relief. He looked tired, haggard, and old. As though the years of alcohol and abuse caught up with him.
“I wanted to tell you both, that I forgive you.”
“Forgive us? For what?” her mom practically snapped.
Annabelle put on her brave face, trying her best to feign the bravado she didn’t have. “For everything. For the miserable childhood I had watching you and dad fight, and watching dad physically and verbally abuse you for years. For taking my childhood away and tossing it in the trash with both hands. For making me doubt my wonderful marriage. Everything,” she stated firmly.
She couldn’t hold back anymore. Everything she’d been feeling for years welled up in her belly, and was ready to burst.
“I forgive you. For all the drinking and abuse and for making me wish I wouldn’t wake up to another wretched day.” She tried to keep her voice calm. “Mike and I watched, as you got drunk, night after night. We watched while you beat mom and called her horrible names.” The tears welled up in her eyes, and didn’t care as they spilled over. “You robbed us of our childhood, but I’m still going to forgive you, because you’re not worth it. I’m not going to allow either of you to dictate my future anymore. I’m taking the power back.”
Her mom waved her hand, as if to dismiss her words.
Annabelle stood her ground, which seemed so much easier in theory, but she wasn’t going to back down now.
“You’re my parents and you gave me life as retched as it was, and I forgive you, but not for you. I’m forgiving you for me.” Without saying another word, she turned and walked away from them. Never once looking back.
I should look Mike up. A smile curved her lips at the thought of reconnecting with her brother.
She stepped out into the mid-afternoon sunshine and truly felt free for the first time in her life. As though a huge weight had just been lifted off her shoulders, and it felt wonderful. She couldn’t help it as her thoughts drifted to Kade. She could hardly wait to tell him how she felt, and that she was finally ready to start her life with him. No more running for her feelings for him. No more running period.
She was ready to start her life over with Kade. She smiled, the mere thought sending goose bumps up and down her arms.
Annabelle arrived back to the cabin a half hour later. Feeling excited and giddy like a young teenager. Wanting to use this pent up good energy, she decided she’d try and make dinner. She’d invite Kade over and finally tell him how she felt. And this time, it would be for keeps. No more flip-flopping and not being sure. She’d never been surer of anything in her entire life. She smiled just thinking about him, and hardly able to wait to tell him over and over again, that she loved him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She was going to tell him how she felt about him over a romantic candle-lit dinner.
Hurriedly she picked up the phone and dialed his number.
“Hello.” At the sound of his voice her heart thumped several beats.
She paused momentarily. “Hey, it’s me.”
A long, deep sigh greeted her from the other end. “What’s up? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”
She frowned, but the man could scarcely be blamed. “This won’t take long. I wanted to know if you’d like to have dinner with me tonight.”
Another sigh from the end of the line. This didn’t sound promising. Nevertheless, she’d try to remain positive. She waited several seconds, and it seemed like forever before he spoke again.
“What for?”
She took a deep breath before answering. She’d expected a fowl mood but his sharp tone still caught her off guard.
“Kade, look, I understand how you must be feeling. But I’m just asking you to have dinner with me?” She kept her tone gentle.
She could almost hear the gears grinding in his mind at the mere thought of having dinner with her.
Finally, he said, “Okay. What time?”
“Well, whenever you get off work, say six?”
“That’s fine. I’ll see you later.”
“Later.” And with that, she ended the painfully awkward call.
Annabelle put her head in her hands, praying that when the time came to tell him how she was feeling, that she’d know what to say.
Now, she had more pressing matters. What was she going to cook?
As he sat in his truck, doing mindless paper work, he looked at the clock on his dashboard. It was nearly five-thirty. He sighed, trying to mentally pull himself together for tonight. He wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t looking forward to seeing her. He missed her like crazy. But he wondered what in hell she wanted to have dinner for? To lead him on some more, keep him around just in case she happened to change her mind. Or maybe she was going to finally end this merry go round they’d been on, and tell him there was just no hope for them. She would break his heart, yet again, but
he would just have to face facts and get over her. Again.
For a second time, he thought bitterly. And even after that first time, he’d never completely gotten over her. It was a vicious and never-ending cycle and he didn’t know that he’d be able to do it again. The first time was hard enough, but a second time? Pure hell on earth.
Then his blood started to boil when he thought there might be someone else. It made him jealous to think of his Annabelle in the arms of another man. Damn it, he wouldn’t go down without a fight. He was in love with her, and couldn’t picture anybody else with her.
A loud snap and crash sent him back into reality. Commotion ran rampant in the blink of an eye.
“Boss! There’s been an accident!” a foreman yelled.
Kade chucked his clipboard aside and moved at lightning speed.
Annabelle foolishly sat at the kitchen table, her chin resting in her hand. The rooster clock above the kitchen sink read a little after nine-thirty, and there was still no sign of Kade.
She looked down at her appearance, her little black dress now slightly rumpled. She’d ripped off her black high heels and chucked them to the side an hour ago. She couldn’t believe he’d stood her up. The man could have at least called.
Shaking her head, she got up to pack up the chicken and rice and put it away for tomorrow night’s dinner. But as she stood at the sink, she lowered her head and couldn’t help the tears that fell over the hills of her cheeks, coming one after the other and she couldn’t stop them. Not able to believe that he’d just not show up or not even call, or give her a chance to talk to him. He’d most likely jumped to some silly conclusions that this was all over. Or maybe he thought she wasn’t worth his time. Period.
