by Naomi Niles
I sat there thinking about the early days with Jackson. He had always been ambitious – we both had – but his ambition had always been different to mine. I had been less interested in money and more interested in distinguishing myself in my profession. Jackson had always complained that fire fighting didn’t really pay as much as it should.
I had always believed that he was just shooting his mouth off, complaining about something we couldn’t change. I had no idea he would take it so far.
I thought about our rookie days together and how enthusiastic we both had been about starting at the station. I remembered how Jackson’s excitement had turned into recklessness and then cockiness as the two of us became known for our burst of bravery in the line of fire.
“They should increase our salaries,” he used to tell me. “They don’t pay us enough for what we do.”
“They pay us the same as everyone else,” I used to remind him.
He would shake his head at me. “We both know that you and I put ourselves in danger far more than anyone else in this station.”
That conversation had been years ago, and it was funny that I would remember it now. But I wondered suddenly if perhaps that thinking had led him to make the decisions he had ultimately gone with.
Was it purely greed? Was it just dissatisfaction? Was it possible that he was sick of putting himself in harm’s way and just wanted to make sure he had a security blanket in case he wanted to stop fire fighting?
Anything was possible and it kind of bothered me that I didn’t have the answer.
I was wondering if it would be a good idea to go and visit Jackson, maybe get some questions answered and gain some closure. I decided I would ask Mia for her advice. And just as I thought her name, she materialized before me, with Renni in tow.
“Renni!” I said. “Hi, cutie, how are you?”
Renni clung to Mia’s hand and looked at me with wide eyes. I could tell instantly that the setting unnerved her and the sight of me in bed was strange for her. She was quiet and shy, half hiding behind Mia.
“Why don’t you come and sit with me?” I suggested, patting an empty patch beside me.
“Come on, sweetheart,” Mia encouraged as she lifted Renni up and propped her on the side of my bed.
I put my arm around Renni, fitting her underneath my arm. Then I gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Don’t worry about me,” I said. “I’m fine. Healthy as a horse.”
She looked up at me with those big green eyes, but she still didn’t say anything. I saw her eyes dart around the hospital room as though she were scared something was going to jump out of the corner and scare her.
“Hey,” I said, trying my best to distract her. “You want to see something cool?”
She nodded silently.
I grabbed my remote control that connected to the bed and showed her how my cot could be moved up and down, raised at the feet, and scaled back according to my specifications. “What do you think?” I asked. “My very own remote control bed. It’s like I’m special.”
At last I got a smile out of her and that smile seemed to make her relax. Mia came around to my other side and sat down there so that I was wedged between Renni and her. I reached out and took her hand, thrilled to have them both with me.
“Renni,” I said, my voice gentle. “If you have any questions, you can ask me.”
She glanced at Mia for a moment, as though to ask permission. I saw Mia nod infinitesimally. “Mommy said you ran into a burning building to save someone.”
“I did,” I nodded. “I had to.”
“Because it was on fire?” she asked seriously.
“Because there was a woman in there by herself,” I explained. “She couldn’t get out on her own, and her husband couldn’t help her, either. So, I had to.”
“Are they together now?” she asked. “The husband and the wife?”
“They are,” I smiled. “And because I went into that building after her, they get to spend the rest of their lives together. That’s why I did it, Renni, so that they could be together. Everyone deserves to have love, and I think I saved theirs.”
“I’m proud of you,” Renni said, after a moment.
I felt a lump form in my throat. “You mean that?”
Renni nodded vigorously and Mia smiled. “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you, too.”
I squeezed their hands and then kissed them both in turn. “Thank you,” I said. “That means the world to me.”
Our little moment was interrupted when the doctor walked into my room. Doctor Farthing was a startling blond with dark eyes that somewhat softened his look. He had an impressive beard that did a good job of hiding his age.
“Hi, Doctor,” I greeted brightly. “Do you have good news for me?”
He smiled. “Are you that bored here Sam?”
“You have no idea, doc,” I said. “I’m a man of action. Sitting in this bed is torture for me.”
The doctor referred his notes, and I could tell that Mia was holding her breath. “Well… I can schedule you for an early release today,” Doctor Farthing announced.
“Brilliant-”
“But you’re going to need some care…”
“He has care,” Mia said immediately, as she stood and turned to the doctor. “I can take care of him.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met,” Doctor Farthing said, stretching his hand out to her. “You must be Sam’s wife?”
I felt a little tingle at the mention of the word wife, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it. “Not his wife,” Mia corrected. “I’m his…”
“Girlfriend,” I said, helping her out.
“I see,” Doctor Farthing nodded. “Do you live together?”
“We don’t,” Mia replied. “But he can stay with us till he recovers.”
“Excellent,” he said, nodding. “He will need to be watched over the next few days. Come and see me on Friday, and we can determine if you’re completely alright or not.”
I could feel Renni’s excitement beside me. The moment the doctor left, she turned to me with bright eyes. “You get to come and stay with us!”
“I heard,” I said, smiling at her, before turning to Mia. “Are you sure that’s alright with you, Mia? I don’t want to be an imposition.”
She smiled at me as though I was being ridiculous. “Don’t be silly,” she said. “Renni and I will be happy to take care of you for the next few days, right Renni?”
“Right!” she said with enthusiasm.
Two hours later, we checked out of the hospital and headed back to Mia’s place with a small bag of my clothes in tow. Mia helped me to the front door and even Renni held my hand as though she thought I would fall. When we got inside, Renni grabbed one of my smaller bags and turned to Mia.
“Shall I put Sam’s things in your room?”
Mia hesitated a little, and I knew she was slightly uncomfortable. I saw her make a split second decision before nodding. “Yes, sweetheart, thank you.”
Renni grabbed my bag and disappeared into Mia’s room. “Are you sure this is okay, Mia?” I asked again, now that Renni wasn’t within earshot.
She walked into my arms and kissed my neck. “Of course, I’m sure,” she said. “I made my decision the second I told you I loved you. We’re in this together now, come hell or high water.”
“Hmm… I like the sound of that,” I sighed, kissing her eyes, her nose, and her lips.
“Come on, Sam,” Renni yelled from Mia’s room. “You need to be in bed.”
Mia laughed softly. “Nurse Renni is calling,” she said. “Let’s do as she says.”
Mia helped me to her room and then settled me down on the right side of her bed. I sunk into the soft covers and sighed, feeling relaxed already. “This is nice,” I said.
“Wait here,” Renni said as she scuttled out of the room.
“She’s a busy bee, isn’t she?” I laughed.
“I think she likes the idea of taking care of you,” Mia nod
ded.
A moment later, Renni came back into the room with a glass of water in hand. She handed it to me. “Here you go,” she said. “Drinking lots of water will help your recovery.”
It was such a grown up thing to say that both Mia and I had to suppress our laughter. I nodded seriously and drank my water. “Thank you, Renni,” I said. “I feel better already.”
“I know what will make you feel even better,” she said, obviously loving her new role as my nurse and caretaker.
“Tell me,” I encouraged.
“I’m going to read you a story,” she said. “That always makes me feel better whenever I’m sick or sleepy.”
“That’s a good thing then,” I nodded. “Because I’m both at the moment.”
She beamed at me before running to retrieve her storybooks from her room. Mia lay down next to me and nestled against my shoulder. “Are you okay?” she whispered.
“I’m more than okay,” I told her. “I couldn’t be happier. Being here with you and Renni… I didn’t even have the wisdom or the maturity to dream something this good.”
She smiled. “It’s nice to have you here.”
“Don’t say that,” I teased. “I might never leave.”
She laughed. “What if I said I was okay with that?”
Before we could finish our conversation, Renni ran back into the room with a bunch of books cradled in her little arms. She dumped them all on the side of the bed and picked out the one on top.
“You’ll love this one, Sam,” she told me. “It’s all about a giraffe who wants to be a famous singer.”
“Wow, I like it already,” I said.
As Renni prepared to read me the story, I shared a secret glance with Mia. I didn’t mind that we didn’t get to finish our conversation because we had all the time in the world.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Mia
I stood back in the shadows of the room. I just wanted to observe everyone while they were busy interacting with one another. It was a lovely sight, and one that I hadn’t been privy to in a long time. It struck me how much I had missed out on in the last few years since Clint’s death.
I had gotten so caught up in holding myself together that I had forgotten to live. My family lived across the country, so I rarely ever saw them. And even the phone conversations we used to have had gotten so bogged down in grief that I had started avoiding those, too.
Vanessa had become my only friend and my life had become about work and Renni. As I stared at the scene before me, I promised myself that I would give my parents a call when I got home.
Peter and Madison had decided to throw a small dinner before everyone got back to their own lives. John and Kami were heading back to California, and Alan and Jessica were taking a trip to Paris in anticipation of a possible destination wedding. Both couples were leaving in the next few days, and everyone wanted to catch up one last time before they left.
I could see Sam and Talen standing on the porch through the living room windows. They were sharing a laugh together. Jessica, Kami, and Alan were sitting around the coffee table, talking about wedding plans and bridal showers. John was in the corner talking to Victor, Madison’s brother who lived right next door, and Madison and Peter sat on the other end of the living room playing games with Renni.
It was a familial scene bursting with life and color and laughter. I just stood back, enjoying the little nuances, the exchange of intimate details and soft touches. Renni and I were a part of this now, and it made me feel hopeful.
“I could stare at this all day,” a soft voice said from beside me.
I turned and found myself face to face with Sam’s mother.
“Alice,” I smiled. “Didn’t see you there.”
“I was watching you watching them,” she admitted. “I think you might be the only person here who knows what that feels like, to look at a room full of your family and feel…content. Do you know why I think that is?”
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“Because you’re the only other parent here,” Alice said simply. “You understand the importance of moments like this because you have a child. I suppose John and Kami will understand it soon enough.”
“I heard about the baby,” I smiled. “It’s wonderful news.”
“My first grandchild,” Alice said, and her eyes softened immediately. “Well, truly speaking, this will be my second grandchild.”
I felt a warm feeling spread through my limbs. It touched me that Alice would consider Renni to be her grandchild. Sam and I weren’t even engaged, and already she had welcomed me wholeheartedly into the family.
“It’s nice of you to say that,” I said, hoping that my stiff lawyer’s persona wouldn’t get in the way of my sentiment.
“I’m not saying it to be nice,” she smiled at me. “That’s honestly how I feel. Sam loves you; I saw it in his eyes the first time he spoke about you to me. I think I knew that he loved you before he did.”
I laughed softly. “I love him, too,” I said earnestly. “It’s…a little scary for me, to be honest.”
“Love is always scary,” she nodded. “Trust me, I know. But it’s worth the risk. You can trust me on that, too.”
“I do trust you,” I said, feeling a connection blossoming between the two of us. I hesitated for a moment. “Sam told me your story last night,” I admitted.
“Really?” Alice sounded surprised. “I would have thought he’d have told you sooner.”
“Renni had just fallen asleep in bed between us,” I told her. “And, I asked him about you. He had promised to tell me the story one day. It was a truly amazing story.”
“I hope you didn’t judge me too harshly.”
“How could I possibly judge you, at all?” I asked. “You left to protect your sons. I would have done the same thing if I thought Renni was in danger because of me. Even if it had killed me to leave her behind, I would have done it if it meant protecting her.”
I could see tears form in the corners of her eyes as Alice smiled at me. “It means a lot that you would understand that.”
“I think everyone does,” I said.
Alice sighed and turned towards the windows. Talen and Sam were still outside talking. “I don’t know if that’s true,” she said softly. “I know my sons have forgiven me and I know that they understand why I left them. But I know that my absence left wounds that won’t go away just because I had a good reason for leaving.”
“The point is you’re here now,” I said. “The point is you love them and you want to get to know them.”
“But they’re men now,” she said, and I could hear the regret in her voice. “They’ve grown up and now look at them. They’re all starting families of their own. Sam has you and Renni. John and Kami are starting a family soon. Alan and Jessica are getting married, and Peter and Madison are well on their way to being married, too.
“I’ve missed the middle… I’ve missed the part where they turned from boys to men.”
“I do that a lot, too,” I admitted softly. “I look back and think about what could have been. I think about Clint and what would have happened if he hadn’t gone out that night, or if he’d taken another route, or if I’d gone with him. I go through all the possibilities in my head...
“But in the end, it doesn’t do any good to dwell on the maybes and the what ifs. You’ll just spend your time being sad when you could be living your life and enjoying yourself with the people in front of you.”
Alice smiled. “You’re right,” she nodded. “And you’re smart. That’s one of the reasons why I know you’re so good for Sam. He’s not always as…mature as he should be. You’ll make a man out of him. I think Renni will, too.”
I nodded. “I’ve noticed so many changes in him lately,” I said. “It’s like he’s morphing into…”
“A father?” Alice finished for me.
I smiled. “I guess so,” I nodded. “It’s a little surreal.”
“Enjoy it, Mia,” Alice ad
vised. “You deserve to be happy.”
“Thank you, Alice,” I said, enjoying the intimacy of our conversation.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to go play with my granddaughter a little,” she said. “It’s so lovely to have a little girl in the house after five boys.”
I smiled as Alice made her way over to where Renni sat with Peter and Madison. I slipped out of the living room and onto the porch where Sam and Talen were talking. I could hear snippets of their conversation, and it made me hesitate at the front door.
“I’m just sorry I couldn’t see it firsthand,” Sam said. “I would have loved to be there to support you.”
“You had things to do,” Talen said. “I get that.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for anyone other than Renni,” Sam insisted. “You know that, right?”
“Of course,” Talen assured him.
“Missed what?” I asked, stepping out onto the porch and looking between Sam and Talen.
Sam turned to me and pulled me into his arms. “Hi, you,” he said, kissing the top of my head.
I refused to be distracted. “Missed what?” I asked again.
“It’s nothing,” Talen said dismissively.
“Talen had a fight in Vegas this past Friday,” Sam said. “I was supposed to be there, but-”
“Renni’s career day,” I said, realizing that he had sacrificed being ringside at his brother’s fight to be with Renni on Friday. “Oh God, Sam, why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because there was nothing to say,” he insisted. “I had made my decision.”
“You could have told me,” I said. “I would have explained it to Renni; she would have understood.”
“She didn’t have to, though,” Sam said. “I wanted to be there for her.”
I turned to Talen with wide, apologetic eyes. “I’m so sorry, Talen,” I said sincerely. “If only I had known.”
