by Laki Khan
I must have only managed to sleep for a few hours before waking to the serene sight of Omar who was deep in peaceful sleep with my hand locked into his. I smiled at his beautiful face, dwelling in his scent. Gently I released my hand from his and climbed out of bed, peering outside to find that it was still dark and foggy – another typical cold day; mornings such as these made me long for the intense heat of my beloved village. To escape the morning cold I got back into bed, curling up next to him and burying myself in his chest. ‘How did you sleep?’ he asked.
‘Beautifully,’ I replied, and he smiled. A large part of me still couldn’t believe that I had encountered Sumayah in this way. I struggled to comprehend what I had witnessed. Why did I have to meet her now, when I had only just settled into my life here, and had finally managed to find happiness? I questioned. Seeing Sumayah distorted my entire perspective that Omar and I had worked so hard to alter from a path of self-destruction. Daylight gradually began to descend into our room.
‘What do you fancy doing today?’ he asked. ‘Saira?’ he said a second time.
I turned to look at him and replied, ‘I’ll prepare us some breakfast,’ and walked into the kitchen. I thought of Ammuji; today I missed her deeply and needed her guidance. I cared for Sumayah, although I cared more for Omar and my bond with him, and seeing Sumayah had sent me into an internal battle that would cause me and Omar nothing but distress. I served us both breakfast, and we sat together in silence. I had envisaged a wonderful weekend with Omar, but this incident had displaced everything and beyond.
‘You’re not eating anything, Saira,’ he said to me; I was oblivious to the fact that I had been sitting staring at my plate for some time now.
‘Yes, I am,’ I reassured him, and began to busy myself with cleaning up the dishes and vigorously wiping clean the table. ‘I’m sorry, Omar,’ I cried. ‘We had finally worked everything out and things were going so well, and then seeing Sumayah just turned everything upside down and I feel so lost.’
‘Hey, it’s okay. I’m here with you and I will never let you feel lost,’ he said, looking into my eyes. ‘I promise you everything will be fine. Do you trust me?’ he said.
‘I trust you with my life.’
‘Then believe me when I tell you that it’s going to be fine,’ he assured me. Wrapped up in his arms I came to the conclusion that no matter what happened, I would not allow our bond to be jeopardised. I decided I would put Omar first in the way that he had been prioritising me and my needs, with nothing but unconditional love.
‘I’m being silly. Of course it’s going to be okay – I have you beside me,’ I told him. ‘I won’t let this break me, and I won’t allow it to come between me and you.’
‘So you won’t burn anymore sandalwood today?’ he asked.
I was confused. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Then I will feel assured that you’re all right,’ he explained.
I smiled. ‘No, there’s no need for sandalwood anymore.’ I should have known that the early morning aroma of sandalwood incense would have informed him of my aroused state of mind; he knew I only did that in times of stress, and I silently vowed to remain undeterred and strong for us both.
We decided to spend the day watching movies beginning with The Lion King, one of our all-time favourites; watching this film always brought a smile to my face. I curled up next to Omar, resting upon his shoulders as he played with my hair. I must have heard his telephone ring at least a dozen times but most of the calls he disconnected, much to my surprise.
‘Is it work, Omar?’ I enquired.
‘Yes, it’s okay, nothing too urgent,’ he said. The phone rang again and Omar held it up, appearing to contemplate whether or not he should take the call.
‘Answer it,’ I said to him.
‘I’ll be right back,’ he told me, taking the phone to our bedroom. I continued watching the film. Half an hour later Omar was still on the phone, making me wonder what the emergency was. To put my mind at rest I walked towards our room; the door was wide open and he was standing facing the window, sounding irate as he spoke.
‘Kareem, I don’t feel there is anything to discuss. We are very happy you’re marrying Sumayah and we have no issues with that,’ I just about heard him say in a firm tone of voice. My heart began to palpitate, raising a dozen questions all at once. I stood still, pondering what discussion Kareem had wanted to have and why. Suddenly Omar was standing right in front of me, and I looked up directly into his eyes.
‘Was that Kareem?’ I asked.
‘Yes, I took the call in here as I did not want to worry you.’ The panic on my face must have given me away. ‘Saira, this is why I have been ignoring his calls. I don’t want this to continue upsetting you. I am happy to reduce contact with him,’ he told me.
‘Omar, it’s not going to go away. It’s all come back again,’ I said in distress.
‘Come here, sit down,’ he said.
I managed to compose myself. ‘What were you talking about with him?’
‘It’s nothing, Saira, it’s not important,’ he replied. I looked into his worried eyes and his creased forehead.
‘Please, Omar, tell me,’ I pleaded. He informed me that Kareem and Sumayah had asked for us to go round to their house as they had something urgent to discuss.
‘Is she okay?’ I asked.
‘Yes, Saira, they are both fine, only he won’t tell me over the phone what the issue is,’ he explained.
‘I think we should go, Omar.’
‘Saira, do you really think that going there will resolve anything?’ he said. I was lost in deep thought, contemplating the fact that if we did not go I would probably regret it at a later date, either way subjecting myself to further agony. ‘Are you sure about this?’ he asked.
‘I am, if you are,’ I said to him.
‘I only want you to be happy,’ he said, kissing my hand gently.
‘Thank you,’ I replied, and we left for Kareem’s house with a mystery to unfold.
We arrived at the house, both of us anxious and slightly tense. Kareem and Sumayah greeted us with big smiles, although there was an awkward silence as the four of us sat down in their front room. Sumayah looked towards me and smiled, gesturing me closer towards her.
‘I want to first thank you guys for coming,’ said a nervous Kareem. I looked at them both and then looked away, while Omar sat looking subdued. ‘You are probably wondering why I have summoned you in this manner,’ he said. ‘Bhabi, firstly I would like to apologise to you. Sumayah has told me everything – that you two are from the same village, almost sisters in fact.’ I stared at them in disbelief.
‘Kareem, let’s not bring everything up,’ said Omar.
‘Omar, it’s okay,’ I reassured him, as Sumayah clutched on to me.
‘I am so sorry for everything, Saira. I have missed you so much,’ she cried out, putting her arms around my neck. Seeing Sumayah in this state of distress invoked in me the love that I had for our lifelong friendship and my mind finally surrendered to the pleas of my heart; I placed my arms around Sumayah in return to comfort her. Kareem and Omar quietly left the room, which I figured was to allow us time to reconcile. Sumayah and I sat close for a short while, sobbing, as I reflected on my painful journey, and thinking about Ammuji only seemed to elevate the pain from within.
‘No more tears,’ I said to Sumayah, forcing out a smile.
Sumayah composed herself and looked at me. ‘I’m so sorry for everything. I should never have stayed away from you, Saira. I couldn’t even be there for you when Ammuji passed away. I couldn’t even bid you goodbye when you left to come here. I have told Abbuji that I have met you here and that I will see you every day.’
‘You shouldn’t have, Sumayah. I don’t want to cause any problems for you both.’
‘You have never caused me any problems, Saira. I have wronged you in many ways. I should have stood by you when our whole village stood against you,’ she said. ‘That is why I decided to re
veal everything to Kareem. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?’ she cried.
‘Sumayah, don’t be silly, there is nothing to forgive,’ I said, hugging her. We sat and talked for a while.
‘You’re still so beautiful, Saira,’ she said.
‘Don’t be silly,’ I replied.
‘You and Omar are perfect together. I saw the way he looks at you – he adores you,’ she said.
I smiled. ‘Yes, I am very lucky to have him in my life. He has taken care of me well.’
‘That time when you sent Abdullah I wanted to see you, but Abbuji began to curse me really bad, and…’
‘Sumayah, it’s okay, that time has gone now,’ I reassured her. ‘Thanks to God and Omar I am very happy and content here,’ I told her.
‘Will you do one thing for me, Saira?’ I nodded. ‘Will you help to arrange my wedding?’ she pleaded.
‘Yes, of course I will.’ Just then there was a knock on the door, and Kareem and Omar came in with tea and snacks.
Omar sat right beside me, whispering, ‘Are you all right?’ I nodded and smiled.
‘I really hope the four of us can put everything behind us and move forward,’ said Kareem.
‘We had better leave,’ said Omar, looking at them.
‘Saira,’ said Sumayah, ‘will you and Omar give me away?’ I stared at her, astonished by her question, and then looked at Omar who seemed as shocked as I was. ‘Only if that’s all right with you both,’ she added.
‘We would love to, Sumayah,’ I told her and Omar smiled.
We reached home as the light of the day turned into darkness; it had been another eventful day. The sky was now dark with very few stars; I recalled the blue skies of my beloved land. ‘Tea is ready, Saira,’ Omar said from behind me, and I sat next to him inhaling the fragrant aroma of ginger and cinnamon.
‘Thank you for today,’ I told him.
He looked into my eyes. ‘Thank you for this life.’ I cuddled close to him, a place where I felt safe, found love and life, and a place that shielded me from everything that hurt. I felt alive and content. I no longer felt perished or emaciated and no longer feared society or its consequences; he had taught me to live on the terms and conditions that best suited me and I cherished every moment beside him. He allowed me to become the definition of myself that I wanted to be. With Omar, every joy was exhilaration and everything sad felt lighter.
Additionally I was overjoyed with the return of Sumayah into my life; it was as if I had never been away from her. We were almost the same people we had been back in the village, laughing and giggling at everything; I had been reunited with my sister again. We often sat together and talked about Ammuji, which made me sad, although I was glad to have Sumayah to share those moments with. I reflected how God truly works in mysterious ways. Even though I had lost Ammuji, and the pain of that ache was present in my heart every day, I had gained Omar, who I could not imagine being without, and now Sumayah, the sister and best friend that I had lost and was reunited with once again.
The next few months were busy. I commenced my voluntary work in the play bus a few hours each day with the intention of returning to education and teaching once again, which Omar was delighted with. I met with Sumayah almost every day as we planned her dream wedding. We joked about how she had always wanted to marry somebody from the UK. She had found true love, it appeared, as every time I met with her she had a different story to tell about how Kareem had brought her gifts and showered her with her favourite flowers and chocolates.
‘I love this colour, Sumayah,’ I gushed as we looked at colour schemes for her bridal outfit; we were both enchanted by a violet and cream-coloured three-piece gown. The wedding was now only six weeks away and everything was almost organised and set in place. I had had a busy morning at the play bus and then went to visit Sumayah. ‘Right, that’s finalised. I will place this order for you tomorrow, unless you want to go for a more traditional colour,’ I said.
‘No, I really like this one,’ she asserted. It was almost 6 p.m. and I wanted to return home, as Omar would have finished work for the day, too.
‘Sumayah, I will have to leave now,’ I said, hurriedly collecting my bag and putting the collection of bridal magazines away neatly.
‘Are you that anxious to see him?’ she joked and I laughed. It was ironic that we were both living in an unknown country so far away from our native land, yet somehow we were content and had found solace within our lives.
I arrived home, immediately immersing myself in his aroma through our small hallway, and purposefully inhaled some more. ‘You’re back,’ he said, smiling as he took my bag and coat. I wrapped my arms around his neck, locking my body into his. He smiled. ‘What’s this?’
‘I missed you today,’ I said.
‘While you were busy planning a wedding.’ He laughed. We sat in our favourite place and I laid my head on his shoulder to rest. We talked about my day followed by his. ‘I have a surprise for you,’ he said. ‘Well, it’s more of a suggestion,’ he added. I listened eagerly. ‘You know those new water wells I started? They need completing. So I was thinking of overseeing the work myself to ensure that the most needy villagers have access. So would you like to accompany me to Bangladesh for a few weeks – after Sumayah’s wedding, of course.’
‘Oh my, really?’ I screeched.
‘Is that a yes?’ he asked humorously.
‘Omar, that would be amazing,’ I said captivated.
‘Yes indeed.’ He smiled and then kissed both my hands with his soft lips.
I lay back in his arms, contemplating the breathtaking beauty of my life, and as the saying goes, it’s not the destination: what matters is the journey. I still thought about my beloved parents every day, although now with joy. Omar had completed my life in every way possible, bestowing it with love, peace and tranquillity. I felt blessed to have him by my side and he sweetened every moment I spent with him. I had lost many things on this tumultuous journey, only to realise that God replaces as much as you lose. I had finally begun to live with happiness and contentment, and eagerly anticipated the wedding of my beloved sister Sumayah followed by a return trip to my native land – its open blue sky, the feel of the soft wet mud beneath my feet, the sound of the water, the aroma of the open village air, and most importantly, having the most precious blessing of my life beside me…
The End
