“Mr. Deluth caught me and my punishment was to work in his stable for six months, taking care of the horses.”
“What did you do?”
Tessa swallowed hard. No one would ever find out the details of what she’d done, she knew that. If she just kept her mouth shut, no one would know because Richie and Mr. Deluth had died with her secret. But for some reason, she felt like Cooper should know. It would help him to understand why karma was such a heartless bitch to her.
“I took one of his horses. I came out here after dark, took Texas Shadow right out of his stall and then rode for hours that night.”
Cooper didn’t say anything, so Tessa continued. “When I brought him back the next morning, Mr. Deluth was waiting for me. Needless to say, he was livid. Rather than call the law on me, he worked out a deal that I would take care of the horses for six months.”
Tessa took a deep breath and burrowed closer to Cooper. “Richie worked for Mr. Deluth. He was a senior in high school and part of the FFA. When he found out what I did, he was so mad at me. But then we had to work together for the next six months. The rest is history.”
“They forgave you.” It wasn’t a question, but Tessa didn’t know what Cooper was getting at.
“I guess.”
“But you’ve never forgiven yourself? You were what? Fifteen or sixteen?”
“Fifteen.”
“And you’ve carried this around for half of your life, never forgiving yourself?”
“That’s not the only thing I did, Cooper. That was probably the worst of it, but it certainly wasn’t the only thing.”
“Do you still do those things today?”
“God no!” she exclaimed, trying to pull away from him but unable to maneuver out from beneath the steel band that was his arm.
“Don’t move,” he ordered, glancing down at her.
Tessa stopped pulling away, all of the wind leaving her sails in an instant. She had never shared this story with anyone. At least not all of it. Izzy didn’t even know. Well, she didn’t think she did anyway. Tessa couldn’t imagine they would still be friends if she did. Although her best friend had stuck by her through the years, she didn’t think Izzy knew the worst of what she’d done. The alcohol, sure. But not the drugs or the theft.
“Look at me, Tessa.” Cooper’s tone was soothing, not an ounce of anger in the words and Tessa glanced up slowly. “You were a kid, darlin’. We all do stupid things when we’re kids. That doesn’t mean that you have to pay for it for the rest of your life.”
“But it does,” she retorted. “I lost my baby. Richie died.” I lost my land. She kept the last part to herself, not wanting to hurt Cooper.
Cooper’s hand cupped her jaw, his thumb beneath her chin forcing her head back farther. “It doesn’t. You couldn’t have stopped those things from happening, Tessa. You told me yourself that things happen for a reason.”
Yes, she did tell him that. And she believed it too. Which was why she blamed herself.
“You’ve got to let go, baby.”
“It’s not as easy as you think it is,” she said snidely and then immediately regretted her rebuttal. Cooper had told her his story just that morning. “I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize, Tessa. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through. My circumstances were different. And yes, they hurt, but I’m not comparing my life to yours. I hate that you’ve had to go through all of that, and if it were in my power to change things, I would. But, Tessa,” Cooper’s hand tightened on her jaw just a bit, “everything that’s happened to you has made you who you are. And you’re a remarkable woman who has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. I wouldn’t want that to change.”
A tear leaked down her cheek, and Tessa wanted to brush it away, but Cooper did so first, his thumb caressing her cheek. Was it even possible that he didn’t hold all of this against her? Would he change his mind after he had time to think it over?
They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Cooper’s strong arms around her, making her feel safe, secure for the first time in as long as she could remember. Maybe it was the night or the man or possibly both, but Tessa suddenly felt the urge to talk.
“Richie was always the sensible one. The guy who liked to have fun, but he walked the straight and narrow. When we fell in love, I think he was worried about what that meant because I was hell on wheels. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t keep me in line.
“We broke up several times during the years we dated, especially when I was still in high school after he graduated, but I think we both knew that we’d eventually be together forever.” The tears were steadily streaming down Tessa’s cheeks, but she didn’t try to wipe them away. It would’ve been pointless. “By the time I was a junior in high school, my mother had already been diagnosed with depression, but she didn’t take her medicine like she was supposed to. I hated being at home, seeing her like that.”
Tessa still felt like the worst daughter any mother could have because rather than trying to help her mother, she’d managed to put distance between them.
“So, I was gone from home more than I was there, and much of the time I would stay with Richie, even though he had to sneak me in his window at night. I knew he hated doing that because his parents would’ve been devastated to know their son was lying to them, but he did it anyway. For me.
“I hated working for other people, didn’t do well with authority of any kind, so after I graduated from high school I would jump from job to job. As much as I hated my father for not having anything to do with me or Adam, when he died and left us The Rusty Nail, I knew it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. After talking to Richie, I decided I would go for it. I didn’t go to college, both because I was broke but also because I didn’t want to. I hated school but I still managed to graduate. I just couldn’t see myself sitting in class again, so I refused.
“Taking over the bar was supposed to be easy, or at least that’s what I told myself. I mean it’s a bar, right? How hard could it be? Well, I soon learned that it wasn’t just serving drinks. There was the inventory and accounting, taxes and licenses. I learned real quick that I couldn’t just sit back and hope it worked out. So, I took Richie’s college textbooks, and I studied them.” Tessa laughed and sobbed at the same time. “He never even knew I did it, but I wanted to successfully run the bar and I knew I had to learn somehow. So, between his textbooks and the internet, I taught myself the accounting software. I found out I was pretty good at it.”
Cooper’s arm tightened around her, and Tessa relaxed. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she felt lighter all of a sudden. Everything she’d held inside for so long was spilling out, and she felt as though Cooper wasn’t judging her.
God, she prayed he wasn’t judging her because she couldn’t bring herself to stop talking.
Chapter Thirty One
Cooper held Tessa close, the only thing he paid attention to was the sound of her voice and the heartbreaking story she was telling him. He wouldn’t interrupt because as hard as he knew it was on her to talk about her past, he knew she’d bottled everything up inside for so long that she needed to get it out.
“When Richie finally asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic. I felt like I’d finally made him proud of me. So, needless to say, we got married. It wasn’t anything elaborate and my mother didn’t even come to the wedding, not that I had invited her. Richie’s parents were there and so was Adam since they were friends.”
Cooper couldn’t imagine his parents not being at his wedding. The thought of Tessa getting married without the love and support of her family there with her made his heart hurt.
“We’d only been married for a couple of months when I got pregnant, and the idea of having a baby was the most wonderful thing that could’ve happened to me. To us.”
Tightening his arm around her, Cooper pressed his lips against the top of her head as another shudder wracked her body.
“I was only fourteen weeks
when I started spotting and cramping really badly. We went to the doctor, and he said I was miscarrying, and there wasn’t anything that could be done.”
When her body started to shake uncontrollably, Cooper felt his own tears forming in his eyes. She was breaking his heart right in two and he wanted to ease her pain, but he knew there was nothing he could do but let her get it all out.
“I – I wanted my baby more than anything in the world.” Tessa hiccupped. “I begged God, pleaded with Him to let me have my baby.”
Tessa’s sobs wracked her body, and she couldn’t speak for several minutes, but Cooper didn’t rush her. He held her, letting her feel the warmth of his body against hers, waiting until she was able to continue.
“After that, I refused to get pregnant again. I couldn’t handle losing another child. Richie and I managed to get through each day, but things weren’t easy between us for a while. I probably wouldn’t have made it through it without him. He always made sure that I knew he loved me, that he was there for me. Until him, I had never known that kind of love. Never had someone to ensure I understood just what I meant to them.”
Cooper made a vow right then and there that Tessa would always know exactly how he felt about her. She’d had that love only once in her life, and it had come from her husband. He’d never be able to compete with the first man she’d loved, and he would never try to. But Tessa had so much more love inside of her and Cooper wanted to be the man she gave the rest of her heart to.
When she was silent for long minutes, Cooper shifted so that he could look down at her face. Her eyes were closed, the tears leaving streaks on her pale cheeks. Lifting her face gently, he pressed a soft kiss against her mouth. “I’m here, Tessa. I’ve got you.”
Another round of sobs shook her, but when Tessa’s arms wrapped around him, and she held on for dear life, Cooper’s world shifted on its axis. He loved this woman. Heart and soul.
Cooper had no idea how long he and Tessa ended up sitting outside the night before. He’d held her until his ass was numb from sitting on the ungiving wood porch, but he would’ve endured hours more if she’d have needed him to. They hadn’t moved an inch until Izzy and Eric came around the house to let them know they were heading home. Tessa had felt terrible and told them as much, but her friends had told her not to worry. Cooper knew she had anyway.
After checking in with Dalton, Cooper had taken Tessa inside, making sure the dogs had a place to sleep before he took her to his bedroom. At that point, they’d talked for several more hours, and this morning, as he lay with Tessa in his arms, he felt as though he knew her better than he knew anyone else. And vice versa.
They’d been open and honest with one another, more so than Cooper had expected. She’d answered every question he’d asked, and he’d done the same. They talked about high school, friends, enemies, and even some of the rowdy things they’d both done at that age. And she was right, according to her stories, she’d been hell on wheels as a teenager, but then again, so had he. The difference between them was that he had come from a loving home where he’d been the center of his parents’ attention. Hers was the opposite. And he understood her better now.
He didn’t pretend to know what it felt like to grow up the way Tessa had, but he assured her that it wasn’t her fault. He’d been just as rowdy, and he didn’t have his parents to blame. Cooper wasn’t sure Tessa would ever fully forgive herself for the things she’d done, but he tried to summarize all of the ways she had turned herself around based on everything he knew about her.
She had explained how she volunteered as a youth counselor at her church, how she had continued to work for Mr. Deluth – for free, mind you – years after her punishment had been lifted. She told him how she still helped with the Austin Police Department’s Blue Santa program every year around the holidays and how she selflessly helped at one of the no-kill animal shelters in the neighboring town, which was, in fact, where she’d found Havoc and Harmony.
Tessa was the most generous person he’d ever met. Every single thing she did was for someone else because she had this illogical belief that she had to pay everyone back for the things she’d done as a teenager. Cooper admired all of the things she did, and finally, he had convinced her to see that she did those things because she wanted to, not because she had to. For once, she had agreed with him.
And at that point, even though they were both exhausted, Cooper wasn’t sure he’d be able to let Tessa sleep. When he gave in to the urge to put his hands on her, she’d been too worried that Dalton would hear them, so he had held off on tormenting her, choosing rather to make love to her only once before they crashed just after four in the morning.
And now as they lay in his bed, Tessa stirred in his arms, the silky strands of her hair tickling his arm when she moved. Leaning down, he kissed the top of her head and waited to see if she was awake.
When she didn’t rouse, he figured he needed to get up. The sunlight was just beginning to come in through his windows, and he knew his parents would be there soon. They had called him the day before to let him know they were driving down to visit. And yes, he had knowingly kept that a secret from Tessa. No sense in worrying her even more.
After making a pot of coffee, Cooper let the dogs out the back door and joined them on the porch. Sliding into one of the plastic chairs, Cooper stared out at the land in front of him as the sun continued its remarkable ascent into the sky.
“Mornin’.” Tessa’s drowsy voice came from behind him a second before her arms wrapped over his shoulders and around his neck.
“Mornin’, baby,” he greeted her, his hands landing on her arms, enjoying the softness of her against him. “Sleep well?”
“Not too bad,” she answered and he heard the smile in her voice.
A loud bark had Tessa pulling away. “Thanks for letting them out this morning. You should’ve woken me up.”
“They’re easy to manage,” Cooper told her, glancing at her over his shoulder. “And anyway, you needed the sleep.”
Tessa’s knockout smile made his heart lurch in his chest. He’d spend the rest of his life trying to make her smile like that if she would let him. However, he knew now wasn’t the time to try and push that issue. One day at a time is what they agreed to, and he was trying damn hard to stick to his word. It was a little harder now that he knew that he loved her.
Grabbing her arm, he pulled her around in front of him and then down onto his lap. Placing his hand on her bare thigh, he smiled. “My dad and mom will be here in a bit,” he warned her, taking in the fact that she was wearing only his button down shirt. Since it came to her knees, he knew she was modestly covered, but she probably wouldn’t appreciate meeting his parents for the first time dressed like that.
“Here? Today?” Her voice was high and thin, and if he wasn’t mistaken, there was a hint of fear in her eyes.
“Yep. So, go on in and take a shower. You’ve got time.”
“But Coop –” She started to argue as she rose to her feet.
“No, ‘buts’, Tessa. Just do it.” He laughed as he smacked her on the butt. “I’ll handle the dogs and Dalton will be up shortly.”
Without another word, she disappeared inside. Maybe he should’ve warned her in advance that his parents were coming, but Cooper truly wanted her to meet them. He knew Tessa, and if she had any sort of advanced notice, she’d probably have come up with at least one excuse. Probably more.
Half an hour later, Cooper was just finished frying the bacon and scrambling enough eggs to feed a small country when there was a knock on the front door. His father’s booming voice was the first warning, followed by the excited barks of Tessa’s dogs.
“Come in,” he hollered over the loud barks.
After scooping the eggs on a plate and tossing a paper towel over them, he ventured into the front room where his parents stood petting the dogs like they’d been friends all their life.
“Momma,” Cooper greeted his mother, giving her a kiss on the cheek w
hen she stood. “How was the trip?”
“Oh, you know your father,” she teased. “Sometimes I worry that his foot’s on the brake and not the gas.”
“Oh, hush, woman,” his father belted out as he stood to his full height, which was eye level with Cooper. “Too fast. Too slow. It’d be easier if she’d just tell me how fast she wants me to drive and I set the cruise control.”
“Why didn’t you mention that before? That would make it so much easier,” Becca Krenshaw teased as she poked her husband in the ribs.
“Watch it, woman,” David said with a smile. “So, this is the house, huh?”
Cooper glanced around the room, trying to see the house for the first time through his father’s eyes. “Yup, this is it. It needs some work, but I like it.”
“It’s charming,” his mother said as she moved through the open living room. “Open, airy, just like a country house should be.”
Cooper bit back his laugh. His parents lived in a four thousand square foot cabin in the Smoky Mountains, so this was like a cardboard box in comparison to their three story retreat.
“Is that food I smell?” David asked, his hand landing firmly on Cooper’s shoulder.
“Yes, sir,” Cooper answered, glancing down the dim hallway as they made their way toward the kitchen. He was surprised Tessa hadn’t appeared yet. Then again, if she had her way, she would probably hide out in his bedroom until she thought the coast was clear.
Not that he was going to let her.
When the back screen door opened and then shut, Cooper turned abruptly to see his angel in blue jeans standing in the doorway, a shy smile on her face. Sneaky woman. She must’ve snuck out the back door when his parents arrived so she wouldn’t be caught coming out of his bedroom.
Cooper saw the dogs running down the back porch steps which meant she had done exactly that when he had been greeting is parents.
“Hey, darlin’,” Cooper said, heading straight for her. “Mom, Dad, this is Tessa Donovan. Tessa, this is my mother, Becca, and my father, David.”
Chasing Dreams (Devil's Bend) Page 27
