by Rosie Scott
“I know Narangar has defenses, for I have memories of Bjorn mentioning its massive gate. But I'm not sure how this is possible given its location in the Golden Peaks. Maybe the city extends into the plains and has a wall there, or maybe the gate is in a tunnel. Depending on the answer to this, it could greatly affect our strategy. In addition, Narangar has multiple exits. The tunnel to the port, the southeastern exit to the plains, and a few upper exits to mountain paths. Nyx has been there, so she might know their locations.
“I need you to fly out to Narangar and find as many answers to these questions as you can. Anything else you can find out without risking being seen would be helpful as well. If armies are on the plains or in the city, if their wall has towers and any defenses, the material of the wall, if there are hidden units you can find preparing an ambush. I'd like for you to stay in oozlum form to do this so you are less likely to be found out, and I think it would be better if you did this at night. I'm prepared to send others with you if you think you need support. Flying beastmen who also have access to illusion magic, for example, to grant you better vision for scouting. Or healers if you fear being injured.” I paused. “Tell me, honestly, how this sounds to you.”
“I can do it,” Holter said, “and I'd prefer to be alone. If you don't want me to be suspect, being alone will call less attention to me. My vision is quite good as my blood-kin, but I think it would be helpful to scout it after it snows. If there are hidden armies in the mountains, the white background will make them easier to see. How far is Narangar from here?”
I pulled the map of Chairel out of my satchel and laid it as flat as I could on the battlement between us. I slid my finger from Comercio to Narangar. “About the same distance from here as Celendar,” I said. “It took us a moon and a fortnight to travel that distance on foot.”
“A moon and a fortnight...” Holter trailed off, twisted his lips to the side, and looked thoughtful for a moment. “About one hundred and four days. I'll be flying to Narangar and coming back.” He was quiet for a few seconds before saying, “I can get this done in about a fortnight if I come across no difficulties. If I leave tomorrow, I should be back before long. I'm sure it's snowing like crazy in the mountains, so it should be easy to see.”
“It will also be freezing,” I reminded him. “And when you transform back to sleep, you'll have no clothes.”
“I can carry them,” Holter said. “I'll take everything I need in a bag. Food, clothes, blankets. I can make some potions ahead of time in case I need them.”
As humble as Holter was, he could also show such confidence and resolve when it came to doing what was necessary. This reminded me of the other reason I'd called him out here, and I gazed out to the double moon again as I put the map away.
“Prepare for your mission,” I told him. “You can depart either tomorrow or the next day if you're ready. Come find me before you go and we'll get things settled.”
“Okay,” Holter agreed. He cleared his throat before he added, “I'll try not to let you down.”
“How did you like leading my army in battle?” I asked, smiling as I heard the last remnants of a tune as some giants sang together around a campfire far ahead.
Holter gazed over the fields with me, shivering when a cold breeze blew past us and swept the long hair off his neck. “It was terrifying thinking that every decision I made could have devastating consequences,” he admitted. “But I did the best I could. I made the decisions I thought were best. I just had lots of others following my lead. I understand why you get such joy out of leading people. It is intoxicating having thousands heed your judgment.”
I chuckled at his wording. “Ah, so you liked it.”
Holter huffed. “I can be long-winded, sorry. Yes, I did.” There was a hesitation. “How did I do?”
“You tell me.”
“Well, I...I don't know. I was hoping to hear it from you.”
“I won't always be on the field with you, Holter. Even if you report to me, you have to make your own decisions as a general. When you make decisions, you need a reason for them. You'll have successes and failures. The important thing is that you learn from both.” When he was still silent, I asked, “What worked? What didn't?”
“I, uh...” Holter pulled his hand through his hair, removing it from his face. “I ordered the army to move south. I remembered hearing Gwen and Amora talking about Melodi's powers and how awful they were, so I figured moving away from her would be a precaution I could take. That worked. I ordered your alteration mages to shield each other since I couldn't reach everyone. That worked. When our army moved south, Calder and his beastmen blocked us from retreating farther. I didn't want to order them to move since they weren't in my army, but I panicked because Melodi started singing. Calder finally saw me and realized the concern, so he helped.” He hesitated. “I could've thought about our maneuverability better, I suppose. And maybe I should've found Calder to ask him to move instead of freaking out until he saw me.”
“I think you'll make a good general,” I asserted.
“Me?” Holter asked quickly, as if in disbelief.
“No, the person standing behind you.” I laughed softly as Holter actually glanced back to check.
“I just—gods, sorry,” Holter leaned back over the battlement and grabbed at his forehead for support. “I made so many mistakes. I don't know how you can think that.”
“Did you really make that many mistakes? As I said before, all generals have successes and failures. It's how they learn from them that matters. You told me your mistakes. You're aware of them and even offered solutions as to how you could do better without my prompting. That tells me that my own judgment was sound in thinking you would be a good pick.”
“But if you promote me to general, that means I'll share the position with the likes of Azazel and Calder,” Holter said low. “I'll never be able to compare to them.”
“Calder didn't lead an army until we were in Hammerton, and Azazel first led men in Hazarmaveth in 420, when he was one hundred and sixty years old,” I informed him. “All of us have to start somewhere. You are lucky to have this opportunity now while you are young. It gives you time to grow in confidence and improve. If you don't wish to accept the position, let me know. Either way, you'll always be my scout and musician.”
“No, I'll definitely accept,” Holter said quickly. “I just didn't expect this, is all. Thank you, Kai.”
“I'm sorry it took me so long to talk to you. I heard about how worried you've been. I've had a lot on my plate.”
“I understand,” Holter assured me. “You said Nyx told you where to find me, right? Did you talk to her?”
“I did. Briefly. Nyx asked me to come back tonight so that's where I'll go next.”
“Okay, good.” Holter nodded with relief. “Nyx has been worried, too. She keeps putting off talking to you because she doesn't want to bother you.”
An ache clenched my gut. “I hope everything's okay.”
“I think it is,” Holter reassured me. “Nyx has been really introspective since we entered Chairel. She just needs to air things out.”
“Then I suppose I should head back,” I said.
“Yeah,” Holter agreed. “I'll skip out on patrolling tonight. I can get things ready for Narangar. I think Azazel keeps a stock of alchemy ingredients in the castle I can use. I'll give you and Nyx a few hours before I come back.”
I patted him on the back. “Thank you.” Just before I headed toward the steps, I added, “And congratulations, general.”
*
Nyx opened the door after I knocked, and she backed up to let me in. All the men from earlier had left, and she'd done her best to make the room presentable. Nyx kicked the end of the mattress, inviting me to sit.
“I'm afraid of sitting in a puddle,” I commented dryly. Nyx laughed and grabbed a pitcher of ale from a side table, pouring alcohol into two mugs as I carefully sat on the bed. “It reeks of sex in here.”
“It's the best
smell in the world,” Nyx replied, handing me a mug. I took a drink before setting the glass on the end table.
“How'd you get a pitcher in here?” I questioned. “I didn't think they let them out of sight of the bar.”
“Normally, they don't. But I'm a Seran Renegade, so I can do whatever I want.” Nyx brought her own mug over to the other end table before she collapsed onto the bed beside me. Only when she glanced over at me did she see my unamused face, and she burst into laughter. “Don't look at me like that. I'm not sticking you with the bill if I forget to return a pitcher. They know I'm good for it.”
“You're also scatterbrained. You could have only the best intentions, and yet a few weeks from now, I could receive a bill at the castle with a single line that says stolen pitchers in all caps.”
Nyx chuckled. “Just introduce a pitcher tax, bud.” She tapped on her temple as if she'd just come up with a brilliant solution. After I laughed, she said, “I'm just kidding. I don't expect you to clean up after me. If I forget to return some things, I'll take care of it with my own gold.” She sobered and grabbed her mug before taking a swig. “Did Holter get his big promotion?”
“Should I tell you? After receiving big news, I'd assume he couldn't wait to tell you himself.”
“So yes is the answer,” Nyx said with a grin. “Don't worry, Kai. I'll act all surprised when he tells me. What position? General?”
“The very same.”
“Oh, I'll never hear the end of it,” Nyx lamented, lifting up her mug and drinking a few gulps at once.
“Something bothers you,” I commented.
“Uggh,” Nyx groaned, putting her mug onto the table again and leaning back on the bed until her head hit the wall behind it with a thunk. “Have I gotten more sentimental over the years? I can't stand this shit. I want to go back to the days of not caring.” She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled in a rush. “I feel utterly useless, Kai.”
I frowned. After the slam of a door down the hall finished reverberating through the wall, I asked, “Why?”
“I spent three years alone in Eteri after leaving you in a wreck in those highlands,” Nyx began, keeping her eyes closed. “When I came back, you were different. Stronger, hardened, more resolute. I last saw you as a broken and depressed shell of a person, and to be honest, I wasn't sure you would continue with the war. I basically up and quit and suggested you do the same. You didn't. Three years later, you were building an army of volunteers in Tal and setting up the pieces for your kingdom, and I'd accomplished nothing in the same time. I'd always been there for you as a friend because at one time, that's all you needed. And I can do that. I can be a friend. But that's all I can be, and I failed even at that when I abandoned you. The more time goes on, the more useless I feel.”
“I don't understand why you feel so useless,” I said softly. “Yes, you left. Yes, I wish you hadn't. But does it really matter? You came back before we left Eteri for good, and you fight in this war just as much as anyone else.”
“I fight. I fuck. I joke. That's all I can do.” Nyx finally opened her eyes again, looking introspective and forlorn. “You're not the only one who has grown in this war, Kai. Azazel went from a slave who had nothing but sporadic bursts of anger to being the most important Renegade other than you in a couple years. Calder's leading armies and nations and aiding you with Tilda's assassination and his reinforcements. Maggie's working day and night doing important things for you no matter where we are. I'm the one who introduced you to Holter, who I viewed as an attractive but clueless youngling, and now he's leading your armies. I feel like everyone has grown and gained skills in this war, and here I am, running through mud.”
“If you ever want to do more, just ask,” I offered. “I don't want you to think I'm purposefully leaving you out.”
“I don't think that,” Nyx quickly assured me. “I know you're not. You give people responsibilities that make sense. Things they can handle. People who rise in power and importance beneath you are those who are capable and more skilled. You gave me no responsibilities other than what I already do. That says something.” She hesitated. “I'm not used to this, Kai. Like I said, I know how to be a friend. I'm not always good at it, but I try to be. But within a few years, you'll be a queen. You must rely on people who can be more than just friends. This has become painfully obvious to me since our battle here. Everyone else sees you often because they're working with you on this or that. I've barely seen you because I do nothing but party.”
“...I'm sorry.”
“You shouldn't be. I should be sorry. Because I'm in here having parties while you're trying to run a city. But what else can I do? I'm not good at anything else. I'm utterly useless, Kai.”
I was quiet a moment. I understood Nyx's concerns. I weighed my response to her in my head before I replied, “Have you ever considered that you do enough?”
Nyx huffed. “No, because I don't.”
“Some people just have different skill-sets than others, Nyx. All of yours involve combat or entertainment. And that's okay. Lots of people aren't cut out for government or jobs that require daily attention. You've assassinated two gods over the years. You come to my aid when I need it in battle. You're the one who gathered the intel about this city that I needed to develop a plan. That's important. Without information, I'm going into a battle blind.”
“Yes, but anyone could've done that,” Nyx argued. “There are thousands of assassins in Calder's army.”
“Okay, but I'm sure there are thousands of people who could be strategists or generals or scouts if they trained for it, but they aren't in my entourage, so I rely on those who are. Those assassins aren't beside me. You are. When I need to rely on you, I know you can get the job done.”
“But it's rare that you need to rely on me.”
“Does it matter if I know that I can when I need to?”
“I don't know,” Nyx said in a rush. “I guess not.”
“Besides, without you, I'd throw the most pitiful parties.”
Nyx chuckled and glanced over at me with a grin. “Oh, I don't know about that. You'd just throw different parties than I do. Mine revolve around booze and dancing and sex, and yours always end in blood.”
I laughed. “Blood is the quintessential confetti.”
Nyx grinned. “I suppose you're right.” As I took a long drink from my ale, she went on, “Hey, do you remember all the shenanigans we used to get into in Sera?”
I lowered the mug from my face and smiled. “I don't know if I remember all of it. We were little shits.”
“I used to take ale bottles and leave them under that bush just a block or two away from the university courtyard,” Nyx reminisced. “It was funny to me how they were always gone by the next day. You were such an alcoholic.”
“Living with Sirius had that effect on me,” I mused.
“Yeah. As much as I tease Cerin for not drinking, I'm kind of glad you slowed down for him. It used to make you really groggy and depressed.”
“Yet you enabled it,” I pointed out.
Nyx chuckled. “I thought I was helping.”
“Helping me black out,” I said dryly.
“Between that and seeing Sirius's stupid face, blacking out was the better option,” Nyx retorted lightly, and I shrugged because I couldn't disagree. “I'm not looking forward to seeing Sera again. I always thought that city was going to be the death of me.”
“Why?”
“I had such misfortune there. I had assassination contracts in Sera, Narangar, and Brognel, but every time I went to Sera it nearly killed me. I pulled off kills without a hitch in all the others. I don't know what it was about Sera. I never had a politically motivated contract until yours, so it's not like they were all unreasonably hard. Then I show mercy once and am thrown in the dungeon. Figured my luck finally ran out until you and Bjorn freed me. Mercenary work was scarce since nearly everybody there is racist. Then everything happened like it did when we busted Cerin out and I wa
s happy to leave the damn place behind me.”
“I've often felt the same about Sera,” I admitted. “I told Cerin back in Celendar that I'm terrified of losing you both. You're the only ties to it I have left. Everything and everyone else is long gone and buried.”
“Then let's stay out of it and destroy the place with Maggie's cannons.”
I couldn't help but laugh at the unexpected statement. “That would make it too easy for Sirius.”
“True. Speaking of such vile things, I know you want to do the whole fancy bloody vengeance thing on his ass, but if at all possible, can I stab him? Just once?”
I chuckled at her plea. “If circumstances allow, sure. I want to kill him.”
“I wanted to kill mommy dearest, and I did, but you still got to kick her.”
I gave her a mischievous look. “I know. If you go too far, I could always heal his wounds and we can remake them.”
Nyx grinned. “Oh, you naughty, naughty bastard. I like it!” As I laughed, she said, “There's a reason to look forward to Sera.”
Twenty-six
A fire popped and crackled in the hearth of Comercio's royal chambers, giving the large bedroom warmth and an orange glow. My fatigued eyes watched its flames dance at a distance, but my mind was cluttered. Outside, it was below freezing temperatures, indicative of a particularly harsh Dark Star. Inside the castle, however, the fires kept the temperature toasty. I moved one arm beneath the emerald blankets, grabbing at their edges and pulling them down, preparing to get up for the day.
A hand quickly replaced the blankets, warming my bare upper arm. I glanced back, seeing Cerin's smile. His beautiful silver eyes were glassy with sleep. “Don't go,” he pleaded, his naturally rough voice even thicker with fatigue.
