And Gott had eased her pain. Praise Gott! It was a miracle to have peace in her heart again. It was a miracle that Dr. Monroe had even been there, in that back room of the library. Such a lovely twist, the way things happened, but Gott did work in wondrous ways.
Her relief was so sweet, she wanted to share it with Emma.
“You know, Em, you’re welcome to come to the group session, too. It might ease your heart.”
“Mmm.” Emma seemed to be dropping off to sleep. “I’ll think about it, after the funeral.”
On Monday, Dat would be buried in a coffin made by Caleb and Adam King. Dat’s body lay downstairs in the back room, lovingly dressed in a white shirt and trousers sewn by Elsie and Emma. Helping to dress the body had made it very clear to Elsie that he was gone.
“Remember, man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.”
It was the natural ending to life, but knowing that did not quench the sorrow that still flamed in her heart when she thought of losing Dat. Dylan had warned her that he had no magical cure for grief over a loved one.
But he had rid her mind of panic and confusion.
The horrible images of the accident.
Those angry white lights, like giant eyes.
Elsie still remembered every detail, but somehow the memories were not sharp enough to wound her anymore.
She huddled under the covers for warmth. Her bed felt deliciously soft and welcoming. Her heart still ached for Dat, and she asked that Gott bless Fanny, Caleb and Emma, Will and Beth, during this sad time. Elsie missed him already, and dear Fanny … she would have to raise her new baby without a father.
So much grief, and yet now Elsie felt ready to handle it.
That night when she closed her eyes, blessed sleep seeped in, warming her from head to toe like a fat mug of comfort. In this sleep, there was peace, calm, and a glimmer of joy.
That familiar joy that Elsie knew so well, the ability to find delight in a delicate snowflake or the smile of a child.
With her terrible burden lifted, Elsie turned her attention to her dear family. By day, many visitors filled their home as folks stopped in to pay final respects to Thomas. As was the custom, the funeral was being handled by family and friends.
Although there was much activity during the day, there was plenty of quiet time in the evening, and the family turned to knitting or working puzzles to busy the mind while they talked of Dat.
“I’m sorry he didn’t get to see any of us marry,” Emma said.
Elsie kept her eyes on her knitting, not wanting to admit the truth: It wasn’t a disappointment for her, since she would not be getting married.
“Is this your way of telling us you’re engaged to Gabe King?” Caleb asked.
Elsie blinked in wonder that her brother would mention such a thing. Emma and Gabe had kept their romance a secret for years, and though Emma had confided a few details to Elsie, she wasn’t one to talk about it much.
Emma shot Caleb a disapproving look. Though she had just turned twenty, she was wise for her years. “How can I be engaged, when Gabe isn’t even a member of our church?”
“I reckon he’ll be going to the bishop in May to prepare for baptism in the fall.” Caleb sat back in the rocker, stretching his long legs out before him. “Everyone knows that he favors you, Emma. He doesn’t keep a lid on the pot, the way you do.”
“I’ve always liked Gabe King,” Fanny said. “Look at all his family’s been through, with his parents getting killed. They pulled together, the older ones raising the young ones.”
It was Sunday night. A large bowl of popcorn was set out in the middle of the table—their light snack since the church meal had taken up their afternoon. Beth had a prominent purple mustache from drinking grape juice, and Will kept spilling popcorn on the puzzle he and Fanny were putting together.
Elsie put her knitting down to get a wet cloth. “Kumm, dear one.” She beckoned Beth, who squirmed a bit when Elsie wiped her upper lip. “That’s much better.”
Fanny turned a puzzle piece around in her hands, watching the exchange. “All that I just said about the King family? It’s going to be the same around here, I reckon. With Thomas gone, I’m going to need help with the baby. And you three already help with the housework and the little ones.”
“We’re old enough to take on the chores, and the little ones will learn soon enough.” Elsie’s needles clicked as she spoke, such a reassuring little sound.
Fanny paused to make eye contact with each of them: Caleb, Emma, and then Elsie. “I know I’m not your real mother. I’m not even old enough to be Caleb’s mother. But I feel blessed that Gott brought us together as a family. Even when money is tight and the days are full of work and disappointment, I thank the Almighty Father for our family.”
Caleb nodded, the knob on his throat moving as he swallowed.
“We will always look to you as the head of this family,” Emma said. “And I’m grateful Dat had so much love in his life.”
“You brought the light back into his eyes,” Elsie added. “Our family was heartbroken after Mamm died, but you came along and made us whole again.”
“Oh, honey girl, it’s Gott’s love that makes a family whole,” Fanny said. “It’s Gott’s love that has us here today. Heartbroken again; I know that. But still, we are a family.”
It dawned on Elsie that Fanny had been through this before; she’d lost her first husband not long after they married. And after all that, to lose Tom! Elsie marveled at the strength of her faith. Fanny was a tall tree, able to bend in the wind, but still standing tall.
Elsie put her knitting aside and went over to put her arms around Fanny. “Don’t you worry about the little ones. Or the baby. Or the household finances. We’re all here to help.”
Fanny blinked back tears and took a deep breath. “Denki.”
Will looked up from the puzzle. “Now can we stop talking and finish this border, Mamm?”
Everyone chuckled.
“It’s good that you’re a hard worker, my boy,” Fanny said. “Just like your father.”
It was a Plain funeral. The partitions had been removed from the house so that the ministers could be seen from any of the three main rooms. When Elsie saw the crowd of guests seated on the benches, she guessed that there were two hundred people, maybe more. There were ministers visiting from nearby communities, and the town mayor, Nancy Briggs. Rachel sat with her family, but Elsie knew that James would not be here, as he was still in the hospital. George Dornbecker stood at the back beside a woman who Elsie guessed was his wife. Haley was on a bench next to Dylan Monroe, and for a glimmer of a moment Elsie thought what a fine couple they would make. Maybe there was some matchmaking to be done in the future.
The bishop removed his hat—a cue for all the other men to do the same. The solemn mood of the room was comforting somehow. It was as if all the people here cushioned Elsie and her family from the bumpy road ahead of them.
“Our departed brother Thomas left us very suddenly.” Samuel’s eyes appeared owlish behind his glasses. “His bed is empty. His voice will not be heard in this house. He was needed here in our community, but Gott needs good men, too. We cannot wish him back. Instead, we must prepare to follow him.”
As the bishop began to talk about the sin of Adam and Eve, Elsie thought of Mamm. Had Dat joined her in heaven? It hadn’t occurred to her before, but somehow it eased her heart to think of her parents together once again, at least in spirit.
That was the last time this house had seen a funeral—when Mamm died. And we sat in this same spot, Elsie thought. Back then, Bishop Samuel had frightened her, but then she had been only a six-year-old girl, who kept thinking that she would wake up and find Mamm back in the kitchen again. Ya, in her six-year-old way, she had wanted it all to be a bad dream.
But Samuel didn’t scare her anymore. Truly, now that she had gotten back on balance with some good sleep and a calm heart, the fear was fading from her heart.
“Fear
not, for I am with thee.” Gott’s promise from the Bible brought her peace. As long as she had faith, she had nothing to fear.
PART TWO
The Long Way Home
Ye shall be sorrowful,
But your sorrow shall be turned into joy.
—JOHN 16:20
28
In the days and weeks that followed the accident, Haley’s skills blossomed like a winter lily. Maybe it was just a matter of repetition mixed with confidence inspired by the accident, but when Haley was working at the hospital, things fell into place. She learned to balance therapeutic communication with clinical care. She figured out a way to stay on top of her scut work and get her reports done. And Swanson had given her extra credit for using her nursing skills in a trauma situation.
“I’ve seen a marked improvement in the quality and volume of work that you’ve done,” Dr. Swanson had told her during her most recent evaluation. “Honestly, I didn’t think you had it in you, but you’ve brought your grade up to an A.”
“I’m thrilled about the grade,” Haley had told her instructor. “But mostly, I’m excited that I realized nursing is where I want to be. Where I belong.” She rapped a fist against her chest. “I know it in here, and it’s a strong feeling. Did you ever feel that way, Dr. Swanson?”
The older woman touched her chin, eyeing Haley with a look of regret. “Honestly, I still feel that way.”
“Really?”
“Every day.” Dr. Swanson rose from the table and gathered her clipboard. “When that feeling goes away, I’m taking my retirement and moving to Palm Springs. Till then, it’s good to know I’m in the right profession. And I’m happy for you, Haley. That gem of self-discovery is something that can’t be taught by an instructor. Be grateful for it, and enjoy every moment.”
At home, Haley had made peace with her parents, whose patience had worn thin with their daughter’s pattern of switching from one interest to another since high school.
“I’m really proud of the way you took care of those people in the van accident,” her father told her one evening. “From the way everyone’s talking about it, it sounds like triage, like they do on the battlefield in the army.”
Haley shrugged. “It wasn’t quite that intense.”
“But you’re a hero, honey. Way to go.”
Haley looked over at her mother, who nodded over the steaming pot of potatoes she was mashing. “That’s right.”
“Thanks. It’s nice to be appreciated. Seems like I’ve been persona non grata around here for the past few years.”
“I’m sorry if we haven’t given you the support you needed with nursing school,” her dad said, “but really, Haley, we’ve been behind you on so many things that you ended up walking away from. First, you wanted to be a veterinarian. Then there was the cleaning service. And after that, the cooking school, which cost us a lot of money.”
“And don’t forget the wedding,” Mom said. “I know you’re sick of hearing it, but we really did like Graham.”
“Wendy, stop.” Patrick Donovan held a hand up to his wife. “You’re a broken record. Did you like Graham more than you love your own daughter?”
“No, but there was the wedding that we put money—”
“ ’Nuff said about that. The thing is, honey, we want you to succeed like your older sisters. But right now we’re not going to get too excited about any one thing until we can be sure it’s gonna stick. You know what I mean?”
“I get it, Dad. But this is different. It’s where I’m meant to be. You’ll see.”
Her father slid his shoulders back and straightened to his full height. “Honey, I’m seeing it already, and I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks.”
The conversation stayed with her for a few days.
I’m proud of you, Dad had said.
The words resonated in her mind as she drove from class to the hospital, or to Halfway for group sessions led by Dylan. In her dealings with the Amish, she had learned that they believed pride was a bad thing—in the same vein as vanity. Still, she understood her father’s message, but at the same time she realized how her sense of people and culture was expanding through her new bonds with the Amish community.
There was a light dusting of snow on the ground as Haley headed off for group therapy. “Take it slow out there,” her father had advised, and although the dry flakes didn’t seem to be sticking, Haley proceeded with caution. The accident had made her a much more careful driver.
Her radio was tuned in to a popular station, and the deejays kept making jokes about the worst dates they had ever had. In the next segment they interviewed the winners of their Sweetheart Sweepstakes, and Haley realized that it was Valentine’s Day. January had flown by quickly, and now here she was on the most romantic day of the year, and without a sweetheart.
You could have had one. You could have had Graham, she reminded herself, glad that she’d dodged that bullet. What would she be doing now if she had gone through with the wedding? Maybe sitting in a bathrobe and staring at the snow and trying to decide what to make for dinner? Or maybe she would have been sitting in a nail salon, waiting for her pedicure to dry while wondering if she could squeeze a matinee in before Graham got home.
Tall, handsome Graham. That killer smile used to make her go weak in the knees. After the attraction had faded, she had to stop herself from wincing when he smiled. Now … she didn’t think it would bother her anymore, because Graham no longer had power over her.
And life was too short to waste energy on old issues.
Dylan was walking down Halfway’s Main Street as she pulled into the library parking lot. Now there was a man who was attractive, inside and out. Wispy snowflakes clung to the broad shoulders of his jacket and his cheeks were bright from the cold.
In his down jacket and boots, he could have stepped right out of the LL Bean catalog. At the hospital, his good looks still stirred many a heart. Last week, one patient in the ER asked what sort of ailment she had to have to be treated by that doctor.
He paused in front of her car, waiting as she popped open the door. “Hey, you.”
“I just found out that it’s Valentine’s Day,” Haley told him. In their time spent together in group sessions, they had developed an easy banter, but nothing too deep. Whenever she pushed for more information, Dylan had a gentle way of pushing back. “Did you know that?”
“I do have a calendar.” He fished his keys out and opened the back entrance to the library that was used for private sessions. “How could a woman your age not be aware of every girl’s favorite holiday?”
“That’s what happens when it’s all work and no play.” She unzipped her jacket. “But it’s not just a girl’s holiday.”
“As a therapist, I don’t like the emphasis on romance. Valentine’s Day makes people feel like losers if they’re not hooked up with someone.”
“Really?” She considered that as she circled around the big round table to the coffeemaker. “I never felt like a loser. I’m always just … hopeful.”
Dylan nodded. “That’s because you’re a glass-half-full kind of girl.”
She smiled, wondering if that glint in his blue eyes was just the library lights or his version of flirting. “Do you think the Amish celebrate it?”
“I hear that they do, complete with homemade valentines and boxes of chocolates.”
Haley smiled at the thought of a young Amish woman like Rachel gluing a red fabric heart onto a card. “And how about you? Did you send someone a valentine?” She tossed off the question in a cavalier manner, though so much hinged on his response.
“Of course.”
The pace of her heartbeat quickened, until he added, “I mailed one to my mother.”
She grinned and started to measure coffee grounds into the basket. “That’s sweet.” She was tempted to tell him that he was the subject of speculation and longing among the majority of the female staff at work. He probably knew already. But that was the sort of thing a buddy
would say, and she didn’t want to be his “buddy.” She wasn’t ready to rule out other levels of attraction between them, although he wasn’t exactly sending out signals that he was into her.
Their conversation shifted when George Dornbecker entered with a silent nod. In private, Elsie had confided that George normally had a very outgoing personality with a great sense of humor. But since the accident, he’d become quiet and withdrawn.
“At least he’s coming to the sessions,” Dylan had said. “That’s a start.”
Today would be their fourth session together as a group, and in some ways it seemed like a miracle that they’d made it through that long.
The first two sessions had been fraught with emotion. Haley’s eyes misted over when she thought of those early meetings. Dylan had guided them each to talk through their memories of the accident, and the anguish had been difficult to take. Still, it had helped to talk through the horrible details. It was similar to Haley’s experience with the light box; every time the awful story was told, it seemed more distant. It had lost the power to overwhelm them.
In their last session, Dylan had asked them to talk about anything but the accident. That had changed the tone of things, making it more positive when people in the group began looking toward the future. Haley had joined the group out of curiosity and a desire to spend some time with the people she had bonded with, but now she found that she looked forward to these meetings.
By the time Haley had coffee dripping into the pot, Ruben and Elsie had arrived. This location was a quick walk from the Country Store, where they were both working now. Seeing them together, Haley found it hard to believe that they hadn’t been friends all their lives. Ruben was very protective of Elsie, and she obviously respected his opinion and valued his friendship.
“Did you see the snow?” Elsie asked, her face awash in delight.
Of all the passengers in the van, Elsie had earned a special place in Haley’s heart. She was a generous, upbeat young woman with an indomitable spirit ten times the size of her small body. The accident and the death of her father had thrown her into post-traumatic stress, but thank goodness Dylan had helped her find relief in private counseling. Of course, Dylan never mentioned his sessions with individuals, but whenever Haley came to town, she spent an hour or so hanging out in the Country Store, catching up with Elsie and Ruben. In some ways, those two had become her new best friends—she trusted them so completely. She had begun to see that the clothing and cultural differences that separated them were easy to surmount, now that she was getting to know them better.
A Simple Faith Page 16
