“I’m just glad that he can have home healthcare now.” Remy had a professional demeanor about her that belied her Amish clothing and white kapp. “All that time in the rehab facility had to be lonely for a guy who’d never spent even a week away from home.”
“That’s a good point,” Haley agreed. “When you’re not feeling well, there’s no place like home.”
Everyone took a place at the table, where Verena served tea and Edna put out slices of fresh-baked bread with butter, honey, and jam. A certain coziness surrounded them, with the fragrance of baking and the warmth of the glowing stove. Haley sensed contentment here, and she felt honored to be included in this little gathering.
“Now, mind you don’t ruin your appetite,” Edna told the children.
“I can eat and eat and eat some more,” Sam said. “I’m always hungry.”
The women laughed.
“But it’s true,” Remy said, with a fond look at the boy. “I think he’s going through a growth spurt.”
Haley learned through conversation that Remy was an Englisher who had joined the Anabaptist Church and married an Amish man. That was an unusual twist, and it certainly explained the shock of red hair that stood out under her kapp.
“I didn’t know that a person could marry into the Amish faith,” Haley said, giving voice to her thoughts.
“It’s hardly ever done,” Mary explained.
“The bishop did discourage me for a while.” Remy held her mug aloft, her green eyes thoughtful. “The Amish are not looking for people to join the faith. I guess I was the anomaly.”
What had it been like for Remy to have a faith so strong that she would give up all the conveniences of modern life—cell phones and dishwashers and cars—to become Amish?
“I hope I don’t sound nosy,” Haley said. “But what drove you to do what you did? Was it a matter of faith?”
Remy wiped a dab of milk from the table in front of Katie. “I’ll admit, it was love that first hooked me. I fell for my husband, Adam, but I fell in love with his family, too.”
“Which is a very good thing, because Adam came with a large family. Eleven of us in all,” Mary said.
“But in the end, it all boiled down to faith. I had to do some soul-searching to be sure it was the right choice for me.” Remy recalled how she had met with the bishop, who had told her that if she got baptized, there was no going back. He said that joining the Anabaptist Church was not like having an ice-cream cone. “He told me that I couldn’t make vanilla my favorite one month and then move on to chocolate or strawberry.” Remy smiled. “That conversation still sticks with me. I told him: ‘Vanilla it is,’ and we laughed. So now I’m vanilla for life.”
Although the women chuckled, Haley was intrigued by a certain reverence in what Remy was saying. It made her take a look inward at her own faith, meager though it was. She believed in God and she attended a Christian church. She had taught Sunday school and always hoped to go on a ministry overseas, but that was motivated more by the desire to travel than by faith.
So where did she stand with God?
She believed in Him. Definitely. But beyond that … was she chocolate or vanilla or chocolate chip cookie dough? She didn’t have a clue.
Together, Remy and her new husband, Adam, were raising his siblings, of whom Sam and Katie were the youngest. Haley had to keep herself from staring as Remy talked about putting together the charity auction. It was odd to hear a young woman in Amish apparel sounding a bit like a Madison Avenue ad executive.
As the women talked, the underlying love and support came through clearly. Haley looked toward the door, wondering if James was aware of all the people banding together out of concern for him. Did he notice?
That afternoon, as Dylan drove her home, Haley asked how James’s treatment was progressing. “I know you can’t tell me specifics, with doctor-patient confidentiality and everything. It’s just that I feel like he was reaching out to me. He feels trapped, doesn’t he?”
“You’ve got that part right.”
“Did you try the guided imagery with him … or are you allowed to tell me?”
“I can tell you that it doesn’t work in every case. Some patients are not receptive to it. There needs to be a certain level of trust between the therapist and patient.”
“And you’re not there with James yet.” There was no mistaking James’s desire to withdraw; the lack of eye contact and conversation was evidence of his emotional distance.
Dylan gave her a quick look. “You’re pretty insightful for a nursing student.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a little older than the norm. Older and wiser.”
“Gimme a break. You’re a creaky old twenty-two.”
“Sometimes I feel like I’m a hundred and three.” The warm interior of the car held a certain intimacy. She had slipped off her clogs and sat with one leg folded under her. “Especially when I see a young man stuck in a wheelchair with little hope of ever walking again.”
“This job you chose, it’s not always pretty.”
“I know that. But it’s the only job for me.” She looked up and realized that they were at the curb outside her parents’ house. “Do you want to come in?” she asked, not ready to lose his company.
“I should go. We both have things to do. But I wanted to thank you for taking on James. His family appreciates your help, and I’m glad we’ll be working together.”
“Me, too.” She removed her seat belt, leaned toward him, and squeezed his lower arm. “Flannel works for you. Maybe you should go casual at the hospital.”
“Maybe.”
Her fingers were still grazing his arm, and she realized she’d broken through that wall by touching him. Now they were connected, intimately attached. Her face was inches from his, so close she could see a tiny scar on his chin. She reached up and pressed her fingertip to the small half-moon.
“You have a scar,” she said softly.
“I have a lot of scars. That’s one of the few you can see.”
“I can make it better.” Her finger slipped away and she leaned closer to place a kiss on his chin. “See?”
He tipped his face down and suddenly the air between them sparked with electricity as she pressed her lips against his.
The kiss made her pulse thrum happily, a murmur of pleasure that surged from head to toe. She shifted and reached out to him, finding support in soft flannel and strong shoulders. When the kiss deepened, she opened her lips to his gentle pressure. He tasted of coffee and mint gum, bitter and sweet, and she sighed against him, warmed by comfort and joy.
“Mmm.” He ended the kiss, and they both took a breath. “You do have a gift for healing.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” she offered. “I think my dad is here. We could watch a game with him.” Haley did not want to let him go.
“Maybe next time.”
“Okay.” She leaned back. “I’ll let you put me off again. But I want you to know that I’m on to you.”
“Really? So I guess you’re familiar with those bad clichés about not fishing off the company pier? Don’t get your honey where you get your money.”
She winced. “That sounds like something teenage boys would laugh about in a locker room.”
“Still … we work together. I’m in a position of authority over you.”
“Hold on, there. You’re not my boss.”
“No, but … I am a good deal older than you. And I’m a loner. A hermit. You wouldn’t like me if you really got to know me.”
She pressed her lips together and took a deep breath. “I see where this is going. You’re going to make a million excuses and I’m going to knock them all down.”
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I hear you, but … I don’t agree.” Her hand lingered on the door handle. “And I’m not going to take it personally, because I know there’s something between us. You just haven’t admitted it yet.” She hoped that her voice sounded confident, un
like the quivering in her soul. She opened the door to the bracing cold. “Call me when you decide to come back to the human race.”
She stormed into the house. Half an hour later, while crying in the shower, she pressed a fingertip to her swollen lips and wondered about Dylan’s scars. Who had hurt him so much that he had closed himself to love?
He needed healing. She sniffed. So did she.
Dear God, please heal our hearts.
34
All day Saturday, Elsie wondered if he had meant what he said. Would Ruben really shine a light on her window tonight, after everyone else in the house was asleep?
It was a normal courtship ritual for Amish youth, but not having had a boyfriend, Elsie felt a bit out of sorts. Should she warn Fanny, or keep to herself? What about Emma and Caleb? Would they be worried if they heard something stirring in the frozen bushes outside?
Embarrassment flared under her skin, making her blush at the dinner table as Caleb remarked that he wanted a good night’s sleep after working all day on the carriage house.
Oh, if you want to sleep, you’d best pull the covers tight over your eyes, Elsie worried.
“Elsie?” Caleb prodded her, trying to pass the pickled beets. “What’s come over you? Your face is red as these beets.”
“I’m fine.” She passed the bowl on to Fanny and touched the neckline of her dress. It did seem warm in here, especially for a cold February night.
Finally, when she was elbow-deep in the suds of the dinner dishes, she could no longer hold her secret from dear Emma. “I’m just saying, if you hear a strange voice in the house tonight, it’s just Ruben, coming to see me.”
“Ruben? Why’s he coming so late … and on a Saturday?” Emma’s jaw dropped as she cradled a teacup and towel to her breast. “Ruben’s courting you? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Elsie closed her eyes, glad that she was facing away from her sister. “We’re not courting. I mean … we haven’t been.”
“Ya, on account of it being so soon after losing Dat.” Emma’s hand was soft and soothing on Elsie’s shoulder. “I understand, dear one.”
Dat …
Thoughts of Dat and courtship and Ruben flowed over Elsie like rain, mixing and melding into a waterfall of memory. Dat would have been thrilled to think that a young man was coming here to see his Elsie. What had he said that last day, before they’d left Philadelphia?
You need to find a good Amish man and marry.…
Elsie had found a wonderful good Amish man, but that did not change the fact that she could not marry. Not now, not ever.
“I shouldn’t be surprised,” Emma was saying, “with him working side by side with you at the shop every day. The real wonder is that he didn’t take a liking to you sooner.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Elsie slid a plate into the rinse water and looked over her shoulder to make sure Caleb and Fanny weren’t nearby. “I’ve never had a young man come to the house. What if Fanny wakes up?”
“She’ll just roll over and go back to sleep.” Emma gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Trust me. Parents look the other way during rumspringa. Well, for things like this.”
“And where should we go? What will we say?”
“You could go for a walk under the moonlight, but since it’s so cold you should probably have him come in. Bring him up to your room to talk.”
Elsie couldn’t imagine leading Ruben up the narrow staircase to the attic. “In my room?”
“Why do you think Dat finished the attic into two separate rooms for us? When young folks reach rumspringa age, parents want them to have a bit of private space.”
“I don’t feel so good about this.” Elsie shook her head, not ready to spill the details about her feelings for Ruben or her decision to not marry. It was all too much for one night, and it didn’t seem fair to share so many private details with her sister before she talked with Ruben himself.
“Trust me, it will be fine.” Emma rubbed a plate dry. “You and Ruben talk all day long in the store. You told me he’s become a very good friend.”
“That’s true.” She had come to rely on Ruben for his sense of humor, his determination, his gift for reading people, his fierce loyalty.…
“That’s how Gabe and I were … friends first.” A gentle smile lit Emma’s face as the memory carried her off. “It was a sad time for him that first brought us close, with his parents getting killed. Everyone thought Gabe was a real quiet guy, but that boy could talk a blue streak. We’d talk about anything and everything. Our families, my scholars, his cows.” She put the plate away and took another. “It’s good to have a beau who was your friend first. That way you can be friends for life.”
Elsie drew in a worried breath. Emma was so smart and wise, but unfortunately all the wisdom in the world could not save Elsie from her dilemma.
Wind whistled through the hole in the windowpane as Elsie climbed the stool once again to peer outside. Still no sign of him.
She wrapped her black shawl closer around her and yawned. Most nights she was asleep by this time, tucked into her bed under layers of blankets. Although the attic rooms held on to some of the warm air of the day, on windy nights like this, the bedrooms cooled down quickly.
Maybe he wasn’t coming, and she had gotten herself all worked up over nothing. She was thinking about taking off her kapp and unpinning her apron and crawling into bed when she heard the clap of horse’s hooves on the road. The dim lights of a buggy came closer and pulled into their short driveway.
Ruben’s horse and buggy.
His hands were probably frozen on the reins in the open buggy. She pressed closer to the frosted glass, wanting to make sure it was him and not Gabe come to court Emma. She could barely make out the dark figure walking over the frozen lawn. Then, a yellow beam of light bounced on her window, filling her with exhilaration.
Even if courting was not for her, it was a joyous, silly game.
She dashed down the stairs, forgetting to keep her footsteps light in the excitement of it all. Ruben was waiting on the front porch when she threw open the door.
“What took you so long?” he teased.
“I could ask you the same question.” Their words were puffs of steam in the cold night air. “Do you want to come in?”
“I was thinking we could take a ride.” He turned toward the night. “It’s a bit cold, but I have bottles of hot water in the buggy. They do the trick.”
A buggy ride so late at night seemed dangerous and silly and romantic. Elsie liked the idea, and it would save her the odd embarrassment of ushering Ruben into her bedroom. “Let me get a coat and scarf.”
As soon as she stepped outside, cold air swirled around her, seeping through her clothes. Ruben didn’t have a crate for her to use to step into the buggy, but he laced his fingers together and she placed her boot in his palms and he boosted her up, one-two-three, as if she were light as a feather.
Ruben adjusted two fat bottles to warm her legs, then handed her a smaller one to tuck under the lap blanket. “How’s that?”
“Much better. I’m not shivering so much now.”
He chuckled as he took the reins. “Not so much? You never do have the heart to say anything negative. That’s one of the things I like about you. You do see the rainbow in every shower.”
Pleasure washed over her at the thought of Ruben counting the things he liked about her. She had never expected that a young man would ever show her this sort of attention, and despite her resolve, she had to admit that being with Ruben warmed her heart.
“Does your horse mind the cold?” Elsie asked. Living so close to town and not being a farming family, the Lapps had only one horse, which they used for transportation.
“He has a thick coat, and he gets to keep moving. Rascal is fine.” Ruben took a deep breath and tipped his head back. “One of the good things about a cold clear night is that you can see the stars.”
Elsie let her head roll back, and her jaw dropped at the twinkling gem
s that were scattered through the inky blue sky. “So beautiful.”
Ruben pointed out the North Star, then showed her how to find the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper. Together they searched for a river of stars that might be the Milky Way, but neither of them was sure.
The steady clip-clop of Rascal’s hooves lulled Elsie into an easy peace. When Ruben turned to her, his face just inches away, the spark in his eyes nearly took her breath away.
“You must know I like you, Elsie. I knew you before the accident, but when I saw you trying to take care of your dat, the way you let Market Joe and his Lizzy ride to the hospital instead of you, it just opened my eyes to you.”
Her heart thrummed so loud in her ears, she was sure farmers could hear it for miles around.
“I know it’s soon after losing your dat. You’re still wearing black and mourning his loss, and I respect that. But when it’s over, I want to court you, Elsie. I want to be your fella.”
Love and fear and disappointment welled up inside her, causing her eyes to sting with tears. “Oh, Ruben, you deserve a gal so much better than me.”
“There’s no one in the world better than you, Elsie. And we’re right for each other. We belong together.”
“No … I’m sorry, but … Ruben, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’m not a normal girl.”
He nodded. “That’s right. You’re special.”
“I’m a little person. I have a genetic condition that made me short. It made my teeth different … and a few other things.”
“But that doesn’t change who you are inside, Elsie.”
She squeezed his beefy hand, knowing he spoke the truth that so many in the world did not understand. “That’s true, but many people never know the person inside because they get caught up on what they see.”
“You’re just right the way you are,” he said fervently. “And you being a little person, I think it’s made you look straight through to the heart of other people. You’re one of the few people who was willing to look past my wide girth and practical jokes to see the person inside.”
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