“Not something I talk about.”
“I understand.” Her father rarely spoke about his combat experience. She knew better than to ask. The times that details did spill out of him, her mother cried as if she were reliving the fear of having to speak to the chaplain about his death. “Just wondered.”
“My turn.”
She squirmed as he turned his attention to her. She’d rather he gaze that at the turquoise water. “For what?”
“A question about your past.”
“Oh, no. No. I’ll sum up.”
He scowled. “Not fair to you. I only have one question.”
“Fine.” She didn’t really want to give a summary of what she’d done after he’d left. If she left out the juicy bits, her life was boring with college, graduate school, and fellowship. It had been all chemistry all the time, except when she was trying to find just the right chemistry with the opposite sex and failing in the process. She pulled her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. A ridiculous way to armor herself, but she hoped he’d read it correctly.
He shook his head at her. “I give up. Asking about the past isn’t a good idea. I’m going to get you some coffee and something to eat. I had no idea you were this cranky in the morning.”
She rubbed her eyes and caught a whiff of her body odor that mixed with his. She should have showered, too. “That would be because you never saw me in the morning, and I didn’t drink coffee back then. My morning drink was orange juice followed by soda.”
He grimaced. “That’s gross. It’s like sugar on sugar. To make you cheerier, should we find some breakfast somewhere? Or will the delay in getting home cause your world to end?”
“No. It will actually begin.” She’d never thought about rewarding someone with sex for getting her breakfast, but Duff would get some if she were going to stay with him all day. Plus, sex meant she could avoid deeper conversations, which were currently weighing on her too heavily. “There’s a little place on Via de Luna that’s open.” She unfolded from the chair.
“There’s probably more places off the beach.”
“Yes, but I live on the beach, and it makes no sense to do all that driving.” An idea caught her fancy. “Ooo, what about the place at the base of the bridge. There’s a great brunch there.”
“Kirsten, have you looked at us? You’re gorgeous, but we definitely look, and probably smell like, two people who have been going at it all night.” His mouth curled at the last part of the sentence.
She shrugged. “So?”
What did she care? The actual, non-temporary job that started on Monday gave her armor-plating. When she filled in as an adjunct professor, she walked the narrowest path possible, not even going out past a certain time. Her father’s health and the scrutiny of his retired military buddies required it during that year. This morning, after a night of fun, fulfilling sex, seemed like just the time to really be herself.
“You said you needed to be home. Hence, grabbing a breakfast sandwich at the convenience store down the street.”
She shook her head, more at herself than at Duff. Suzy hadn’t worried about her last night. There weren’t any texts or voicemails or emails asking, “Where the hell are you?” That meant that Suzy had her own fun and wouldn’t be thinking about her friend this morning.
“I’ve changed my mind. Let’s get a real breakfast and talk.” She’d probably do all the talking, but being away from the house and the legal papers freed her spirit. She wanted more, like a long walk on the beach.
“Okay, but shower?” He closed the sliding glass door and headed to the bathroom.
“No.” Her hunger had become insistent. She didn’t normally have such energetic nights. “If you can handle the beach, I’ll concede to the questionable pak-a-sak biscuit while we walk.”
Duff laughed. “Pak-a-sak? What’s that, some Southern thing?”
“Yeah, I guess. I don’t know where I picked that up. Shut up. Let’s get food. It would help if you had something here.” She’d kill for yogurt and granola, but when she opened his cabinets, nothing greeted her. Literally nothing, not even a can of soup.
“Cereal, but no milk. What can I say? I’m single. I don’t keep a lot of food around, which is a mistake after a night like we had.” His arms wrapped around her waist.
She leaned into his chest and relished the warmth and strength that radiated from him. She’d missed this comfort, the knowing that no matter what happened a pair of strong arms would be there to give her a hug. She squeezed away the tears that came with the thoughts of her father. He’d been her source of manly comfort, and he’d also been the one who’d denied her the man cradling her.
Doing this, indulging in the fantasy that they could work was wrong, bad for both of them. She couldn’t raise his hopes and then let him crash when she gave the final goodbye. Breakfast only drew out the inevitable. Damn, these words would hurt both of them. She shook her head and twisted out of his arms. “We’ve got to go. I’m close to being bitchy. It might be best if you just dropped me at my house. I live on Ariola.”
His sigh was soft, but she heard it. “You’re still trying to get rid of me.”
“Yes.” She rubbed her face as she searched for the right words. “You have no idea what I’ve been through, and when I’m hungry is not the time to lay it all out there. This is a bad time. I’m still angry at my dad for doing what he did. You aren’t squeaky clean after last night, either.”
Damn, this is too difficult. I still want him, and not for fucking. Oh, mother fucker. “I don’t want to sound like a crazed bitch, Duff. This is too much. Too fast. Let me fucking think. Sex made it easy to push all the emotions aside, but they are boiling right now. I just need to be home and to stare at the water while I deal with it all. I’ve got food there, and no one is going to worry about what I look like.”
“Fine.” He nodded.
She clenched her teeth at his easy agreement. He could have argued with her, given some kind of rebuttal. She would bet he didn’t argue when her father gave his order about her when she was younger. One night and done was proving to be the best decision. “Let’s go.” She yanked open the door after grabbing her purse and headed to the elevator.
He tapped the side of the elevator as it took them down the eight floors to the lobby. When they got to his car, he just sat there, unmoving. “You’re making the wrong choice, Kirsten. I’m not a guy to argue when I know the person won’t listen, so maybe I’m not going to make much of dent. I’m the source of these emotions, and I think I can help you deal with them. I’m willing to patch it up as best as I can. So, get breakfast with me, and follow that up with a walk on the beach.”
She chewed the inside of her lip. Internal processing would be easier, but wrangling with him would be more effective. Then, she could say goodbye with a restful heart. “Okay, but food first.”
“You sound like you’re giving in.”
“I am, but don’t get used to it.”
“I won’t. I like tangling with you.”
She didn’t miss his hidden meaning.
****
Although Duff had mentioned talking, he’d been quiet since they reached the sugar white sands of Pensacola Beach. Even with the chill in the air, they’d both removed their shoes and left them at the end of the boardwalk. Of all the places Duff had been during his time in the Marines, no beach ever made him as content as this one. The turquoise waters added to his happiness, but the memories were at the base of it. He tried pulling one out for her.
“My favorite kiss of all time happened out here.” He motioned with his hand towards the Gulf of Mexico, now calm with only small rolling waves lapping at the shore. “Of course, it was a much stormier day then.”
She gazed at the water. “The water was kind of ugly that day, lots of chop and seaweed. Wasn’t there seaweed?”
“Yep.” She’d asked him to meet her at the beach that day, and he had since he was eager to see her in a bikini. They’d only been o
n four dates at the time and, although he had carnal knowledge of her, he hadn’t truly seen her whole body. When he did get to see her tanned skin contrasting with her light pink strapless bikini with ties at the sides of her hips, he wanted to take her far away from the other flight students in case they thought they’d have a chance with her.
“You were awfully possessive that day.”
“Your fault for looking so damn good in that bathing suit.” That day, he didn’t know which part of her he liked best. Between her flat abs and long legs that ended in small, but round ass cheeks, he felt like he’d won the dating lottery. Along with a gorgeous athletic body, Kirsten had a quick mind, which she proved by discussing aircraft or wave patterns with him and his buddies.
“I hadn’t ever kissed anyone under water.”
He’d carried her into the water that day to cool off and to hide his growing cock. She’d laughed and swam away from him. He’d grabbed her by the foot and pulled her so that her front pressed against his as waves pushed them to and fro. He’d asked her if she’d ever kissed under water. When she’d said yes, he pressed his mouth against hers and ducked under the waves with her, determined to thrill her with his lips and tongue. She matched his intensity and even wrapped her legs around his waist.
When they came up for air, she had admitted, “Not like that, I haven’t.”
A seagull flew overhead and called out and brought him back to the present where a more mature, but still beautiful Kirsten walked beside him. “I wouldn’t have thought less of you if you had said you hadn’t.”
“I didn’t want to seem so young and inexperienced. I wanted to be worldly so you wouldn’t lose interest in me.” She touched him as she made that admission. It shocked him. He’d never considered that she had confidence issues. The differences in their ages meant nothing to him. What she didn’t have in experience, she had in intelligence. His buddies used to joke that he’d become blind and deaf to other women once he met Kirsten.
His leaving must have made her think he had lost interest, which was so far from the truth that he almost laughed. He’d long ago come to terms with the order her father gave. She’d had a few hours to comprehend the situation. Her mind had to be reeling. He knew that commanding officers had to make decisions for the greater good. He’d given a few orders during battle conditions that he wished he hadn’t. Her father had made the best call, and Duff couldn’t argue against it, even if his heart ached that he’d caused her emotional pain. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I can do to make it better.”
“I don’t know that you can.”
“Let me start again, like last night. It’s pretty much how we met the first time, without the staying over all night part. We go out to dinner, movies, parties, or just walks on the beach. Despite the fact that there is no food in my house, I’m a good cook. I’ll make you dinner. Try one more time.” He touched her cheek so that she would look at him. She frowned, and he doubted that the bright light was the reason for her scowl.
“I’m a bit sour on the military right now. You weren’t the only guy in uniform that up and left.”
He shut his eyes for a moment, as if that would keep her words from being true. “No, no. Let’s not talk about that kind of past. Makes me jealous. Let me live in a world where you’ve not let another man touch you the entire time.”
She snorted. “I’m no Penelope.”
“Who?”
“Odysseus’ wife who waited for him as he was off on his long journey. I think he was gone twenty years or so after fighting in Troy? Was it Troy?”
Duff shrugged. “Beats me. I only learned of actual battles.”
She shoved him with her shoulder, enough that he lost balance and got his feet wet. She mouthed oops before adding more to her story. “Anyway, men kept trying to get her to be with them, but she wouldn’t. She stayed faithful.”
He’d managed to get the scowl off her face. That was progress. “Whether you were or not, I’m going to think of you that way.” His stomach roiled with jealousy. His muscles wanted to punch something, get out the aggression. His other relationships he could handle. Hers—not at all. He could imagine it was the man’s face who had touched her.
“If I had been like that, we wouldn’t have had sex in all those different positions last night.”
There was that. “Fine. You can have had at least one other lover.”
“Oh, good lord. Just one? He must have been some kind of sex guru.” She shoved him again, but without much force on the shoulder. “I’m not jealous of any woman you’ve been with.”
“You shouldn’t.” He didn’t have to exaggerate that statement. “None of them ever lasted very long. I am, apparently, a difficult guy to deal with in the long term.”
“Since I’m thirty-one and not married, you could say the same thing about me.”
“Seems the perfect match to me.”
“Or the worst.” The scowl had returned.
Again, her lack of confidence surprised him. He scowled back at her before changing the subject. “Would you have gone with me? To California, I mean.”
“Yes. A thousand times, yes.” She breathed deeply. “My turn to pour it all out.” She covered her face with one hand. With a sigh she continued, “I had the transfer all lined up. I only had three semesters left to graduate. I could’ve done that in the time you were still training.”
He wanted to cry for the lost opportunity, the lost life of discovering each other and growing up with each other. Yet, his heart swelled to know that she’d wanted him back then as much as he’d wanted her. He gulped before asking the question that could make or break his day. “Will you give me a chance now?”
“I don’t know.”
His heart deflated. Why couldn’t she let the past go like he was trying to do? “Kirsten, this is a gift. We have a chance to try again. People don’t get that normally.”
“I know,” she huffed. “Without getting into it too much, because it’s all crazy thoughts and associations in my head, I’m pretty down on the whole moving around thing that you have to do in the military. I had to stop one career to move back here due to my dad’s cancer, and in one part, my father was totally correct. How can both of us do well in what we do? Mine means staying in one place to build a lab, and yours means going here and there. It doesn’t fit.”
“I’m staying put for three years. With the wars winding down, I’m not headed out on deployment any time soon. Hell, I may be downsized. Lots of changes are happening.” He grabbed her hand and stood in front of her, refusing to give up like he once did. “We were amazing once. Let’s try again.”
She looked at him and then her feet. When she lifted her head, a new determination filled her eyes. “Okay, but there’s a test.”
He’d do whatever it took to keep her in his life. As corny as it sounded to him when he said it to her earlier, he did consider this a gift. He had a chance to rectify a mistake. No test was too difficult for him to handle. “Bring it on. I can do it.”
“Oh, Duff, I’m not so sure. I come with some heavy baggage.”
He wouldn’t let her negative attitude deter him. No matter what Kirsten thought of him, he knew he could handle anything. Eleven years might have made her forget what made him special, but he’d show her. After that, she’d understand why he was worth a second chance.
Chapter Six
Kirsten took a deep breath before she got out of Duff’s car that he’d pulled into the driveway of her house. He’d eagerly accepted her challenge without knowing exactly what she proposed. All she’d said was that it required hands-on work and construction skills. What she didn’t tell him was the other person who would be involved.
Duff commented on the raised house her parents had bought five years before when her father decided to retire. “This is a nice house. All yours?”
“Yeah. Dad left it to me in the will he wrote after my mom died. Of course, he also left directions on how to sell it so that I could move to wherever I needed
. You know my dad, career specialist.” Sarcasm seeped out.
“I guess he didn’t think you should stay here and be a professor.”
“I’ve never seen my father so spitting angry when I showed up with all my luggage to help him with the cancer treatments. He yelled at me off and on for an entire day.”
“Holy hell. Really?”
She dug her keys out of her purse and went around the back of the house since she the front steps were in bad shape. Duff needed to know he’d be helping install a new staircase, but she didn’t interrupt the story. “No exaggeration. He calmed down when I told him that I had a part time job and wouldn’t be losing any skills or knowledge. He remained an ungrateful sonofabitch until the last month of his life.”
“He didn’t like you seeing him weak.”
“Probably not. We didn’t discuss it.” She took the last few steps and frowned. The blinds were lowered, which meant that none of the sunshine had warmed the house. Boomer wouldn’t like that. “You sure about helping out with construction today? I shouldn’t have called it a test. It’s not. It’s just that I have to get things done on the weekends with so much of my time during the week being dedicated to the job.”
“Yeah. Did I mention that I work for food?”
“No, but I do have that in the house.” Before she pushed open the door, she said, “Let me call out in case Suzy isn’t dressed. She rents a room from me.” With her head poked inside, she yelled. “No answer. We’re safe.” As soon as she was inside, she raised the blinds and thanked her parents for installing the kind that were sandwiched between panes of glass. “Welcome to my home.”
“I’m embarrassed to live how I do. This is swanky.”
She grinned. The place was filled with leather furniture and decorated with art and items from all the places her father had been in his years in the service. On one wall, a large sculpture of a helicopter hung—a retirement gift. She knew she’d never move it, along with her father’s sword and flight helmet. It was as close to a shrine as anyone could get. “I can’t take credit for it.”
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