by Chunichi
“Yeah, bitch!” My girl Storm answered the phone in her usual snappy tone. “Hey. I need you to come pick my up from the hospital.”
“Girl, why? What happened? Oh shit—you was at the Coliseum! Don’t tell me you were in the middle of that shit. Girl, you a’ight?” Storm spat question after question.
I was not in the mood for explaining at the moment, so I had to think fast.
“We’ll talk as soon as you get here,” I promised. I knew that would guarantee my ride to the Coliseum. The shit a nosy bitch would do for news. The day had been too draining for me. I longed for a hot shower and good night’s sleep.
Once I ended my conversation with Storm, I picked up where I left off with the young lady.
“I feel like I have a certain connection with you. You remind me so much of myself. I know you don’t know me from Eve, so let me introduce myself. I’m Ceazia.” I extended my hand.
“I’m BJ. Nice to meet you, Ceazia.” She shook my hand.
“If you ever need anyone to talk to, please feel free to call me.” I patted her on the back and gave her my number before leaving.
I headed back toward the emergency room. I wanted to say a few words to Snake before leaving, and check on Duke’s well-being.
I entered the waiting area. Snake, along with several other family members and friends, was in the conference room speaking with the doctor.
“Duke has several gunshot wounds to his upper body. We’re prepping him for the operating room now. We expect the surgery to last approximately eight hours. There is a waiting room on the sixth floor. The immediate family can wait there for counsel with the surgeon after the surgery is over.”
The questions began to overflow as soon as the doctor ended his sentence. Snake was still silent, just as before. I wanted so badly to comfort him, but his lady friend stood close by. Rather than disturb the peace, I left the emergency room unnoticed and waited outside for my girlfriend.
CHAPTER 14
BAD NEWS
GINA
Ring, ring ... ring, ring ... ring, ring ...
I was awakened by the constant ringing of the phone. I was shocked at the name I saw on the caller ID. It read: JASMINE SMITH
“Hel-lo!” I yelled into the phone.
I didn’t understand why this bitch would be calling me. I hadn’t called BJ since our falling out. That should’ve been her clue I didn’t have no love for her. She had the nerve to come back defensively.
“I’m not calling you about any beef, Gina—” BJ began to say before I cut her off.
“I know you’re not. You ain’t that damn brave. You got me once, but believe me, bitch, it ain’t over. The next time I see you, that’s your ass!”
After my spill, I gave BJ a chance to speak. I was fired up, and I was ready for any response she could come back with.
“Well, maybe you can beat my ass at Norfolk General Hospital. I thought you might want to know Ray-Ray’s been shot. He’s here at the hospital, and he’s in critical condition.”
That was not a response I’d expected, nor was I prepared for it. A silence fell over the phone as my brain began to race.
This can’t be true. I just spoke to him. He’s fine. This is a game. She’s trying to get back at me. But what if she’s telling the truth? Who would do such a thing? Maybe she had Duke set him up. But I know she wouldn’t do that to her own cousin. What the hell is going on?
My thinking was interrupted by BJ’s cry. “He’s ... he’s ... not going to make it, Gina. He’s not going to make it.”
I could feel the pain in BJ’s voice. My heart sank as she continued to tell me the story of Ray-Ray’s shooting. I wanted so badly to know that this was all just a ploy to hurt me, but I knew this wasn’t a game. She was telling the truth. I began to remember my dream and the shots I’d heard. I hung up the phone immediately. I ran around the house frantically as I grabbed clothes and my purse. I knew exactly where I last placed my mom’s keys, so I grabbed them and headed to her car.
“God, please let this car start. God, please let this car start,” I prayed as I jumped in. A few pumps on the gas, a few bangs on the steering wheel, and a few profanities later, I was on my way to the hospital.
I ran through the emergency room doors and spotted BJ along with her aunt and other family members. My heart was already in the pit of my stomach from the moment I listened to BJ on the phone. After noticing the saddened faces of Ray-Ray’s family, reality set in.
“NOOOOOO” I reamed as BJ’s words repeated in my head. He’s not going to make it ... he’s not going to make it ... he’s not going to make it.
BJ rushed over and grabbed me as the strength left my body, and I collapsed to the floor. “Please tell me he’s fine, BJ. Tell me he’s fine.” I begged her to promise he was still living. I looked at her for a response but she didn’t answer. I grabbed her shirt and began to shake her.
“Do you hear me? I know you hear me, you bitch! Tell me he’s fine. Tell me he’s fine!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.
Again she didn’t respond. She just stood motionless as tears rolled down her face. I ignored her pain and lashed out at her verbally.
“This is all your fault, you bitch! You started this beef!” I blabbed, full of anger.
“How could you say that, Gina? Their beef was behind you and your cheating ways. You’re to blame, bitch! I’m losing a cousin and a boyfriend! What the fuck are you losing?” BJ shot back at me.
“I’m losing a baby father. You’re the reason my child is not going to have a father, BJ!” I yelled in rage.
“You’re pregnant?” BJ said in a soft whisper.
“Yes, I am, and thanks to you I will be a single mom,” I yelled back.
Deep inside, I knew BJ was not at fault, but I had no one else to blame. My life was destroyed. Ray-Ray was the only person left in my life that I trusted.
The people in the emergency room lobby listened as BJ and I argued back and forth. They could only wonder why we had so much anger and why we blamed each other. I looked to my right and noticed Duke’s brother and other family members standing silently as spectators. Looking for anyone to blame, I quickly made them my next target.
“And that’s the family of the murderer! Maybe you should stand over there, BJ!” I shouted while pointing at Duke’s family.
Immediately, people from both families stood up. My crying was interrupted by fear, because the tension quickly thickened in the room. Given the hostile situation, I knew exactly what was next.
No one said a word, but all of a sudden they erupted, and there was a huge fight. Chairs were flying, people were screaming, and many of us were crying beyond control. The hospital security was almost worthless, but good thing the police detectives were handy in calling for back-up. In the meantime, the detectives were in the middle of the chaos, breaking things up in no time. They managed to separate the families with threats of handcuffs and jail time. Once again, police arrived on the scene, we were given ultimatums against what most of us wanted. We were forced to go home if we weren’t members of the victims’ immediate family.
Once home, I thought about the last time Ray-Ray and I spoke. It was breaking my heart as I reflected back to my phone call to Ray-Ray earlier in the day.
When I was awakened from my sleep by the sound of gunshots, it must have been intuition. Ray-Ray was getting shot just at that moment. Then when I called him and heard the words “I love you,” those were his final words to me. Instead of me trusting my man or assuming something must be wrong, I assumed he was cheating. I was angry for no real reason. The last word he may have heard from me was hate. And now he’s gone. Ray-Ray I’m sorry. I love you, baby. I’m carrying our baby, and I know you will always be here through our child.
I cried from the paralyzing pain of the day’s events. The thought of living another day without Ray-Ray was unbearable. I never knew such a terrible day would come. Nothing could’ve ever prepared me for this trauma. Sadly, I had no one I could le
an on. I wanted so badly to go into my mother’s room and crawl into the bed with her, but I knew better than to expect her to understand my hurt. After coming home to tell her about my pregnancy, Ray-Ray’s death, and the drama at the hospital, all my mother was concerned about was her car and the fact I’d taken it without her permission. She also threw out her thoughts on my choices in men.
“You mess with all the wrong guys anyway, Gina. That boy didn’t mean you no good. Whatcha want me to say? And now you done got yourself pregnant, and he ain’t gon’ be around to help you. You shoulda seen it comin’, Gina, ’cause that boy wasn’t nothing but a no-good hustler. Everybody knows that gaming ways only gets a hustler time in jail or the grave. You made your bed hard, now you gon’ have to lay in it. Give me my damn keys, and it better not be a scratch on my car.”
I felt defeated, and was ready to give up on life and love. My first mind was to disrespect my momma by cussing her out and throwing up her bad choices in men, too. Bubba was far from being a saint, and deep down, momma knew he was guilty for raping me. Momma’s words hurt, and I wished she would’ve spared me them at the moment.
Every time I tried to forget about how much betrayal I’d experienced in my young life, something else would happen to keep me on the path of mistrust. I wanted to hate my mother for not being there for me in all my times of need, but my heart wouldn’t let me.
I stayed in my room the rest of the day, unable to sleep. I was weak from crying and not eating. I cried so much my brain began to pound. Although my stomach was empty, I swallowed four extra-strength Tylenols in a desperate attempt for relief. Besides, I was certain taking such a large quantity of pills at one time would place me into the sleeping mode for which I longed. It seemed I made the right decision, because within a matter of minutes, I was off to sleep.
CHAPTER 15
THE CROSSROADS
UNKNOWN MAN
It’s always sad when you lose a young soldier, but that’s life on the streets. Death has no age. I felt sorrier for those two little girls more than anything. It was sad BJ had to lose a cousin and a best friend. And then that chick Gina lost her child’s father. It was fucked up they had to be out there like that, but when you get involved in the game, it’s an eye for an eye situation. No one cares about the losses. They just tryin’ to get you before you get them.
Ray-Ray’s funeral was huge. They really laced the li’l nigga. He had Benz stretch limos, a gold-trimmed casket, and was buried in one of the nicest cemeteries in Virginia Beach. His line of cars leaving the church to the gravesite was at least three miles long. He was really doing it for a young buck. His shit was better than some of the OGs from the hood.
I guess you never know how many people really love you until you gone or on your death bed. I had no idea that li’l nigga had so much love on the streets. Of course, there were at least five chicks there claiming to be his girl. Luckily, Gina was the only one carrying his baby. And his family knew she was the main chick, so she was treated as such. She rode in the limo, sat on the front pew, and all that first lady shit. I was amazed to see her and BJ consoling each other during the funeral. I would think after the hospital drama that they would be at each other’s throats even more than before. It’s crazy how a death can change things in an instant.
I had no idea so many niggas that was supposed to be on Snake’s team was friends with Ray-Ray too. I saw a lot of cats at his funeral that wasn’t supposed to be there. I saw there were a few niggas I would have to keep my eye on. They seemed to be playing both sides of the fence. Things on the streets were about to be ugly.
CHAPTER 16
WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE
BJ
It had been two years since Ray-Ray’s death, and things between Gina and I had not progressed very much. I mean, there was no beef, but we just didn’t have that bond like we used to. The only time I saw her was when she brought the baby over on the weekend and on birthdays and holidays. She looked terrible, and she always seemed depressed. From what I heard, since Ray’s death, she hadn’t even dated anyone. It broke my heart to see her in that condition, and that’s why I was making it my personal duty to repair our friendship.
When the doorbell of grandmother’s house rang, I knew it could only be Gina. She brought the baby over each Friday like clockwork. I was excited to see my little kinfolk.
“Hey, RJ,” I said, giving Ray Jr. a kiss on the cheek.
“He’s been a little cranky today, so he may be sick. I packed some meds for him, two sets of outfits for each day and—”
“Gina, I know the spill. You’ve been bringing him over here, saying the same thing for quite some time now,” I said, cutting her off.
Gina looked at me in amazement, but she didn’t say a word. I wondered what could be going through her mind, but I was used to her not having much to say. I didn’t think it was intentional, though. Gina was just so different than she was before Ray-Ray’s death. I wanted the old Gina back. I tried to hold a conversation with her in an effort to get her to open up like she did back in the day. “So, what have you got planned for this weekend?” I asked as I took RJ from her arms.
“Nothing. Just going to clean the house and get caught up on some things,” she stated, avoiding eye contact with me.
I knew she was lonely, and since it was now my personal duty to get the old Gina back, I invited her to a night out.
“Well, I’ve been invited to a little gathering tonight, and you could come if you like.”
“No. I don’t have any money or anything to wear,” she stated, quickly refusing my offer.
I was ready for her rejection, so I came back with a rebuttal. “No problem. I’ll pay your way, and you can borrow something of mine to wear,” I suggested.
The past couple of years had been lovely for me since Duke had stepped his game up. I had plenty of things she could wear. I even had shit that still had the tags on them. I’d shop for nothing but the best. I owned gear ranging from Gucci to Versace to Luis Vuitton to Chanel. All of my handbags were name brand too.
Gina had seen how clean I could dress, so I knew she figured I had something she’d like to put on. As a matter of fact, I was sure she’d like this new Donna Karan outfit I’d never worn. I described the set to Gina, and then I finally witnessed her face lighting up. However, it was tough convincing Gina to enjoy herself for a change.
“Oh, I don’t know, 13J.” Gina sighed.
“I just would really like to spend some time with you, Gina. I miss you,” I said sincerely as I gave her a small hug.
Amazingly, the hug was all it took to finally put a smile on Gina’s face. When I let her go, her face was more relaxed and she had a pleasant gleam that accompanied her smile. She agreed to hang out with me, so we set plans to meet at her home around eleven. I offered to drive since Duke recently bought me a brand new Acura TL. Gina nodded as she seemed pleased with my offer.
I ran in the house to call Ceazia. I’d been in touch with her since the day I met her at the hospital. Since BJ and I were no longer best friends, Ceazia had become the big sister and best friend I never had. We talked every day, sometimes two or three times a day. I told her everything I was going through, and she told me everything there was to know about living the life as a gangster’s girl.
“Hey, Li’l Momma,” she said just after picking up.
Li’l Momma was a nickname Ceazia had given me. Ceazia said she liked kickin’ it with me because I was really mature for my age, and that she thought of me as a little woman. She started out teasing me by calling me Li’l Momma, but it soon turned into a welcomed compliment.
“Hey, C. Just called to tell you I’ll be at the party tonight, and I’m bringing Gina with me,” I excitedly told her.
“Oh, so you were able to convince her to come, huh? How’d that happen?” she asked.
“I guess it was timing. I was just as shocked as you are now, but needless to say, I’m happy we’re going to be mending our friendship.”
“You know what, Li’l Momma ... I’m glad to hear this about you and Gina. This is what you’ve been wanting, and it’s good to know Gina is finally coming around.”
I’d often told Ceazia how much I missed Gina and wanted our friendship back, so she encouraged me to go out and get it. She was thrilled to know I’d actually achieved the first step. We finished up our conversation and agreed to see each other later.
Next, I called Duke. I was eager to tell him the good news too.
The phone rang continuously. Like every day, I could never reach Duke on the first try. So I tried calling again. And again. And again. That was my final attempt. I dialed up his business phone.
“BJ! This betta be a fucking emergency! You know I don’t want you hitting me up on this line!” he yelled into the phone.
“No, it’s not an emergency, but this is the only way I can contact your ass. I’ve told you over and over again if you don’t answer your phone when I call, it scares me. I have no choice but to think you’re dead or in jail,” I said, leaving out my real thought of him cheating.
“Yeah, and I told you if I don’t answer then I’m obviously busy!”
“Well, with the line of business you’re in, I just can’t assume you’re okay. Just learn to answer the phone, please?” I begged.
“Yeah, okay. What is it, baby? I’m in the middle of some business right now,” he said calmly.
I liked when my man softened up to me just after me begging him for something. I got goosebumps when he called me baby. He knew I liked when he call me sweet pet names.
“Well, I just wanted you to know that I’m going out tonight with Ceazia and Gina,” I said with pride.
“What? What the fuck I tell you about that bitch, Ceazia? And when the hell did you start fucking with Gina again? I know you didn’t call me thinking I’d be happy about hearing this shit,” Duke said angrily.
