All he had to do was leave Grace. That ache behind his ribs expanded. If he didn’t know better, he’d have called it a heartache. But he never followed his heart.
He pulled Grace’s cell phone from his back pocket and handed it to her. Her fingers brushed over his and his breath stalled. It had been the same in the doctor’s office when he’d taken Grace’s hand and listened to the baby’s heartbeat.
He’d disappointed her in the doctor’s reception area. He’d disappoint her again when he left. He struggled to find the right words. Maybe he didn’t need words. Maybe she’d hear him if...
Ethan took her hand, lifted it up to his mouth. Kissed her knuckles. Her palm.
Her fingers curved around his cheek. “Ethan?”
He stopped searching for the words. Stopped thinking about apologies, confessions and wishes inside hearts. He simply leaned toward her—she met him halfway. He covered her mouth with his and poured every mixed-up emotion into the kiss.
He’d stopped two more times on the drive home. Pulled over at a rest stop and drew Grace to him. He discovered he hadn’t said all he’d wanted with that first kiss. It seemed Grace hadn’t either because she’d taken the lead and kissed him at the only stoplight in Falcon Creek. Their kiss extended through three light changes before Ethan drove Grace home.
He’d always considered the phrase floating on cloud nine to be nothing more than a whimsical saying. But now he understood the reference. He stopped his truck in the driveway at the Blackwell Ranch and swore his feet never touched the gravel on the walk to his cabin.
A letter had been jammed in the door frame. Ethan opened it, read the contents and knew then that cloud nine existed. He was living in it.
CHAPTER TWENTY
GIDDY WAS THE last word anyone would ever use to describe Grace. But that was the only word she could come up with for whatever boomeranged through her and woke her up with a wide, wide smile that morning.
Yesterday, she’d felt Ethan’s tremor and his joy at hearing the baby’s heartbeat. She’d watched his eyes get glassy at the ultrasound picture. He’d reached for her in the doctor’s office. He hadn’t let go.
Then he’d reached for her again inside his truck. That hadn’t been baby-induced. He’d kissed Grace. Grace—the woman.
He’d told her sister that love was impossible, though she was sure she’d experienced it in his kiss. In the gentle way he’d cupped her face. In the quiet of the truck when he’d simply held her hand, his thumb caressing her palm.
For now, that was enough. In time she hoped he’d realize what was in his heart. She touched her lips and slipped into her office chair. She might be giddy, but she was still clearheaded enough to work. If she hummed while updating spreadsheets, there was no one to hear her.
Two spreadsheets, monthly P&Ls and one Sarah Ashley crisis later, Ethan strode into her office.
That giddy exploded back through Grace enough to push her out of her office chair. She wanted to be near him. In his arms. Next to him. Grace walked around her desk. “I thought you were busy until lunch.”
“This couldn’t wait.” Ethan tugged her into his embrace and stole her breath. The same as he’d done in Dr. Wilder’s parking lot yesterday. And at the rest stop. And the same as she’d done to him at the stoplight.
Grace gave herself over to the moment. To Ethan and to all the unspoken truths. “I could get used to this kind of greeting.”
“Me too.” Ethan traced his finger down her cheek and tipped her chin up for another, softer, but no less intense, kiss. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”
“I’m not complaining.” She curled her fingers in his hair and stayed pressed against him. “If only this was all we had scheduled for the day.”
“What if I told you that I have a place where we could be alone without interruption?” One side of his mouth kicked up.
“I’d tell you to get out your car keys while I grab my purse.” She wanted to be that spontaneous. That free. With Ethan, it was possible.
He tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’s sort of a long drive.”
“We’ll be together.” Everything was better. Brighter with Ethan beside her.
“That is what we want, right? To be together.” His hands settled on her waist. He pulled back to look in her eyes as if he searched for some hidden secret. His voice was earnest, almost a plea. “Tell me I haven’t misread this?”
She prayed she hadn’t misread this either. Prayed the giddiness would stick around for a while. Hoped Ethan would too. “I want to be with you.”
“Me too.” He set his forehead against hers and inhaled, his hold relaxing, but sticking. As if he meant to stick too. He asked, “Would you rather drive or fly to Kentucky?”
Grace leaned back to search his face. She’d thought he’d meant a cabin at the Blackwell Ranch. A drive to the Rockies. Or a trip to Billings and their park bench. Not another state. Her giddiness vanished. “Kentucky?”
He held her face in both hands. Joy spun through his gaze and curled into his voice. “I’ve been asked to join one of the premier equine rehabilitation facilities in the nation.” He pulled an envelope out of his back pocket. “Dr. Gaither sent me a personal invitation.”
“Kentucky?” Grace repeated. She couldn’t seem to move on from that one word. That one place. But she did step away from Ethan.
“The letter arrived last night. I barely slept.” He waved the envelope between them. Pride and amazement were splashed across his face. “Invites like these are rare. The odds are worse than winning the super lottery. And for one to be extended to a recent graduate—it is unheard of. It’s incredible. Unbelievable.”
Reality engulfed Grace like a cold January wind. “Is it genuine?”
“I love your practical side.” He laughed. “I thought the same thing too.”
She wanted to weep. Their thoughts were not the same. Not even close.
Ethan rattled on. “I spoke to Dr. Gaither on my way here. It’s very genuine. It’s everything I spent years working for. It’s everything I’ve wanted.”
Grace’s splintering heart rattled too. But he’d wanted to be with her. Only minutes ago. “That is incredible. Congratulations.” How she’d managed that without the tiniest hitch in her voice, she couldn’t say.
“I can build my career and our lives in Kentucky.” He squeezed her shoulders as if to celebrate.
Grace should have known better than to stray into fantasyland. Coming back always hurt more. “I can’t move to Kentucky, Ethan.”
“Sure you can.” He reached for her. “You told me you wanted to be with me.”
She shook her head, holding the tears back inside her. Those were for later. Right now, she had to be brave. This was her heart on the line.
“You meant if it was here. In Falcon Creek.” He stuck his hands in his hair and pulled as if he’d been the stupid one. “On your terms.”
“My life is here. My family. My business that I’m building.” Grace retreated. “You’re asking me to give all that up for what?”
“For us.”
“But what are we, Ethan?”
“We’re having a baby together.”
“That’s not enough anymore.”
“Anymore.” Confusion tinged his words, but a cool distance had already shifted into his gaze. He stepped back, retreating as well. “What does that mean?”
“Two weeks ago, I would’ve settled for anything you could give me. I would’ve gone anywhere you asked.” She would’ve taken anything he could give, but then she’d seen him with his nieces and his family. With the animals. With Pops and the locals. So much love, so much affection. She wasn’t wrong to want that too. She wanted to love him. She wanted to be loved in return.
“But now?” he asked.
“Now I want it all.” Ironic that he’d given her the confidence not to se
ttle for less than she deserved. “I want everything.”
“You want the world.” His voice dropped to a whisper, but his resentment crashed through the room.
“I want the impossible, Ethan.” Grace closed her eyes, unable to watch Ethan pull away. “Can you give me that?”
Silence shuddered into the small office like that eerie moment just before the pristine snow cracked and the avalanche swept down the winter hillside.
Grace opened her eyes, settled her focus on Ethan and her heart. “Do you love me?”
“I want to be with you. Isn’t that enough?”
“No.” Maybe she was cruel to demand the words. Maybe she’d regret her courage later. But Ethan denied her the best part of himself. The only part she wanted. He’d take her to Kentucky, but he’d never give her his heart. “But you already know it isn’t enough. You knew I wouldn’t go with you. You don’t want me to go.”
He crammed his hands into his pockets and watched her, his face blank. He didn’t argue. Didn’t defend himself. “I have to take this job. It’ll launch my career. I can support the baby now. I can finally get out of debt. Finally have something to offer you.”
She would’ve helped him out if he’d asked for finances or support. She would’ve been his partner if he’d wanted. “The best part is that you can run to Kentucky with your heart still intact, never having opened yourself up completely.”
“That’s not fair.”
It wasn’t fair to love alone. It wasn’t fair that he wanted her to love enough for both of them. “You’ve locked yourself away from your family and your home and refused to love. That way you won’t get hurt. You won’t suffer like you did when you lost your parents.”
He rocked back as if she’d shoved him. “This isn’t about my parents.”
“This is about not living your life to the fullest. It’s about always holding yourself back.” Grace wasn’t holding back now. The mouse had discovered her roar. She should thank him. “But there’ll be pain and loss here, in Kentucky or anywhere you run to. The thing is, it’s the love shared and the love remembered that cradles any future heartache. We have to love and live for the moments now so that we have memories to carry us through later.”
“My moment now is in Kentucky.”
“And my life is here.” Grace straightened.
“So this is it.” He looked away from her, stepped forward, then back.
“This is it.”
He nodded, opened the door and turned. “I’ll send a check each month for the baby.”
Then he was gone. And Grace wept.
* * *
SARAH ASHLEY OPENED Grace’s door. “Grace, didn’t you hear...”
Grace never lifted her head from her desk. Just let her tears continue to leak onto the metal beneath her cheek. The door clicked shut and Grace struggled to find the off button on her emotions.
Ethan had walked out. She’d risked it all. Told him what her heart wanted. And he’d walked away. Left her alone. Alone. She was always alone.
She wanted to rage at the world. Yank the file boxes off the shelves. Rip apart the inventory. Lash out and scream. She wanted to vent and yell and curse.
But she ached. She ached so deep inside her that she couldn’t move from the pain. The pain of a shattered heart was what finally broke Grace.
Her sister slipped back into her office. She set a large cup of tea on the corner of the desk along with a box of tissues. Then Sarah Ashley wrapped her arm around Grace’s shoulders and held her. A one-sided hug that offered comfort and support. That asked nothing in return. That expected nothing in return.
Grace curled into her sister and held on.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
SEVERAL DAYS LATER, Ethan swung an ax against a tree stump. Over and over until the stump split apart. Split apart like his heart.
“I think you killed it,” a deep voice said from behind him.
Ethan spun around and glared at Randy Frye. Even hacking a stump in two hadn’t dulled the ache inside him. Ethan was beginning to think nothing was going to. “Randy, what can I do for you?”
“I’ve got a certified delivery.” Randy smacked a letter against his meaty palm. “Signature required.”
Ethan stilled. The last letter he’d received had been his offer letter to join Dr. Gaither’s equine rehabilitation center. That particular letter hadn’t worked out anything like he’d expected. “Does it have a return address?”
Randy turned the letter over. “Only initials and a PO box.”
Ethan never reached for the envelope. “What happens if I don’t accept delivery?”
“Do you mean you don’t want to sign?” Randy scratched his fingers through his thick beard.
“That is exactly what I mean.” If he hadn’t gotten the other letter, he wouldn’t have had to make a choice between his career and Grace. He didn’t want to be forced to make another choice he might regret.
Randy’s fingers stilled. “You’d be the first person not to sign. People like to get mail.”
Not everybody. Not Ethan. “Can you write undeliverable and return the letter to the sender?”
“But I’m delivering it to you.” Randy set his hands on his hips and stared at Ethan as if Ethan was trying to scam him. “You’re right here in front of me.”
He knew he should’ve taken the ATV out to the south pasture. He’d have been alone with nothing but miles and miles of fencing. “I don’t have a pen.”
Randy patted his shirt pocket and smiled. “Always carry one with me.”
“That’s convenient,” Ethan said drily.
“You’d be surprised how many people never have a writing instrument on them.” Randy shrugged as if he couldn’t imagine not walking around with a working writing instrument.
No, Ethan wouldn’t be surprised. Because those same people didn’t want to accept their certified letters either. Ethan signed for the large envelope and watched Randy amble back to his mail truck. He considered tossing the envelope under the wheels of Randy’s mail truck, but he assumed Randy would only stop and rescue the letter for him.
Ethan leaned his ax against the barn and opened the letter. Just the scrolled italic lettering on the top of the white paper convinced him he should’ve walked away from Randy.
The title of Falcon County Court Summons convinced him that he should’ve stomped Randy’s pen into the mud instead of signing the green certified card.
But the paragraph listing Double T versus The Blackwell Ranch in the matter of water rights convinced him that he had to beg Judge Myrna Edwards for mercy.
Double T was Rachel Thompson’s family’s ranch and the Blackwell Ranch’s neighbor. He’d been in Rachel’s office last week with Grace. She’d greeted him like a longtime acquaintance and advised him like trusted counsel. He’d even stopped in the following day with coffee and fresh pastries as a thank-you for getting him an appointment with Judge Edwards. Yet she’d never given him a heads-up or a simple “by the way.” She’d never even hinted that she’d be seeing him at the Falcon County Courthouse for their court hearing in less than a week. A court hearing to reverse the water rights back to the Double T Ranch for both the river and the aquifer that ran underneath the pasture split by the property line between the two ranches. Water rights that had been given to the Blackwell Ranch years ago after Big E and Ben had argued and won the case.
That was the last time he’d bring Rachel coffee, even if she was struggling as a caretaker of her family’s ranch and her mother. He’d save the coffee and the pastries for Judge Edwards.
Surely Judge Edwards would offer some leniency. He’d advised her on Spike’s condition and visited her house to help her understand how to care for a blind dog. Showed her how to use carpet runners as guides and helped her dog-proof every room, even the outside porch. He’d brought Spike a fountain water bowl,
explaining the bubbling noise would guide Spike to his water. That all had to count for something.
He called the Falcon County Courthouse on his walk back to Cabin Six. His luck seemed to have turned. He had an appointment for nine o’clock the next morning with Judge Edwards. He only had to get through the night.
Unfortunately, his move from Cabin Six to the main house because guests were arriving cut into several hours between searching for the least offensive bedroom (turned out to be Jon’s old room), reassuring Pixie and Coconut that their new home was safe and moving his bags. Those he’d tossed in the corner, still zipped as he intended to leave for Kentucky once he worked a deal with Myrna Edwards. He’d spent most of the night staring at the rhinestone-studded ceiling fan blades, listening to Pixie on her wheel and trying not to think about Grace. He’d failed and fallen asleep reliving their afternoon at the park in Billings.
The next morning, Ethan turned the key in his truck ignition and cursed. Thanks to a dead cell phone, his alarm hadn’t gone off and now he was running late for his appointment with Judge Edwards. And his truck refused to cooperate.
It was official: luck had abandoned Ethan. Or simply lost track of him. No doubt luck couldn’t locate him with all the bling and mirrors covering the walls and furniture in Jon’s old childhood room.
He tried the key again. Nothing. Judge Edwards wouldn’t abide by tardiness. Jon wouldn’t be able to get there in time to loan him a vehicle. That left Katie. He’d owe her for this one. Big time.
After several heated negotiations and Ethan’s agreement to deal with the septic tanks, Katie handed over the keys to her truck. Ethan sped down the highway and raced for Livingston and Judge Edwards’s chambers.
Judge Edwards glared at him over the tops of her glasses and pointed at the clock on the mantel. “You wasted ten minutes of your thirty-minute audience by arriving late.”
“I had truck issues,” Ethan said.
“The Blackwell Ranch has several tractors.” Judge Edwards frowned at his wrinkled shirt and dust-coated jeans. “You would’ve taken one of those if you’d been serious about respecting my time.”
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