by Evie Harper
Chapter Fourteen
Dom
The sun wakes me up as the heat warms the right side of my face. I stretch my head to look behind me and see if Della is still sleeping, but I don’t see her anywhere or her mattress. I push up onto my elbow and suddenly notice Della is right beside me. Surprise vibrates through me when I realize that Della moved her bed closer to mine. She's lying on her back with her soft-as-silk blonde hair spread out over her blue pillow. Her left casted hand rests against her chest, and her right is stretched out with her hand lying on my mattress. She’s a vision, even in one of Abi’s sleep shirts, which is covered in snoozing sheep. While staring down at her soft, smooth palm, an overwhelming need to touch her begins to swirl inside me. Just a small touch, an inch.
Gently, I run a finger down her pinkie and before I know what I’m doing, I make a circle in her palm, repeatedly, tenderly. I haven’t seen Della sleep this peacefully since I was last in a bed with her.
We’d clashed together; desire, passion and hunger all exploding at the same time. We couldn’t bear the pretenses any longer, and I couldn’t not be inside her for another second. Leading up to seeing Della that day, I’d known, down to my bones, I wouldn’t be able to walk out of her house without telling her I loved her. I'd known what she’d done to Jae, but I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t get any of that out beforehand, though; everything happened so quickly. Words weren’t needed or wanted, only touches and moans of pleasure.
Afterward, we’d lain beside each other, and I'd told her how much I loved her as she drifted off to sleep, just like she is now. That’s the only promise I could make her because I knew I had a long road ahead of me after opening my mouth to Lucini. But I thought whatever came at us, we’d be able to overcome. After all, I’d only told Lucini Della's name. It had been dropped in a conversation but no specifics. When Della told me what Jae did to her, my gut had churned, bile rose, and I'd almost lost my breakfast all over her kitchen counter. It was as if the four corners of the world slammed into me all at once and everything finally made sense. I’d wanted to kill Jae myself, with my bare hands, but he wasn’t alive for me to take my anger out on. I’d wanted to throat punch Slater for all the lies when he'd promised me nothing but the truth. Then it struck me; I had Della's out with Lucini. Jae raped her; he'd deserved to die. Lucini would do worse to the man who dared touch his own daughters. He’d understand.
How foolish I was. I'd handed Della to him on a silver platter. Lucini doesn’t give a fuck about anyone outside his own family. I’d destroyed everything we built that day, not only in my actions prior, but the way I left her; the ugly words I’d said when she wouldn’t let me go without an explanation. I knew the minute I told her what I’d done, we’d be over. She’d never want anything to do with me again. I'd panicked. I had to leave and fix my colossal mistake. I’d hoped that if I came back victorious, she’d understand and forgive me for the words I’d never meant. I wish I knew then that it didn’t matter what I did, nothing was changing our fate.
God, she’s beautiful, even with her disappearing dark circles under her eyes. She’s slept the last two nights, not once crying out for help in her sleep. It might be Abi wearing her out in the kitchen, which is causing her to sleep more deeply or having happier dreams. I wish it were me who gave that to her.
Ever since meeting Abi and Jared two days ago, Della has changed somewhat. She’s laughing, making jokes and walking with a bounce in her step. That’s the Della I know and love. The person she was becoming scared the fuck out of me. Not just because I would lose her for good, but because living without being herself, unfeeling and alone, would have been a slow death sentence for her. Della deserves so much more. Better than the life she was given and the life she has now. Better than me, but I’m a selfish man, and I’m not giving her up.
“Good morning,” Della says sleepily, surprising me.
My finger, which is still drawing circles on her palm, freezes. Our eyes lock and every sensation I felt that day at her house comes rushing back to me. I ache for you. They’re the words I wish I could say aloud to her. Instead, I act out what I was just preaching and continue to be patient, praying Della will come back to me willingly, on her own one day. “Morning,” I say, my voice coming out thick and husky.
Della doesn’t look away like I’ve become accustomed to her doing recently. Instead, her stare is hypnotizing, unmoving and confusing. She licks her lips, and I take that as a sign to lean in toward her. Della lifts her head to meet me halfway, and my heart pounds brutally against my chest at the thought of what this could mean.
Two loud bangs cause us both to swing our heads quickly to the barn doors. “Birds are chirping, boy. That means the day has started. Let's get started.”
Della and I look back to each other. Almost immediately she glances away, and I know I’ve lost her again.
“I’m going to go in for a shower,” Della stammers as she stands and collects her bag.
Unable to watch her leave, I sit up on my mattress, elbows leaning on my bent knees and I hang my head in my hands. Fuck. I crave her. I’ll always want Della, but it’s getting to the point where I physically need her. And I’m not talking about my balls growing tight and uncomfortable whenever I’m around her. I mean my heart and soul is desperate to merge with its other half again.
All of a sudden, my mattress moves and warm petite hands cup my cheeks. Della pulls my face up to meet hers. “I promise the love we made will not be forgotten. You’ve been my lighthouse in the dark. I’m slowly waking up, reclaiming what I lost, and I swear, I won’t let what we have fade away.”
She leans in and kisses me. Seconds pass before what she said and what she’s doing sinks in, but when I catch up, my arms immediately wrap around her waist, and I kiss Della as if she’s stealing my last breath. The world falls away, and all that’s left is us. Della leans her head to the other side and I rest my hand under her ear, my thumb caressing her cheek as we slow the kiss down. When we hear the familiar rumble of Benny’s truck, we pull apart, each of us breathing heavily, leaning on the other.
Della rests her head on my shoulder and speaks softly into my ear. “I promise to fight for us as hard as you have. Please keep being patient with me and most of all, please, I beg you, don’t hurt me again.” And with those last words, she’s up and climbing down the ladder, leaving scars across my heart from the desperate plea in her voice.
I swear I’ll continue to fight every day and I’ll treat you better than any other man ever could.
***
Della
While I load a wooden platter with pulled-pork rolls, Jared yells to Dom from the back door. “Dom, head in for some lunch.”
Peeking outside through the kitchen window, I watch as Dom stops midstep, corn seed bag in hand, and nods. He’s been unloading Jared's corn seed bags onto a pallet jack to store in the barn almost all morning.
Dom throws the bag down, and I’m just about to get back to the pork rolls when Dom pulls up the bottom of his white T-shirt with one gloved hand and uses it to wipe the sweat away from his glistening forehead. A flush of warmth spreads through me as his abs contract with the movement. The shine of sweat covering his stomach reveals how defined and fit he is. I knew that. I’ve felt his naked muscular body above me before, but seeing it under the bright sunlight with a glossy glint, I don't think I cherished the time I had him in my bed enough. My cervix contracts all on its own and I clench, desperate for Dom to offer me some friction, a release.
“My Jared used to look like that.” Jumping with surprise, I knock over the nearby salt and pepper shakers. Hand over my heart and gasping for breath, Abi doesn’t take any notice of my reaction. “I’d stand here morning till noon watching Jared working out there. Why do you think I’m such a good cook?” She grins.
Laughter explodes from between my lips as I pick up the salt and pepper shakers. Abi takes the platter and sits at the table with Jared, who looks deep in thought as he reads the newspaper.
<
br /> I’m pulling out a chair as Dom walks in, pulling off his gloves. I sense my cheeks heat up, not only from my thoughts moments ago, but from our kiss this morning. I’ve had sex with this man yet I’m blushing from a kiss!
“I’ll just go wash up,” Dom informs us all. I nod stiffly, and Abi smiles at him. Gah! What’s wrong with me?
“I haven’t had young, awkward lovers in my house since Jacob was a teenager.” Abi chuckles and I drop my head to the table in embarrassment and knock it twice hoping to wake my brain up.
Lunch isn’t as awkward as I worried it might be. Abi and Jared keep the conversation going, as they have for the past two days. They’ve asked us questions that range from our favorite movies to our families’ names and what we do for jobs back home. I tell them everything except about Pacer; I leave out one brother. Dom talks about his parents today, telling stories about them. The love he has for his parents is evident in the way he speaks and how much he wanted to talk about them to Abi and Jared.
We also talk about Benny, the mechanic helping us fix the Dodge. He was working on the car all day yesterday, pulling it apart and figuring out what needed to be fixed and what parts had to be ordered. He was back this morning to fit the parts he’d had spares of in his workshop and informed us that two other parts had to be ordered. We’re looking at a one, possibly two week wait on them. I rang Slater from Doms phone straight after hearing the news and told him the parts for the car would take at least a week to get to us. He was furious. I knew he would be. Again, he demanded to know where I was and that he would drive the parts to us himself. Our workshop probably does hold everything we need, but I know not just Slater would come, all of my brothers would and I can’t do that to Abi, Jared or Pacer. If I thought for a second I could control my brothers and ask just Slater to come, I would do it in a heartbeat. Because each day Dom and I spend here, the more danger Abi and Jared are placed in. But my brothers don’t listen to anyone; they go headfirst into situations without much thought, thinking they’re doing what's best.
Jared finishes eating first. He stands from the table leaving his plate there and announces he is off to his friend's farm to pick up the pony he and Abi have purchased for their granddaughter for when she comes and visits them.
Jacob and his family used to live here on the farm with Abi and Jared. Jacob helped work the farm and wanted to take over when Jared retired. However, when Jacob died, Sophie couldn’t bear to stay. She needed a fresh start where not everything reminded her of her lost husband, so she moved with Ava to Marion County, where her sister lives.
Losing their second son and having their granddaughter three hours away, Abi and Jared both gave up on the farm. I think on life for a while there as well.
Dom asked Jared if he wanted help getting the farm back on track while we were here. Jared's eyes had lit up at the offer. He wanted the help, maybe even needed it, as the farm must be their only source of income. It was just too much to do it all on his own. He thanked Dom and shook his hand and they started making plans.
Last night while trying to go to sleep, Dom told me what he’d learned about farming corn. He also explained that we wouldn’t be here long enough to help Abi and Jared with it all. What was the point of starting if Abi and Jared couldn’t finish it on their own? Fall was still two months away, and that’s when seeding would need to take place. Dom then explained he was going to come back once a month for a week and continue helping Jared until they had money coming in again and Jared could afford to hire a farm hand. I was speechless. When Dom offered to help Jared, I was blown away and proud of him. But my brain had trouble computing how this selfless man was the same person who hurt me. How did the two different sides complete one person?
Dom picks up his plate and stands from the table. “Put that down,” Abi scolds, pointing at his plate. “You’ll leave me with nothing to do if you clean up after yourself.”
Dom and I grin. This is so far removed from what we’re used to that all we can do is laugh about it with each other and appreciate it for as long as it lasts. He places his plate back down and thanks Abi and me for the meal. He pulls his gloves back on and walks out the back door.
“He’s a good man that one. Might have made some mistakes but he’s still here. Do you want to tell me what’s holding you back?” Abi asks as I help clear the table.
“I trust Dom,” I blurt out. Again, Abi pulls my most secret thoughts from my lips. I tell her how I stayed awake for hours last night after Dom told me of his plans to help with the farm. Abi nods her understanding as Dom advised them both this morning that he’d be returning to help them until they got back on their feet. I think that’s why Jared started calling Dom by his name and not "boy" anymore; he proved himself as a man, someone of worth. I reveal to Abi that at first, I felt anger. That Dom could help others and hurt me. Then I’d felt guilty because he had helped me tremendously since leaving Portland. I explained that after hours of lying awake, I’d finally understood I was holding onto anger that didn’t belong there anymore. I’d combined all my hurts into one and if one lived, so did they all.
“It’s a dangerous cycle, fear and hatred. However, trust an old woman, they don’t last. It takes too much of a toll on the soul. Soon enough everyone has to choose between the exhausting loneliness and anger or to start allowing people back in and begin living again. Sounds to me like you’ve chosen life.”
“I have,” I whisper.
“Can’t hear you,” Abi shouts all of a sudden and points to her ear. “My hearing is almost as bad as Jared's jokes.”
Clearing my throat as we walk to the sink, I speak clearer, “I have.”
“No, still can’t hear you,” Abi states, her voice getting louder as she places the plates in the hot water.
“I choose life!” I yell and end with a laugh thinking I’d feel ridiculous, but I don’t. I feel the opposite. Saying that out loud felt good. Actually, it felt great. My chest feels lighter and my breathing comes easier.
Abi turns to me with a knowing smirk. “Whispers are for the weak and you, my girl, are anything but.”
A sensation of weightlessness comes over me, but it's short lived when I remember how I’ve treated Dom. “I’m ashamed of how weak and lost I became. I wish Dom didn’t see me fall so low.”
“I’ve never met a person who isn’t flawed or broken, either by insecurities, sadness, or heartbreak. You’re as broken as you are special, young lady.” Abi addresses me with a tone as if I’m in trouble, and my smile returns. “You view yourself as weak, but all Dom sees in you is courage.”
Does he? “I hurt him just to spite him. I’m not sure that shows much courage,” I confess with a frown.
“That boy looks at you as if the sun rises and falls only from your very eyes.” Abi glances at me and pauses washing the dishes. She dries her hands and turns to face me. “Life has a dark side and for some, there’s no escaping it. There is no rhyme nor reason. There is only life. Don’t forget to look for the good, especially when you fall down.”
My chin trembles. “I always thought it was because God had forgotten all about me and my brothers.”
Abigail’s eyes glass over and her soft, wrinkled hands cup my face. “Or he took extra care creating you all.” Her voice is strong and penetrating. “Making sure you had the strength you needed to get through what lay ahead. That’s what my Mason had, strength because God made sure he was prepared.”
Abi turns back to the dishes and before dipping her hands back into the water, she lifts her right hand and shakes her finger in the air. “God only sends his best angels into the dark.”
Chapter Fifteen
Della
Swinging in a tree seat Jared built for his granddaughter years ago, I stare out at the vast cornfield as the sun's yellow tones turn a bright gold while it sinks below the horizon. The chains holding the seat squeak quietly and the lovely warm breeze blows my hair out of my face.
A week and a half have passed on the farm. I’ll ne
ver forget a minute of it. It’s hard to hate Lucini when I’ve been able to live a life I would never have known had I not been on the run. A wonderful life with two people embedded deeply into my heart. And Dom, had we not broken down, stumbled onto this farm, the right one, I’m not sure where we’d be, how we’d be. Would I still be angry, lost and letting my fears drive me? Thank God, that’s not me anymore.
Dom and I have grown closer, not physically, but still intimately. First, we talked through everything that had happened since he entered my life. We talked through all the miscommunications and mistakes we’d both made. When the fog cleared and I could finally see everything for what it was, I found myself just as much to blame. Each of us had a secret to hide. Dom went to Lucini angry, and honestly, if I’d found out he was working for the mafia first, I probably would have gone to Slater and told him out of anger. We started out so innocently, but the harder we fell, the more tangled our web became.
With the past behind us, we became comfortable with each other once again. We stayed awake late into the nights laughing, talking, cuddling and kissing. Dom never pushed it further and the one time I did, he said, “We don’t need to rush into it. We’ve got forever.” He melted my heart there and then and I wondered if there would be any moment in all my life as perfect as that one was.
