“That won’t be easy.”
“No,” Emily says quietly. Her hands twist together until her fingertips are beet red. The worry is clear in her eyes when she looks back up. “Zander, please be careful looking into this. I know you have to, but it broke Oscar. I don’t know everything he discovered, but it pushed him over the edge. You have to be very careful of how you handle this.”
I’m strangely touched by her concern. She’s scared for my family and me, even though she only knows us through Oscar’s words. I realize she cared for him enough to take all of us into her heart. I honestly didn’t know Oscar was capable of forging that kind of connection with someone outside our family. It makes me happy to know there was someone out there who was watching out for him and worrying about him when the rest of us had no idea where he was.
“He’s out there, isn’t he?” Emily asks. I’m not as surprised by the longing in her voice as I would have been when I first got here. From the way Oscar acted, I would have thought she’d want nothing to do with him. That’s certainly how it seems to be with him. Yet, here she is, still worrying about him. Still worrying about all of us.
Avoiding her gaze, I look down at my shoes. “He’s waiting in the truck. He, uh…” I try to think up an excuse, but my brain is too fried to come up with anything.
“It’s okay,” she says, “I know he won’t come in. I’m glad he finally introduced us, though. It’s comforting to know he’s watching over us while we talk.”
I’m surprised again. I don’t think anyone else has ever said something like that about Oscar. Maybe Van, when she was little, before she understood how dangerous he was. Everyone else is usually very unnerved after being around Oscar. I know I should just get home, but I can’t help asking.
“You miss him, don’t you?”
I falter when she tears up at my words. “Every day,” she whispers.
“But, I thought you and he fought… you betrayed him or something.” Realizing how harsh that sounds, I backtrack. “That’s how he saw it, anyway. He tends to have intense reactions to things. Obviously.”
Emily smiles, but a tear slips down her cheek, wiped away quickly by trembling fingers. “We did fight, but…”
The piercing cry of a baby hits both our ears, causing two very different reactions. Emily sighs while I tense up in… I’m not even sure. For some reason, the sound sets me on edge.
“Sorry,” Emily says. She stands and looks toward what I assume is the bedroom door.
“What was that?”
She sighs again. “The reason I’m still awake.” Her eyes leave the bedroom and turn back to me. The full-body weariness is still there, but the hint of a smile plays on her lips. She reaches out a hand to me and, for some reason, I take it.
Wordlessly, she guides me toward her bedroom, toward the source of the noise. There is a small lamp in the corner that casts a glow over the tiny room. I don’t notice anything but the crib sitting against the far wall where a new round of cries erupts. A sudden bout of unexplainable fear grips me, but Emily tugs me over to the crib before dropping my hand. She reaches into the crib and picks up the crying child, but I didn’t need to see him any closer to understand.
“You… and Oscar…” I shake my head. “The baby, he’s…”
Emily gently rocks the child in her arms, whispering softly to him that everything is okay. When the baby finally quiets somewhat, she looks up at me and smiles. “Zander, meet your nephew, Joshua.”
Failure to process this news buckles my knees, and I collapse onto the edge of Emily’s bed. I shake my head back and forth before looking up at Emily. “What? How?” I run my hands through my hair in confusion. “Oscar’s been locked up for over a year. I don’t understand.”
Careful not to jostle the baby, Emily sits down next to me. My eyes are immediately drawn to Joshua. When I see more than just his shock of pure white hair, I realize he’s not as young as I originally thought. He looks to be somewhere around a year old. Even still, I can’t seem to piece it all together. Thankfully, Emily steps up to fill in the blanks.
“Even though Oscar was struggling even before I found out about the hunger, we connected almost immediately. We were only friends at first, but the more time we spent together, the more we fell for each other. We had talked about getting married, but Oscar was scared. He knew he wasn’t completely stable, and he worried about getting worse and hurting me.”
“Joshua?” I ask.
Emily looks down at her son… at Oscar’s son, and smiles. A new tear slips down her cheek and splashes on Joshua’s chubby little arm as he squirms in his sleep. “When Oscar and I would talk about the future, he wanted to get married, but he was adamant about not having children. He didn’t want his hunger passed on. He hated the idea of a child hurting the way you three did.”
More tears start falling. She tries to stop them from landing on the baby, but she can’t catch them all. My heart breaks for her, for all three members of the tiny, broken little family, and I put my arm around her shoulders.
“Joshua was a complete surprise,” Emily says through her tears. “I was terrified. Not of Oscar, but of what it would do to him. It was only a few months before… before your parents died, when I found out. Oscar had already been in contact with someone that was telling him things.”
“Telling him what things?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “He wouldn’t tell me, just said he was getting closer to the truth. He thought telling me would put me in danger, so he kept me on the edge, even though I wanted to help him. Things were unraveling so fast, and then to have to tell him I was pregnant—I was so scared it would be too much, but I didn’t think I could lie to him about it.” Emily sniffs and presses little Joshua closer to her body. “I should have lied. I never should have told him.”
“How did he react when you did?” I ask.
I fear her answer, but surprisingly, Emily looks up at me and smiles. “He was scared, but Zander, I’d never seen him so excited about something. Despite everything he had said before, he instantly fell in love with the idea of being a father.”
“Then why… why do you wish you hadn’t told him?”
Emily’s smile from a moment ago disappears. “Before finding out about the baby, Oscar was determined to find the truth about his hunger and a way to control it. After he found out I was pregnant, he became obsessed with it. He wouldn’t stop until he found a way to make sure our child would never have to go through what he did. He suspected your parents and grandmother were lying about things. I think he found out what they were really hiding and went to confront him. He was so unstable by that point, there was no way he could face their betrayal and not lose control.”
As much as I’ve tried to understand what Oscar did, I’ve never been able to until this moment. It doesn’t change the fact that what he did was horrible, but knowing he had lost his mind trying to find a way to save his unborn child from a life of pain and suffering and self-hatred changes things. I know my brother. I know how much it would have terrified him to be responsible for causing his child pain. Finding out my parents and grandma had lied to us our whole lives and denied us the help that would have made growing up as a Godling bearable, denied his child a chance at a normal life… there’s no way he could have walked away from something like that during that time.
“Why does Oscar think you betrayed him?” I ask quietly. “If it wasn’t because of Joshua…”
“I tried to stop him that day.”
“How?”
Curling in on herself, Emily looks away. “I called the only person I knew would have a chance at stopping him, the person Oscar had been talking to for months.”
My entire body goes still. “Who did you call, Emily?”
“I called David Vidor.”
Pulling back, I stare at Emily in shock. “David? Do you have any idea who that is?”
Emily shakes her head, alarmed by my tone. Joshua startles, and his little mouth twists in a grimace befo
re settling again.
“He’s the leader of the Godlings,” I say in defeat. Was David there that day? Did he get there too late, or not at all? How could David not mention this? My shoulders slump. Why would he tell me? Unless it gains him something, David tells me nothing. My head falls into my hands as a million more questions pile into my mind. I want to march out to the truck and demand Oscar explain, but I highly doubt he would even be capable of telling me. Oscar talks about killing our parents in a vague sense, but he has never been able to recount the actual events. I don’t know if that’s due to some kind of mental block, or simple refusal to relive what he did, but I know asking would be pointless.
“Do you want to hold him?” Emily asks.
Startled, I look over at her. I’m instantly distracted by the offer. “Can I?”
Smiling, Emily gently places my nephew in my arms. Joshua shifts, his face scrunching as if he might be in pain, but settles back into a peaceful sleep a moment later. I’m captivated by his tiny hands and ruddy cheeks. His white hair marks him as a Roth, and I find that oddly comforting. I don’t realize I’m grinning until Emily bumps against my shoulder and chuckles.
“That’s the best he’s slept in days.” She sighs. “He’s been sick all week, and neither of us has gotten much sleep.”
“Emily, I’m sorry,” I begin.
She shakes her head right away. “Zander, don’t apologize.”
“But look at where you are, alone, single mom, with no support.”
Emily places her hand on my arm gently. “I don’t regret getting involved with Oscar. I loved him, and I still do. No, this wasn’t what I imagined, but I knew your brother was struggling. Joshua is a gift, and I wouldn’t change anything that led to him being in my life.” She touches his head gently. “I wish Oscar could be with us. Even with his issues, I know he would have been a good father.”
Having watched Oscar with Van as we grew up, I know Oscar was capable of being a good parent. Whether that is still true, I’m not sure.
“He stays away because he’s afraid of being a bad influence on Joshua,” Emily says, “not because he doesn’t love him.”
Looking down at Joshua, I don’t doubt that. It’s hard not to love him. “Emily, if Joshua…”
“I know,” she says. “Oscar taught me what to look for if he starts developing hunger. I was planning to introduce you to him sooner, but then Oscar warned me to stay away for now. He said the Godlings had showed up, and he didn’t want them to know about him. I’d love to let everyone meet him, but I can’t risk them taking him away from me.”
“I won’t let that happen, Emily.” It’s the first thing to come out of my mouth, but then her words sink in, and I have to ask, “Oscar contacts you?”
“Not in person, but he leaves me notes when he needs to.”
“How long has he been doing that?” We only showed Oscar how to get out of the hospital recently.
“From the beginning,” she says. “The hospital staff is kidding themselves if they think they can hold Oscar against his will. I know he’ll be here if I need him.”
“So will I,” I say, a promise to her and Joshua, and to Oscar. I’m beginning to suspect this was the real reason he brought me here tonight.
She smiles at me with a faith I hope I deserve.
“Can I take a picture of him? For Oscar?” I ask.
Emily frowns, but nods. “You’ll have to delete it after. No one can know about Joshua for now.”
I nod my understanding and carefully hand Joshua back to Emily. She sits calmly as I snap a few precious pictures with my phone. The dim lighting doesn’t make for the best quality, but they will be better than nothing. After Emily returns Joshua to the crib, she walks me back to the front door.
“Thank you for coming, Zander,” Emily says.
I shake my head. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about Joshua. He’s a beautiful baby. If you need anything…”
“I know,” she says. She pauses, biting at her lip. “Tell Oscar I love him, and I miss him.”
“I will.”
Hugging Emily feels like something long overdue. I can’t even begin to express how much respect I have for her. She loved my brother when even his own family was struggling to understand him. It would have been so easy for her not to keep the child of a mentally unstable, dangerous murderer. Yet, she loved both Oscar and her unborn child too much to give up on either other of them, even though staying with them will be anything but easy.
The walk back to the truck feels much longer than before. I slip into the cab and am immediately encased in palpable anxiety. Oscar is huddled down in the seat, shaking. “Did you see him?” he whispers. The agony in his voice cuts me to the core.
I was so impatient earlier, too judgmental to see how much my brother was hurting. “Yes,” I say softly. “Your son is beautiful, Oscar. Joshua is perfect, and Emily is a wonderful mother. She said she loves you and misses you.” I hand my phone over with the pictures lighting up the screen.
As Oscar curls his fingers around the phone, he breaks down in tears. “My son,” he whispers. “Joshua, my precious boy.”
It’s only then that I realize Oscar has never met his son, never held him or kissed his fuzzy, white hair. Compassion breaks over me like a tide, and I pull my brother into my arms. I hold him as he sobs for the family he loves, but may never know.
Chapter Sixteen: About Trust
(Zander)
Throwing the truck into park, I seriously contemplate sleeping here. Now three o’clock in the morning, I’m spent. Getting Oscar back to the hospital was difficult, not because he fought me, but because neither one of us wanted to let the other one go. It’s always been hard for me to connect with Oscar. I didn’t understand his mentality. There is no black and white. It’s all gray, all shades of lies and deceit. I respected his ability to be so patient and compassionate with Van, but hated him for becoming so obsessed with his own agenda to the point of letting it tear us apart.
All he was ever trying to do was protect us, though. It killed him to watch Van and me suffer. Add in the possibility of his own son being treated like we were, outcasts, freaks, monsters… I know he did the best he could to hold it together. In his world, where everything is either good or evil, believing he had been betrayed by the very people who claimed to love him the most broke his already fragile mind.
What he did can never be undone, but talking to him tonight before he went back into the hospital, I realize he’s not the same person. It’s not the drugs his doctors prescribe that he probably isn’t taking anyway, or the therapy, or anything anyone has said to him. What broke down his last pieces of sanity before killing my parents is the same thing that has saved him now. Joshua.
I see now how far Oscar has come since his arrest. He doesn’t stay away from Emily because he blames her for calling David. It was all she could do to help him, and he sees that now. He stays away because he wants nothing more than to protect them both. Joshua and Emily are his motivation to control his hunger and learn to be the kind of person that could take care of them. I truly want to see that happen.
Knowing I should go inside, I glance down at my phone to check the time, blinking in surprise when I see that I have a voicemail from Annabelle. The time stamp says she left it about the time I found Oscar in the backyard. I didn’t notice with everything that was going on. Clicking on the notification, I hold the phone to my ear and listen.
“Zander, someone was in my apartment, and I’m pretty sure it was Van and Ketchup. They found the envelope taped to the bottom of the nightstand drawer. It had pictures of the Eroi that were killed, but nothing that would indicate Chris. You were right to just get rid of those. I… I’m not sure what you want to do. Call me.”
There’s no way Annabelle is still up, so I send her a text telling her I’ll handle it, with a promise to call first thing in the morning. The weariness I felt before hearing the message doubles, and I practically have to force myself out o
f the truck and into the house. The last thing I expect when I lock the door behind me and turn around is to find Van standing in front of me.
Not shouting at her for scaring me half to death takes every last bit of self-control I have left. “What are you doing?” I hiss.
“Sorry,” she says repentantly. “I needed to talk to you… without David around.”
“Why?”
Van bites her lip, but keeps her gaze level with mine even though it’s clearly killing her. “Ketchup and I broke into Annabelle’s apartment tonight.”
More than a little surprised that she came clean so easily, I’m at a loss for what to say. Shaking my head, I motion for her to follow me to the couch. When we both sit down, I say, “I already know. Annabelle left me a message.”
“A message?” Van asks. “I thought you were with her tonight.”
I shake my head, but I’m not quite ready to explain where I really was. “Why did you break into Annabelle’s?”
“I wanted to know what was on Isolde’s phone.”
“Did you find it?”
Van’s nose scrunches as she considers her response. “I don’t know.”
“The envelope you found, it’s not something you need to worry about.”
“Who killed all those people?” Van asks. Her eyes peer up at me with fear brimming over. “Did you… kill them?”
I’m somewhat impressed she thinks I’m capable of being that deadly. Personally, I don’t think I’d fair well as a covert operative, and I don’t think David does either. “No,” I say, “and neither did Annabelle.”
Van sighs in relief. “Who then?”
Shifting in my seat, I contemplate what to say to her. Even though she’s handling this situation more rationally than I would have expected, it hasn’t changed my mind. “Van, I need you to trust me on this. The truth about those photos… it’s not something you need to know right now.”
“Zander, I have to,” she begs.
“No, you don’t.” I shake my head firmly. “I’m not trying to keep you out of the loop just for the heck of it. In order for you to get through this deal with the Eroi, you need to be focused on building David’s trust. Nothing else. If I tell you about the photos, you’ll be distracted and fail, and I can’t risk that happening.”
Wicked Glory Page 13
