by Lee Goldberg
"Your tombstone," Andy said with a grin. “You ought to go out to the cemetery and see it sometime. It's real nice."
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Matt spent the next week at Rachel's house, sanding and restaining her cabinets, replacing the dry-rotted wood around her windows, and repairing her fence while she was at work at the sawmill.
He found that working with the wood, which Rachel brought home from the mill, centered him and eased him back into the flow of day-to-day life again.
The fantastic sex, home-cooked meals, and loving, tender company of a good woman didn't hurt, either.
Maybe it was because of all those things, the comfort and the security, that he didn't have any more waking nightmares or delusions.
He also hadn't bumped into Andy again.
The truth was, Matt was thankful that his oldest friend hadn't showed up. He was afraid of what he might see.
What the hell was that on his face?
What did it mean?
But Matt wasn't in hiding. He and Rachel went out for dinner a few times and went shopping in town. So he'd already run into people he knew and even more he didn't know.
He didn't see any more putrid sores or any imaginary doctors from hell.
But did hear again and again about how unbelievable and impossible and miraculous his return was.
Those encounters made him uncomfortable and, as glad as he was to see his friends and as appreciative as he was of their happiness for him, he was also eager to get away from them.
He didn't like the attention. He wanted to go back to being just another face in the crowd.
His intention was to move in with Rachel and make a living as an independent carpenter. But he was quickly coming to the conclusion that the only way he'd be able to have a normal, anonymous life again was if they moved somewhere else, where nobody knew him.
He was planning on talking about it with Rachel when she got home from work at the sawmill. But before he could get around to it, she practically tackled him to the floor and fucked him with such animal ferocity that he thought she might morph into a werewolf when she came.
The enthusiastically carnal encounter left them both ravenous, so she insisted that they go out for something to eat. Considering how nice she'd been to screw him nearly senseless the second she walked through the door, and considering the sacrifice he was about to ask of her, he told her they could eat anyplace she wanted.
He was hoping for the Charles, the hotel restaurant with the best steaks in town, or maybe La Reve, the French restaurant on the river.
She picked Happy Burger.
A regional fast-food franchise just outside of town, off of Highway 99.
He was disappointed, but if that was what she craved, he was happy to oblige.
Besides, it was her money that they were spending. He was penniless. He'd willed Andy what little he had in his bank account, and his buddy had already drunk his way through it.
Happy Burger had been around since the 1950s and was one of the chief employers of teenagers and high school dropouts in Deerpark.
All the workers wore uniforms made up of white pants, patriotically red-white-and-blue-striped shirts, and caps that looked like smiling hamburgers on a plate.
The employees were required, at all times and under all circumstances, to have smiles on their faces as big and happy as the one on the Happy Burger on their heads.
That was one reason why teens who worked at Happy Burger never got laid. The other was that they were usually as greasy as the fries they served.
But the place made fantastic burgers, thick and juicy, with a big slab of melted American cheese on top.
Matt and Rachel could smell the burgers grilling from half a block away, even with the car windows rolled up. By the time they parked and walked in, their stomachs were growling so loudly that they sounded like slavering wolves.
A blond-haired teenage girl with breasts as perky and happy as her smile was waiting to take their order at the register. Her name tag read "Bubbles." Her given name was actually Lorinda Dudikoff, but when she was a toddler, she used to delight in farting in the bathtub, a pastime that both she and her parents found utterly hilarious. The Dudikoffs had more footage of those fart bubbles, and from more angles, than James Cameron had of the sinking of the Titanic. They started calling their daughter Bubbles from that moment on, and it stuck.
The truth was, she still liked to fart in the bathtub.
And to masturbate while she did it.
And to have her boyfriend watch.
And to have him masturbate, too.
But you'd never know any of that looking at her and are probably sorry that you know it now.
"Good evening," Bubbles said. “Welcome to Happy Burger. What can I get for you?"
"A big, fat, double hamburger. Greasy fries. And an extra-large chocolate shake," Rachel said, then turned to Matt, who was still scrutinizing the menu, even though he'd known it by heart since he was a child. “Have the same thing."
"That meal will kill you," he said.
"But you know you want it," she said. “Go ahead, Matt-live a little."
"Fine, make it a double," Matt said as his attention was drawn to the man standing behind Bubbles, stuffing burgers into to-go containers. The man's back was to them, but Matt recognized him. “Andy?"
His friend turned around.
Andy had the face of a decomposing corpse, yellowed teeth and bulging, bloodshot eyeballs poking through a rotting mass of dripping, maggot-infested flesh topped with a Happy Burger hat.
The smell of decay was overwhelming. It reminded Matt of the carcasses the neighborhood dog would leave under his house when he was growing up. But this wretched odor was worse than any stench that had ever seeped up from the floorboards.
"Don't be sad, don't be blue, Happy Burger has treats for you!" Andy sang, the incessant beeping of the French fryer alarm as his musical backdrop.
Matt grabbed Rachel by the arm and took a big step back from the counter.
Andy cocked his head quizzically. “What's wrong? Haven't you ever seen a captain of industry before?"
Matt couldn't take his eyes off of Andy's rotting face. He knew it wasn't real, that it was just a delusion, but it was so vivid, so horrifying.
But if you don't want to be institutionalized for the rest of your second life, you'll pretend it's not there.
So Matt forced a smile that would have made Happy Burger proud and stepped back up to the counter.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he said. “Your new look just takes some getting used to-that's all."
But does it have to smell so bad, too?
"It was either take the job or starve to death," Andy said. “You've been dead. Did I make the right choice?"
Fat horseflies buzzed around Andy's face, laying more of their eggs in the putrid, bubbling flesh that dripped off of his exposed skull.
Andy's neck was swollen taut, and Matt could see things squirming under the skin, waiting to break through.
Time seemed to slow down, and the beeping of the French fryer got louder and harsher, making it difficult for Matt to think.
Matt glanced at Bubbles, standing there with that dumb smile on her angelic face. If she saw the horror, she wasn't showing it.
And neither was Rachel.
She wasn't repulsed at all. If anything, she seemed absolutely delighted by what she saw.
It wasn't real.
He had to keep telling himself that, even as he breathed through his mouth to avoid the stench and fought to avert his gaze from Andy's melting face.
"This is only temporary," Matt said. “You won't be here long."
"Sure-today, employee of the week," Andy said. “Tomorrow, chairman of the board."
A kid, his face covered with acne, came out from the back of the kitchen, his big Happy Burger smile showing off the shiny braces on his teeth. His name was Chip, short for Chipper, because of his upbeat and positive attitude. He was born to be a Happy Burger manag
er, and eventually its CFO, and he knew it. This job was just a stepping-stone. One day there would be a plaque outside this restaurant in his honor.
That was true, there would be, but not for the reasons he thought.
"Hey, Andy, the French fries are ready," Chip said. “Can't you hear the alarm?"
"In a minute, kid," Andy said. “I'm talking to a couple of my friends."
"The fries have already been in the oil ten seconds too long."
Andy whirled around and looked at the kid. The rapid motion splattered bits of Andy's face on Chip's shirt. Matt fought the urge to gag.
"I'll be two more seconds," Andy said and then looked back at his two friends.
Matt could see a little tear opening up in Andy's swollen neck, a maggot working its way out.
"It's okay, Andy, we were just leaving," Matt said, trying not to look as one maggot, and then another, crawled out of Andy's throat, which was opening like a zipper.
"No, it isn't okay," Andy said. “You came to eat. You're going to eat. On me."
Andy crammed hamburgers, fries, apple turnovers, anything within his reach, into a couple of Happy Burger bags.
"We are losing the golden brown texture," Chip whined, tapping his foot in frustration.
"Back off-you're pissing off our customers." Andy glowered at Chip and then handed the bags to Matt.
That's when Andy's throat burst open, maggots spilling out everywhere, down his shirt and onto the stainless steel counter.
"Come back and visit us soon," Andy said, his larynx exposed, clotted with yellowed pus and globs of blood.
Matt muttered his thanks and hurried out the door, barely making it into the parking lot before he started vomiting.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Andy watched as Rachel's car sped past the restaurant and back towards town.
"If we lose those fries, Goodis, it's going on your permanent record," Chip said.
Andy adjusted his Happy Burger cap, tugged on his Happy Burger shirt, and turned to Chip.
"Well, if it's that important to you, Chip, don't you think you should handle this crisis personally?"
Chip straightened up and lifted his chin with pride. “I'm management. You're food preparation."
Andy smiled at Bubbles, the perky cashier, and imagined for a moment how her big Happy Burger smile would look around his big happy cock.
Chip stabbed Andy with his finger, breaking his reverie. “I'm talking to you, Goodis."
Andy whirled around, grabbed Chip by the back of the head, and led him over to the French fryer.
"Don't be shy, Chip, take charge." He held Chip's head over the vat of boiling oil.
"How do the fries look?"
Chip squealed, the hot oil spraying in his face. “They're fine! They're fine!"
Andy looked over his shoulder at Bubbles, who was staring at him in horror.
He smiled at her. “Where's your smile?"
And then he shoved Chip's face into the fryer and watched her scream.
Andy got hard in an instant.
Her scream was infectious.
Within seconds, everyone but Andy was screaming. Bubbles. The customers. The kitchen crew.
And Andy just stood there, pup tent in his pants, Chip flailing under his grasp.
"How are we doing on that golden brown texture, Chip?" Andy lifted Chip's face out of the fryer for a moment and examined it.
But Chip had no face, just a sizzling, oozing slab of deep-fried skull meat with French fries stuck in it.
"They look done to me," Andy said.
A stocky Mexican employee at the burger grill had enough, grabbed a knife, and charged him.
Andy shoved Chip at the Mexican, who inadvertently skewered Chip on his outstretched knife and watched in horror as blood splurted all over his arm.
"Oops," Andy said.
Bubbles turned to flee, but Andy stuck out his leg and tripped her, sending her face-first to the floor. When she started to rise, he picked up the cash register and dropped it on her head.
The remaining two employees in the kitchen came at him now, so Andy reached under the counter for the Happy Burger Happy Shotgun and happily blasted one guy onto the burger grill and the other into the milk-shake machine, releasing a spray of chocolate.
That left only the Mexican still standing, holding the bloody knife in his hand and blubbering like a baby over Chip, who convulsed at his feet in a puddle of blood, fries, and vegetable oil.
It was damn irritating.
So Andy swung the shotgun at the Mexican's head like a bat at a pinata and felt the satisfying smack of contact. The Mexican dropped, banged his head on the edge of the fryer, and crumpled on top of Chip.
There was a moment of stillness as Andy stood there, the shotgun in one hand, his hard-on in the other, listening to the sound of the sizzling grill, the fry alarm, the splurt of the milk-shake machine, and the whimpering of the dozen customers who were hiding under their tables.
It was such a beautiful noise.
Andy smiled to himself, gave his hard-on a friendly tug, then reached under the counter for the box of shells and strolled out the door, singing the Happy Burger song.
"Don't be sad, don't be blue, Happy Burger has treats for you!"
Rachel and Matt were driving home as this was going on. She was still worried about Matt. She wanted to take him to the hospital but he adamantly refused to go.
"It's just food poisoning," he said. “Or stomach flu."
"You were dead last week," she said. “Don't you think it would be a good idea to see a doctor just in case it's something else?"
"Like a side effect of death?"
"Maybe. I don't know."
"I vomited. That's all. People puke all the time without dying first."
"You were also acting very strange at Happy Burger."
"What do you mean?" he asked, knowing exactly what she meant. He hadn't been able to get Andy's decomposing face out of his mind since they'd left.
"You looked terrified," she said.
"I was thinking about the cholesterol," he said. “And the calories."
Rachel gave him a look. “I love you. Don't blow me off like that."
She turned the car onto Main Street just as two cop cars roared past them in the opposite direction, sirens wailing. Matt watched them go in his side-view mirror.
A moment later, a Sheriff's Department helicopter roared overhead, heading in the same direction as the cop cars.
Towards Seattle.
Or the Canadian border.
Or Happy Burger.
They could be going anywhere, but somehow, someway, Matt knew with absolute certainty that they weren't.
They were going to Happy Burger.
Where his oldest friend was decomposing with a smile.
"Turn around," Matt said.
"Why?"
"It's Andy," Matt said. “He needs my help."
"When are you going to accept the fact that he's an asshole? You can't save him from being fired from Happy Burger any more than you could save his job at the mill."
"You didn't see his face," Matt said. “He's dying inside."
"God didn't put you back on this earth to be Andy's guardian," she said, bringing the car to a stop at an intersection and looking at him. “He brought you back for me."
Matt met her gaze. “Please. If you really love me, you will take me back there." She glared at him. “Fuck you."
And with that, she made a U-turn and sped back to Happy Burger.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Two police officers standing in the street stopped traffic a block away from Happy Burger and directed drivers to turn around. But even from that distance, Matt saw enough to know that something very bad had happened.
A chopper circled over Happy Burger and bathed the scores of police cars, paramedic units, and ambulances out front in its harsh spotlight. Officers were spread out on foot, moving cautiously up and down the street, their guns out, searching for someone.
Matt knew in his gut who it was.
As Rachel started to turn the car around, Matt told her to slow down and lowered his window to talk to the officer, a potbellied man in his fifties.
"I have a friend working at Happy Burger," Matt said. “Can you tell me what happened?"
"There was a shooting," the officer said. “The assailant is at large."
"Was anyone hurt?"
"I really can't say any more than that. This block is restricted," the officer said.
"You'll have to move on."
They drove back to Rachel's house in silence. She parked the car in the driveway and turned to Matt.
"You think it was Andy, don't you?"
"I know it was," he said. “I saw his face."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Never mind." He held his hand out to her. “I need your car keys. I have to find him."
"Leave it to the police. Please."
"They'll kill him."
"Maybe he needs killing," Rachel said.
But she gave him the keys.
He walked her to the door, gave her a kiss, and then went around to the backyard to pick up his grandfather's ax.
Matt drove back to the cabin, but Andy wasn't there.
Matt drove back to the shotgun shack where he grew up and looked under the porch. But Andy wasn't there.
And then he remembered something that Rachel had said to him.
When are you going to accept the fact that he's an asshole? You can't save him from being fired from Happy Burger any more than you could save his job at the mill.
He knew where to find Andy.
Matt drove to the sawmill, and even from a distance, he could see Andy's truck in the yard.
There was an armed security guard that patrolled B. Barer and Sons after hours. He was lying dead at the front gate, stomach blown open, intestines in his hands. His gun was gone, as were all the bullets that once lined his belt.
Matt steered the car around the guard's body and parked beside Andy's truck. The lights were on in one of the mills, and he could hear the unmistakable buzz of the circular saw running inside.
Matt knew the police were looking for Andy, too. They had a helicopter and knew what his truck looked like.
