by J. L. Ostle
“Yeah, I have one,” I speak up. We all stop as Robert looks at me with a raised eyebrow, waiting for me to ask away. “Well, with the club scene you’re saying I’m with friends. I know they are actors, but I want my sister to be there too,” I mumble out.
“What?” Lake asks.
“I want you to be a part of this. It’s only a small bit but I think I’ll feel more comfortable if she’s there. It’s my first video and all, and the first scene...” I look at the ground as I talk.
“Consider it done. Would you like anything else?” I look up and he is looking intensely into my eyes and it does something to me that I can’t explain. I feel like he is trying to look inside my soul. I just shake my head as I can no longer speak. “Good,” he whispers, not taking his eyes away from mine.
“Holy fuck, I’m going to be in a music video,” Lake says and Leon is spinning her around. I look back at Robert and he smiles down at me. I can’t help but smile in return. “You are the best sister ever.” Lake runs to me, squeezing me so hard I can hardly breath.
“I love you. I know you’re the manager but I want you to be seen too.” I see a few tears slide down her face.
“I love you.” She hugs me again.
“I love you, too.”
“Okay, now that we’ve done all this mushy shit, let’s do this.” Chris claps his hands together and we burst out laughing.
“Right, Sky and Lake go to trailer one and get in your outfits, then head to trailer two for hair and make-up. You guys go to trailer four for your clothes and then trailer six for hair and make-up.” Robert directs us.
“Make up? Hell no, I’m not wearing makeup.” Chris folds his arms.
“Make-up is required so you look flawless on camera and not too shiny with the lights. All musicians and actors do it,” Robert explains.
“Why aren’t we going in trailer three and five?” Chris adds in sullenly.
“They are for the directors and crew members. Come on, let’s get started. We’re probably going to be here till late, so let’s get going, shall we?” We all nod and start heading to the trailers.
“I can’t believe we are on an actual set. I still can’t believe I’m going to be in a fucking music video.” Lake is jumping up and down like a school girl.
“God, you swear too much, I think those guys have rubbed off on you,” I chuckle at her.
“Well one definitely has.” She waggles her eyebrows at me.
“You’re so gross.” I push her shoulder and she laughs.
I come out of the trailers wearing a very short, tight, black dress. I can’t help but keep pulling down the hem. The shoes, I have to admit, look amazing. Black suede that comes to my ankles and make my legs look even longer than what they actually are. My hair has been cut, giving it more volume. I like how the fringe sways over my eyes a little. The tips are now blue; the hairdresser said that black hair like mine would make the blue stand out. I love it. The dress, on the other hand, makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m sure if I bent over, people would be able to see my ass, it’s that short.
“Sky, you look amazing. Could hardly recognize you.” Robert walks towards me with his jacket now off, smiling at me as he checks me out. “This is definitely a good choice. Now come with me, they’re waiting for you.” Robert guides me to the club set and I see people everywhere talking, looking all glammed up.
“Okay, you sit here with your sister. These two girls are also going to pretend to be your friends.” I hate how he said pretend. My mother use to always go on that the kids at school didn’t really like me. That they were only pretending so they could one day use me for their purposes. All the way through school I was always paranoid when someone was nice to me. Here, no one knows who I am or where I’m from. Who my parents are. I’m finally away from their clutches and yet, I feel like they are still here. Telling me to be what they want me to be.
“You okay?” Lake asks me. I nod. She is wearing a dark purple dress that cuts low down to her chest. She looks awesome. Her hair looks wild and messy but in a good way.
“Yeah, just nervous,” I lie. I hate that I did. I don’t like thinking about the people who brought us up. I doubt Lake would want me to bring them up.
“You’re going to be great. Just remember, let the music guide you. Sing for you.” I hug her.
Someone calls out a few instructions and the lights go down. The place has different colored lights flashing around. People who were just mingling before either start dancing or talking. I look around and feel like I’m in a different universe. I hear my name being called, saying that I need to start singing in a moment. They count down. I quickly look at Lake as she squeezes my hand for good luck.
I hear the intro of the song then I sing. I can hear my voice in the background but I sing along with it. The two girls, the actresses, move their lips as they pretend to talk, and laugh. Lake is going with the flow and doing the same. I keep my mind focused on the song. I pick up the glass of water that’s supposed to look like an alcoholic beverage. I turn so I’m facing the dancefloor, looking around. The crowd opens up and I see Dominic. He is sitting on the other side of the room.
His eyes focus on me. Chris and Leon are pretending to laugh and talk to each other as Dominic ignores them and keeps his focus on where I am. I continue singing but I feel my body start to heat up. I keep my eyes solely on him. He sits forward, spreading his legs open and leaning down, leaning his arms on them. His eyes never move away as I sing a few more lines.
I watch him stand and slowly start to walk closer to me while people dance around him. He walks so gracefully, like no one else is there. He stops half way and smirks at me and I feel something drip between my thighs because of it. What the hell is happening to my body? I tighten my thighs but it makes it worse so I open them, maybe too widely, and Dominic’s eyes go hooded.
“Cut. That was brilliant. So hot. Ok, we are going to take that again. We want a few different angles. Let’s start from the top!” someone shouts and I assume it’s the producer. I turn myself back around again, wondering how I’m supposed to keep doing this if he keeps looking at me like he could eat me?
It’s pretend. He’s acting. Exactly what he’s supposed to be doing. I know my head is right, but why do I have to get my hopes up that he may actually like me?
We’ve been here for hours and done repeats over and over. I’m tired but when they say the last scene is next, my heart goes spiralling out of control. All the way throughout making this video, Dominic has made me feel things that I can’t explain. I get some kind of ache between my thighs and stomach. I even feel like I’m leaking at times. I feel this moisture in my hardly there panties. I need to speak to Lake about it but I’m too embarrassed.
I’m in the trailer getting my hair and make-up done, wearing black lace underwear. Luckily they gave me a robe to wear and assured me that I can put it back on as soon as the scene is finished. I’m going to be practically naked and it’s going to be in front of hundreds of people.
“All done sweets, go rock them. I can’t wait to see the video when it’s done. It looks like it’s going to be awesome,” my stylist says. I give her a quick hug and head out. She has been so nice to me and very patient. She couldn’t believe that I’ve never dyed my hair before. If I did, my parents would have probably cut it all off.
Literally.
Carly is waiting for me and I notice she eyes me up and down before turning and indicating for me to follow her. I am a few steps behind her as we walk and then we are on the set that I have been dreading. The cross stands out, looking so much bigger now that I’m standing in front of it. I raise my hand and stroke along it, waiting for it to bite my hand or something.
“Right, we are all tired and want to go home so let’s see if we can do this in one take. Since it’s the last scene, I got all cameras around to film at different angles. So Sky, when you’re ready love,” the director, Austin, says to me. I take in a deep breath and close my eyes as I take the robe off
. I feel someone come close and take it away.
Breath.
Just breath.
God, just hurry up so I can go home and die in peace.
“Dominic, you ready?” Austin asks. My eyes are still closed but there’s no reply. Then instructions are being yelled out and the music comes back on.
I start to sing again, keeping my eyes closed just for another moment. I suddenly feel hands on my throat and open my eyes to see Dominic standing there, his body close to mine. He isn’t choking me to where I can’t sing, just firmly holding me. I feel his stubble press against my throat. I’m surprised I haven’t forgotten the words or what I’m doing.
He pulls his shirt over his head in one sweeping movement and I’m staring at a body that I’m sure I will never forget. He has lines and bumps all over. His body is perfect. He walks closer to me again and entwines my fingers with his, raising them up in the air. Next thing I know; I’m being strapped to the cross.
When my wrists are strapped in, he stands again in front of me, looking into my eyes. He strokes my cheek and I can’t help but close my eyes. I soon open them when I feel his hard erection press against my stomach and I try not to moan. Is he trying to make me slip up on purpose? I see him walk away and come back with a whip. He stretches it in the air, showing off his muscular biceps and brings it back down, whipping thin air.
He walks closer to me and wraps his hand around my throat again. I don’t know why, but a part of me kind of likes it. I feel so messed up for thinking it. He grinds himself against me and I try and pull my wrists to touch him but I can’t. He moves away from me and brings up the whip in the air and, on the last word of the song, he lashes it down. It never touches me but, in that moment, I accidentally arch my body towards it.
I don’t even know why I did.
I watch Sky as her eyes close and mine roam her near naked body. Seeing her in just her black lace bra and panties causes my dick to stir. God, she is beautiful. I want to touch every inch of her; to lick, bite and kiss her perfect, creamy white skin.
I watch her as she starts to sing, hearing her beautiful voice flow through me, pulling me towards her. I stand in front of her and place my hand gently around her throat, feeling her pulse beat erratically. She opens her eyes, her deep blue’s drawing me in, making me want to claim her right here and now, not caring that there are cameras on us.
I take a small step back and pull my shirt over my head and when my eyes land back on hers, I see her taking me in, but I don’t care; seeing her desire turns me on. I walk towards her slowly and entwine my fingers with hers, seeing her soft small hands in my tanned big ones, raising them up, making her body stretch as I strap her to the cross. I look down at her and see her breasts being pushed up, I can see her hard nipples poke through.
God how I wish I could see them, taste them.
I stand straight in front of her, meeting her eyes once again, seeing the trust in them. I want to scream at her to never trust me, my thoughts are impure. I just want to pull her panties aside and ram my hard dick into her but, knowing she is a virgin, I could never do that to her.
I stroke her cheek and when she closes her eyes and leans into my touch, I almost cave; something in my head screams at me but it’s so faint I can’t hear it. Her eyes widen when she feels my erection press against her and I quickly step back and walk to the wall of items, picking up a whip and trying to control my dick.
I stretch my arms out, trying anything but to think about how good she smells, and whip thin air to get rid of my pent up frustration. How can this girl get me so fucking hard that I can’t think straight? There are loads of people watching and a part of me doesn’t care. I storm towards her and grab her throat once again, looking into her eyes. I can feel her heat against me and I grind myself against her, feeling her body shake at my touch.
I growl in the back of my throat. How can I have this much restraint, seeing her strapped up, her body begging to be touched, to be tasted? I take in a deep breath and walk back and on cue, when she sings the last word, I lash the whip near her and almost come right there and then when I watch her body arch towards the leather.
It’s been a week since the music video and I’ve mostly stayed in my room. Robert assured us that we can take a break since we worked so hard on our album and making the video. After the last scene was over, Dominic unlocked me from the cross and I couldn’t look him in the eye. I was embarrassed.
He saw me nearly naked and I’m sure he caught me arch myself towards the whip. I bet he thinks I’m a freak. I can’t even explain what was going through my head at the time. I try and reassure myself that I was just in the moment but I don’t fully believe that.
God I’m so messed up.
Seeing Dominic shirtless is something I won’t be forgetting any time soon. I’ve been avoiding him; trust me, it’s hard to do when you’re living under the same roof. Lake keeps coming into my room, making sure that I’m okay, but I keep telling her I’m fine and just wanting to enjoy being on my own until my life turns crazy. Well, even more crazy than it is already.
I am laying on my bed flicking through music videos on YouTube; I’m now sure that my favorite music generations are the eighties and nineties. I am a huge fan of power ballads. I love how the songs make me feel so many emotions. It moves me in a way I can’t explain. It’s like it reaches my soul. I’m hoping that I can do the same one day. Move a listener with my words.
I love musicals since they also show a lot of emotions. I love Phantom of the Opera, Mama Mia, Copacabana; there are so many. I just watched a movie called Teen Witch and I love the cheesy songs but I really like how the plain girl gets the popular guy in the end. If only things like that happened in real life.
I can’t believe how much I’ve missed out on. I feel like I need to watch every film and listen to every song out there. I hate how we couldn’t watch TV growing up. How we could only do things that would improve our lives in some way or benefit our parents. Thank God I had dance classes, but why would my parents keep us from watching romance? It’s lovely how a girl can meet a boy and fall madly in love. Maybe that’s why. They didn’t want us to live in a fantasy world. They always drilled in our brains that we needed to live in the real world. And the real world is hard and mean.
I can hear my dad’s voice in my head telling us that the world is ready to eat us up and spit us out if we aren’t prepared for it. I look at their relationship and not once have I ever seen real affection between them. It’s like they lived under an understanding. I definitely don’t want to live like that, even though I know they had plans for me to.
I am re-watching Copacabana when there is a knock on my door. If it was Lake she would have knocked and walked in, not caring if I was naked or something.
“Come in!” I shout and take Lake’s laptop, which I have basically kidnapped, off my knees and place it in front of me. I see Dominic poking his head in and I’m shocked that he is here.
“Can I come in?” he asks warily.
“Sure.” I scoot up on the bed and move the laptop to the side of me so he has space to sit down. He lets himself in and sits across from me. “Anything wrong?” There has to be something wrong for him to seek me out. Yes, I’ve been avoiding him, but it’s not like him and I have been very close since I’ve been here, anyway. Except for the kiss.
“I was just wondering how you are? I haven’t seen you since the shoot and wanted to make sure you’re okay?” I see him scratching the back of his head and can tell he’s a little nervous or maybe embarrassed.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I guess I’m still a little out of it since the shoot. I just hope it turned out okay. I was so nervous and the last scene...” I stop. Great, why did I have to bring it up? I feel my cheeks heat up.
Great.
“You were brilliant. Trust me. The last scene...” He pauses and looks into my eyes and I feel like I’m back there.
The way he was looking at me then is how he is looking at me now. He closes his
eyes and quickly looks around my room. “You were good. Won’t be long till we see it. Exciting though, huh? Us being in a music video. I waited my whole life for this and now it’s actually happening. It’s all because of you. I just want to thank you for what you’re doing” He smiles at me and it’s such a beautiful smile. It lights up his whole face and I feel my cheeks flush at his words.
“I think you would have gotten here with or without my help. You are very talented. You and the guys but, yeah, I never thought I would ever be in a band let alone making a music video. If you asked me six months ago if I saw my life like this...” I shake my head, chuckling. “I would have laughed in your face and told you that you were crazy.” I would have prayed just to breath without worrying I was doing something wrong, to worry that I’m a disappointment, I think sadly to myself.
“You okay?” He asks, his words breaking me away from my thoughts.
“Yeah, sorry, was just thinking.” I clear my throat. “Anyway, you wanted to be a rock star all your life?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“Yeah. When I was six I heard my dad play Guns N’ Roses over and over. I loved how they sounded. Loved the guitar solos. I knew that’s what I wanted to be. A guitarist. My parents encouraged it. They saw how passionate I was. Me complaining non-stop helped.” He laughs and I giggle with him. “They got me lessons and bought me my first guitar when I was eight. Best birthday ever.” He smiles but I see sadness in his eyes. I know this doesn’t have a happy ending. Then it occurs to me. He’s never mentioned his parents or visited them; they’ve never come here.
“What happened?” I ask softly, already knowing the answer. Just thinking it makes tears form behind my eyes.
“They passed away when I was fifteen. Car accident.” He pauses and looks up to the ceiling. “They were good parents. They loved each other so much and they loved me. I guess I should be grateful that I have so many good memories but I wish they were here now, to see me and that all their hard work encouraging me, spending money on my music, has gone to good use. That I’m actually following my dream.” He looks back down at me and I hate how a few tears have fallen. He leans forward and uses his thumbs to wipe them away, giving me a soft smile.
