by Ted Mayes
It was after they were done eating that she began a new topic with him. “Michael, I think we need to talk about us.” Michael’s expression became a little more remote, but she paid no attention. “I’ve been back for two weeks and it seems that we’re still … trying to find out how we stand with each other.”
“I’m not going to pressure you, Amanda.”
“That’s not the problem, I think.” She paused, considering something. “I’ve been told – and it wasn’t Tommy – that you don’t think very highly of yourself,” she said with a question in her tone.
“No reason why I should.”
“No, you’re wrong there. You’ll probably go down in history as the first consul, the man in charge of things when Capitol was set up, when Mars was colonized.”
“Those are things I’ve done, not who I am.”
“But the things you’ve done show who you are. All the stories I’ve heard about you – how Fleet and Marine are both proud to serve under you – you don’t think that indicates more about who you are than anything else could?”
Michael shook his head slowly. “I’ve heard all that kind of thing before, but I’m still not going to pressure you into anything.”
Amanda sat there, considering again for a moment. Then a bright smile broke out on her face. “Then I guess it’s up to me to pressure you, isn’t it? Let’s go down to Morton’s. I think it’s time we bought some silver rings.”
15 – February-March 1994
Amanda woke up slowly, but with great contentment. She stretched and slowly opened her eyes to look at her apartment. Even though it was just one room with a kitchenette and a small bathroom, she had decorated it just like her apartment in Los Angeles, and it really felt like her home. She glanced at the silver ring on her right little finger and marveled at that for a while. It had been almost a week since she dragged Michael off to Morton’s and insisted that they get ‘dating rings.’ It was hard to believe all that happened since then.
As soon as the ring was on her finger, she’d taken it upon herself to give Michael a kiss. It was a kiss she really wasn’t prepared for. She’d been kissed more times than she could remember, but it was nothing like making contact with Michael. When Beth had kidded her about it, the only way Amanda could describe it was ‘a cross between sticking your finger in an electrical outlet and being roasted on an open fire.’ Little ‘tingles’ of something ran up and down her body and she felt as hot as if she’d had a fever. And those feelings hadn’t gone away in the last week, either. In a way, she was glad that Michael was so conscientious about not ‘pressuring’ her, because she was pretty sure that, if he wanted to, he could talk her into just about anything.
Of course, she thought with a small frown, the real problem was whether there was something she wanted to pressure him into. The goals she’d decided on back in New York, getting back into the empire and ‘starting’ a relationship with Michael, had now been met. So, what was next in line? She had quietly asked the empress one day about Michael’s first marriage, why matrimonium had been picked rather than conjugium. She’d been told that was something she needed to ask Michael.
“I think, though,” the empress had said, “that it had something to do with the fact that conjugium reminded him too much of his mother’s type of relationships.”
Remembering what Michael had said about the emperor and empress being role models, she’d asked, “Especially compared to your marriage?”
Amanda could swear she heard a smile in the empress's answer. “I’ve been married for twenty years or so, and my parents and in-laws have been married for around 50 years.”
Amanda had been too surprised about hearing about imperial in-laws to ask any other question. Now that she thought of it, she wasn’t too sure she wanted to ask Michael about it, either. If she’d been asked, she probably would have chosen the free-wheeling conjugium, but that certainly wasn’t what Michael had chosen with his first wife. She needed some advice, but where to get it – then she remembered that the chaplain had said something about being available for counseling. It felt very strange, especially before breakfast, but she had Samantha arrange a meeting with the chaplain’s clerk.
Before she went to that meeting, though, she’d better decide if something ‘more permanent’ was what she wanted. Did she like being close to Michael? A yes on that. Could she visualize herself sleeping with him, twining her body around his? A very definite yes to that. Her temperature was rising so quickly, she jumped out of bed and headed for the shower to cool off.
The shower helped some, but what cooled her off the most were the next questions she asked herself. Michael seemed to want a ‘permanent’ marriage. Was that what she wanted? Michael seemed to want a family. Did she want children, pregnancy and family? As she got dressed, she had to admit to herself that she wasn’t completely against those things, she was just afraid that she wasn’t really capable of doing them. And where did that leave her?
Amanda left the apartment still a little unsure of what to do next, but she found her steps were leading her to the residence. It wasn’t something she had really thought about, it just seemed very ‘normal’ to see what Michael had to say about things. Not that she was ready just yet to talk to him about marriage, but there was something else she needed to talk to him about.
Some of the older praetorians she knew were at the door and they just smiled and waved her in. Michael wasn’t in the atrium, but he was in the kitchen. She walked up to him and, bending down, gave him as big a kiss as she thought she could get away with.
He smiled up at her and said, “That’s the best way to start the day.”
She had to agree with that, but didn’t want to say so, at least not yet. “And to think I had to push you into Morton’s.” She gave him another quick kiss and went on. “There was something I wanted to talk to you about.” At his nod, she sat down beside him and spoke quietly. “Last night ‘herself’ asked me to think about what could be done to insure that ‘imperial news’ would remain truthful. First, what is that all about, and, second, do you have any suggestions?”
“It probably came up because of an intelligence report that maintained there is no longer a major country in the world that has an impartial news reporting service. The report maintained that to one extent or another all Terran news reflects either the views of the government or the views of a small elite.”
She was momentarily astonished. “Is the report true?”
Michael shrugged. “It’s from the speculatores, and I depend on their information for my decisions.”
Amanda thought for a few moments. “And the emperor wants imperial news to reflect his views? Or does he not want them to do so?”
“Based on what he’s said to me, he wants imperial news to accurately and truthfully reflect reality. He’s aware that the larger the empire becomes, the harder it becomes to keep on top of all that happens. He hopes that imperial news becomes a source of information that everyone in the empire, including himself, can depend on.”
“So that’s what the empress would like me to think about. Any suggestions?”
“Well, I don’t know the reporting and publishing business. The only thing I can think of is what seems to be working in the empire – Fleet, Marine and government. Carrot and stick. Carrots, big ones and lots of them, as rewards for good behavior. Sticks, big and hard ones for unwanted behavior. And impartial and unchanging application of both carrot and stick. Then, one can have some assurance of reasonable results.”
Amanda thought about that for a little bit. “So, in the empire, the ‘carrots’ are pay, rank, awards and stuff like that. The sticks are the laws and swift enforcement of them.”
“Basically. Don’t forget that the emperor’s rule is to keep things simple and clear so that there’s less chance of misunderstanding.”
She leaned against him for a while, just enjoying being close to him. Then she kissed him again, said she had to meet some people and that she would be back for l
unch. Then she left, not even noticing the smiling looks on the praetorians. There were two things she needed to concentrate on – one, this thing about reporting for the empress, the other, her relationship, and maybe her future, with Michael. One would be important in the long run for the empire, but the other was so important, and personal, that she decided she couldn’t wait. She headed for the chaplain’s office and got there early.
She was waiting so impatiently and thinking so hard about her problem that she didn’t even notice the chaplain come in. It wasn’t until he stood close to her chair and cleared his throat that she realized he was there. “Oh, excuse me, Chaplain, for not noticing you.”
“Don’t worry about it, Miss Ochs. It often happens when people are bothered by something. Won’t you come into the office?”
She followed him into the office and took the chair that he offered to her. “Now, this is considered a counseling session, isn’t it? And it’s privileged information, right?”
“Yes to both your questions, Miss Ochs.”
“Oh, go ahead and call me Amanda.” The chaplain nodded, but sat quietly, waiting. “OK, there’s this thing between Michael and me and I came back to see what it really was and I really enjoy being with him and I think it’s the same for him but I think he wants things to be permanent and I’m not sure if I can do that because I didn’t see that kind of permanence in my own life and I’m afraid he won’t be happy with a temporary situation and I’m worried that things just won’t work out and we’ll have to go our separate ways, but I don’t think I want that and I can’t figure out what to do ....” When she paused to take a breath, Amanda realized her rambling indicated she was more upset than she thought.
“If I understand you correctly, Amanda, you think you have ‘feelings’ for Michael, and you want to see where that relationship is going. At the same time you’re worried that Michael will want a permanent relationship, matrimonium, I presume, but because of your family life, you don’t think you can handle permanent. Correct?”
“Yes, basically, so what am I supposed to do?”
“That will be something that you have to decide. May I ask you a few questions?” She nodded and the chaplain continued. “I’m aware of the divorce between your parents and I believe you know something of Michael’s life. Who experienced a more stable family life as a child, you or Michael?”
She thought for a bit, remembering how Michael had spoken about his early life. Then she said thoughtfully, “I’m pretty sure that Michael had it much worse at the beginning, but it seems to me that we had opposite experiences. My childhood was better, but at about the same age that his life started getting better, my family fell apart.”
The chaplain waited to see if she would say anything else, then asked, “Do you think Michael’s never having ‘permanence,’ as you put it, made him desire it more than you who had it and lost it?”
“I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully.
“Well, do you wish your parents were still together?”
“Of course … at least I think so. At least if they had stayed together, I’d be more confident about relationships, at least long-term ones.”
The chaplain considered her for a minute. “You should keep in mind that you are not your parents – you are a totally unique mix of some of their characteristics. Besides that, the life you have lived is different from theirs – you are not destined to behave exactly as they did.”
Amanda was somehow cheered by that, but also a little upset, because for years she’d been sure she would be like her Dad. So her next statement was a little short. “And how do you know this?”
The chaplain smiled. “My wife of twenty years and I have eight children and each one of them is a fascinatingly different mix of our traits. And I know for a fact that the life my children are living is different than the one my wife and I lived.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I grew up in the USA, with all its good points and faults. My children are growing up in the empire and may travel to places I can’t even imagine.”
“Okay, I’ll grant you that things are different, but why would the empire make such a difference in relationships?”
“Well, most marriages end because of infidelity. Now, considering the empire’s ‘lack of privacy’ that you wrote an article about, and considering the empire's emphasis on honor and honesty, how often do you think infidelity becomes a problem in the empire? Not only that, but I’m sure you’ve noticed since you got your silver ring, that your clerk is in constant communication with Michael’s. And as far as that goes, you at least have some knowledge about Michael as an individual. Just how much would you trust him to be true to his word?”
“I can see where you’re going there, but what about if we just don’t feel the ‘romance’ any more?”
“When couples come to me with that complaint, I tell them to work at putting that ‘romance’ back in their marriage. You see, since the Romantics, Byron and Shelly, marriage has been portrayed as only a response to a particular emotion – if you have that feeling, you get into marriage, and if you don’t have it, then you get out of it. The matrimonium type of marriage is more of a decision you make and stay with. Although romance can be a byproduct, it’s not the cause of matrimony.”
“So, what am I supposed to do now?”
“Well, I’d strongly suggest that you talk with Michael. If the two of you can’t talk about and share everything that you think and feel, you’re definitely not ready to move on to anything else.”
“Talk about what?”
“Marriage, family, what scares you about ‘permanence’, whatever you think may be bothering him.”
Amanda was quiet for awhile. “That does make sense.” She looked at him. “Another question – since you’re a chaplain, why aren’t you trying to force religion down my throat?”
“Two reasons. The less important reason is the emperor doesn’t want anyone joining a church for the sake of advancement in the empire – using the church for that reason has caused too many problems in the past. The more important reason is that my boss doesn’t like us forcing anyone.”
“Your boss? The emperor?”
“No, as the bumper sticker says, ‘My boss is a Jewish carpenter.’ If you don’t know anything about him, which is normal these days, there’s a little booklet with his story on the shelf by the door. Otherwise, Miss Ochs, I would imagine you have some thinking to do, and some conversations to have with your Michael.”
Amanda got up slowly. “Can I see talk with you again?”
“Whenever you think it necessary.”
She looked at him closely. “Is there a bill, or should I make a contribution?”
“No, you don’t owe me anything.”
She moved toward the door. “I’ll think over what you said – and I will talk with Michael.” As the chaplain turned away to his desk, she picked up one of the booklets and walked out the door.
* * * * *
Beth hadn’t really wanted to go to school this Monday, because today was the day Jon arrived back home. However, she had no real excuse because he wouldn't be landing until 1600, so she might as well spend the hours struggling to stay calm in class than sitting in her office being annoyed by people as the hours passed – at least that’s what her parents had insisted. So here she was, in Physics II, no less, trying to understand the concepts that Mr. Simpson was trying to explain. She hoped he wasn’t too upset with how ‘dense’ she could be about physics some times. She’d heard many of the phrases before from scientists at Ostia, but they certainly didn’t seem to make much sense when Mr. Simpson was explaining them in class.
About halfway through second hour, Molly began vibrating madly, which had never happened before. She slipped her earpiece in, to hear Molly say, “Beth, armed men are on the campus and beginning to enter the building. The Marines are on their way and the police have been alerted, but ...”
Just then the PA system blared, “Code Black –
Mayday, Code Black – Mayday.”
Mr. Simpson was stunned for a second, then ordered Beth to the office and the rest of the students out of their desks to the front of the room. However, Beth wasn’t aware of what was happening back there, because she was tearing down the hallway as fast as she could run while Molly was informing her what was going on. “Seven men are inside the building, down by the gym. AK-47’s, lots of clips, and apparently they’re also carrying explosives.” She burst through the office doors and into the principal’s office. Tearing open her tool bag, she had her dagger and shoulder holster on in seconds, her dress coat and goggles soon after that. “Three are heading down the hall to the office, two have gone up the steps by the library and two are headed down the main classroom hallway.”
“Okay, Molly, show me where the three are and what they’re doing.”
“The Marines are two minutes out, the police will be here in five to seven minutes.”
“Then they can clean up.” Beth threw herself out of the office, chambering a pellet in her stun gun. When Molly showed that all three were looking away from her, she quietly stepped around the corner into the main hallway and fired three fast pellets. Three gunmen collapsed with a great clatter. “The next two downstairs, Molly.” Beth ran quietly down the hallway, past the bodies on the floor.
“Yes, Beth. The First of the Praetorians will be here soon, he says to not get greedy.”
She heard yells from the hallway ahead, then the sound of automatic weapons firing. Those two had apparently heard the three fall and were trying to fire into the classrooms. Beth ran around the corner, fired two more pellets and two more collapsed. “Show me the last two, Molly,” she said as firing and yells began upstairs. She ran to the stairs the other two had gone up and began climbing them.
