“You sound different,” he said, as his wife, Kim, laughed at something, probably on the program they had been watching before I called.
“Different how?” I asked, staring up at the ceiling.
“More…settled, I guess is the word,” he replied. “More like yourself.”
“Huh,” I said. “That’s good to know.”
Maybe this year of living like a monk had really done wonders.
“Still swearing off boys?” I heard Kim shout to me in the background. “Hand me that phone so I can catch up with my sister-in-law, too.”
I laughed and hunkered down in my sheets, ready to fill her in—on most of it, anyway. Or maybe even all of it.
9
Cameron
It was Friday afternoon, I had just walked my kids out to their busses, mentally exhausted from the day. Most of the students from this school walked, but my kids came from different neighborhoods around the county, so the district provided transportation.
They got all the usual jokes about taking the short bus, which sucked because being in a self-contained unit was tough enough. There was a stigma about being in my classroom—they were known as either the bad or crazy kids in the school.
But damn if I didn’t want to yank some of those regular education students into my classroom to teach a lesson or two about manners, empathy, and definitely misogyny.
It was true that for the first time in my teaching career I had a room full of all boys. But the last time we had a couple of girls in the mix, my aid and I had squashed ridiculous catcalls and behaviors mimicking sex acts straight out of the gate.
If anything, the kids in my classroom needed to feel safe, something many of them weren’t privy to on a regular basis. Along with acceptance.
So today, when we had an all-school assembly, which was anxiety provoking in itself, Sandy and I had a talk with our students.
“How do you guys want to be seen at Thomas Jefferson?” Sandy had asked.
Five hands shot up immediately.
“Like we’re part of the school,” my skinny goth student named Jared said.
“Like we’re normal,” Christopher, who typically had trouble controlling what came out of his mouth, added.
“Nobody’s normal, no matter what they tell you. But that’s beside the point,” I said, nodding. “Listen up. You are all in my classroom for different reasons. Your needs are diverse and our job is to help you. There’s no shame in that.”
“Yeah, but that’s not how the other kids and teachers see it,” Darius, my toughest kid, replied. He was whip smart, could do so much with all that pent-up energy, and hopefully I could steer him in the right direction.
Problem was, up to this point, he responded best to adults who were bigger, had more of a bite. I was stern with him. But I also intended to show him that assertive was not the same as aggressive, and respect could be earned in more rewarding ways.
“You’re right.” Darius sat back with a smug look on his face. “And they won’t see anything different as long as you continue to show the world outside this classroom that you don’t have it all together.”
“But we don’t have it all together,” another kid named Liam said, and we all laughed.
“That’s true, too,” I replied, patting his shoulder. “In one way or another, you all have trouble controlling your emotions or actions. But the fact is, people don’t get that.”
“Mental health diagnoses don’t look like other illnesses or disabilities,” Sandy said. “You just look unruly. It’s unfortunate, but that’s how the world works. Maybe someday that’ll change.”
“So for now, how about we help each other out in group settings outside the classroom.” I looked each of my students in the eye, hoping to get all of them on board. “It’s important that you guys know how to act in a social situation, especially one that calls for you to sit and pay attention for a long period of time.”
“Those assemblies suck,” Christopher whined, and a few of the kids grumbled.
“You might be right,” I said. “But there will always be something you have to sit through that you don’t like.”
“Especially as an adult,” Sandy added and a couple of the students’ eyes widened. “And as an adult, you’d look pretty interesting in the middle of a restaurant or theatre having a temper tantrum because you’re bored. You’d also get thrown out or arrested. So you better get the hang of sitting through things you don’t like now.”
Christopher mimicked pouting like a toddler and Jared snickered.
I walked over to Darius’s desk and knocked my knuckles on it. “How about Darius uses a signal if he hears anybody is getting out of hand in the assembly today?”
His eyebrows climbed to his hairline. He hadn’t been expecting that. “Can you do that for me? Be my go-to guy?”
He swallowed. “Yes, Mr. Miller.”
I tilted my head in his direction. “Means you’ll have to be sharp.”
He nodded, sitting up straight.
“What if he falls down on the job?” Christopher asked.
“I don’t see it happening, but good point nonetheless,” I said, scanning the room for an additional helper.
“I won’t mess up,” Darius said, throwing Christopher a furious look for questioning his leadership skills.
“I doubt Darius will fail in his assigned task, but he might need help at the other end of the table.” I looked over at Sandy who angled her head at the student in front of her. One who liked to remain passive, invisible. “Hmmm, I’ll need Liam to be his second-in-command.”
He began shaking his head to argue the point, but Sandy leaned over and whispered in his ear, no doubt something reassuring. His shoulders relaxed.
“Do we get something for behaving at the assembly?” Christopher piped in. “A special treat?”
“You get to keep your dignity and self-respect. And that’s pretty important,” I said, practically rolling my eyes. It might be true that a sense of entitlement had been instilled in this new generation. But I still wouldn’t want to return to years past. These kids were more open in general. To diversity. And that was a good thing.
“So what do we say?” I asked in a rousing voice.
We put our hands on top of Sandy’s in the center of the room, and Darius led them in a goofy cheer. It was worth it to see the camaraderie and smiles on their faces. If anything, they had each other, and they needed to know that, especially when they felt everyone outside that classroom was against them.
We walked down to the assembly in a single-file line and silently sat at our end of the long table. My students received the same stares they always did from the rest of the school. Some kids snickered in their direction. Adults threw my kids skittish glances along with sympathetic ones for Sandy and me. Everybody seemed to walk on eggshells around us, given the misconceptions and maybe how my students had acted out in public at one time or another. I was going to have a talk with the principal again. We needed another sensitivity workshop or some kind of shit like that.
But hell, I was so proud of them today. Darius did his part by using a snap symbol if one of the boys was beginning to get restless and disruptive. Liam followed suit at the other end of the table. I only had to walk Christopher out once into the hall to get his body moving, because he had such trouble keeping still.
All in all, it had been a rewarding day.
And tonight I was going to see a movie with Aurora. A night out with a cool friend. And damn was I looking forward to it.
10
Cameron
I arrived at the movie complex first and headed to the window to purchase our tickets, though I wasn’t sure if Aurora would give me the third degree about being able to pay for herself.
She seemed flustered walking up. Her hair was windswept and her cheeks a rosy shade, which complemented her flush pink top.
“Hope it’s okay that I already bought the tickets,” I said.
She looked momentarily dazed, her wh
eels spinning, and I wondered if I’d made the wrong choice. Would she think this was a date? “Okay, cool, then the popcorn and drinks are on me.”
“Deal,” I said, breathing out in relief.
We stood in line for the concession stand and ordered a large container of popcorn to share along with Skittles and sodas. It was crowded when we arrived in the theatre, but we found two seats almost dead center and hunkered down.
As the trailers began, the young teenager seated behind Aurora kept thumping on her seat with his foot or maybe his knee. She looked behind her two times to see if the kid would get the hint, but he was busy talking to the rowdy crew he’d shown up with.
I leaned over into her space. “Switch seats with me.”
“What?” Her shoulders stiffened. “No way.”
“Let’s change before the movie begins,” I said, grabbing her drink to move it to the opposite slot.
“I’m not some damsel in distress you need to save,” she hissed at me.
“Of course you’re not,” I said with more conviction. “And I’m not trying to be some muscled superhero, but I need you to get up.”
I nudged her out of her chair, and she huffed as she sank down in the seat I’d just evacuated. I slid down in her chair, in front of the same offending kid.
“What the hell, Cameron?” she muttered. “I can take care of it myself.”
“Nobody would ever doubt that,” I said in a level voice. “You drive into high crime neighborhoods and walk up stairwells where drug deals are being made to save families, for Christ’s sake.”
Her jaw dropped open and she moved her lips, but no sound came out.
“I just wanted you to be comfortable and enjoy the movie,” I said. “I’m the one who invited you.”
“I…” She sank down in her seat and grabbed the popcorn that had been resting between us. “Thank you.”
When the kid thumped my chair, I twisted my head toward him. “Dude, not sure you realize it, but you’re kicking my seat like every minute or so.”
He put up his hands. “My bad.”
“Nah, we’re cool,” I said, hoping I got my point across.
I turned back to the screen and pretended Aurora’s eyes weren’t focused on me. She reached out to grip my arm once more in thanks. My fingers caught hers before she could remove her hand and I squeezed back, wanting to feel her warmth for a moment longer. What in the hell that meant I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t feel like analyzing it.
The entire movie, our elbows rested close together and sometimes brushed, causing the hair on my arms to stand up. I didn’t know what it was about this experience that was messing with my brain. I’d been with plenty of girls and on plenty of outings. Maybe it was the idea that this was something different. A straight-up friendship and I couldn’t have her in that other way, even though she now sometimes starred in my fantasies.
It was so fucked up to think that I couldn’t be just friends with this girl. Maybe if she didn’t smell so good or have such an impressive brain and hell—who was I kidding—such amazing-looking breasts in that tight T-shirt. Fuck.
She leaned over at one point to whisper something to me about continuity from the last Avengers movie, and her lips brushed my ear. I bit down on my gums and resisted the urge to turn my head toward her mouth.
As the music in the movie crested, I angled my head toward her and replied to her question, my mouth at the shell of her ear. When I heard a gasp I thought maybe I’d gotten too close. Or maybe her response only confirmed that there was mutual attraction. But that wasn’t what this was supposed to be about. We needed to prove to ourselves that we could maintain healthy distances and relationships with people.
After the credits rolled, we walked to a cafe across the street, ordered coffees, and sat discussing the movie over our drinks. The place was jam-packed as was to be expected for a Friday night, but we still were able to find a back corner table.
“You have to admit that Black Widow is pretty bad ass,” she said, sipping her latte.
“For sure,” I said. “And the way Hulk responds to her? Pretty cool.”
All I could think was, damn this was nice, let’s not blow it by bringing in messy things like sex or sore feelings.
“Have you told the guys about this?” she asked, motioning with her coffee cup.
“About…” I trailed off, my eyebrow quirked.
She leaned toward me, almost conspiratorially. “Us meeting out like this?”
I avoided eye contact because I hadn’t and maybe I should’ve been embarrassed about that. I hoped she didn’t think I was trying to keep our friendship a secret for all the wrong reasons.
But I didn’t have to say a word because she got it. Got me.
“Me neither,” she said, sighing, and my eyes snapped to hers.
“I just…” I tried to find the words to explain how it felt to have something for myself, something I enjoyed, and didn’t have to answer to.
“Right,” she said, nodding at me.
My stomach tightened. “You just want to keep it under wraps for a while?”
“Exactly,” she said, blinking, as if deep in thought.
“Think they’ll raise eyebrows or question us?” I asked, but I already knew the answer.
“Oh yeah. Wouldn’t be our friends if they didn’t.”
“Truth,” I replied solemnly, as I took in the throng of customers waiting in line at the counter.
“I mean, didn’t Maddie question you tonight?” she asked, around another chug of her coffee.
“He wasn’t home, thank God,” I said. “Probably out with somebody.”
An apprehensive look flitted through her eyes, and it made my gut tighten. Did she have a crush on my roommate?
Well, fuck, had I been reading this wrong the whole time?
Should I call her on it? And why did it bother me so much?
“So, is he dating somebody regularly?” she asked, sliding her bottom lip between her teeth.
I couldn’t help myself then. “Do you—”
I felt my entire body flush. I was jealous. Seriously?
Her eyebrows drew together. “What?”
Honesty, right? Lay it all out on the table. That’s what friends did.
“Do you have a thing for Maddie?” I asked in as steady a voice as I could muster.
Her eyes became wide as headlights. As if she’d been caught. My heart was thrashing in my chest. Except, fuck, it was probably for the best, after all of my reckless behavior the last few months. Maybe she was biding her time until she got herself together as well. In the meantime, she’d keep tabs on my roommate through me.
My thoughts were racing all over the place, along with my pulse.
Would I continue to meet her?
Just friends, right?
“Can you keep a secret?” she asked, leaning forward conspiratorially again.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Uh, sure.”
She bit her lip and looked around, as if mustering the courage to break it to me gently. “It’s not me who has the crush.”
I was momentarily blindsided as fresh air filtered back into my lungs.
“It’s a…friend of a friend, so don’t say anything,” she said, looking over her shoulder, as if that person would magically appear. “And yeah, I suppose I was fishing for information.”
Relief surged through me, which was all kinds of fucked up. But my roommate wasn’t the one for her; of that I was certain. My instincts already told me that nobody would be and I needed to tread carefully because Aurora and I weren’t together, not like that.
And then I remembered that she wasn’t trying to have a relationship with anybody, not right now. The whole purpose of our club and our meetings. I had lost myself again in all the qualities she possesses that I admired.
But that didn’t mean she could help having a crush. Neither could I.
“I won’t say a word,” I breathed out. “Maddie’s a good guy. He’s been dating around
a bit before he settles down. It’ll sound archaic if you don’t understand the Hindu religion or their customs, but his family has him matched up to marry somebody in the near future.”
“What?” she replied, nearly dropping her pastry in her lap.
“Yeah,” I said, with the calmness of a person who’d had this knowledge about his friend for years. “They think it’s time since he’s pretty well established in his career.”
“No way,” she responded, her mouth falling open. “Oh my God.”
She appeared completely stunned, as if I had just told her she was adopted or something. But knowing her, she’d go home and look it up and have an understanding of the traditions by our next meeting.
She’d tell me all the ways the religious custom was admirable. The way it was constructed in reality, not based on the notion of soul mates or destiny. And then give me the pros and cons of such an ideal.
She was just that way—smart and empathic, and fuck, so damn lovely right now. Her cheeks glowing, her eyebrow cocked, as if her brain was working hard to wrap her mind around the very concept of Maddie and his future wife.
“Wow, you’re really taking this hard,” I said in a teasing tone. “Are you sure you’re not the one crushing on my friend?”
She blushed a beautiful shade of crimson. “And if I was?”
“Then I’d have to break it to you gently,” I said, thumping my wrist on the table. “He’s not going to be available long-term.”
“Well, that’s okay, remember?” she replied in a flippant way. “I’m only supposed to be looking for short-term. Or really, one night.”
Good God, that husky voice of hers.
“Well, you keep saying it just like that,” I said, gulping, “and you’ll have a string of guys following you around.”
Twelve Truths and a Lie Page 6
